Dear [MBTI Type],

I love being indirect about it. P.S. I am terrible with relationship asks, I am sorry lol.

[dearmbti]

Hello!!

There is this boy. When we were talking he was smiling and holding eye contact, he was looking at me even when I was looking away. Ok maybe it's just basic kindness idk. But sometimes when we were far away from one another, he would look at me then he would look down and smile at himself. Maybe he knew that I like him, but I guess he was ok with that. However, something minor happened (really it couldn't be serious bc we barely knew each other) it was my fault, and we stopped talking. Since then, he is uncomfortable around me, it's like he doesn't want to be seen by me, and he avoids looking at me. And even tho, he's generally confident, when he sees me he stops smiling. Do you think that he hates me? Or he would like us to talk again? Bc there are some good signs I've noticed, for exemple he mirrors me, he's adjusting his clothes, he stays close to where I am... Idk I really believe there is something, maybe he doesn't like me back but he wants to talk to me?

What do you think? His mbti: ENxx?

Thank you!!!

Hi there,

Thanks for your message!

Nothing that you mentioned in this description could suggest his MBTI type, so I can be of no help here.

If he continues to exhibit positive signs such as mirroring and increased self-consciousness around you, I believe he remains interested, but whatever that happened between you two has left him feeling rather anxious - and it really might not be your fault.

The last thing a person would want to do should they dislike you is stay closer to you or mirror you. Keep that in mind.

It just strikes me that tension is increasing and you may not reduce it by avoiding interaction. So good luck!

[dearmbti]

Can you contrast ESTP vs ENTJ? They sound similar in many descriptions, and I'm struggling to recognize wether it's Te I'm using of Ti+Se.

These differences are always hard to explain and are easier to intuit.

Te seeks rational efficiency in the external world. It looks for what works consistently, or what gives predictable returns. It that regard, Te is rational but it is also shallow. It does not care to understand why something works in depth as long as it gets the job done. Until, of course, they hit the wall and can’t move on because some things cannot be simplified this easily. This is when Te doms use Si/Ni to reflect more deeply and gain a better, more well-rounded understanding of a situation. This is when they chill out. 

By contrast, Ti users seek logical consistency. Whenever they approach a new topic/problem, they seek to understand its structure rather than immediately look for solutions, making them appear... lazy/procrastinating, as the focus is never on the resolution but rather on exploration. 

In this regard, Te looks for effectiveness as it aims to achieve results as fast as possible, making them quite rigid and forceful. Ti looks for efficiency as it wants to build an internal understanding that would help them navigate the world independently and competently in any kind of situation (seeking adaptability). 

This is why you’ll see ENTJs with clear goals and plans, as Te demands them to focus on external outcomes, whereas ESTPs will float around as their focus is on examining and exploring things as they fancy, with some short term goals mixed in there.

Not to say ENTJs can’t be aimless and ESTPs can’t be goal focused. But an aimless ENTJ is not a happy ENTJ, and a goal-fixated ESTP is not a happy ESTP if that means they must remain committed to something without allowing themselves to adapt to new information.

[dearmbti]

I'm an ENTP so I have Ti-Fe but the rest of my family has Fi & Te. Can you tell me how they might clash? I'm having trouble understanding them. My parents tell me I need to be friends with a variety of people (smart, dumb, athletic, artistic, etc) but then they, along with my sister asks me why I have less intelligent friends even when I don't necessarily like them. I just like helping them sometimes because it makes me feel useful. could it be my enneagram (3)?

Fi users tells you to be friends with everyone: “Treat everyone as a human being, and certainly don’t dismiss nonconformists.”

Fi users ask you why are you friends with someone you disike: “Our own feelings should be honoured because they dictate our well-being.”

Here you can see a conflict between two Fi values. It’s not about you. The clash only lies in motivation and desired outcome, such as Fi users primarily craving inner harmony, and Fe users - outer harmony. But as long as you can act as a decent human being and remain positively motivated, you’re good.

And as for E3... Enneagram 3 motivation would be “I want to help you so I can ask you a favour in the future,” so I am not sure if this is what’s motivating you.

[dearmbti]

Hello, I hope you’re having a lovely night. I was curious on your thoughts on a infj and istj relationship? I’m very curious on it and find these two together interesting yet most people don’t talk about it??

Any relationship could be great, even INFJ x ISTJ.

The biggest challenge is the massive temperament clash, though. ISTJs prefer the known, they dislike seeing the world through abstractions, and they don’t like wishy washy attitude. INFJs, on the other hand, find comfort in the future and their abstract visions, they crave change (not to confuse with Se/Ne), and they are idealistic. So INFJ might think ISTJ lacks big picture thinking, and ISTJ might think INFJ is... too much of a preachy monk who should just do something practical for once.

But if both are mature and enjoy each other’s quirks, why not? There will always be successful INFJ x ISTJ couples.

[dearmbti]

Hi! Trying to understand mbti here hehe. I notice a lot of mbti accs like yours rely much more on the cognitive functions than dichotomies, may I ask why? I know the dichotomies aren't entirely wrong because you still discuss them, but are there also gaps in them that make you use the functions instead? Also asking this because a lot of people I know type themselves using the dichotomies (like relying on their 16personalities result, for example).

I think that if you’re into MBTI, you will dig deeper because you will want to learn more. That’s where you find cognitive functions and realise they are far more descriptive than dichotomies ever could be. Like yeah, you can tell feelers and thinkers apart (F vs T dichotomies), but you can also sense that there is a difference between feelers, and that’s where you discover Fe vs Fi, etc., i.e. cognitive functions.

I suppose others would simply say that dichotomies are bs and cognitive functions is the only correct way of approaching Jungian typology, but I don’t think correctness is the actual motivation. As I said, I think people simply find them more meaningful, hence why they prefer the functions.

As to why people type themselves by dichotomies (at first) - that’s how they are introduced to MBTI via those online tests.

Testing systems for the most part rely on dichotomies of any sort, as they are measurable, unlike qualitative things like cognitive functions. So while Jung proposed cognitive functions, Myers simplified them and turned them into dichotomies (you could say it’s Ti vs Te categorisation - qualitative vs quantitative).

I hope this makes sense. :) Everyone else is welcome to share their ideas as well!

[dearmbti]

Hi, first of all I don't think you are terrible with relationship asks! And that's why I am here, eheh. I am a female entp and I am dating this enfp (I guess?) guy. He is funny, super creative and I love debating about our beliefs with him. There is only one thing between us: his emotional side. Since I am pretty reserved about my feelings he is always trying to do the same "not to be a burden". I am a Thinker, so emotions are not my cup of tea: I can never read him and I hate when he tries (1)

(2) to conceal his pain. I tried to talk about this with him but he said to me that he is always clear about what he feels with me, even when he bursted in tears a few times because of something I did/I said to him without even noticing it. Do you have any advice? He really matters to me and I don't want him to suffer anymore because of my dumbness.

* * *

Haha, thank you, I try to be at least somewhat useful! 

My goodness, I don’t know if I am wrong or not, but it appears to me two possibilities are at play here: either the ENFP genuinely likes you and therefore tries very hard not to become “a disappointment” so he can keep you around, or the ENFP in general is currently struggling with his emotional side and does not know how to remain authentic without feeling like his world is going to collapse... Which means that they might end up not even knowing what they want to begin with. 

The thing is, I don’t know the full extent of what is going on between you two, not to mention his situation. But it does sound like an ENFP needs to learn how to communicate his needs and feelings better. Which makes me wonder, do you guys do anything he deeply cares about or enjoys? Does he do anything to express his feelings, especially in creative way (channelling his Ne)? Whether that’s art or projects, or even creative dates? Or is everything you do simply based in debates (Ne & T), and whatever sensory stuff you guys do?

In other words, is there anything he does that is deeply personal, therefore allowing him to connect with his inner self? Or could it be that he doesn’t really know how to express his feelings, or doesn’t do much for it anyway, perhaps due to lack of how-to knowledge?

From the sound of it, he doesn’t seem to have a good handle on his Fi, which makes the odds of you unintentionally hurting him very high, as he doesn’t give you clear pointers where to tread lightly... well, until he bursts into tears, which is not a desirable extreme.  

I’d say have a look into his emotional life and assess his state of well-being, and then encourage authentic self-expression (but more so deeply seated needs and not random indulgences). This should help him feel more balanced and happier down the road, as well as more assertive and expressive when it comes to his emotional boundaries, so flare ups such as you described occur less often - if at all - and your relationship only skyrockets from there.:)

[dearmbti]

henlo, new followers here! (i already love your acc so much 🤍) i just wanted to ask, what is a friendship between an ENFJ and an INFP like? im really curious since i recently made a really good ENFJ friend and he's so supportive and genuine, i love it. he's such a good listener and so fun to talk to it's insane. idk i might even have a teeny tiny lil crush on him(?????) AAAA looking forward to your answer!! thank you so much! x

All of us secretly crush on ENFJs, it’s okay. ;) They probably know it, too, but will downplay it to make you feel more comfortable. Classic Fe.

From INFP’s perspective, ENFJ can be wonderful because they will give you space to express yourself, they will listen, and they will be attentive. They are also consistent and will check up on you often. This can make an INFP feel great because they are acknowledged and listened to. Not to mention that INFP loves how magnetic, charismatic, and expressive ENFJ can be. 

From ENFJ’s perspective, I can see them liking INFP’s for their authentic nature, strong sense of identity, and a well-defined value system. INFPs tend to be passionate and creative people, which is something Fe doms adore. And remember, both personalities have T function as their inferior, so they only feel comfortable and truly at home around those who let their feelings/values rule their world. Anyone who is too dispassionate and aloof is a little off-putting, mostly because it masks what the person actually stands for, breeding insecurity. But with the self-revealing and forthcoming nature of F doms, they should understand each other pretty well, especially as it’s reinforced by preference for intuition.

The problem, however, comes when ENFJ might begin thinking INFP is too self-absorbed. While this can be possible, there is also a lot of room for misinterpretation. For example, INFP might use self-referential examples to showcase understanding (Fi), which ENFJ might misunderstand as them making everything about themselves, as Fe assumes that the emotional environment it perceives is readily available for everyone... And so if you “feign indifference” by appearing aloof and unaffected (mostly Ts or unhealthy Fs), or make self-referential points, you might come across as too self-involved and disingenuous in the eyes of Fe dom... Failing to understand that what comes naturally to Fe doms does not for most people. So despite how thoughtful Fe doms are of people’s feelings states, they might sometimes overlook crucial individual differences, where an INFP might get a little burnt and even wounded.

An INFP, on the other hand, might think ENFJ is sometimes too others-focused at expense of their own voice and feelings. While ENFJ’s proactive, gregarious and expressive nature might make a positive impression on INFP, they might soon realise that the ENFJ holds back a lot, often to their own detriment, as they struggle to connect their personal and public lives/selves. In other words, INFP might soon realise that ENFJ is struggling with authenticity and depth of connection, often choosing to compensate for it by becoming overbearing and meddlesome, all because they themselves don’t really know how to integrate their Ni and Ti.

But despite the potential difficulties, there is so much possibility for a great friendship or relationship. Be aware of potential challenges but certainly enjoy the good things that are happening to you. Do not let MBTI to limit you. What matters more here is personal development and willingness to work on the friendship/relationship. 

Good luck x (and thank you for the compliments!)

[dearmbti]

Dear ENTPs, an actual unpopular opinion you can have is saying that pizza just isn't that good.

[mbtype]

INFJ here - pizza isn't that good.

[dearmbti]

And this is why ENTPs love INFJs

[dearmbti]

Dear ENTPs, an actual unpopular opinion you can have is saying that pizza just isn't that good.

[dearmbti]

Dear xxFPs, how many of you have been looking for a sense of direction and purpose at the bottom of a wine bottle?

[dearmbti]

Dear xNxPs, do any of you have competitive nature?

I will exclude ENTPs though, because that Fe-driven image consciousness is a thing.

[dearmbti]

As an ISTP, how would you recommend better interacting with Fe doms? I always feel like it's a little difficult just because I'm not as expressive/emotive?

It’s true that Fe doms might struggle with interacting with people who appear aloof and indifferent, but then so do most people.

I don’t think you need to force yourself to become visibly expressive. Don’t go against yourself like that. 

I’d say that whenever you feel/think something but can’t show or verbally express it, just say that. I mean, say “this makes me upset/happy/whatever, but I am a bit at a loss how to communicate it” if this is actually what goes through your mind. 

You don’t have to be perfect in your communication, you just need to be honest, and voicing what’s going on inside your mind is easier than agonising on how to repackage it for the other person. Fe is nurtured by building interpersonal intimacy and connection, and this could help with that, as you directly show what’s going on inside you.

Otherwise, I would also think that training yourself to voice short-and-sweet acknowledgements of Fe dom’s efforts would be great as well. Instead of being over the top in your responses (faking it), or curt in terms of only saying “Yes” or “No” (having zero Fe), you might come up with a short sentence like “That was nice of you”, which is certainly an improvement (a sign of some Fe effort). 

Fe doms also like engagement, so if there is a conversion between both of you, try to ask questions in return to what they asked of you, or if they tell you a story, ask follow up questions, etc. For Fe, poor communication is evident when someone is not able to take any interest in another party, so if you at least manage to make any of the conversation about another person’s experience (in a thoughtful way), you should be fine.

I hope some of this is helpful. I’m limited in my advice without context. :)

[dearmbti]

Hi there, love the insight your blog brings. I have multiple questions, feel free to answer any combo of them, or any individual one... whatever you have time for. - Perspective on an INFP/INTP relationship - Perspective on an ENTP/INTP friendship - What a thriving vs non thriving INTP looks like Thanks!

Hi there, I am glad you say so, so thank you! :)

INFP x INTP relationship: a great relationship to feel relatively well understood by each other in terms of sharing preference for introspection, individualism, and taking life as it comes, all while complimenting each other in judging preferences. For example, INFP might help INTP with understanding emotional motivations, and INTP can help an INFP with seeing the world from a more universal and factual standpoint. The struggle could be that both of you can slip into a rut with little desire or motivation to leave it. When you’ve got two introverts together, they might enable each other to avoid developing their extroverted functions.

ENTP x INTP friendship: I believe I’ve covered it on my blog, so you can search the tags. Great friendship dynamic, overall, as ENTP keeps feeding INTP ideas that INTP gladly deconstructs. 

(In all honesty, I can’t give you very much on friendships and relationships because my focus is always on the individual.)

Thriving vs not thriving INTP (if you’re using this instead of “unhealthy”, bless you, haha)... Well, we might begin by looking at Ti. 

Like other TPs, they can intellectualise to the point of struggling to grasp the meaning of emotional motivations people have; they can become nihilistic because they assume all answers can be found by objective logic alone, which excludes half of the reality (the feeling world), therefore producing a sense of emptiness; they may take an excessively critical and destructive attitude to things, which leads to self-imposed isolation and unhappiness, when instead they could use their skills and knowledge to contribute/build things (being constructive).

Good Ti understands the limits of where and how it should be used. After all, all of us use 4 functions, so why assume that one function should cover all the ground?

But for INTPs specifically, I can see them simply getting too comfortable with their own routine and then slipping into a rut by failing to exercise their auxiliary Ne, or simply using it to indulge in fruitless fantasy that only leaves them feeling more empty in the end.

Good Ne use is about bringing great ideas into fruition, but it can’t be done if an INTP is using Ti to logically explain why all action is useless, and then back it up with cherry picked Si experience. It’s just comfort seeking behaviour, which is essentially the same as resisting the development of auxiliary function.

As such, if an INTP wants to stop feeling like they are in a rut, they need to open up to the idea that the way they have built up the world to be (in their minds) might be incorrect... as clearly their emotional state indicates. In short, to thrive, an INTP should focus on personal progress instead of using all their mental energy to deconstruct things. It’s a matter of adding to the world vs subtracting from it. Only one of them leads to positivity in all senses of the word.

[dearmbti]

hello, a very curious anon here who wants to learn more about cognitive functions. what are the differences between ne-si and se-ni?

Ne-Si - let’s leave this reality and see what else is possible.

Si-Ne - let’s master this reality and not bother with unproven alternatives.

Se-Ni - let’s leave these circumstances and see what else is happening.

Ni-Se - let’s see how the world could be rearranged to suit my vision better.

[dearmbti]

infp and intj as close friends? i’m the infp and i constantly worry that i’m being annoying/clingy. intj doesn’t seem bothered by it and strings me along pretty much everywhere ??

All’s good, dear

[dearmbti]

Hi,could you explain the difference between ENTP and ISTP ? I'm trying to type my friend and both of these seem very likely

ENTPs grin and ISTPs don’t.

ENTPs enjoy intellectual challenges and silly what ifs, whereas ISTPs prefer to get to the point and simplify. ISTPs do not like any what if scenarios... well, unless they are rooted in reality, but even then.

ENTPs think everything should be questioned and we shouldn’t fear to question status quo. ISTPs simply think you should fear no one instead (more primal).

ENTP will use their shallow knowledge of multiple subjects to connect with everyone, whereas ISTPs really won’t even try.

[dearmbti]

heyoo i could use some relationship advise. i‘m enfj and i fell for an infp friend. i told her (via text, bc i didn’t want to overwhelm her) and since that she‘s been kinda withdrawn. we haven’t seen each other in person since. she told me she never saw us this way and it didn’t really sound like a yes or a no? and now i‘m just wondering if i‘ll ever get a real answer and how to get her out of her shell. thoughts?:)

This is probably old and irrelevant and I am sorry to answer only now but I think that’s a no. Whether it’s “I am really not into you” or “I am not confident enough/I don’t know what I want”, neither is really a yes.