lucassilveira I’m 44 today. I made it. I have survived. For me, it hasn’t been a simple task. I’ve had challenges that in the deepest of darkness, I truly believed I would never see light again. Places of such intense self doubt, self loathing, feeling unworthy of love, that I almost completely and utterly gave up. Yet, here I am. Not just a survivor, but I am happy. I am grounded. I am in love with myself and in love with life. But my greatest accomplishment to date is that I have been able to conquer true compassion. For myself and others. To let go of things that no longer serve me with love and if I get hooked in once in a while, to forgive myself instantly as it must mean that there is a lesson in it to be learned. I have learned to love in ways I never knew possible from the consequence of loving myself. I hold no grudges. I hold no hate. I hold nothing inside of me that doesn’t propel me towards light, that fails to prop me towards love. My capacity for vulnerability and compassion are the greatest gifts I have ever been able to give myself and so, on this 44th year, I feel like I have moved through an immense milestone in getting here with joy in my heart, forgiveness to my past and looking ahead to all of the fruits of my emotional labour. To everyone who has wished me a Happy Birthday, thank you from the bottom of my heart. For those of you in my past who I’ve had to let go of in the name of self love, I want you to know that today is when I think the most about you. Today is the day that I acknowledge that it was also in passing through you, that I gained the ability to get to where I am at. There is never a day of regret in my life for those who have come and gone. I saw an amazing quote the other day that settles in me especially in these moments - “Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.” - Mary Oliver.
Thank you all. I love you. I’m going to spend the day with my best friend Marcy. Life is good.
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