THAT'S ME TRYING
Summary: After the long night of the "Perfect Storm", Callie and Arizona face the aftermath of being angry, hurt, lost and cheated of course! They can put this behind them and move on or the time and a lot of try will be mend the wounds? P.S This is my first attemp to write a fanfic and English is not my native language. :) Tell me what you think! More drama and new romance coming up!
Chapter 1:
It was midnight on my small hotel room when I heard my pager screaming in my ears, I was up and I was shaking but not from the sound of my pager. I dreamed about the plane crash, my missing leg, Nick's death, Mark's death, my miscarriage and Callie's words she told me last night.
6 months ago:
I was sitting on the floor of Attendings Lounge room, my head touching my legs and my hands curled them tight while I can't stop crying and crying and crying. I can't believe how I do this to Callie, I-I cheated on her with someone else. I don't know what's wrong with me, this is not me, I'm not Arizona anymore, I become something that I can't recognize anymore and apparently my wife too. I can't stop thinking our last words before she walks away from the room. - " You didn't lose ANYTHING! I did. I did. " - "Apparently I lost you" and then she's gone! I have to do something, I have to do this thing right, I can't lose her! Oh my god, I made a terrible MISTAKE. I have to find her and explain the unexplained thing I did to her. With this I'm up and leaving in rush the room, I'm going to the nurse station to finish my last charts of my patients and then I can head to home. While finish my last chart I see Karev stand next to me in nurse's station. - "Hey you haven't leave yet? We can all leave now because the storm is gone." he said me. - "Yeah, I just finish the last chart and I'm heading home." when I look up to him, my eyes being puff and red from a lot of crying. - "Dude, are you okay? what's wrong? " looks at me with concern and fear. - "Uh- Uh nothing, everything's fine. " say cold and serious as I can. - "Are you kidding me? You're totally a mess. You don't lost a patient because I will know it. So, what's wrong? " - "I cheated on Callie." my voice coming out like a whisper... - "You WHAT? No no no! that is the worst joke I've ever heard. " Still unmoved with a straight look in my face, keep staring at him... - "Oh... when? how? with who?" - "I-I can't do this right now. I can't talk about this tonight. So, please you can take over for me? I need to go home. " - "Uh yeah, sure!" and when I was ready to walk alway.. - "Arizona!" turning back to him - "Just, please take care" I sadly wink to him and walk away. Now, changed my scrubs to my casual clothes, take my purse and my keys and I'm ready to go home.
Callie's POV:
Tonight it was my worst day in my lifetime. I was being cheated for the second time. I can't believe it, why? WHY all the bad things happens to me all the time? I'm not good person? I'm selfish? What am I? PATHETIC! Yeah! I'm pathetic. I don't know how allowed to myself being on this place AGAIN! After all this years, I thought I was finally happy and completed person but tonight everything goes away AGAIN! I'm hurt and angry and IDIOT to letting myself believes in true love. HA! True love it doesn't exist for me. I had to realized that the past few years. With George it was different, I loved him but it wasn't "real" marriage, been married in Last Vegas and can believe that you will spend the rest of your life with him? NO. It doesn't matter, my marriage with George it was completed different thing. But Arizona, is the love my life, with her I was dreaming the future and family and kids and be old lady with her by my side, it was a piece of pure love, I was IN LOVE, my heart belongs to her and I thought she was feeling the same thing about me but apparently I was wrong. And then I heard the door opens and Arizona walked in. I can't even want to look at her because my minds play games with me, imagined Arizona's hands in another woman's body, STOP. kissing her, laying in bed with her. STOP. I told to my mind! I was standing up from the couch, looking on the floor while she staring at me with pleased eyes to listen to her. - "Please, take your stuff and leave. We have nothing to discuss anymore." - "Callie please listen to me, I made a mistake, don't give up on us, don't give up on me." - " NO! You don't have the right to tell me this. YOU are the one who gived up on US , gived up on ME , on call-room with this S-L-U-T." trying to keep my voice low and don't wake up Sofia while sleeping in her room. - " It was a REALLY big one mistake, please believe me. " her eyes full of tears... - " I don't and I won't! So, take your stuff and leave the house NOW" I raised my voice a little bit... - "Callie ple... " keeps avoiding my warnings.. - " I said GET OUT NOW! " I say out loud! I can't be calm right now. With that she walks in bedroom, while I was sitting again in the couch and waiting for her to leave. After a couple minutes she walks out from the bedroom and when she's reach the door she turned around and watching me while I was looking away from her... " I'm really sorry for what happened, I didn't want to turned out like this, I hope you will give me the chance to explain my actions and show you how much sorry I am and how much I love you, I will... " I didn't let her to finish what she's saying.. - " ENOUGH! " screamed to her She's hold her baggages and with one full of hurt and frustrated look, opens the door and walks away. And then I was complete break and start crying for hours who seems ages until fall asleep on the couch..
It's been a week, from the last time we spoke and saw each other when I leave it our home, basically when she kicked me out of the house and now I'm leaving in a hotel room! Well, I deserve that but also deserve one moment to talk to her but what can I say to her, when I don't know what the hell I was thinking? Probably, the best is to give her a little bit of space to think If she's want to give me another chance... After finishing my surgery, I was sitting in Board room and check it out a new project. Actually, it's kinda "research" thing about kids with rare diseases without some reliable treatment to cure this tiny humans. But, I found the " Harley Street Clinic " who actually try to find a cure, their projects are very interesting and promising. Maybe I request a permission to be part on this medical project for those tiny humans? hmm.. actually bad timing, I have to fix my shit first! sighing and put my face in my palms.. I heard the door of the Board room opens, I look up and see the last person I've imagined to see.. Callie! - "Hey" I say to her with a smile enough to pop my dimples out - " Sofia is on the daycare if you want to see her, you can keep her for the next 2 night in a row and the next 2 I will have her. " - "What? uhh.. Callie for how long we will keep doing this? " I can't believe what i just listen from her. I didn't expect that! - " I don't know. This is temporary until I found an actual healthy and convenient schedule for both of us! " - " Can we just have a conversation? " - " Not now! " - " I will fight for this, I'm gonna show you that I'm commited to this marriage, that you didn't lose me, I'm still here Callie, one part of myself is still here, just give me one chance. " - " If you was commited to this marriage, if one part of herself it was still here you won't cheating on me. My Arizona will never cheating on me. " she said to me with empty look in her eyes. I feel hot tears streaming down my face, I can't believe that I am the person who did this to her. "Also, you will pick up Sofia from the daycare. " and then she left, leave me alone, with my tears and my regrets burning out my body.
After finishing my shift, I'm heading to daycare to pick up Sofia and return to my hotel room for dinner. - "Hey, baby girl! " I say with a full dimpled smile and then fading away when I see Callie.. - " I just wanted to say her goodnight before you take her. " - " Oh, no! it's okay. " - " Okay, my little princess it's time to go with Mama and promise me you'll be a good girl, okay? " - " Yes, mommy" - "Alright, goodnight my princess" and gives her a several kisses in her cheeks. She stands up and leave, without saying at least one goodnight or give me a nod or something and it hurts, it hurts so much! I don't know how can I possibly handled this. While, I was eating dinner with Sofia.. - "Mama?" - "Yes, baby?" - "Why mommy it's not here with us?" I didn't know what to tell her, ( Hey, my little girl guess what! I cheated on your mother and she doesn't even want to be in the same room with me) - "Uhhh.. she have a lot of work to do and she needs some space. It's complicated, but I promise everything will going to be better. " (one day ) I said trying to not hurt her feelings but I hope that will be right at some point. I HOPE! - " When you will come back home? " she said with sad look in her eyes - " I don't know baby. I don't know " with tears appears in my eyes - " I miss you Mama. " - " I missed you too, because you're my girl and I love you so much. " I said while I hug her tight and kiss her forehead. She's my little Calliope!
When, I put Sofia to sleep and read her a bedtime story, I sit down on the balcony with a bottle of white wine, look at the view of night light Seattle, playing with my heart necklase in my neck and remember the good times with Callie. The next morning I woke up, exactly where I fell asleep last night, the balcony, next to me three empty bottles of wine and a little headache doing his appears! I take my morning shower and I order a breakfast for me and Sofia, I get dressed myself and Sofia and leaves my hotel room to head on the Hospital. After I left Sofia in daycare, I head to Cafeteria to buy one cup of coffee! I really want to drink some coffee, otherwise I will murder someone for sure. After I sit in table with my cup of coffee and my tablet, checking out my schedule for today, Karev takes a sit in my table. - " Hey, dude " - " Good morning, Alex! " - " How are you? " - " Fine. " - " Yeah, I can see that. " ..... "You can tell me what the hell happened between you and Callie" - " Like I said, I cheated on her because I'm such an idiot and I did a terrible mistake who I'm gonna regret it for the rest of my life. " - " Please, tell me you don't sleep with Dr.Boswell because I've catch up the sexual tension between you two but I didn't imagine you will do this after all. " - " Alex, can you just leave please? I'm not on the mood to give you excuses, when it's not your fucking business, OKAY? - " Yeah, maybe you don't have to give me any fucking excuse, but you have to Callie. " and his left the table. - "Fuck" I grown. PERFECT my day it started so good -.-