#testing t

[sixbigideas]

like. ok. i've not allowed myself to get emotionally invested in the idea of starting t. in any meaningful way. because first my blood has to say i'm allowed. and then i have to start at an extremely low dose and make sure that my body responds well to it. and that i can tolerate the side effects. and that my blood continues to be okay with it.

and like. again. my primary motivating factor is truly my health, and not my gender. i really want it to help my physical strength and my hormonal rollercoaster. i really want to just feel less weak and less sick.

but like. going on an extremely low and slow dose of t is also kind of ideal. gender-wise. because i am not looking to become a man. i'm not even looking to become, like, masculine. i'm just looking to become less feminine. i don't want to lose my ability to present as 'butch girl' altogether for like, employment and safety reasons. and i know any sudden/abrupt/fast changes to my body are going to upset and disorient me significantly, even if they are in the direction i want to go, just because i do not handle changes to my body well at all. especially if it's a mixed bag and i'm only happy with certain changes and not as happy with other changes.

but starting very low and going very slow is going to give me a chance to truly see how i feel. physically, mentally, emotionally -- and to see how it affects my dysphoria and my image of myself and the way i move through the world.

whatever happens next, if i am able to start t, it's going to be a process. but like... i'm ready to try it. and see how it goes.

[hgsn-moved]

I think they changed the tags so if you put a comma in the middle it breaks them up there

before it was like

>(testing t,esting) becomes (testing testing),

but now its

>(testing t,esting) becomes (testing t), (esting),

if that makes sense. I don't like it

[sixbigideas]

THE PRESCRIPTION FOR T-GEL HAS BEEN WRITTEN.

[sixbigideas]

BUT THE POIIIINT IS. I'M GONNA START T...

[sixbigideas]

doctor was perfect. i’ve got a script for gabapentin, an xray to make sure my skin pain isn’t being caused by physical nerve compression, a referral to an ENT for my potential sleep apnea, and a bloodwork panel to see if i can safely start on a low dose of testosterone. and she’s up to working with me on migraines and POTS as well but those weren’t my priorities this appointment, just bonus stuff for next time.

[sixbigideas]

okay i thought the phlebotomist was being extra niceies to me (i introduced myself as izzy and then she was caught herself and was careful not to call me my birth name again, she was messing with me about how we were both headbobbing to the sound of the machine in the background, she was complimenting me and stuff)

and then halfway thru our interaction i remembered that my doctor ordered my bloodwork under language about gender-affirming care (like regarding my hormones/potentially starting testosterone) and the phlebotomist was being extra nice to me because of that 😭

she asked if i was excited and if this was the last step in the process for me and wished me well with everything :’)

[sixbigideas]

quest failed to put my blood test results in my portal which pisses me off enough that i may try to contact them about it. bc i have gotten all bloodwork in the last 10 years done thru quest and they have comparative features that are very helpful.

BUT.

it did all get posted to my pcp's portal. and overall, there's nothing that should prevent me from starting topical t.

(my liver enzymes are high. unsurprising considering the number of medications i'm on. and my vit d is low. unsurprising because i cannot go outside. but otherwise everything is perfect. even my usual weird elevated rbc and cholesterol are within normal ranges this time.)

[sixbigideas]

ry is in there fuckin. skipping and throwing flower petals. hollering in the streets. he doesn't give a fuuuck if we get acne or lose hair or grow hair or get sweaty or get fatter or whatever tf other 'undesirable' side effects come with it. he is so thrilled about even just the concept of actually taking testosterone.