#tele-gone-y

[dootznbootz]

Hi. I'm cyberbullying a long dead poet because of his shitty fanfic. Enjoy. I'd love it if you joined me.

(Before you get mad at me, yes, I know Eugammon of Cyrene is an important figure and all that. I'm sick with some sort of flu. Let me cyberbully an ancient dead fanfic writer in peace.)

[jarondont]

GUYS

Y'ALL

THE TELEGONY IS NOT HOMER CANON

thank you. just needed to make that clear

[skryae]

My friend (@alchemisticramblings) dropped an alternative name you can call the accursed, horrific fan-fic “The Telegony”

Cause since we already have ‘Tele-GONE-y’ why not also ‘Tel-AGONY’

I just thought I’d post it here cause that’s quite the excellent word play.

[dootznbootz]

The Telegony goes against what the Odyssey tells us not only because of Tiresias' Prophecy but also because Odysseus' family line only has one son each.

Zeus made our line a line of only sons. Arcesius had only one son, Laertes, and Laertes had only one son, Odysseus, and I am Odysseus’ only son. He fathered me, he left me behind at home, and from me he got no joy.

(Book 16, Fagles)

Telegonus can't even realistically BE Odysseus' son as he already has Telemachus. The Only son

[dootznbootz]

Are these true?

Pfft, no :3

They could be if you wanted but no one really considers them to be true.

These are basically what you could consider like, you know how like in modern day, there are folks who write stories and fan works about like "the daughter/son of [disney couple]" despite that couple never having children in their original movie. basically ocs. Folks have always liked created characters who are the children of their favorite characters/mythological figures (and most are sadly weird about Penelope with it ;~; LET HER AND ODY HAVE MORE KIDS! (in some medieval stuff they do! :3 ))

Not even the Tele-GONE-y is canon to Homeric texts :3 As Homer writes stuff that goes against it in the Odyssey.

In general, in a lot of later periods, it seemed like it was a common phenomenon of folks rewriting stuff in order for Odysseus to "get around". A lot of it WAS to slander him, (the version of Palladium where Odysseus betrays Diomedes wasn't ever canon in the original, in some later myths, Odysseus was turned into a horse by Athena, etc.)

The reason why they're written down anyways, is just record keeping in general. There are plenty of myths that even contradict each other (the Tele-GONE-y does that multiple times).

So don't worry so much about certain bits :3 and ofc, you can always pick and choose in a way!

[dootznbootz]

The Telegony is already a shitshow with the character assassination and the marriage circle but the fact that people think Penelope would be down to fucking marry her BELOVED husband's KILLER boggles my mind. The real Penelope would kill Telegonus before ever marrying Eugammon's OC.

[dootznbootz]

I fully blame the Telegony for starting this. It was the first to break up OdyPen and starting the whole "Odysseus is willingly unfaithful" interpretation

EUGAMMON OF CYRENE, WHEN I FUCKING GET YOU!

He needs to be thankful that history is keeping me from yelling at him. 👀 I would leave a book review that would make him CRY. HOMER would leave a book review that would make him cry. My gosh, I wanna see something silly like a meme of some sort with Homer about to fucking WRECK Eugammon, that's so funny.

like it's just such a mess. not only against his character but there are so many points that go against the Odyssey.

1.) Odysseus' line is supposed to only have one son each time. That's Telemachus. You can't just retcon shit to have your OC exist in canon, Eugammon. At least admit it's an AU (Joking...Kind of. 👀)

2.) Tiresias' prophecy. (even fucking wikipedia mentions this fuck up!)

3.) Ultimate wife guy/family man, whose marriage bed is literally a symbol on how he's rooted like a tree on Ithaca, rooted to his marriage, where he belongs, apparently needs to do fuck all and wander about.

4.) You're telling me, Penelope, Queen of Ithaca, was into this marriage circle bullshit? That she would marry he beloved husband's murderer??

Also with the whole "he had a new wife and was with until she died." HOW OLD WAS ODYSSEUS?! HOW OLD WAS PENELOPE?! Odypen were both probably around mid to late 40s when they reunited (at least that's how I see them lol) FOR ANOTHER WOMAN TO GO THROUGH HER WHOLE LIFE WITH HIM???? ARE THEY 150 YEARS OLD????!

And honestly, I think you're right, if it weren't for that stupid poem, I think people would actually study the Odyssey and look through it like, "huh...You know, he seems pretty scared of these goddesses...And really obsessed with this cool as fuck woman. Neat." BUT NO!!! SOME DINGUS HAD TO WRITE BAD FANFIC THAT FOR SOME REASON PEOPLE ALWAYS BRING UP IN YOUTUBE COMMENTS!

You know what? Yeah. Meme time of Homer wrecking Eugammon.

[dootznbootz]

How are we feeling about the fact that the telegony is *potentially* cannon

Ohoho >:3

That's the thing!

IT'S TECHNICALLY NOT CANON!!! >:D NOT TO THE ODYSSEY!!!

I go over my thoughts on the tele-GONE-y here, here, here, and here (Some memes if you want as well :3 )

Basically, it's not really "canon", not to the Odyssey at least. :3 if others want to play with it they can but it's definitely not intended in Homer's works. Which is what I consider canon.

Tele-GONE-us is technically in the Theogony but also like... so are so many other dumb myths. There's the myth of Penelope having sex with all the suitors and giving birth to Pan. There's the myth of Odysseus being turned into a horse.