#text:m

[thefadedpicture]

You know what. Everything about the Vlogumentary is annoying me. 

The lack of communication the last 2 years, breaking of promises, they had us excited about things that would be in the documentary... that wasn’t included at all. I imagined more “raw clips” with more emotions and more "honesty", because that’s what they said there would be, but they seem to have cut pretty much all of it, except for the early CTFxC interviews. NONE of the early clips of the Shaytards were included (which they shot in the apartment in LA), where they said they talked about really heavy stuff, stuff they hadn’t talked about before (guessing it was about the alcohol). Absolutely none of it was included. The kids wasn’t even in it at all! It would be nice to hear what they had to say, and we know they interviewed them. Think about it, the 3 youngest kids don't even remember a life without YouTube! And I'm pretty sure Avia don't remember much of it either. It would be very interesting to hear what they have to say, because they're the first to experience something like that. That's the closest to The Truman Show as we can get in real life! I feel like they gave up on their original idea, and just threw away all the old interviews and hurried up and filmed new stuff with no goal in mind, and just threw it together last minute. That's what the entire movie felt like, like they just threw it together without a story in mind. And they had the opportunity to show how their lives and careers progressed through making of the documentary, which would make it so much more interesting! 

They said there would be a lot of YouTubers in the documentary, but there were... what, four? With a few short clips of the rest of them. And they talked so much about including the fans and the fandom community. They had the fans emailing them and making videos telling them their stories about how YouTubers changed/saved their lives, hoping they would be in the documentary, because they told us we would be included. ONE person was filmed, and they showed a few clips of people reacting to Charles and Alli’s divorce and the brain tumor, but nothing to show the community. Nothing to really show how much it changes people’s lives. The one example they showed poorly done. Not that the girl who was filmed didn’t have a great story, but she was barely in it! What about showing a Shaytards fan who watch the Shaytards because they don't have a great family of their own, and the Shaytards became their internet family who showed them what a family can be like. So many have told stories like that! There are so much to take from! YouTubers have changed and saved peoples lives for years, and that's worth talking about. If I didn't know anything about YouTube or vlogging at all, talking about something like that sure would make me interested! And as a lot of YouTubers say, it's because of those stories they keep making videos!

Shay also said he wanted to make this movie to show people who don’t watch YouTube what it is about, and now only people who have YouTube Red can watch it... Kinda defeats the purpose. 

Through the entire movie I was so bored, because nothing really happened. EXCEPT for the girl talking about being poor while being a YouTuber. That was a nice touch. But that’s about it. The editing was extremely messy, and I never felt like I connected with the people in the movie or got to know them, and I already knew 2 of them pretty well! And I really hope they asked Alli if they could interview her after the divorce happened, and she declined. Because if they didn’t, they’re assholes. Alli was really the only one who made the movie a little interesting, because she was 100% real and honest.

After watching the movie I’m left with absolutely nothing. Almost like I can’t remember watching it because it was that boring. Holy shit that was a bad movie. 3-4 years of waiting. Money invested. And it was horrible. We didn’t get the product we donated money for. It wasn't even close to the original idea they talked so much about. They spent a few years extra to make the movie better, but it just made it irrelevant. 

I mean, I consider myself a pretty huge Shay/Shaytards fan. I’ve supported everything they’ve done, and I don’t say any of this lightly, I’m just so extremely disappointed. 

[thefadedpicture]

I've had anxiety since I was little, and because of that I've never had a job. To get money from the state in Norway you need to do an effort to get a real job, and to do that you can get "job training", where they evaluate if you can work, how much you can work, what you can work with or not work with, what you need to get a job etc. Through this "job training" you get a contact person who works very close with you, and it's their job to evaluate everything and eventually get you a job you like and manage to keep. At the place I ended up they noticed early on that I wasn't ready for a job at all, and they barely kept me there because I needed to get better before working towards getting a job, but they decided that it was the best thing for me to keep me there and give me the help I needed to get better. I didn't know this before much later, but I noticed I got a lot more help than the others. I had two people working very close with me (a man and a woman). I was there for two years and became extremely close to getting a job, but we had a government change and they tried to transfer me to a new place which was supposed to help me find a job instead. The two people who'd been working close with me had just spend 2 years making me feel safe enough to try a real job with their help, they were supposed to come with me to the new job the first weeks, to make sure I felt safe enough to be there. The government change made it even more impossible, because the 2 people working with me had to change jobs. The new government thinks all they have to do is force sick people to work, and they'll just magically get better, so there's no need for job training and figuring out exactly what's wrong with people...

The woman working with me worked close with my psychiatrist to make sure we were working on the same things. When I was about to lose her as my "job consultant", or just lose her in my life in general, I panicked. She wasn't just helping me get ready for a job, she helped me with everything else in life, because my parents had failed on so many levels. I cried a lot thinking about losing her, because she was my safety in a system which doesn't care about people at all. As a person with constant anxiety, not having a single person in your life who makes you feel safe is horrible. Nothing makes you feel more lost. She knew this, so she found a loophole. You can work as a "personal assistant" (I don't think there's a word for this job in english) for people with different challenges – mental or physical. It doesn't pay much, we can meet whenever we want 3 times a week, and her job is really just to do social things with me, to make sure I get out of the house. However, she's using those 3 hours to help me with the same things she used to help me with, in addition to doing fun things with me like going to the movies. I can also message her or call her whenever I want (which isn't a part of her job). She's been my "personal assistant" for 3 months now, and I just figured out SHE'S BEEN DOING IT FOR FREE because something went wrong with the paperwork, but she knew I needed her so she helped me anyways! Today I got a letter in the mail saying I've beed called in for a meeting about having her as a personal assistant to explain why I need her, and I freaked out and messaged her to ask if there was a possibility I wouldn't get her as a personal assistant... she answered "you couldn’t get rid of me even if you wanted to". She's also been telling me for a year now that she'll never give up on me. She could've easily said "you're not my problem anymore, bye", like the rest of the people who have a job like her would do, but she stuck around because she knew I would be lost without her.

I've also changed psychiatrist 3 times, and the one I have now I've had for 2 years, which is rare. I can message her, e-mail her or call every monday - friday between 8am-4pm, no matter what it is, which is extremely rare according to everyone I talk to who works in the "system". Psychiatrist don't usually follow their patients so close, at least not the public ones. No only that, but she gave me her personal number in case I needed to talk to someone after 4pm or during the weekends. She did it to prove that I wasn't alone... which... just blows my mind. She's not only amazing at her job, but she does so much more than expected of her. She doesn't get paid at all for the extra work, she does it because she cares.

Because of my situation I know a lot of people who're in "the system". They've had 5-10 different psychiatrists, or doesn't get help at all because "they don't need it", doesn't matter if they don't function in the everyday life. In the system you're nothing but a number. You get tossed around like you don't matter. 3-6 months at each place because that's the amount of time you need to figure out what's wrong with you and fix it, according to the government. Everywhere you go you're just one of many, just a problem, not a person. I know the feeling, and that's the reality for pretty much everyone in my situation. I'm one of the extremely lucky ones, who've met two(!) people who actually cares about me as a person. Not only that, but they care enough to spend their free time on me, without payment. They know everything about me, they know what I need and don't need, and they take every little problem seriously because they know it's a part of my diagnosis. When the system sends me to a new place which is supposed to help me get a job, they’re both there with me, letting the new people know exactly what I need in order to feel safe. I don't know what I've done to deserve those two women in my life, I don't know what I would do without them. Not a day goes by where I don't think about how fucking lucky I am. Everyone in my life know how thankful I am because I can’t shut up about it.

[thefadedpicture]

Why drag other people down to be nice to someone else. I don't care if it's celebrities, blogs on Tumblr or just people in general. There's no need to say that someone is better than a specific person, or go to a Tumblr user and say they're better than another Tumblr user. That is bullshit. Simply tell them you like them, what they make or that you appreciate what they do, don't drag down someone else while doing it. I don't get how people can even post messages like that and be happy. I would feel so bad for the other person.