#teaching evaluation

[invincible-selfxmade-punk]

Today was a pretty awesome day even though I am so exhausted I'm almost too tired to post about it.

It was the last day of teaching with the kids before spring break. Hey principal came around with this loud ass stereo pumping out 80s dance hits and had us dance for an Alani.

I may not be that mobile but I nearly threw out my back dancing for one of those babies!! 🤣🤣🤣

Then I got my teaching evaluation results.

All last summer I studied stoicism. And so all the way down to the office, I told myself "This does not matter, you know who you are. There is nothing that happens in that office there's going to take away from your ability and your pride and yourself. You will not leave that office any less of a person than you were when you walked in. You know you're a good teacher and you've been a good teacher for several years and no one's opinion is going to change that."

I had one evaluation about 5 years ago where I was led to believe that entire year I was doing a great job. And then right before my evaluation came, I did something that made the principal mad. And she used that evaluation to eviscerate my soul. It was so traumatic I had a panic attack and could not even walk back to my room I was in such bad shape. I then had nightmares about that lady for the next 2 years. She did more damage to me in 45 minutes then the abuse my stepmother heat on me for 10 years.

After that I was terrified of getting my heating evaluation.

And the thing is, I grew the most my first three years at my location. My first year, I was hired by a principal that believed me and help me grow. That made the biggest difference. And that year even though it was only my second overall teaching, I got an excellent job evaluation. But then that principal left and another came in. From then my job evaluations went up and down until I got on her bad side.

Plus I have never understood how you could have two years of evaluations where you were evaluated at a high level and then one year where you suddenly drop three levels. Because you're teaching style does not change. If anything your experience, you're patience, and your ability to adapt in the classroom growa, it does not bounce up and down like a yo-yo. If you have a rock solid teaching technique two years in a row unless I don't know you have been hit on the head and lost some of your mental faculties it should not go down the next year.

Anyway, enough of my babbling,

I got a great fucking evaluation this year and I am damn proud of myself!!!💚💙🍀🩵🤘🤘🤘

[invincible-selfxmade-punk]

I survived my end of the year teaching evaluation!!

Thank you Lord God Jehovah for a new principal.

There is a huge difference between focusing on what you have accomplished and making you feel completely worthless for what you have not accomplished yet.

Thank God this principal did the former option.

I can go into testing tomorrow with slightly less anxiety.

[invincible-selfxmade-punk]

Teacher Life Update April 2023

It takes months and sometimes yours for things to occur to me that I should have understood way before.

I am finally changing doctors which I needed to years ago but like any good autistic, change is a horrible thing and I'm only doing it because I'm pretty much forced to & I'm so fed up with the awful service I get from the doctor I've been going to for 6 years.

The new doctor is not entirely new to me, I have gone to her before and I am now kicking myself for not making her my primary care physician about 3 years ago when I had the chance. I won't be able to get an appointment with her until next month but I am already composing in my head what I am going to talk to her about.

And that's when it occurred to me that so much of what I go through on a daily basis with my mobility issues has nothing to do with my physicality, even though I am a lot weaker than I used to be. It is all due to the unbelievable amount of anxiety I feel every minute of every day.

I came to the previous doctor with this issue. I had plateaued out on Zoloft and asked him to be put on something else. He put me on a Paxil and initially it did okay but I knew he was starting me off on pretty much a baby dose and I needed a higher dose. When I asked for that higher dose he put me right back on Zoloft which was pretty much like just giving me a placebo.

Add that added to the amount of stress I'm under everyday teaching the covid generation and it is like I exist in a state of anxiety that is so elevated, by the time I'm off work and go home I am completely deflated and can't do anything.

This means my house is a wreck and my husband thinks I'm some kind of lazy, awful wife who just doesn't want to take care of things. And I cannot make him understand it is not a matter of not wanting to it is a matter of being so physically drained because of the stress and anxiety that I cannot move.

Add to this the everyday stresslately of the death of my surrogate godmother, the death of my great nephew, having to try and file assault charges on one of my students (which did not work because I did not get to and I did not even get to get kick that student out of my class so that student is still there), and then all of that stress manifesting in kidney stones for which my doctor that I'm getting rid of forgot to call me in pain meds for 4 days for. Which was the last straw in causing me to get rid of him.

On top of all of that it is mid April, which is the anniversary of my sister's death, and the anniversary from last year of the single worst employee evaluation I ever had in my life.

I have spoken about this last year but if anyone is on here and is new here is what happened in a nutshell.

I had had the same principal for 5 years and I thought we had a very good relationship

. In the beginning I actually felt very close to her. I do not know what happened last year. Something changed. And she made my life a living hell the entire year. She said she had an open door policy but when I came to her and took advantage of it she completely dismissed anything I had to say and worse after I had told her everything I needed to and was crying, she looked at me very coldly and said" Mrs. _____, do you feel better now !?"in a voice that said I had completely wasted her time and my own.

Because I refused to spend any more time than I had to working with someone out of my apartment who screamed at me and was hateful to me every time we were engaged, I was told I was being a baby and unprofessional.

I was told I had not grown any in 6 years. I was told I was too stupid to go back and teach in the English Department even though when I was in The English Department for 3 years we had the highest test scores we had since.

Even though we had gone through several teachers in the social studies Department that year and I was the one who stayed and did all the work, I was told that she did not tell people thank you for things like that. It was not her leadership style to tell people thank you. Her version of letting you know how thankful she was for you was giving you a donut once every quarter and cooking for you once a year. And this was literally word for word.

This came totally out of left field because the entire year every single walkthrough, and every single observation I had gotten by the two asst pribcipals was unbelievably positive.

I had the mother of all panic attacks after that---- or actually during but as soon as I got out of her room I just completely broke down and could not even walk over to my room I just kind of froze.

The head of this bed Department saw me I knew immediately something was wrong, came and walked me over to my room because I just could not move an inch.

that's what my panic attacks are, it's not fight or flight for me it is always freeze or pass out.

I left that room never wanting to teach again, not in our district or any other,. If I hadn't been on medication I would have thought very seriously of killing myself.

It has been one year and because of that I am still completely terrified of that woman even though she is no longer my principal but has been moved to a higher position as assistant superintendent.

And this is going to be TMI but I just want to demonstrate how scared I am of her. It is so bad that even though I have minor incontinence problems, if I see her in the hallway when I have it off. I would rather urinate on myself then have to pass her in the hall to get to the bathroom.

I have had nightmares about her for the last year including last night. I had a dream that even though I was so sick I was in the hospital she forced me into a wheelchair and made me come to work anyway.

I have only had to be in the same room with her one time since that encounter and that was for a parent conference that she set in on without me being told in advance that she was going to be there. And I literally thought I was going to pass out during it. After she left I could not get up or leave my room for the next 30 minutes I just sat in place shaking.

This year we have a new principal but he is a little mouse of a man who has no Authority whatsoever and pretty much answers to her, I'm assuming. I don't think he makes any big decisions on his own. And he will be evaluating me or he already has I'm just waiting to find out what he thinks.

So I am just waiting to find out if I'm going to be taking into a room with another person and mentally and emotionally annihilated and tortured for an hour like I was last year.

I have to give myself a lot of credit for going through this all the time.

I'm really hoping that this new doctor will get my medication right so that I don't have to do this next year.

[doesyourrealteacherletyoudothat]

When the boss of your boss randomly observes you giving an A+ lesson

[whatweshouldcallubc]

My least favourite prof: "please take out your laptop or tablet to fill out the teaching evalua-"

me:

#judgingyou

-CS

[gitju]

When the department head comes to your class to 'evaluate' your teaching