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gadreel apologist hours again

imagine you desperately want to build your ruined reputation as an employee back up and the guy who hires you to Good-Angel his ailing brotherwife back to health A) doesn’t respect the precarity of your work status, and B) is incapable of grasping the degree of Shattered Husk he is demanding you fix overnight so he can terminate your contract ASAP

literally my condolences to gadreel I would fucking kill myself if dean was my boss in that situation <3

#undervalued engineer analogy for gadreel starting today #like I use unethical surgeon analogy for cas (among other things)#the accessory

Mary Lockwood - The Accessory - Dell - 1970

#witches #accessories #occult #vintage #the accessory #dell books #1970 #mary lockwood

to be extra clear, gadreel situation is the perfect example of this crucial facet of dean psyche.

sure dean Halfway apologizes to sam (not really - it isn’t an actual apology; he makes it about himself) for the deceit and manipulation that enabled sam’s noncon possession to continue for as long as it did. for creating the circumstances that ended with kevin dead at sam’s hands, though dean is unable to own this failure beyond vague notions of I Should Have Protected The Kid (what does dean’s concept of “protection” entail in the first place?)

but he takes it all back when sam doesn’t forgive him, because dean’s guilt over the situation is supposed to absolve him of consequences. he doesn’t truly do anything to make up for the harm he caused, he just suffers, and expects that to be enough. “because we’re family.” “you say that like it’s a cure-all.” etc.

#sam’s sharp teeth monologue is fucking Everything #the accessory

but whatever.

#cas took care of it. btw!#this show is crazy lmfao i do forget sometimes #m: spncaps #9.12 #menage a faux pas #the accessory #the roles

my thing abt the gadreel situation is that dean does understand why sam is upset abt it - he hesitated before he made the initial call bc he knew full well that “sam would rather die” (he says this out loud to gadreel lmfao) but he pulls the trigger anyway bc what dean wants overrides what sam wants. “I wouldn’t let you [die], because that’s not in me” / if there’s the slightest sliver of a chance that some crazy stunt that threatens sam’s personhood and violates his boundaries will keep dean’s Sammy by his side he’s going to take it. exactly the same as dean instructing death to put sam’s soul back in with a flimsy membrane holding back his cage trauma.

so the reason dean reacts so negatively to sam’s anger post “road trip” isn’t because he doesn’t understand why sam is angry. if he didn’t understand he wouldn’t be stewing in guilt and leaning on his usual coping methods of drinking and killing without asking questions and drinking some more. he doesn’t understand the sheer depths of the hurt/betrayal that he inflicted on sam, sure, because he is clearly incapable of processing that. but the reason sam’s anger angers him despite his self-centered non-apology apology in the immediate aftermath is because he feels entitled to sam’s forgiveness. because the decision weighed on him and because he’s guilty about the consequences and because he was “stupid for the right reasons” (cas’s irresponsible words lmfao). he’s merely doing his job of Protecting Sam and sam doesn’t see it that way (“you’re certainly willing to do the sacrificing as long as you’re not the one getting hurt”) which is an insult to dean’s pride. “I saved your hide back there […] I’d do it again,” says dean. “you can’t stand the thought of being alone,” says sam.

I love this arc so much despite how much I hate its conclusion 😩

#the accessory #the roles