There was a book I read when I was 13. I was probably too young to read it. It was marketed as young adult, which I didn't really consider myself as, but it was in the school library, so I borrowed it and read it.
That book fucked me up. It almost gave me trauma from something I never witnessed. It was the first real depiction of a traumatising, horrible event that I read. (Incidentally, around the same time, I tried to read The Handmaid's Tale and didn't understand nor finish it. I was also definitely too young for it.)
That book is a story about 9/11. I wasn't even born at the time. But it left an impression on me for years. I could never remember the title nor find the book again - perhaps I just didn't want to look - but I always remembered it, and how it made me feel. I didn't remember much: a vague image of the cover, a simple plot summary - and even then, extremely unprecise - and a memory of the feeling I had finishing it.
I was probably slightly too young to read it. And I didn't know much (apart from the basics) about 9/11 at the time, which also probably contributed to my feelings. It definitely fucked me up in the head a little.
I remember thinking, this is why people made such a big deal out of it. It wasn't the first book I read about 9/11. It wasn't the last. But it's certainly the most graphic one, and the one that stayed in my mind the longest. I still shudder when remembering it.
But that's not necessarily a wholly bad thing. I was changed by having read that book - my view on things slightly tilted. I was almost mute for two days. Every time I think about 9/11 (admittedly not that often), I think of that book.
Books like these are important. Because it's important to allow kids to access things out of their comfort zone. Things that teach them something without someone else guiding them by the hand. And I thought about book bans - especially in the USA - and general disinformation. Books like these could plausibly end up on a banned list. I wouldn't be surprised. But that's exactly why we should read them: sometimes you need something shocking. Sometimes you read something that makes you rethink your point of view, and that's good. You're learning. And if you ban books like these, you're taking that opportunity away.
I don't even know why I'm writing this post. I've been thinking a lot about that book recently, and I'm not sure why, but I wanted to write this. Maybe it can help someone.
(The book is The Memory of Things by Gae Polisner, which I haven't reread yet. I recommend it, but as one reviewer said: "Serious question: can you get PTSD from just ‘reading’ about traumatic events?? Because I was really rattled when reading this.". It's a good book, from what I remember. But it's not an easy one, either.)
