Yours - Conan Gray (feat. Caleb x gn!depressed!mc) 2.2k words
Ever since Caleb had walked back into your life, he found himself wondering if it was truly you he reunited with. Sure, he knew that in the span of a year, you’d probably mature a little, busy working, and grieving him. But he didn’t realize that you were slipping away from his fingers, even after finally dating.
At first, he assumed you were fighting inner turmoil and thoughts once he came back. Maybe mad at him, still in shock, trauma. But you were much more quieter.
You used to be talkative.
Talk until you bit off Caleb’s ears for hours. Whether it was about Grandma’s unfair rules, your favourite show, favourite artists, your hunter dreams, and he didn’t mind.
Now you didn’t speak unless spoken too. And whenever you did talk, it didn’t have that playful lilt to it. It more sounded clipped, and rehearsed.
“Y’know, you used to talk so much I thought your mouth would hurt. Now it feels like I’m talkin’ to myself.” Caleb once remarked. Playful but a tiny concerned. You laughed. Fake. “Yeah, I noticed how annoying it was.”
But it wasn’t.
not to him.
He could listen to you yap for hours. He also noticed you not only weren’t as talkative, but much more reserved. It took Caleb an absurd amount of time to try and get you out of the house.
“Come on, pips. Look, I’ll even pay..” and you wouldn’t give him a definite answer. A grimace and looking away. But he could tell you didn’t want to go. That was also another thing. You didn’t tell him what you were thinking. When he asked you a question, you’d say yes, when your body language said no. It got more difficult for him to actually read you.
You had a blank expression on your face, occasionally giving small smiles or slightly raised eyebrows to show emotion.
You didn’t get nails colourful and vibrant as they used to be. You wore hoodies and baggy clothes instead of your bold outfits or shorts. Your ideal date with him was staying at home.
You didn’t put up fights anymore. If someone was being rude to you, you just accepted it rather than defending yourself.
If someone invited you out, you made excuses.
Caleb was hurt.
Not because directly at you, but the fact that his lover wouldn’t tell him what’s going on. Any attempt of trying to make you open up, you’d brush it off. Not even an argument of him pestering you. You’d just give him a quick peck on the cheek.
“Don’t worry about me Caleb. M’fine.” But you weren’t. Was it depression? Agoraphobia? Anxiety? Caleb found himself endlessly researching about why you were acting like this. It wasn’t even a subtle change, it was like you were a whole different person. He then stumbled upon something.
An artist that had left music that was making a comeback again. Specifically your favourite artist that also became his favourite. Something that bonded you two together even more back then, if that was possible. He scored tickets, and had a huge smile on his face. Was this finally the way to break out of this endless spiral you were in? “Pips, guess what I just got?” And he pulled out tickets and handed them to you, impatiently waiting for your excitement. But it didn’t come.
You plastered a smile. “Oh! Oh my gosh, this is crazy.” “You don’t seem excited.” Caleb smiled, confused. You looked down, kicking you feet and twiddling your thumbs. “Well, I’m not really a huge fan anymore, and honestly, you should go with Gideon or someone..” Caleb could feel his heart breaking by the second.
“Oh, alright sweetheart.” He responded. And he walked away. It wasn’t about the damn concert tickets. It was about that he didn’t even know you anymore. The one thing that bonded the two of you was broken. You drifted away further.
Conversations with Caleb were forced. And short.
Sleeping with him didn’t feel as comforting as it should’ve been. And fights broke out more. Caleb was running out of patience.
Of false hope that you’d tell him every single time.
“You just shut me out!” He once had outburst, after you told him once again, that you were fine. You don’t look at him. “Stop asking me the same question. You’ll get the same answer.” You said, tersely. “It feels like I’m dating a fucking wall sometimes.” He muttered. And you tense up. Eyes unreadable but looking slightly hurt. He looks up.
“Sweetheart, I didn’t-“
“you did.” And you walk away, back to your room as he’s left in your apartment living room, sitting on the couch and sighing heavily. He slept on the couch that night. Giving space, and seeming like he was giving up trying to fight his losing battle.
He couldn’t give up on you. But he was giving up in bringing, you back. His pipsqueak, his lover. When caleb leaves for work again, having to go back to Skyhaven, he doesn’t make a large deal. He learnt not to, because you would just make it seem like a small inconvenience he was leaving.
He gave you a hug and kissed your forehead. “Make sure to eat. I prepared some leftovers for ya’. I’ll be back in three weeks, alright? I’ll text you. I love you.” You hug him back. Resting your head on his chest. “I love you too.” In those three weeks however, you don’t text him.
He spam texts you, and you leave him on delivered. Every call is silenced from Do Not Disturb that was on your phone. He worried by the second. No news update from you. Until he got a call. From the hospital. Your friend had found you on the floor, pills, tablets and medicine all scattered all over the floor.
You had overdosed. Caleb immediately turned back from his mission, regardless if it was important or not. He sped over to Linkon’s Akso Hospital, and demanded your room number. You rested on a hospital’s bed, alive - luckily you were found fairly quick, and asleep.
Caleb couldn’t make out anything the nurse was explaining to him about, instead, a large ringing accompanied with his heartbeat in his head sounded, blaring all over. When the nurse closed the door after her, giving him some space, he walked over to you, reached out to your face, your soft skin and his leathered gloves making contact.
Caleb fell to his knees, and buried his head in the crook of your neck, sobbing.
Sobbing because he didn’t know what to do anymore.
Sobbing because he couldn’t even help the person that mattered the most to him, and was now lying in a hospital room.
Sobbing because he couldn’t live without you, even if it was slowly killing him either way.
“Please baby. Just tell me what’s going on. Your Gege won’t judge you, won’t resent you. Come on, I’ll make it all right again.”
He rambled on, voice breaking and his words trembling.
“I’ll buy you your dream house, and… and we can live there together. I’ll cook all your favourite foods. Every day. You won’t have to lift a… lift any finger.” His body trembled as he felt your cold stiff body. “Gege will make everything right. Gege loves you too much to stop.” He whispered brokenly.
