I know your secret, Ken. I know you have a cannon for a leg, and I won’t let you keep such an asset from me just because you don’t appreciate real football. You thought you’d given up your fake “football” for good once you came here, a school with no soccer team. You thought your studies at a good engineering department were more important. But the thing is, American football—the real football—is our religion here at Jefferson. It’s the lifeblood of the whole city. And now I’ve got a gaping hole in our roster at kicker, with only two weeks before our first game. So you need to dedicate that leg of yours to the team. You need to dedicate your whole body, and all your time to the team. Keep watching this spiral. Learn to love obeying my every command. Learn to love wearing the team uniform. The pads. The helmet. The maroon and white. Obey Coach. Join the Team. Football is life.