thefadedpicture

[buffysummers]

Jennifer Lawrence explains her drunk alter ego ‘Gail’

[weloveshortvideos]

[mercedesbenzodiazepine]

Oh my fucking GOD

[likeamillionsuns]

this is the best thing I have ever seen with my own two eyes.

[jumpingjacktrash]

oh my gosh he’s gently play-biting them like they’re his own babies

[cozymochi]

@since-the-900s

[thespectacularspider-girl]

This lion’s name is Bonedigger and he was born with a crippling bone disease, so the keepers introduced three dachshunds to give him companionship; Abby, Bullet and Milo.

They’re his pride now!

[valkyrie-wrath-deactivated20190]

This is the only fucking thing I care about, do you hear me.

[oscarwildeboytoy-deactivated201]

Hey, unpopular opinion, apparently. But people don’t just “have pain for no reason” doctors say this all the time (especially to women and chronically ill people) and the truth is, Thats literally not possible. Even if your pains are psychosomatic (a word I hesitate to even use because of the way its used so often) there is a reason you are having those pains whether its mental illness, abuse, etc. If your doctor consistently tells you that “well some people just have pain for no reason” get a new doctor. That’s a doctor who is not going to give a shit what your actual symptoms or experiences are.

[kamorth]

I just wanna add to clarify the psychosomatic thing.

That word DOES NOT MEAN you’re making it up. It doesn’t mean you’re imagining the symptom. What it means is that the symptom ISN’T DIRECTLY CAUSED BY ANY OF THE THINGS THAT WOULD NORMALLY CAUSE IT.

I fought to get a PCOS diagnosis for 2 and a half years. For the ENTIRE time I was fighting, I was dealing with 3 cysts that were not going away by themselves and eventually required surgery to remove. At one point close to the end of the battle, I suddenly went blind. I was visiting my parents and was standing on the veranda looking out over the tree we had planted in memory of my dog and suddenly I got one of the shooting pains that I was quite frankly used to at that point and my vision started to go dark. It was like the sun was setting while being completely hidden behind storm clouds but it was 2pm in the middle of Summer on a clear day. Within about 30 seconds I couldn’t see ANYTHING. I was 27 years old and I was screaming for my mother.

My mum raced me to her doctor (he was a 15 minute drive away as opposed to 45 minutes to the nearest hospital) and he quickly worked out that there was nothing wrong with my eyes and what had happened was totally unrelated to them. Then he said it was psychosomatic and I freaked out, yelling that I was NOT making this up and I definitely wasn’t imagining it. Very quickly he calmed me down and said he believed me and I had misunderstood. He explained that whatever was going on with my abdominal pains (he suggested PCOS which I hadn’t even heard of at that point) had been ignored for so long that my body was starting to do things other than the normal pain response to try to draw my attention to the problem. My sight going was my body basically jumping around in front of me going “HEY ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME HELLLOOOOOOO??????”

He gave me some prescription strength painkillers and my sight started to come back as soon as they started to kick in. About 45 minutes after it started I could see well enough to walk around without help and within a day and a half I was back to normal. On top of that I finally had a scan booked to figure out what the hell was causing all the pain.

Psychosomatic symptoms are NOT imagined or fabricated or happening for “no reason”. Experiencing them DOES NOT make you a liar. It makes you someone who has been battling with something serious for so long that your own body has started to get impatient with you.

[oscarwildeboytoy-deactivated201]

I completely agree. Thank you for sharing this.

[thelionkingdaily]

Man, that lousy Mufasa… I won’t be able to sit for a week!

[thefadedpicture]

I just need somewhere to rant. This isn't interesting at all.

I can't seem to fucking win. My body started to fuck with me last march, so I developed "health anxiety". They couldn't figure out what was wrong, but something was wrong, and because of that I got a lot of anxiety. And because of all the extra anxiety my body started fucking with me even more. All the symptoms I got were so extreme that I didn't think it was because of the anxiety, and I got even more anxiety, giving me more physical problems... I also developed food anxiety, and that again turned into an eating disorder... Some of the problems disappeared, but the problem that started it all is still there. Suddenly I got a fever and no other symptoms, then I started vomiting A LOT for a few days and ended up in the hospital for 10 days. Now I'm home again, but the stomach pains are a lot worse than they were before I went to the hospital, and my skin started doing some weird shit in the hospital and is still not normal, even after 4-5 weeks. My hair doesn't get greasy anymore, like, at all. I've skipped my period again, I lose a LOT of hair, I have problems sleeping, I wake up in sheer panic several times during some nights, my pulse is 20+ BPM more than my regular pulse, I have a lot of headache and feel dizzy a lot. And I know almost all of these things are because of the anxiety, but it's like.. my body is throwing so much at me that I can't handle the anxiety. Or, I can't handle the anxiety, so my body is just failing. And the therapist I've had the last 4 years is working somewhere else this year, so I've gotten a totally new therapist, and I need 2-3 years before I feel safe enough to talk openly with a therapist. I've only met the new guy once, and that's not enough to either tell him things or to feel safe. He's also a man, and I struggle a lot with talking to men, so I'm all alone in this "health-situation". And I just feel like I'm drowning. That's the exact feeling I have. I can't get "on top" of life anymore, because I'm drowning, and I can't get the help I need. Neither psychologically og physically. They can't figure out why I have stomach pains, or even why I ended up in the hospital... I wish I could get help for just one of the things, mostly psychologically, because if I could get SOME control, like, if I wasn't completely alone when the anxiety attacks comes at night and I have someone there to calm me down and talk some sense into me (because I'm scared of the stupidest shit at night), maybe some of the physical reactions would calm down, making the anxiety calm down even more, and so on...

And now, after losing my therapist this year (I can't even begin to explain how hard that is for me), ending up in the hospital without no explanation, getting a lot more stomach pains, getting hella lot anxiety and even more physical problems because of the anxiety. I was at my doctor's begging for just SOME kind of help because I need SOMETHING. I can't take care of my apartment anymore, or myself. I can't seem to do anything but sit and watch TV. And it's so unlike me, because everyone around me knows that I have control over pretty much everything. Like, my apartment looks pretty good all the time. I usually care about what I look like when I leave the house. If someone tells me something I remember it. I always remember everything. And I just can't... I can't.. do anything. I just watch TV and cry a lot. When I leave the house I don't wear any make-up, I don't bother to wear anything but sweatpants, or shower, really. I look like shit basically, and I don't even care. And I can't remember anything anymore because my brain has just shut down completely. 

And then, on top of everything, the girl I rent the apartment with told me a few days ago that she can't rent this apartment with me anymore because she's moving in with her boyfriend, and she needs to move quickly. And I mean, she's been living there the entire time, she's just paid half the rent on "our" apartment because she's always been meaning to move in here, but she never did. And I understand why she can't continue to pay half the rent on this apartment when she's living with her boyfriend, so I'm not blaming her at all. It's just... It's too much for me. Everything is happening at once. Everything is too much for me and I have no one to talk to, and there's no one who can help me. So after almost 1 1/2 years without harming myself at all, I did it again. And that was a huge step back for me. I don't know how I'll manage to move when I can't even find the energy to take a fucking shower. And moving into an entirely new place will trigger my anxiety A LOT more. Like, the fuck do I do now? I don't have the money to rent an apartment on my own. I don't know what t do.. about anything. I've been asking for help for so long, but there is no help. The help I need I would've gotten if I had a drug problem... but there's no such help for people with "just" anxiety in Norway. The only help I can get is a 45 minute talk with a man I don't even know each week, and right now, that's not even close to enough. In fact, he's just another stress factor. Talking to him is just making this situation even worse, but I need to do it, because my chances of getting back my original therapist is higher if I stick with him this year. But he’s so wrong for me, and he’s a man. My social worker says I HAVE to talk to him this year to survive, because I’ve gotten so much worse these last two months, but I don’t fucking know how. I can’t force myself to feel safe with him, or force a trust I don’t have.... I need TIME to gain trust and be able to talk about things, but I don’t have time. I need help NOW. 

[lov-eswift]

[slytherinnpride]

[luke-danes]

[thefadedpicture]

This is now my new bedroom at our vacation house. I asked for the biggest window possible.

[weloveshortvideos]

Sometimes cats can’t be explained.

[ryanreynoldssource]

[thefadedpicture]

Tommy is 11 years old today, on National Dog Day 🎉

[animations-daily]

The Lion King 1 ½ (2004)

[thefadedpicture]

I've really been working a lot with myself this summer regarding my scars after self-harming. It became more and more obvious to me that I was ashamed of the scars because society thinks I should be ashamed, and not because I was actually ashamed myself. And once I realized that, I became a lot more confident when using t-shirts. 

And if someone asks what happened (because I don't have "typical" self-harming scars), I don't get as scared anymore. I tell them the truth (unless they're kids, of course), that I don't have the greatest way to cope with negative thoughts and depression. If they wanna judge me – go ahead. Most people seems to think we only do it for attention anyway, and if they wanna be that ignorant or judgmental (because some people do it to get attention, and there's nothing wrong with that, because they need it for a reason), then so be it. Someone once said "If someone jumps in the river to get attention and they're about to drown, you don't just stare at them and say "they did it on purpose, let them drown", you fucking jump in there and save them. It's the same thing with self-harming!

You try and harm yourself so much you need to get stitches, or till you lose feeling in your fingers. If you can't understand why someone would do something like that to themselves, then maybe you get how horrible people have to feel to do something that drastic.

It's always been something I've struggled with constantly. I do it over a month(ish) about 1-2 times a year. And because of that I know “both sides”. The times I don't struggle with self-harming I can't understand how I would ever do something like that to myself. The scars look horrible. I promise myself that this was the last time... and I have been for 11 years now. The times I do harm myself it's the most natural thing in the world. And I can't seem to harm myself enough, because the reason why I do it is to punish myself. I deserve it, and I'm 100% convinced of it. And what fascinates me/scares me so much about this, is to see how much depression takes over my brain. 

I’m really working on being more open about struggling mentally, and not being ashamed of it in any way. Because the only way people can understand how it is and learn about it, is to be open about it and not act like I’m doing something wrong. If people in my life have questions about it, it really makes me happy, because they’re comfortable enough with it to ask and have a conversation about it. And most important – they wanna learn. It’s worse when people act like nothing, because that’s when I feel like I should be ashamed. And I get that you never know how people will react if you ask about their scars or their diagnosis, because a lot of people don’t want to talk about it, so I don’t judge people for acting like nothing. They’re probably ignoring it to not make me feel uncomfortable. But for me, I don’t have the energy to pretend like nothing anymore, and to make up stories/make excuses for why my life is how it is. It’s harming me a lot more than being “too” honest and be labeled as “crazy” by people who don’t know any better. 

It’s a work in progress, but eventually the feeling of oversharing whenever I say out loud that I go to therapy will disappear, and I’m looking forward to it. 

[thefadedpicture]

I must be the worst person ever. 

Everyone’s like “I wouldn’t wish anxiety/depression on my worst enemy”, and I’m over here like “I hope those fuckers suffers as much as I do”. 

[hilarioushumorfromouterspace]

[anarchyandacupofcoffee]