#thbatp

[thingsisaidweredumb]

the craziest kind of "some people's only activism is not liking taylor swift" is the people who use hating her as some sort of proof they're not misogynistic.

"imagine liking taylor swift and thinking you know anything about feminism" is something someone said to me a few weeks ago and i was like "ah yes, the most important tennent of feminism: hating a woman."

[thingsisaidweredumb]

One thing that frustrates me a lot about most psychological help or advice is that it's feel-good advice that is surface deep and can't be actually applied to the messy reality of life. It exists in a theoretical world where Intentions and Vibes matter and mean things.... and thus consequences become absent annoying obstacles to healing.

So then your healing takes place in a hypothetical space where all the consequences of your actions don't need responsibility, and thus, you're never wrong.

And we know that that doesn't actually promote healing. Because you are sometimes wrong. Your life is a product of your choices, in addition to the choices of others and external forces. If your healing takes place in a theoretical space divorced from your choices, you end up perpetuating harm in the name of healing. Why the fuck would you want that?

[thingsisaidweredumb]

but if it's mine can i still keep it, if i can't see me in it

[thingsisaidweredumb]

it's the way we're going to talk about how feminism backslid in the 2020's the same way we talk about how it was actually getting better for queer people in the 70's until the aids epidemic and i know that as it's happening. i used to think about how fucking exhausting and frustrating it must have been to live through it. i looked at my dad with the saddest eyes knowing that he was closer to being free when he was a teenager than he was when he was in his 20's and it just broke my fucking heart. i just knew i couldn't imagine the kind of heartbreak to see things actionably getting better and to dream about a better world to have it smashed and the road ahead SOOOO much harder than it was.

and the internet's destruction of feminism, and thus the queer rights boom that came in the intersection of "do whatever you want, you make the rules fuck them" and "let's claim sexual power that has been taken away, specifically" is just soooo hard. and like we're still out here trying, and making progress... like it's not like we stopped. but we backslid soooooo much and it huuurttss like i'm looking at it and i just know we were so much closer in 2014. i want to choke when i think about how soooo many things were trending up cause soooo many threads of work were finally coinciding to give us the ultimate feminist queer liberation! we were starting to get to the fat and disabled people!!! like we were really moving with this complete solidarity and it was gorgeous. and it's just slowed down SO hard and i feel complete whiplash. there are so many more hills to climb up now, i feel so sad.

[thingsisaidweredumb]

as an album listener, i'm debating switching to apple music, perhaps it will be easier to find new music

anyone who uses apple music have feedback on it?

[thingsisaidweredumb]

"the only thing that separates fanfiction authors from professional authors who do this as a career is that fanfiction isn't monotized." um..... interesting idea but no

"the only difference between fanfic and published fiction is that it's monotized." also no.

fanfic is pretty akin to self published fiction, but professional authors who do this as a career are generally not self publishing. and publishing houses can be good and bad and their editing and story choices aren't perfect, no company is a god. BUUTTTT having your work read by people whose job it is to edit (and thus have some sort of training for what to look for) is not the same has having it read by your friend, the beta reader.

that doesn't mean fanfic can't be as good, or better, even than professionally published fiction. but the differences are more vast than "one is monotized the other isn't" i think......

[thingsisaidweredumb]

i told sweetheart i didn't feel heard in a discussion for the first time in our 2.5 year relationship today. and you know how he responded? he said he was sorry, he didn't mean to dismiss me, and asked for clarification. and then he listened to me and understood what i meant and we found common ground.

it is possible folks, it is possible

[thingsisaidweredumb]

my neighbors are being stupid and i need to complain so: behold my lovely artistic rendering of the block we sit on

The octagons represent lights at the intersections of the main road on either side of our neighborhood. the neighborhood is both side. the bluegreen line there is the main entrance to the neighborhood. the black lines on the sides, being side streets.

so my neighbors are saying that since business exist in the pink space, we need a light at the main entrance. and the leader of the HOA is posting on fb trying to get people energized to fight for a light. and like seriously y'all, our neighborhood is the only possible turn in between these two lights other than the dentist's office. There's townhouses over there too they're mad about, but they share the main entrance with us.

They're complaining that it's too hard to turn left in the mornings to get out. and i'm like ".... use.... the.... side.... exit." like we do not NEED a light because we already have exits from both side of the neighborhood where we have access to a light to turn onto the main road. Like.... that's what those exits are FOR!

It's just such fucking arrogant bullshit as if somehow the town we live in should adjust traffic patterns on literally THE busiest street we have so that BOTH of our entrances are near a light, the main way and the back way. No. Why should the whole fucking town have to deal with ANOTHER LIGHT for us? There are many neighborhoods off this road, most people in the town live off of this road because it goes in a circle around the town. Most neighborhoods don't have ANY lights. We have one on both sides of the main road! I just measured on google maps, it's roughly 2000ft on both sides from the existing lights to where they want another one. Literally. And in both cases, it's on the side that would be "left" so you're just driving those 2kft on your way out of the neighborhood. You're not even going out of your fucking WAY unless you live right at the mouth.

It's just so fucking insane.