Hi, first of all I don't think you are terrible with relationship asks! And that's why I am here, eheh. I am a female entp and I am dating this enfp (I guess?) guy. He is funny, super creative and I love debating about our beliefs with him. There is only one thing between us: his emotional side. Since I am pretty reserved about my feelings he is always trying to do the same "not to be a burden". I am a Thinker, so emotions are not my cup of tea: I can never read him and I hate when he tries (1)
(2) to conceal his pain. I tried to talk about this with him but he said to me that he is always clear about what he feels with me, even when he bursted in tears a few times because of something I did/I said to him without even noticing it. Do you have any advice? He really matters to me and I don't want him to suffer anymore because of my dumbness.
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Haha, thank you, I try to be at least somewhat useful!
My goodness, I don’t know if I am wrong or not, but it appears to me two possibilities are at play here: either the ENFP genuinely likes you and therefore tries very hard not to become “a disappointment” so he can keep you around, or the ENFP in general is currently struggling with his emotional side and does not know how to remain authentic without feeling like his world is going to collapse... Which means that they might end up not even knowing what they want to begin with.
The thing is, I don’t know the full extent of what is going on between you two, not to mention his situation. But it does sound like an ENFP needs to learn how to communicate his needs and feelings better. Which makes me wonder, do you guys do anything he deeply cares about or enjoys? Does he do anything to express his feelings, especially in creative way (channelling his Ne)? Whether that’s art or projects, or even creative dates? Or is everything you do simply based in debates (Ne & T), and whatever sensory stuff you guys do?
In other words, is there anything he does that is deeply personal, therefore allowing him to connect with his inner self? Or could it be that he doesn’t really know how to express his feelings, or doesn’t do much for it anyway, perhaps due to lack of how-to knowledge?
From the sound of it, he doesn’t seem to have a good handle on his Fi, which makes the odds of you unintentionally hurting him very high, as he doesn’t give you clear pointers where to tread lightly... well, until he bursts into tears, which is not a desirable extreme.
I’d say have a look into his emotional life and assess his state of well-being, and then encourage authentic self-expression (but more so deeply seated needs and not random indulgences). This should help him feel more balanced and happier down the road, as well as more assertive and expressive when it comes to his emotional boundaries, so flare ups such as you described occur less often - if at all - and your relationship only skyrockets from there.:)
