I went to sleep too late and so I woke up having very feelings about Elros in FS Way of Wrath "the heir of Alqualonde, Doriath, and Sirion" (to say it in a spoiler-free way)
Hey long time no post! :D It's been a hot minute for sure lol but I'm back in full swing this weekend for grand festival 🩷💚 I decided to take on the ever so ambitious (for me lol) project of drawing all the idols over the next few days omg.. Am I ever gonna get to playing turf wars?? ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´Д｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡ anw the squid sisters are up first YAYY!! And hopefully Pearl and Marina tomorrow, fingers crossed I can keep this going!!
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Words: 3436
Summary: Daphne's stopped telling the crew about her 'episodes' after a few too many 'jokes' got tossed around during a full group hang-out.
[Super apologies, there seems to be a bug on Tumblr where this is fucking with dark mode/darker themes for some reason? I don't know why and I don't know how to fix it. Sorry!]
I’m not going to lie.
I know I should have… talked to someone about the Gem thing. I should’ve, at least, talked to her. But every time I tried to think of a way, tried to even line up a conversation about it with SOMEONE, I always froze up and choked. Gem had been… fine, I guess, since the incident; at least in the sense that things were back to normal when we hung out together.
That said, I had… started to try and ask for help with errands when I knew Gem wouldn’t be available, and essentially just trying to avoid any one on one time where possible. It had been two and a half weeks or so since then, and now I was only seeing her when all of us were hanging out together somewhere.
Me and Sheridan had, for the most part, moved past the stupid vacuuming fight, but things were still tense enough that I tried not to bother her for anything. Cal was fine, but only if I caught them between shifts and before they started smoking. Mak was… well… I didn’t ask Mak to help, but if he offered I wouldn’t-- and couldn’t really-- say no once I had posted the request in the group chat.
As far as the group knew, there had only been one ‘episode’ or whatever we’re all calling it since the time with Gem, and it only just came to a halt after two days-- 42 hours and 12 minutes if I really wanna be nitpicky about it-- this morning. The group was extremely relieved to hear.
I had spent most of the time in the company of Cal, it had been weekdays so Sheridan was working, but she was pretty amicable in the morning and evenings when she was home and checking if I needed anything. At one point we even watched an episode of a show we’re both watching together, and that was actually pretty good? Like, there were some hiccups, obviously, she gets impatient if I insist on moving or climbing anywhere myself like she thinks I’m doing it to just bug her, but she’s at least learned to give me some warning before grabbing, though none of them are any good at actually asking me first.
There’s not a lot of room for ‘no’ when people don’t want to wait 12 times as long for you to get somewhere as the rest of them.
…Which is why they only knew about that episode, and that was only because it had lasted long enough that I couldn’t possibly keep it secret from anyone.
There had been two others in the last two weeks or so, and they were-- thankfully-- pretty short-lived. I really didn’t mean to keep at least the first one totally secret, but it had happened within maybe an hour or two of everyone leaving after a movie-night together and it was just… Well…
I had suggested basically as soon as I was out of the last episode and the grocery trip with Mak that maybe we could all-- because I really didn’t want to be alone with Gem, I know I’m a coward for avoiding this for so long, but still-- go catch a new movie. There was one I had been looking forward to forever that had been out for almost a month, but with the… you know, it was hard to convince myself it was worth it in case something happened.
Cal, Gem, and Sheridan were all gung-ho about it, and then suddenly later that day Gem jumped in with a suggestion that we do a movie in the house instead, and I just pretended that it was fine. It wasn’t hard to piece together what had probably happened; Mak didn’t want to go through the embarrassment of me zonking in public, even though I could’ve-- and have, honestly, at least in my head-- made dozens of arguments about how it wouldn’t be so bad because it’d be dark, we could sit at the very back so no one behind us would notice, and like… I mean… there was probably a way I could still watch the movie after that?
…I wasn’t completely confident that it would’ve worked out, volume would’ve been a problem for me-- I really need to buy earplugs, shoot, add that to the list-- but I was getting really tired of being on what I thought of at the time as house-arrest.
Either way, everyone came over that Friday night, and that was kind of where this whole new way of doing things started.
“We’re gonna put your new roommate through his paces to-night!” Cal had called dramatically from the doorway as they burst in with arms literally loaded down with bags of snacks. Gem was behind, carrying a tray of food she had cooked at home-- smelled like the pan-roasted sausage and veg thing she did with the brussel sprouts I actually liked-- and Mak followed after making sure his car was fully locked.
“He’s already had to take three trips to Sheri's room,” I laughed, jabbing a thumb at her as I’m sure she made a face behind me. We had to dump the poor guy so many times during his first full run of the house, but now he could get through the whole place without having to stop and blow up our phones with notifications that he was stuffed.
“He doesn’t get the corners well,” Sheri chimed in as she took the foil-covered tray from Gem and brought it to the kitchen while they took their coats and shoes off in the porch.
“That’s because you’re supposed to get the corners,” Cal retorted, Mak laughing with a nod.
“That’s broom work.”
“What’s even the point of getting it then?” Sheri groaned from the kitchen, and I just rolled my eyes. Me and Cal shot each other knowing looks and then moved to flop on the couch and start spreading out their trove of delicious snacks; chips, chocolates, gummies, BUGLES-- holy shit I love Bugles--, and a variety of store-bought dips, cookies, and a little tray of mini cupcakes.
“Hey, check it out,” Cal said as they whipped out a burned-CD in a clear case from the inside pocket of their coat. “Managed to nab it for you.”
“Oh my god Cal, fuck yes,” I laughed, the movie’s name scribbled in sharpie on the front. “Even a shitty cam job just to say I saw it while it was still kind of relevant will make my whole week. Thanks, bro.” I ruffled their messy dark-blond hair as they shot me an almost offended look.
“Oh, bro, no--” they replied with a grin, finally slipping out of their coat and shoving it behind them; it was always weird seeing Cal without the binder on, but they’d been in it all day at work and I knew that evening time was ‘breathing time’. “You think I would get you, my dearest, most incredible friend--”
“What do you want to borrow?” I shot across the bow but they simply flashed a stupid grin and continued.
“My treasured, longest-lasting friend,” I rolled my eyes with a similarly rolling laugh. “You think I would get you a dirty, peasant’s camjob? Bro, never-- this shit is aiming for the Academy.”
I gasped as Sheridan and Mak reentered the room from the kitchen holding plates of still-steaming food. “For Your Consideration?!” Sheri squealed excitedly.
Cal wiggled the disk between their fingers flashily. “For Our Consideration.”
“Fucker,” Mak laughed, “how do you always find those and find the legit ones?”
“Trade secret,” Cal shot back with a finger to their lips.
Gem came out with two plates full of the sausage-sprout roast thing and handed one each to Cal and me before running back to the kitchen for her own. I squished down to be closer to the end of the couch where my stairs were attached and Cal squished down with me, giving Gem room at the other end for herself and Sheridan, Mak taking the recliner for himself.
“Fahbuloush food,” Cal said between shovel-fuls of it, flashing a thumbs up.
“Yeah, it’s fantastic,” I said, leaning out a bit to nod to Gem directly. She beamed at me and I couldn’t help but feel just… awkward. Did she really not remember? Or did she really think I didn’t know? Was what happened really just… nothing and I was just making a big deal out of nothing?
I blushed and sat back, focusing on the food as Cal’s feral eating knocking some of the crispier bits of parm and panko crumbs to the floor. “Shorreh,” they managed through a mouthful that spat out a couple of other little pieces of food beyond their notice. I shuddered a little; that never would’ve disgusted me before now, but tonight I was feeling extremely grateful that I wasn’t only depending on myself or Sheri to clean the floors at least a little anymore.
“It’s cool,” Sheri offered, also face deep in dinner. “Roombie will get it.”
“Oh god you didn’t name it Roombie did you?” Mak asked with a look of utter incredulity from the recliner.
“I haven’t named it at all, I shouldn’t have had to buy the damn thing to begin with--” Sheridan started and I actually felt a little proud-- almost-- that everyone seemed to jump on it before I had to.
“Yes you did,” Mak and Gem said in different levels of gentleness.
“No, you should’ve been fuckin’ vacuuming,” Cal snapped to a harsh hush from Gem after they had finally swallowed, reaching into one of their bags and hauling out cans of soda and dispersing them among the crowd of us. “Anyway, name the li’l guy. You’ll feel better about it.”
“I’m terrible with names,” Sheri sighed.
That had opened the gates, and I probably should’ve jumped in and said something, or at least like… said no, but…
“Yuzuki, that maid from Chobits--”
“Jeeves, you gotta call it Jeeves.”
“Smithers!”
“Let Daph name it.”
“Oh god it’ll get named after a horror movie villain or something.”
“Chasing her through the house like Jason chases teens through the woods.”
“Hannibal,” Cal suggested, everyone laughing at it in some way or another. I laughed too, honestly, just because it-- I mean, I can see why they found it funny. Everyone was having a good time! It was nice to just have a laugh with everyone.
Anyway, the Roomba’s name is Hannibal now. I’m not… it’s not bad, I’m not mad about it.
The ‘jokes’ afterwards were a bit… too much though.
Even when the movie was on, and I was trying to pay attention, comments would keep getting made. There were some innocent ones, and questions, which I kind of appreciated, but it always devolved back to the same dumb joke.
“Does Hannibal knock into your stairs or ladders much?” Mak had asked at one point, nodding toward the steps against my arm of the couch, I wobbled my head.
“They’re all sturdy enough that if he runs into them front-on he’ll turn, but if he’s coming up the bookshelf he’s knocked the ladder down a couple of times. I adjusted those so they’re high enough off the ground he won’t bump them, I have the one the bookshelf rigged up with an elastic so--”
“Neat,” he said bluntly, turning back to his food. Cal picked up his sudden exit from the conversation and stepped in though; at least Cal had my back. For this, anyway.
“Oh shit, that’s actually really cool,” they said, leaning over the back of the couch to look at the ladder and little doll-room I had set up on the bookshelf. “And you’re heavy enough that if you grab on, it’ll pull down?”
“That’s the theory,” I had replied, a bit embarrassedly. Obviously I hadn’t tested it yet, but… I mean, I had hope it would work.
“Well, if you zonk tonight and it doesn’t work, I’ll keep you off the ground so you don’t have to worry about Hannibal,” they laughed, grabbing my knee and shaking it as they kept looking at it. “Oh damn you can even see the TV from that little spot, hey? Fuckin’ smart.”
Gem had been chewing and couldn’t chime in fast enough, almost gasping for air as she finally swallowed. “If she zonks tonight then you keep Hannibal turned off until she’s back to normal,” she stressed, shooting looks around the room.
“No, it’s fine,” I tried to interject. “He’s only set to start doing his auto-cleaning after Sheri leaves for work and before I have to do any morning Zoom meetings.”
“It’s still too much of a risk,” Gem said from her end of the couch with that clear tone of ‘don’t argue with me’ that was really starting to get my hackles up. “And too noisy for you at that size.”
“He’s actually a lot quieter than th--” I started to argue anyway, but Mak decided to cut in and remind us that there was a movie on, and I blushed, feeling like a child.
This was the movie I had wanted to watch, and I had missed probably 20% of it or more to chatter started by everyone else.
Cal had gotten up and left around the midpoint, stepping outside to smoke ‘subtly’ though everyone knew what was happening. They had given me a nudge to go along, but I had already missed enough of the movie-- I was just hoping Cal would leave it here at the end of the night so I could try it again when no one else was here.
Gem had scooted closer in their absence, and I had kind of felt it coming but tried to play it cool as she picked at snacks and stuff. By the time Cal had come back, she had almost fully taken over their spot, and Cal didn’t see the look on face before they flopped down between Gem and Sheridan, much to everyone but Gem’s disappointment.
I got up to run to the kitchen in one of the quieter moments, and Gem followed.
“Hey, if you zonk tonight…” she had begun softly after a while had passed and everyone finally seemed willing to watch the movie in the other room, “you don’t have to worry. You could come back to my place again, if you wanted, rather than worry about being here.”
“I, uh…”
Listen. Listen. I know what I should’ve said and I know I shouldn’t have been pushing this whole bullshit off, but I was! It’s too late to change that so like, try to keep your comments to yourselves on this one.
“I’m pretty tired tonight so if, uh, if it happens I’d be fine to just hang out here. I’ve got my beds, it’s ok.”
“If you’re sure…” she drawled, and I could hear the disappointment in her voice in a way that felt like I was being dipped in ice-water. “I just… I don’t like the idea of you being alone in there.”
“I know, I--” the words literally tried to choke me. “Thanks, Gem,” I managed, cocking my head back out toward the living room. “I’m gonna head back, I don’t wanna miss anything.”
Like… she was being nice, everyone would say she’s just being nice by offering for me to stay at her place. Me and Sheridan aren’t on like… same-room-sleepover terms of relationship, and I don’t ever want that with her. Mak absolutely won’t go near me if I zonk, turns out, so that’s out. Cal I might be able to convince to sleepover, but they’ve got cats so I would never be able to stay at their place, and Sheri doesn’t like them hanging out, so…
I went back to the couch and managed to drag Cal over to lean on me before Gem came back. Yeah, if I zonked tonight, I’d just ask Cal to sleepover.
At least, that’s what I thought until Cal opened their damn mouth about it later.
“Hey, that was a pretty good movie, I think,” they drawled as we both brought some trash into the kitchen together.
“Yeah, can I keep the disc for a bit? I’d like to rewatch it,” I jumped at the opportunity, holding open the trash bag for them.
“Oh yeah absolutely, you can even keep it in the player so you can like, use the remote with your feet and stuff,” they said, looking at me like a brilliant revelation had hit them.
“My feet?” I laughed. Jesus, Cal had hit the devil’s lettuce hard tonight.
“Yeah for when you zonk,” they said with a grin, chuckling.
“Ah.” Of course. I’m the only one apparently trying to not think about that tonight while I’m supposed to be having fun. Cal, despite being somewhere in the stratosphere mentally, could still pick up that I was uncomfortable.
“Hey it’s cool, if you zonk, you know I’ll keep you off the ground n’ stuff.”
“You really don’t need to,” I replied as they threw an arm over my shoulders and started wheeling back around to the livingroom to get more garbage for cleaning. “I mean, you’re having a good night, I wouldn’t want you to freak out about dropping me.”
“Pffffft,” Cal said-- shooting me a look I hope I don’t ever have to see again-- as they pulled the neck of their shirt down. “No binder tonight, don’t even have to use my hands.”
“Ew, Cal--” I blurted out trying to shove them away. I was laughing, I knew I was laughing, but my face and my body absolutely didn’t want to be laughing right now; I don’t even know why I was laughing about it, it just seemed to be the only reaction my brain thought was appropriate? Like it panicked and spun a wheel and here we are! Laugh-town!
“Haha, c’mon,” Cal drawled as they started picking up garbage again, me doing the same to try and take my mind off of it. “You’d love it in there, you can’t tell me you haven’t thought about it, right?”
“Thought about what?” Mak asked as he came back from the bathroom, I tried to shake my head at him to cut if off but Cal had his undivided attention.
“Giant tits,” they snorted with a knowing nod to Mak. Mak’s expression was probably the most blender-mashed look of confusion, disgust, awkwardness and curiosity I’d ever seen, and that was still not nearly as gross to look at as Cal’s face when they grabbed me by the shoulder and said. “I mean, my are mostly only hairy around the nipples, so it’s still pretty good in the middle there, I think.”
“Cal, fuck off,” I said, trying to shove them off again. All it did was make Cal laugh more, and I tried to focus on picking up the dishes and litter from around the room as Sheri and Gem came back from Sheri’s bedroom, also looking curious about what was happening.
Gem rushed over to take some of the dishes from me, and I said a quiet thanks as Cal clarified to Sher behind her that they’d offer me a cleavage ride. Gem’s eyes went wide as she darted them between me and Cal in surprise, and I couldn’t get a read on her expression. “Fuck off with the weird jokes, Cal,” I muttered again, breaking eyecontact with Gem as I did.
My eyes dropped to her shirt, feeling kind of relieved that it wasn’t one with a breast pocket, but I had to contain my shiver as I turned to walk away. Her shirt was… pretty low-cut, and my head just kept going back to all of the weird shit that happened earlier the week, on top of this weird fucking conversation.
One of the things that made me feel even worse was that I knew I was blushing, and I was terrified what she would think of that if she had seen it.
That’s why, obviously, after everyone had left and me and Sheri were getting ready for bed, I decided not to say a damn thing when those stupid warm waves started to come over me. That’s why I just said goodnight, went to my room, and sat on the top of my desk with one of the bags of leftover snacks in my lap until that stupid fucking faerie finished their stupid fucking bullshit, and I dragged my gross-feeling ass all the way up to my stupid tiny sponge-of-a-mattress and ate cheetos until I fell asleep.
hello i am sorry to bother you here but i thought i will try to ask you about your amazing fanfic on ao3 (love's such an old fashioned word). i found it yesterday and since than i'm keep thiking about it. please tell me you will continue it! i left a review for you on the website but i've seen you don't really active there anymore:( i really hope i won't come off as a weirdo or anything just i really loved your story:) i wish you the best:))
It's never a bother & you found the very best way to contact me! I do always get & so deeply appreciate the AO3 emails but when it comes to actual *replies* tend to do that in batches eons & eons later... but always happy to talk fic on Tumblr! Thank you for asking, & sending lots of good vibes your way; I wish I had a fic update to send but alas I am nowhere near one.
I'm so glad you're enjoying love's such an old-fashioned word & I do think about it all the time myself... but. In that case why isn't it updated? Truth?
Well. I mean, yes, I intend to finish it. It’s not writer’s block; I know what happens next and how it ends. So uh why is this one not finished?
-I'm not the fastest updater in the best of times (see: the start date of my finished fics vs. when I ended them, lol).
-We are not in the best of times.
-(I'm very lucky to still be working and that my job was already remote and that I have off weekends and the usual holidays but)
I have taken one week off work since Oct. 2019, my last real vacation, and that was only a long weekend. My free time is limited and my energy is low!
- I've prioritized my own fiction over fan fiction for the past decade really; in 2020 the draw of nostalgia & escapism & need for any sense of accomplishment & connection really drove me back toward fan fic (but...) - my own stories are still my priority...
- ...whenever I get writing again because I’m coming off what turned out to be a concussion and genuinely haven’t written much at all since September. I'm trying to get back now though! To any story that’ll have me!
- But.
- My (stupid) concussion was Sept; my last update of the fic was end of May.
- So?
- June.
Basically... J.K. Rowling happened to June.
I mean that sums it up really, and you didn't come to my inbox for my opinion on *that* but uh yikes of yikeses @ all that, and I said a bit here and this was still in my drafts so I’ve posted it, as this too I guess.
Anyway, June stopped my happy-fic writing pretty cold. I can only imagine (and read about!) how it made other fans feel.
So! I feel pretty weird about how much time & love & energy I have put into writing HP fics over the years! How much time & love & energy I put into writing as-canon-as-possible, combed-through-those-books-like-Bibles fics! I don’t just magically un-love the books, not by any means, not something I loved that hard growing up especially, but uh. Yeah. It’s kind of a weird, drained-out feeling when I think about that. Which especially sucks, in a year when the world itself is draining, and my love of Harry Potter’s world was this joyful, freeing thing to escape back to and share with fellow fans.
I’m not trying to inflict my drain on anyone! The sense of accomplishment & connection regarding fan fiction, including HP fanfiction, is still there too! That people read my fic means so much to me, and how we’ve all shared a love of these characters all these years, and I have no intent to let kind readers like you down. I want to finish my own darn stories for myself, too; I write what I want to read. I want to read the end of that story. Written - and this is key - in a non-joy-sucking mood.
And this story, particularly, a fic featuring how Petunia, lost in a smallness and meanness she herself doesn’t even see, can surprise us and still be better, a story hinged on hope and belief that people can change, even if they usually don’t, even if only in an alternate universe, things could be a little bit brighter?
Don’t worry. While I’m sorry that I can make no promises as to when! - I’m sure as hell finishing that one. <3
