#team crawley

[lulukubiak]

[dozmuffinxc]

maryxmatthew prompt: after trying for so long mary is finally pregnant but she has a tragic miscarriage, she's very depressed and matthew supports her

Anna was waiting for him when he slipped in through theservice door just after midnight.

“Thank God you’re here,” she whispered, reachingautomatically to take his coat and overnight bag. “I didn’t know what to do,and I don’t like to worry Her Ladyship, especially not when Lady Mary’s beeninsisting that everything’s fine.”

“You did absolutely right to phone me,” Matthew replied,his smile forced but genuine as he attempted to catch his breath. He had askedthe car to drop him off at the end of the drive so that his arrival wouldn’twake the house and cause alarm, and he had jogged most of the half mile much tothe driver’s bemusement.

“It’s just… I’ve never seen her like this,” Anna said,her voice breaking as the tears that had been building over the last 24 hoursthreatened to come pouring out.

Matthew paused on the stairs to put his hand on the maid’sarm in what he hoped was a comforting gesture.

“Everything’s going to fine,” he said with moreconfidence than he felt in the moment, “and it’ll be you we have to thank forit. Now, if you would do me the greatest favor and go back up to bed, I promiseI will come for you if there’s need. But there’s certainly no reason for you tolose any more sleep.”

“I can’t imagine I’ll do much sleeping,” Anna repliedruefully, “but it might help avoid some questions if I’m found in my room comemorning.”

As Matthew made to push past the green baize door intothe house proper, Anna pressed her candle into his hand and looked him full inthe face, all reservations gone out of concern for her mistress and her friend.

“Help her, Mr. Matthew. Please.”

“In any way that I can,” he replied, taking the candleand pushing through the door.

——————————————————————————–

Matthew thought he might startle her by coming in themiddle of the night, but he needn’t have worried: Mary didn’t even flinch whenhe set the candle down on the bedside table, and for a moment he thought herasleep until he saw by the light of the flame that her eyes were open.

“Mary,” he whispered, stroking the side of her face andfinding, to his dismay, that her cheeks were wet with tears.

She blinked once and seemed only then to realize that shewas no longer alone in the room.

“Matthew?”

“I’m here, my darling. How are you feeling?”

“I suppose Edith called you,” Mary said, avoiding thequestion. “She never could pass up an opportunity to stick her nose where itdoesn’t belong.”

“It wasn’t Edith,” Matthew replied, easing himself downonto the comforter by her side. “It was Anna, actually.”

“Anna?” Mary looked genuinely surprised.

“Yes. But please don’t be mad. She was so upset on the phone– you know, I don’t think she had ever used one before, and I could hardly makeout what it was she was saying at first.

“She shouldn’t have bothered you,” Mary quipped, pullingherself into a sitting position and propping herself up with the pillows. “It’snone of her business, anyway.”

“Maybe not, but it is mine. Mary—”

“There’s nothing to be said, Matthew,” Mary interjected,her knuckles white where they gripped the edge of the bedding. “This sort ofthing happens to women every day. I wasn’t meant to be a mother, that’s all.You’ve – you’ve married a cursed woman, Matthews, and…”

Whatever other aspersions she was about to lay uponherself were cut short by a violent sob that she attempted to stifle but whichcame out nevertheless. Burying her face in her hands, her entire body shookwith her weeping until the bed itself seemed to vibrate with her grief. Matthewpulled his wife towards him until her face was pressed against his chest andhis own was buried in her unkempt hair. They remained that way for several minutes,both too overcome with their emotions to say anything. With one hand Matthewstroked her head, and with the other he rubbed little circles into her back.Her nails dug into his back where she grasped at his shirt, but he didn’t mind.

“My darling,” he said at last, drawing back just farenough to see her face. “I’m so sorry that I went away. I shouldn’t have goneup to London, not so soon after… but you must know that you will never have tobe alone again, not until you’re ready.”

“Oh, Matthew,” Mary whispered, her voice raw from crying.“How can you bear to be in the same room as the woman who has taken away yourchance for an heir? When I think how happy you were, how happy we both were, tohave a baby on the way and then for those hopes to be dashed – my God, Matthew,is this some divine retribution? Have I brought the sins of my youth down onyour head, as well?”

Alarmed by the rising panic in his wife’s voice, Matthewpressed his palms to the side of Mary’s face and forced her, gently, to meethis gaze.

“Listen to me,” he said softly, pressing his forehead tohers. “This was not your fault. Mother will tell you: from a medicalperspective, you did everything right. But these things happen, and as horribleas it is, this too shall pass.”

“It isn’t fair,” Mary moaned, fresh tears wetting bothher cheeks and his.

“No, it isn’t. But Mary – you know that this doesn’tchange anything, not really? I would love you even if we never had a child…”

“Don’t say that!”

“But it’s true! I love you, Mary Crawley, and until thelast breath leaves my body, I will never cease telling you.”

——————————————————————————–

The first rays of morning were peeking from around theedges of the curtain before either Mary or Matthew fell asleep, but sleep theydid, each wrapped up in the other as though there was nothing or no one else inthe entire world. That was how Anna found them when she came in to dress hermistress a few hours later, and as she backed silently from the room, sheoffered up a prayer of thanks to the heavens before locking the door quietlybehind her.