"Let Love Be Commonplace"... Three Years Later...
Have y'all ever taken a look at your “On This Day” feature on Facebook, seen your previous posts, paused, contorted your face in some form of disgust and then asked yourself “Who the hell posted that??” I have. I’ve even considered removing all evidence of the posts…matter fact I have just deleted some of them…not gonna lie.
I’m sure you have too…I’m also sure you have stumbled on those posts that even years later make you go
The other day this happened to me. Three years ago, I posted the following note (that I don’t think many people read…but that’s ok because not many people read Facebook notes anyway…I don’t feel any kinda way…😅😅😩😞😏😜). I felt the urge to post it again because it still resonates with my current experience and study in certain ways THREE YEARS LATER, and I believe the need to understand love in its many facets will forever be a driving force in my life. I also believe it should be for all of us.
It blessed me all over again, and I hope it can do the same for you in some way as well.
It’s so easy for me to feel out of place, awkward, lonely, caught out there, unloved etc.
Like VERY easy. A part of me wonders why this has become so the older I get. I remember when I was in high school, I pretty much had three close friends (one being an exchange student from Thailand…the other two being teachers) And I was COMPLETELY fine with that.
I mean growing up I always marched to the beat of my own drum, and I guess I ended up realizing that that was just gonna be the case and that everybody ain’t gonna like it. This created within me doubt and insecurity. There were many things I started to see that were “wrong with me”. Things that I thought would make it easier for “no one is to get me.” But I made it through…
Then came college. The time when (as my sister put it) I would become a more accurate depiction of the person I would be for the rest of my life. How could that be so? I went into it not knowing who I was at all!! And not knowing for a long time honestly. Creating this image of whom I thought it would be safe for me to be for everyone. That formula began to fail, and my doubts and insecurities began to become even greater. Being alone became more commonplace.
As life progresses, one starts to learn and experience more. You begin to be exposed to different things and people, and sometimes having so many people around begins to become exciting! “I never had this before!! This is awesome!!” Everyone seems to love you and seems to be your “bestie”…then you learn the hard way that everyone isn’t your bestie…or even your friend at all! The ones who you thought were the people who “got it”…who made it better…who made you feel like you could be you…they disappear sometimes or you have to make the decision to remove them from your life…”You will be able to count your REAL friends on one hand” the words of my mom constantly ring in my heart. I began to wonder “Brandon, why would you let your guard down…you know better…”
But the funny thing is…I got so excited then disappointed by the ones who came and left… That I forgot the TRUE BLUES who were there from the start and stayed! Despite my ignorance and negligence…REAL friends & family……
The other day I was leaving a gig with a couple of my friends in my band and I ended up in a jam where I couldn’t get home due to a car situation. One of my friends offered to let me stay at his place until I got myself together…I kept thanking him as if his gesture was so out of the ordinary! He kept looking at me like I was crazy and said “Dude this is what we do…we look out for each other…”
… It was nothing…normality…commonplace…
In the midst of being frustrated and frazzled by the situation I had to stop…and be present…and understand that I had gotten to a point where an expression of care and love had become so unusual or foreign…like the same gestures of love that I would carry out for another could actually be returned to me…
I read a blog entry by my favorite artist, Amel Larrieux, about detachment and presence. In this entry she began to talk about how we sometimes think that separating ourselves from others…from reality can give us inner peace…and even though this can be helpful, she went on to say how more importantly being not only present with ourselves but with others, within the moment…with God…can give us that sense of peace, joy, love that we all seek…wholeness…
Being present allows us to both RECEIVE and GIVE the benevolence we never knew we could. We just have to avail ourselves…let this good be commonplace and still awe-inspiring. Not taking it for granted…not forgetting the things and people that truly give you THAT feeling…ya know? Ya dig?
STILL awkward…still alone…out of place… let me stop…
I mean somethings never change, and somethings I’ve grown to understand about myself: My introverted nature…my awkward, “Hugh Grant-esque” charm (👀)…and my comfort with being alone. One thing I know that has changed is the idea… no…the REALIZATION of me being loved. Don’t get me wrong! I still have my moments, but I now know better than to hold onto the doubts that prevent me from believing that I am loved, whether it by my family, friends or my Source.
I’m currently reading this book by Erwin Raphael McManus called Soul Cravings that interestingly enough I started 6/14/13 (a little over 3 years ago and a little bit after a serious break-up and series of betrayals that have kind of shaped who I’m am today in different ways.) In the book, McManus addresses three things in life that everyone seems to crave: Intimacy, Destiny & Meaning.
And OF COURSE Intimacy was the first section. Fresh up off of a break up, ain’t nobody tryna read about how they crave intimacy and love!! I was still pissed! Needless to say (but imma say it anyway) I stopped reading it maybe 3 days after I started. At that time, I simply wasn’t ready.
I was still caught up in my anger and bitterness. I can admit: I let those feelings fester in certain ways for a good portion of those 3 years, making it difficult for me to date, connect with new people…sheeeeeiitt even connecting with the current people was hard! It’s probably not as bad as I’m making it out to be, but it was worse than it should have been.
As of late, that desire for true intimacy and love and community has started to return, which is why I started reading Soul Cravings again. With all these things intersecting three years later, I KNOW that my Source is saying “Intimacy, destiny and meaning are yours…gon’ and get ‘em!” In my current situations and study, I’m seeing love manifest itself in different ways.
One of my favorite passage of scripture is the universally lauded 1 Corinthians 13 (The Love Passage). The 7th version has really been sticking out to me lately: “Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”
Love is not only teaching me to hold to my faith but it also is helping me remain proactive and productive! In my own endeavors…at work…In my relationship with myself and with others. It’s helping me do away with the “what’s the use …” mentality that occasionally creeps up in me. It all a process, but I am definitely seeing Love’s transformative power. And the walls that I’ve built up round with the huge signs that say “I don’t need love and don’t deserve love” are starting to crumble.
Something that has stuck with me indelibly from McManus’ Soul Cravings is that
“To give up on love is to choose a life less than human. To give up on love is to give up on life.”
And I’m am definitely human. Intimacy terrifies me but I know my soul craves it.
My introverted natural STILL holds to Horacio Jones’ idea that someone’s “presence must feel better than my solitude.” however, I’m gonna be more open to the idea that the presence of another possibly could.
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