#thanatophobia asks

[thanatophobia-thoughts]

Your positive posts about death and with advices on how to feel better about it really helps me a lot! I don't have anyone irl who I can talk to about my fears and struggles and for a very long time now nothing could comfort me about death. But now when I'm reading your posts I can feel that hope again and a little bit of positivity when thinking about death. I still have days when I'm really struggling but it's a bit better than it used to be. I love your blog! Thank you!

I'm glad that I can help you find some solace with the thought of death. Obviously, I know it's not easy, and I'm not promising to cure it here. I know the problems of trying to talk to people about it, too -- it's hardly a comfortable subject, and none of us want to make other people feel like we do.

I hope that this blog can continue to help, and hopefully, those hard days will become less often, and/or less intense, as we both continue to work on framing things in more useful, positive, lights.

May you continue to grow, flourish, and improve <3 .

[thanatophobia-thoughts]

I feel terrible and invalid.

I’m catholic and believe in Heaven- but what if? I was never strong in my faith. I do believe, but I just can’t stop my anxiety.

I know you’re an atheist- I just wish that someone would tell me I’m not crazy for being scared.

You're not crazy at all.

I mean, the good/bad news if you're wrong: there's no hell. You won't face punishment for a lack of faith. You'll just cease to be, which...sucks, but arguably that's better than hell.

If you want to retain your faith, I think the main thing to remember about faith is that it just...is? Faith is belief even in uncertainty. You can't be brave, if you aren't afraid. You can't believe if you're certain.

So it's okay to struggle. I mean, we struggle with things we know, like math, the certainty of death, so it's completely understandable why you'd struggle with something that's, well, not considered proven in a scientifically valid way. Struggling with something like that? I'm sure God will understand. Maybe you're just looking at some extra time in purgatory, if you believe in that.

[thanatophobia-thoughts]

How do I cope with the fact that everyone I love and care for will die before me?

Well, one way to cope is to make younger friends. Have people who you are unlikely to outlive. Love them, cherish them, and they may be with you at the last.

The other way is to consider the mixed "blessing" it is, to know YOU have the opportunity to be with them at the last, to make sure you can share final words of love with them, hold their hand, play their favorite music, and cherish them. You have the honor of being with them. It is a hard, terrible honor. Having been through it a few times, I know the difficulty.

But it is an honor. And it is one I'd go through, again and again, and one I will go through, again and again, for my loved ones.

If I am the last to go, if I see my younger brother off before myself, if I somehow see my own nephew off before I go, I will cherish the fact I could be there, to make their passing less terrifying, more comforting.

It is a comfort in itself to provide comfort. I hope you can find a measure of comfort in knowing this, and it will help you cope with this future.

[thanatophobia-thoughts]

Hello, I'm 20 years old and I'm really glad I found this blog! Right now I'm going through a (menstruation-induced) thanatophobia episode. Specifically, regarding the dread of graduating college and the "then what?" scenario that follows. All I can think about afterwards is my eventual death and the eternity that follows that. And all I can do is hope and pray that I live a long life, but even then I'm not sure that that will happen.

I hope you didn't mind my venting. I just wanted to tell you my feelings as a follow thanatophobe.

I don't mind you venting at all!

I went through something similar when I left college behind for good after going through a Master's program, and becoming aware I was never going to work in the field I had studied for. There was suddenly a huge, gaping hole where my future had been, and it was terrifying, because the only certainty WAS death.

It's been about 7 years since then, so I can say, one does get over that hurdle. Not immediately. I bounced from job to job for a few months before I found something I was stable in, and then this year transitioned to a new one (which even the thought of leaving the old one brought up its own set of similar issues because that Uncertainty again).

So I guess I'm saying, first and foremost, I get it. I really, really do. Any drastic life change, is probably going to cause this to happen. The only thing you can do going forward, is recognize that -- even if you can't predict when or how these changes will happen. Understanding it when it's happening, is still great progress.

The second thing is: that void you see now, is going to have a lot of amazing things in it. Things you may not even be able to imagine. Whether or not you go into the dream job you always wanted, or find yourself elsewhere -- the path ahead has a very sharp turn and you can't see around it. That's why it all looks black.

You're looking at the end of a hallway, not realizing there's a turn.

Once you turn it, all the lovely pictures are going to show up on the wall of all the memories you're making, blazing by it, and going into things you can finally start to picture.

Then the future will start to unfold, and it won't look like "just death" anymore.

But while it does, I hope the blog continues to give you comfort through the understanding here, the tips, and the baby steps towards acceptance.

[thanatophobia-thoughts]

You are amazing

Thank you so much for the random drop of positivity 

[thanatophobia-thoughts]

Same anon as before, I just wanted to ask you something off the wall... my anxiety has morphed into the sun expanding and burning earth and the universe burning out lol. I was wondering if you had any materials on coping with that knowledge! If not, no worries at all. Thanks for all you do.

Honestly, specifics get me. Usually for that, I would do some reading on the phenomenon itself, see what warning signs may exist. Our sun absolutely could begin to expand and engulf us, which we can’t avoid. If that happens, we all die. However, current estimates set that at about 5 billion years before the sun runs out of energy and expands. However, right now, estimates are that in a billion years, the radiation the sun gives off will be what kills us...so assuming you live that long, you’ll have that to worry about.  There’s no comfort in that; the only “comfort” is that everyone is dead, so you’re not missing out on the other events of humanity. There is a possibility that we will find a way to exist on Pluto, of all planets -- its water may melt when the sun turns into a red giant, and allow for life. 

The only comfort I can offer is that the likelihood of it happening anytime soon, is very, very slim. The sun has to run out of fuel, and that’s just not going to happen for a while. 

I know logic doesn’t always help, but that’s where I’d first try to draw comfort. It’s still an inevitable, but another thing to think of -- even with suns and planets burning out and changing, it also changes the galaxy. New life may come into existence elsewhere. 

We’re all stardust, right? 

What was once our Earth, what was once our own life, may travel space as building blocks to new life elsewhere. I don’t think the universe will ever end. I think it’ll be in a process of constant expansion and shrinking, forever, brought about by these cataclysmic events. 

Somewhere, in some far off planet, and some far off time, perhaps the pieces that will once you, will now be in a cool alien...who’s also having an existential crisis. 

[thanatophobia-thoughts]

Hey, as someone who is going through a really intense bout of death anxiety, your blog is a comfort, both in the humor and the thoughtful writing. Thanks for what you do!

You’re welcome <3

I’m glad I can provide comfort for others through my own struggles and attempts to understand this phobia -- as well as live an enjoyable life with it. I’ll keep at it! 

[thanatophobia-thoughts]

I love your blog. Your content is uplifting and helps ease my existential dread and death anxiety. I'm grateful you exist and I hope you're doing well. Thank you for what you do. ❤️

Thank you so much Anon ^_^ I’m glad to help where I can. The writing helps me a lot, and I’m glad the reading and the ideas here are helping other people, too.