Oct 14, 2022
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Dearest Shiri,
It’s going to be difficult to have everyone get their thoughts down on this paper as everyone scrambles to fight for the only pen in my office. Indeed, I don’t know why Saeran insisted on handwriting it but now that my pen touches the page, I am captivated by the nostalgia. Perhaps in a different time you and I wrote love letters to each other in long romantic cursive.
But I’m beating around the bush.
I love you.
It’s a hard thing to say. This sort of thing had been so...commodified that I worry someone will hear it and sell it for a profit. But even in these fears, I see and know that you are divine in all senses and will protect this love like treasure. In that knowledge I feel safe holding you, loving you, kissing you.
Everyday has been like a dream. I would give up everything just to have to honor of making you pancakes for the rest of my life and getting to sit and discuss your day with you at the breakfast table. Really. I am...humbled by you in the most lovely way possible.
-Jumin
Saeran:
Dearest Pink Rose,
Finally it is my turn with this pen and I only want to wish you love. When I think about you, it’s like a million flowers fill up my brain until I’m spilling little rose petals from my eyes like tears. I feel weightless when I’m with you and it’s all because of your immense compassion and love.
Without you I would still be weeping, stumbling through the darkness in search of a hand that doesn’t seek to cut me. But you opened up the windows, bandaged my wounds, and let me learn to walk on my own. Now I can fully dance with you to express my adoration.
I love you a billion times over. Please remember that in your times of need.
Saeyoung:
Well now that both of those mushy boys are done soaking up the paper with love for you, the rest of us can try to fit some thoughts about you on it.
It’s kinda hard to write without...slipping into a sort of persona but I really really appreciate you. You were there for us in all our times of need without fail or compliant. For that, I don’t think there will ever be something I can do for you to make us even. Not that that’s even something you care about. You are just a helper. A healer.
Maybe....maybe you can teach us how to help you next time?
Yoosung:
My turn! But now everyone’s said something heartfelt and I can’t say anything without feeling cheesy or like I’m copying!
Hmm I’m just really glad you came into everyone’s life too. But for me, I needed that push to be better and work harder! You really helped change my life for the better...
I love you.
Maybe not as much as Juu-Juu or Saeran but a ton. You’re like an older sister to me!
Jaehee
I will make this quick because the next person in line is also the last and Zen is looking very anxious to get his thoughts down. Thank you. Thank you for many many reasons, including but not limited to, the newly found sleep I get because you keep Jumin out of the office, the times you’ve helped me sort paperwork through the night, the coffee gift cards, and the words of support.
Even now just thinking about how much you care about me makes me heart lighter. It really is like floating on air.
I see what Jumin is always talking about now.
Zen:
Thank you for coming to all my plays....
I can’t.w rite..e..
I’m crYing.
I love you. You mean the world to me. You are like my little sister!
*weeping*
My goal for the year was to release three music projects. This is the third. DECEMBER 12TH !!! Thank you to everyone who passed my music to places I’d never imagine. Here are some some previews of the songs I’m releasing on Tuesday. Luhh yall !! 💪🏽
Constant fear of the overflow,* I call it, being consumed in a way that does not align with my morality and spirit. My efforts to contain the overflow - by repressing it, and avoiding its existence, has always done far more harm than good.
Allowing her to freely exist in this space - which does not feel like real life, but in which I also suffer similar consequence. Can be distressing, frightening, because as we can see, most men - in one way or another - DO wish to cause me harm. Regardless, I simply realize there is no path of my existence that is innately free of shame. There is no path that does not involve some risk. Some of those risks are harder to accept than others, however I refuse to life a life that is not my whole-self. I can stand in the overflow, comfortably and without shame. One day at a time.
FRENCH FOR RABBITS : THE OVERFLOW