Steven, Lars, and Sadie all get invited to the Cool Kids' party over at Sour Cream's house after Lars revealed that he has some mad cooking skills, with both Steven and Sadie wanting him to show it off. “The Good Lars” premiered on this day, 9 Years Ago.
Did you know that some people are so dedicated to reproducing Steven Universe recipes that they’ll both put cheese puffs in their sushi AND willingly bring durian into their homes?
I will teach you the basics of how to prepare the Cool Kids’ Potluck and also tell you the story of how I got food poisoning.
(Sorry, Lars’ ube roll is not included, because it didn’t make it to the potluck. It is available as a separate recipe, of course.)
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I decided it was time to do the Cool Kids' POTLUCK!
STEVEN: (holds up Snack Sushi) "Who's feelin' lucky?"
SOUR CREAM: "I brought the soda."
JENNY: "I brought the pizza."
BUCK: "I brought the assorted fruit."
And Sadie brought paper plates to complete the set. Too bad Lars's Ube Roll couldn't join them!
Okay, so we have a four-part meal. Most complicated of course is the sushi! We can assume it is Snack Sushi, which I have made before but didn't really give instructions. Steven explains pretty well but doesn't give you a sushi rice recipe. How about I just tackle this here and show you how?
Recipe 1: SNACK SUSHI
Ingredients:
11 1/2 ounces sushi rice
1 1/2 cups cold water
4 tablespoons rice vinegar
3 tablespoons sugar
1 teaspoon salt
1 package nori (seaweed sheets)
1 avocado
1 bag cheese puffs
Mayonnaise
Hot sauce
First, sushi rice is made a special way. I am no expert, but the way I do it has worked fine for sushi in the past. First you measure out your 11.5 ounces of rice and put it in a sieve, then wash thoroughly with tap water.
Put it in the pan you will cook it in, pour the 1.5 cups of cold water on, and let sit WITHOUT COOKING for 30 minutes.
When the soak time is up, turn on high and boil. As soon as it hits boil, turn to low, cover, and cook 15 minutes. Then turn off the heat and let steam in the pan for 10 more minutes. You now have fluffable, tasty, sticky steamed rice!
Next, make your vinegar concoction. Combine the vinegar, the sugar, and the salt in a small dish. Microwave it to dissolve the sugar. I did this in a few 20-second bursts. It smells strongly but I love that smell. Make sure when you stir it, there's no sugar on the bottom! It must be dissolved.
Pour the concoction over the hot rice and stir it in. You are ready to work with it!
From there, it is as Steven shows us in "Cooking With Lion."
• Put nori on a rolling mat, rough side up
• Spread sushi rice on the nori thinly
• Halve the avocado, remove pit, cut in slices and rub a spoon around the avocado flesh to dislodge it
• Place the avocado slices in a line on the rice
• Place a line of cheese puffs in a line next to the avocado
• Roll compactly, tucking as necessary to get it into roll shape
• Cut!
You'll also need to make "spicy mayo" for the garnish. Steven uses hot sauce and mayonnaise. Mix together and squirt neatly onto the top of each roll.
"Who's feelin' lucky?!"
And that's the recipe!
Tip:
Use rice shortly after cooking. Refrigerate it if you will not be eating it soon after. Guess who got food poisoning from eating old rice because of this? CAN YOU GUESS?? 🤢
Recipe 2: PIZZA
So I've made pizza from scratch half a dozen times already for this show. I'm not gonna do it again. (Here's my personal Fish Stew Pizza recipe.)
Jenny simply brings pizza from work! So I decided to go the easy route and purchase a commercial pizza this time.
We never actually see the pizza eaten. I will assume it's the default pepperoni pizza and add veggie pepperoni to mine.
Baking in the oven per box directions as I figure out pizza boxes!!
Jenny's got four dang boxes of pizza on that table. I'm sorry, but I will not be preparing four pizzas. I live by myself and am not actually having a real potluck here. I will use comic book boxes to provide the illusion of many pizzas even though I am only cooking one. Shhhhh.
I actually used paper cutouts and markers to design my own Fish Stew Pizza box!!
Done! Next!
Recipe 3: SODA
Another recipe where I don't really make anything. I am just dressing up a bottle of Diet Coke.
But at least I made it look like the soda Sour Cream brought (termed "So-Duh").
Recipe 4: ASSORTED FRUIT
Oh god.
Buck, you clown. 🤡🤡 You went and bought various pokey-skinned fruits and forced me to BRING A DURIAN INTO MY HOME.
Folks, do you have any idea what durian is?
Let's just say it's known as the King of Fruits and it is SMELLY. You can't look up anything about durian online without related news stories discussing areas where durian is BANNED, neighbors complaining if you bring durian home, and tips on getting the smell off your hands and out of your breath.
I've bought frozen durian before to make Durian Juice Boxes. It was bad enough frozen. But then I had to go buy a FRESH STANK MACHINE at the Asian Market.
The things I do for this friggin show
So we have pineapple.
We have dragonfruit.
And we have &%#!%@ durian.
Durian! People! Do you have any idea what my house smells like!!! And they put it in a bag like that because you can't pick it up without GETTING STABBED! god what am i doing
Anyway.
There, you happy?
Here is my beautiful POTLUCK.
Add paper plates because Sadie brought them and now Sour Cream is thrilled he doesn't have to do the dishes.
Also, I'm sure it wouldn't be all that much fun if you didn't get a quick lesson on how to eat the weird fruits, even though the Cool Kids did not cut into them. Right?
So after I recovered from food poisoning from that rice, I put down a plastic tablecloth on my outdoor porch table, gathered an assortment of knives and plates, grabbed some gloves, and prepared these fruits for eating.
Dragonfruit:
Cut in half. Cut further in quarters and eighths. Peel the fruit out of the husk and store.
Verdict: I don't like dragonfruit. It tasted like weird, hurty watery kiwi. Maybe you should know I'm allergic to kiwi. This is probably related. I shouldn't eat this.
Pineapple:
Cut the top and bottom off and discard (including the bush at the top). Slice the remainder completely in half. Cut the core out--you shouldn't eat it. Then slice each half and slice again into manageable strips. Cut lines in the fruit and cut them off into a storage container.
Verdict: I am allergic to pineapple so I didn't try it, but it smelled amazing. I saved it for my friend.
Durian:
All right, stank fruit, here we go.
Cut the stem off and flip the durian to stand on the top where you cut the stem off. Use pot holders to manipulate because otherwise IT WILL CUT YOU. Examine the durian's shape and see if you can figure out based on its bulges where the huge scary pods are inside. Make a cut through the very tough husk and pull it apart with your hands.
Pods will emerge. They are soft and delicate, so if you hold them too hard they'll break. Each contains HUGE seeds. Take the seeds out before eating. Go around the rest of the durian and get all the pods out. It's a scavenger hunt! Store.
Verdict: The smell is literally not any worse when you open it. It is a very thick, pervasive smell but to me it didn't smell like a rotting corpse or poop or anything.
But then I ate a little bit and the aftertaste was really dark and musty. Dip a butt in tropical fruit syrup. It was pretty vile. I swallowed it though, and my mouth was Very Unhappy. I do not like durian.
I guess I'm 0 for 3. My sushi made me sick because I left the rice out for hours, I can't eat any of my fruit, and I reused the pizza to make a damn Pizza Steve.
But at least my life is interesting while it's being a disaster, huh?
