summary : After another exhausting night shift, Jack comes home completely drained. You’ve taken the day off to surprise him with a warm breakfast and a slow, quiet morning together.
contains : FLUFF, domestic fluff, hurt/comfort, established relationship, soft romance, communication, very soft domestic intimacy.
a/n : TYSM FOR 100 FOLLOWERS ! Here’s a little FLUFF one shot for you, it’s all cute and kind for you <33
☆⋆。𖦹°‧★ MASTERLIST ☆⋆。𖦹°‧★
The apartment was still half asleep.
Outside, Pittsburgh slowly shifted from deep blue night into the pale gold of early morning, the first traces of sunlight slipping between buildings and filtering softly through the kitchen windows. The city sounded quieter at this hour—muted traffic in the distance, the occasional rumble of a bus, the cold winter air still clinging to the streets below.
Inside, though, warmth had already settled everywhere. The stove crackled softly beneath a pan of butter, the smell rich and comforting as you moved around the kitchen in thick socks and one of your oldest hoodies, sleeves pushed messily to your elbows. The clock on the microwave blinked 7:13 AM in pale green numbers.
Normally, nobody should be making dinner-sized breakfasts at seven in the morning. But then again, most people weren’t dating an emergency doctor whose sense of time had been completely destroyed by twelve-hour shifts. Especially not Jack Abbott.
You flipped the eggs carefully, watching the edges crisp slightly in the pan before reaching for the toast already stacked beside plates warming near the stove. Bacon rested on paper towels nearby, alongside hash browns you’d probably put too much effort into.
There was also coffee. A dangerous amount of coffee.
Strong enough that Jack once jokingly told you:
“I think this could restart a heart in the ER.”
And then, the weird part. Sitting slightly off to the side on a smaller plate was the thing that absolutely nobody but Jack would request at breakfast: toasted cinnamon raisin bread with peanut butter spread over it while it was still warm.
The first time you saw him eat it, you’d stared at him in genuine horror. He’d defended himself immediately.
“Don’t judge it before trying it.”
You tried it. Unfortunately, he’d been right. Now you made it automatically whenever his shifts got particularly bad.
The smell of breakfast filled the apartment completely now—butter, coffee, toast, syrup warming slowly on the stove—and combined with the soft amber light beginning to stretch across the kitchen floor, the whole apartment felt impossibly warm compared to the frozen world outside.
You glanced toward the clock again. 7:18 AM. He should be home soon. Probably exhausted. Probably pretending he wasn’t exhausted. The thought alone softened something in your chest as you reached for another plate, quietly arranging everything the way you knew he liked it without even needing to think anymore.
And somewhere between the sunlight creeping across the counter and the smell of coffee settling into the apartment, it suddenly felt dangerously close to domestic.
Nine months ago, if someone had told you that you’d be standing in a shared kitchen at seven in the morning making heart-attack-level breakfasts for Jack, you probably would’ve laughed in their face.
Mostly because nine months ago, you met him under deeply humiliating circumstances. Not romantic ones. Humiliating ones. You’d been carrying two coffees and trying to answer a work email on your phone while rushing out of a small café downtown during one of Pittsburgh’s first icy mornings of winter. Which naturally resulted in you slipping immediately on black ice.
Directly in front of him. Not a graceful stumble either. A full, catastrophic collapse. Coffee everywhere. Phone gone. Dignity deceased. And somehow, somehow, the first thing you said while laying on the frozen sidewalk staring at the sky was:
“Please tell me nobody attractive saw that.”
A voice above you answered almost instantly:
“Depends how attractive you think I am.”
You still remembered the absolute horror of turning your head and seeing him standing there holding one surviving coffee cup with the calmest expression imaginable.
You wanted to die. He helped you up anyway. Bought you another coffee too. Then somehow the conversation lasted almost an hour. After that, you kept seeing each other accidentally. Then intentionally.
And before you realized it, late-night dinners, exhausted conversations after shifts, and quiet moments on couches had slowly become something constant. Something important.
Officially, you’d been together for seven months now. Though even the way he asked you to be his girlfriend had been painfully, unmistakably Jack. No grand speech. No dramatic setup.
You’d both been sitting on his couch after one of his night shifts, half asleep under the same blanket while some terrible reality TV show played in the background. And completely out of nowhere, he’d looked over at you and said:
“So… are we doing this officially?”
You blinked at him.
“Doing what officially?”
He looked almost annoyed at having to explain himself.
“This.”
One hand vaguely gesturing between the two of you.
“The sleeping in my apartment four nights a week. Stealing my hoodies. Knowing my coffee order. Acting like you live here already.”
You stared at him for a second before laughing.
“Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?”
A pause. Then, with complete seriousness:
“I thought I just did.”
You kissed him before he could get embarrassed about it. And now, somehow, seven months later, you actually did live here. Officially for only a month. Unofficially… much longer.
Your toothbrush sat beside his in the bathroom. Your clothes had slowly invaded his closet. The fridge now contained actual food instead of energy drinks and hospital leftovers. The apartment itself felt softer these days. Warmer. More alive.
You knew Jack still struggled after difficult shifts. Sometimes he came home so exhausted he barely spoke before collapsing into bed. Sometimes he carried the hospital home with him in silence, tension still locked in his shoulders hours later.
And even though your schedules rarely aligned perfectly—you working during the day while he survived endless nights at the hospital—you still tried. Small things mostly. Warm food waiting for him. Coffee ready. Clean clothes folded. Your hand in his hair when he looked especially tired. Nothing dramatic. Just quiet reminders that when he came home, he didn’t have to carry everything alone anymore.
The sound comes right on time. Keys against the front door. A faint metallic jingle followed by the quiet scrape of the lock turning.
You immediately glance toward the hallway as the door opens slowly, cold winter air slipping briefly into the apartment before disappearing again. He’s home. Without even realizing it, you hurry a little faster. You reach for the last plate near the stove, adjusting the toast quickly before carrying everything to the table while listening to him move through the apartment without actually seeing him yet.
The familiar sounds unfold one after another. The soft thud of the door closing. Shoes being kicked off near the entrance with the kind of exhaustion that means he probably stopped feeling his feet three hours ago. Keys dropped onto the little entry shelf. Then the heavier sound of his coat landing somewhere near the couch instead of the coat rack you specifically bought because:
“Normal people hang their coats up, Jack.” He still ignored it completely. You can practically picture him already, slightly slouched posture, tired eyes, hospital fatigue still clinging to him like a second skin.
The apartment stays quiet for another second. Then you hear him inhale. A pause. Long enough that you know exactly what happened. He smelled the food. And somehow that thought alone makes you smile to yourself as you place the final plate onto the table just as slow footsteps finally start making their way toward the kitchen.
You’re still adjusting the plates when he finally appears in the kitchen doorway. Slowly. Like he used the last of his remaining energy just getting here.
Jack leans lightly against the doorframe for a second, still in dark scrubs, hair slightly messy from a shift that clearly lasted too long. There are faint marks beneath his eyes, exhaustion written into every part of him now that he’s no longer forcing himself to stay in “work mode.”
And yet the second he looks up, he stops. His eyes move across the kitchen table.The food. The coffee. The warm light spilling through the apartment. Then finally to you.
You straighten immediately, taking a small dramatic step backward before presenting the whole thing with both arms. “Ta-da.”
The word comes out brighter than the sleepy quiet of the apartment, and for the first time since walking through the door, something visibly softens in him. A smile. Small at first. Then real. You can’t help smiling back immediately, proud despite yourself as you gesture toward the table like some sort of exhausted breakfast waitress.
But then you really look at him. And the pride in your expression softens around the edges. Because he looks tired. Not ordinary tired. The kind of tired that settles deep into someone after too many hours under fluorescent hospital lights, too many decisions, too many people needing pieces of him all night long.
His shoulders look heavy. His eyes slower. And suddenly your chest aches a little with affection and compassion all at once.
Your smile fades into something gentler. Softer. “Rough shift?” you ask quietly. For a second he just looks at you. Then at the food again. And the smallest breath leaves him, almost disbelieving. “You made all this?”
You smile a little at his reaction, suddenly feeling shy about the whole thing now that he’s actually standing there looking at it. “Yeah,” you say softly. “I asked for today off.”
That catches his attention immediately. His tired eyes lift back to yours. “You did?” You nod, already walking toward him before you even finish speaking. “I figured,” you murmur, “you’d probably come home exhausted, and we never really get actual time together unless one of us is half dead.” That earns the faintest huff of laughter from him. Tiny. Sleepy. Real.
“And technically,” you continue with mock seriousness as you finally reach him, “we do have the whole day together now.” Your arms slide naturally around his waist. “Even if we’re probably going to spend most of it unconscious.”
That finally pulls a proper smile from him. Not huge. But enough that you visibly watch the exhaustion crack for a second beneath it. His hands settle instinctively at your sides, warm and heavy, like touching you allows his body to finally understand the shift is over.
And god, up close he looks even more tired. There’s still that distant look lingering in his eyes doctors get after difficult nights, like part of him is mentally still under fluorescent hospital lights somewhere. But slowly, as he looks down at you standing there in oversized clothes smelling like coffee and butter and home, he starts coming back. “You did all this just so we could sleep all day?” he asks quietly.
You grin. “Exactly.” A pause. Then, “I’m incredibly romantic.” His head lowers slightly, and suddenly you feel his forehead rest briefly against yours. Not dramatic. Just instinctive. Like he needed one second to breathe. When he speaks again, his voice is softer. “You’re gonna ruin me doing things like this.”
He just stays there. Forehead against yours. Hands resting heavily at your waist. And slowly, almost unconsciously, you feel him sag a little more into you. Like the simple act of being home is finally allowing his body to stop holding itself together.
Your expression softens immediately. Without thinking about it, your arms slide higher around his shoulders, fingers brushing lightly against the back of his neck as you pull him closer.
And this time, he lets you. Completely. Jack lowers his head until it rests against your neck, his breath warm against your skin as his arms tighten around your waist in something quieter than a hug.
Something more exhausted. You go still instantly. Because now you understand. This isn’t just physical tiredness. It’s deeper than that. Mental exhaustion. Emotional exhaustion. The kind that builds slowly over weeks of impossible shifts and fluorescent lights and carrying too much for too long.
And suddenly the way he walked through the door makes sense. The silence. The heavy shoulders. The way he melted into you the second you touched him.
Your heart aches softly. So you don’t speak. You don’t ask questions yet. You simply hold him. Warmly. Patiently. One hand moves slowly through his hair while the other rests steady between his shoulders, grounding him gently while the smell of breakfast and coffee still fills the apartment around you. The morning sunlight continues creeping quietly across the kitchen floor, brushing gold against the walls as the city slowly wakes outside.
But here, everything feels still. Safe. You feel him exhale against your neck after a long moment, deeper this time, like his body is finally remembering how to rest now that someone else is carrying a little of the weight with him. And you stay exactly like that, holding him in the middle of the kitchen while the food slowly gets cold, because right now, he clearly needs this more.
After a long moment, you finally pull back just enough to look at him properly. His face is still close to yours, exhaustion written softly into every detail now that he’s stopped trying to hide it. You brush your thumb lightly near his jaw before speaking gently.
“Go take a warm shower before eating.” Your voice stays quiet, careful. “It’ll help you relax a little more.”
For a second, Jack just looks at you. Really looks at you. His tired eyes move slowly across your face like he’s trying to absorb the sight of you completely, the messy morning hair, the oversized hoodie, the concern you’re trying not to show too obviously. Then, almost invisibly, something softens at the corner of his mouth. A tiny smile. Small enough most people probably wouldn’t notice it. But you do. Always.
“Yeah,” he murmurs quietly. A pause. Then, even softer, “Thank you.” The words themselves are simple. But the way he says them isn’t. There’s something heavier underneath them. Something full of everything he’s too exhausted to explain out loud right now. Before you can answer, he leans down and kisses you gently.
Slowly. Not hungry. Not rushed. Just warm. His hand briefly cups the side of your face while the kiss lingers for a few quiet seconds, carrying entire conversations inside it, gratitude, relief, affection, exhaustion. Things he doesn’t always know how to say directly.
Then he pulls away reluctantly. You watch him disappear down the hallway toward the bathroom, his movements visibly heavier now that he’s home and no longer forcing himself to stay upright for everyone else.
And suddenly, seeing him like this from behind, the limp slightly more pronounced today, the exhaustion impossible to miss, something tightens painfully in your chest.
The apartment falls quiet except for distant pipes shifting somewhere in the building. You stay standing alone in the kitchen for another second before slowly letting out a deep breath. And just like that, the worry creeps back in. Quiet. Persistent.
Because no matter how many times he says he’s “fine” after shifts like these, you’re starting to realize that sometimes fine simply means…still standing.
You try to busy your hands on the dishes. Hot water, soap, clinking plates—anything to keep your thoughts from spiraling too far. But it doesn’t really work. Because your mind keeps replaying the way he looked when he walked in. The weight in his shoulders. The silence behind his eyes.
You’re halfway through rinsing a plate when you hear him again. Soft footsteps. Then the familiar presence of someone finally out of “hospital mode.”
When you glance up, Jack is standing in the kitchen doorway again, but this time in loose pyjamas, hair slightly damp, looking… better. Not fully rested. Not magically cured of exhaustion. But softer. Less sharp around the edges. Like the shower washed off just enough of the night to let him breathe again.
Your chest loosens a little without you meaning it to. You quickly wipe your hands on a towel and force a smile. “There he is,” you say lightly. “I was starting to think you went back to the hospital.”
That earns you a faint look—half amused, half tired—but he actually walks over this time instead of just standing there. You both end up at the table again, like gravity naturally pulls you back together. He sits down slowly, stretching his shoulders out with a quiet exhale while you take the seat across from him.
For a second, it’s quiet. Then you tilt your head. “So,” you continue, trying to keep your tone playful, “how was your glamorous night of saving lives and making questionable decisions?”
A corner of his mouth twitches. “You say that like it’s not exactly what it was.”
“Ouch,” you gasp. “No glamour? No dramatic hospital slow-motion hallway walk?” That actually gets a real, low laugh out of him. Small. Raspy. But real.
And something in your chest unclenches a little at the sound.
He leans back in his chair slightly, watching you now instead of the table. “You’re doing that thing again,” he says.
You blink. “What thing?”
“Trying to distract me.” You pause. Caught. Then you shrug, leaning forward on your elbows. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” His eyes narrow slightly—but there’s no real accusation in it. Just understanding. You sigh dramatically. “Fine. Maybe I am. But only because I prefer my boyfriend in a semi-functioning state, thank you very much.”
That gets another small smile out of him. This one softer. Longer-lasting. And for the first time since he walked through the door, he looks properly present again—sitting here with you, coffee still waiting on the table, the morning light warming the edges of the room. Not gone. Just slowly coming back.
You both finally start eating. The kind of eating that feels slow and overdue, like neither of you is in a hurry anymore now that the morning has properly caught up with you.
The clink of cutlery fills the kitchen, mixing with the soft light pouring in through the windows. Then, after his first bite, he just stops. Fully. Jack leans back in his chair like his entire nervous system just gave up trying to function properly. His eyes close for half a second.
And when he opens them again, there’s a faint, almost offended expression on his face. “…Okay,” he says slowly.
You pause mid-bite. “What?”
He gestures vaguely at the plate in front of him. “This is unfair.”
That makes you laugh immediately. “Unfair?”
He nods once, still clearly processing the fact that he is, in fact, eating something that doesn’t taste like hospital vending machine regret. “I leave for twelve hours,” he continues, “and you come back with culinary warfare.” You snort. “Culinary warfare?”
“Yes,” he says seriously, pointing his fork at you. “This is strategic emotional manipulation.” That sends you fully into laughter now, shaking your head as you set your fork down. “Oh my god, you’re so dramatic.”
“Not dramatic,” he corrects, taking another bite like he’s confirming evidence in a case. “Just accurate.” But despite the sarcasm, there’s something noticeably lighter in him now. Less tension in his shoulders. Less distance in his eyes. He actually looks like he’s enjoying this. And that does something warm and quiet to your chest.
You take a sip of your coffee, watching him for a second before speaking again. “I’m glad you like it,” you say softer, more honest now. He glances up at you briefly, something unreadable flickering behind his expression. Then, a small nod. “I do.”
And just like that, the conversation drifts. Not into anything heavy. Not into hospitals or exhaustion or anything that might pull him back into the night he just survived.
Instead you complain about something mildly stupid from work, he tells you about a patient story that somehow becomes funny in hindsight, you argue about whether pineapple belongs on anything ever, he calls you “impossible” at least twice, affectionately.
The kitchen slowly fills with something different again. Not urgency.Not fatigue. Just life. And every so often, when you look at him between sentences, you’re reminded of the same thing : he’s still tired. But he’s here, with you.
The conversation naturally tapers off after that, like neither of you wants to force it when the moment already feels full enough. Cutlery slows. The kitchen quiets again.
You’re picking at the last few bites on your plate when you notice him go a little still across from you.
Jack is looking down at his food now, movements smaller, more automatic again, like the warmth from earlier is starting to settle into something heavier. Not bad. Just… tired again. The kind that returns once the talking stops.
You watch him for a few seconds longer than you mean to. The worry you’ve been trying to tuck away all morning slowly starts to push back up again. His shoulders. The way he’s holding himself. The silence creeping in around him.
Eventually, you set your fork down. “Hey,” you say softly. He looks up at you. You hesitate—just for a second—then your voice comes out a little more certain. “Maybe we should leave.”
A pause. His brows knit slightly. “Leave?” His brow furrows slightly, like he’s trying to catch up with your thought before it slips away. “Where?”
You hesitate. Not because you don’t know what you mean, but because saying it out loud makes it feel real in a different way. You glance down at the table for a second, then back up at him. “I don’t know,” you admit quietly. A small breath. “Far.”
That gets his attention fully now. Not alarmed, just focused. You push your chair back slightly, fingers resting on the edge of the table. “Far from Pittsburgh,” you continue. “Far from the hospital. From shifts and alarms and…” your voice softens, “…everything that keeps you half somewhere else even when you’re here.”
His expression shifts subtly at that. Not defensive. Just quieter. You swallow once, then add: “Just for a while. A few weeks… maybe months. Just you and me.”
The words hang in the kitchen like warm air after steam. For a second, he doesn’t respond. He looks at you like he’s trying to figure out if you’re joking. But you’re not. His eyes drop briefly to the table, then back to you. “…You mean like a vacation,” he says slowly.
“Like… disappearing,” you correct softly, almost wry. “In a healthy way.” You stop then add, “I don’t know, let’s go to Paris, or Italy, why not Mexico ?”
That earns the faintest huff of disbelief from him. He leans back in his chair, running a hand through his hair, clearly processing it. “You do realize I have a job,” he says, not unkindly.
“I know,” you answer immediately.
“And patients.”
“I know.” A beat.
“And people who will probably call me every twenty minutes if I disappear for ‘a few months.’” That makes you tilt your head slightly. “Let them panic,” you say lightly. “We’ll be busy not answering phones.”
That actually gets a real reaction out of him, something between a laugh and exhaustion. He looks at you more directly now, studying your face again. “And this idea of yours,” he says carefully, “came from where exactly?”
You shrug. “From watching you come home like this,” you admit, softer now. “From realizing you don’t really stop. You just… switch locations.”
The room quiets again. No joking now. Just honesty sitting between you. Then you add, gently, “I just want you somewhere where you can actually rest. Just…think about it…” you say lightly, like you didn’t just suggest upending both your lives for a while.
His expression changes at that. Subtle. But real. And for the first time in a while, he doesn’t respond right away—not because he’s dismissing it, but because he’s actually considering it.
There’s a short silence after you finish speaking. Not heavy. Just thoughtful. You can almost see it in the way Jack sits there, still, eyes slightly unfocused, like your words have settled somewhere deeper than conversation usually reaches him.
Then you grab the plates. One by one. Stacking them carefully, avoiding his gaze as you move toward the sink, trying very hard to act normal. Trying very hard not to let your worry show too clearly in your hands.
Water runs. Ceramic clinks. The kitchen fills with small, busy sounds again. But behind you, you hear him move. Chair shifting. Footsteps. He’s standing too now. You don’t turn around fast enough.
Because the next thing you know, he’s right there—gathering the remaining plates and cups, silent but steady, automatically slipping into “helping mode” even when he clearly should not be in “doing anything” mode.
Your chest tightens a little. “No,” you say immediately, turning around. He pauses. You step forward and gently—but firmly—take the dishes out of his hands. “I’ve got it,” you insist softly. His brows lift slightly. “It’s just plates.” “I know,” you answer, a little sharper than intended, then soften immediately. “It’s not about the plates.”
A beat. You look up at him properly now. “You need to go sleep.” He exhales through his nose, like he’s already preparing a counterargument. But you don’t let him get there.
“You’re exhausted,” you continue, quieter again. “Like… actually exhausted. Not ‘doctor exhausted.’ The other kind.” For a second, he just looks at you.
And you can tell he’s weighing it, the instinct to stay useful versus the fact that his body is very clearly done negotiating today. Finally, his shoulders drop a fraction. “…You’re bossy in the mornings,” he mutters. Despite everything, your lips twitch. “I know.” A pause. Then, softer, “Go.” You nod slightly toward the hallway. “I’ll be there in a minute.”
He doesn’t move right away. Just watches you for another second, like he’s making sure you’re actually okay with this idea of him stopping. Then, finally, he turns. Slowly.
Heading toward the bedroom with heavier steps than before, while you stay in the kitchen a moment longer, hands still wet, heart still a little tight. Because even when he listens…it still feels like teaching someone how to rest.
A few minutes later, the apartment has shifted again. The kitchen is quiet now, dishes left half-finished in the sink, sunlight growing stronger as it rises higher over Pittsburgh. The morning has properly arrived, bright and gold and almost too gentle for how tired everything still feels inside you.
You stand in the doorway of the bedroom for a second. The curtains are half open, letting in soft light that cuts across the room in warm stripes. The bed is slightly messy from where he’d pulled the covers down earlier.
And there he is. Jack is already lying on his side, facing away from the door, one arm tucked loosely under the pillow. Even now, even in rest, there’s still a trace of exhaustion in the way his body has settled, like he only just allowed himself to stop holding tension.
For a moment, you just watch him. Then you step inside. Quietly. The floor doesn’t creak. The room feels softer than before, like it’s been waiting for this exact moment to finally exhale.
You don’t say anything. You simply climb into bed behind him, careful not to disturb him too much, slipping under the covers until you’re close enough that there’s no space left for cold air between you.
Slowly, instinctively, you shift forward. Your arm wraps around his waist. Your forehead comes to rest gently against the back of his neck.
And just like that, he responds. Not with words. But with a small, unconscious movement. His shoulders ease further into the mattress. His breathing changes slightly, deepening, slowing, like his body recognizes you even in sleep and decides it’s safe enough to finally let go completely.
The sunlight spills across the room while you stay like that—held against him, holding him back—both of you suspended somewhere between exhaustion and peace.
He stays like that for a moment.
Breathing still uneven, like he’s trying to hold himself together just a little longer. Then, quietly, “Okay.”
A pause. His voice comes softer the second time. “Let’s leave somewhere.” You don’t move at first. Not because you don’t want to. Because something in the way he says it feels heavier than just a plan. Like it’s been sitting inside him for a while, waiting for the right moment to finally come out.
Slowly, he turn around and you shift back just enough to look at him. And that’s when your chest tightens. His eyes are wet. Not tears falling—he’s holding them back, stubbornly, instinctively—but they’re there. Shimmering at the edges of exhaustion and something deeper he’s clearly been carrying for too long.
He doesn’t look away. He forces himself not to. “I mean it,” he says quietly. “Wherever you go… I go.” The words hit you harder than you expect. Because it’s not dramatic. It’s not impulsive. It’s just… honest. Bare. Unarmored.
And seeing him like this—so controlled and still somehow cracking at the edges—makes something in you break softly right along with him.
But it also makes you certain. Certain that this isn’t wrong. That this isn’t “too much.” That maybe this is exactly the moment where things are supposed to shift. Your throat tightens.
You don’t try to fix it with words. You just nod. Once. Enough for him to see. And that’s all it takes. You open your arms, and he leans in immediately, like the decision alone loosened something in him he didn’t even realize he was holding.
His face presses into your neck. And you hold him. Both arms around him now, steady and warm, anchoring him there as he finally lets his weight fully fall into you without hesitation. The room stays quiet around you. Sunlight slowly filling the edges of the bed. And for a long moment, neither of you moves.
Because sometimes love doesn’t feel like a declaration. Sometimes it feels like this :
Cassie and a nurse reader who are just casually making out, but one night they go a little too far, wake up late, and show up at the ER wearing each other’s scrubs...
wordc: 4.3k / tags: yearn cassie mckay yearn, reader is the one who suggests that they keep it casual… little angst with happy ending yay
When you wake up, it's not because of the alarms, because if it was, you would've been in the hospital already.
You wake up with Cassie shaking your shoulder and talking about things that you barely understand at the moment, but you already know you are late to work. It's obvious by the way the sun is on your face through her window.
When you actually get your life back, out of the automatic mode, it's when you are entering through the ambulance bay, since Cassie obviously took the other entrance to not make things obvious.
You are shot with the most judgmental glare you could've thought of from Dana and the part of the crew in front of you as soon as you are close enough for them to see you well.
"I know, I'm a little late for the rounds, I'm sorry." You mutter as you move one hand up in the air.
"What the hell are you wearing?" Dana asks as she still stares at you.
It's only at that moment, under the lights of the already buzzed ER, that you look down to your clothes.
You are wearing Cassie's scrubs.
Not only a doctor's scrubs,
Not a totally different color, a totally different profession.
But Doctor McKay's scrubs.
Fuck.
Dana fold her arms over her chest and taps her foot.
"Why in the world are you wearing doctor's scrubs?" She sounds angrier than she is, but it was the principle of the matter. Everyone had to wear their own uniforms, not mix them up, it's the rules, it was just common sense.
And the fact that you had done it was surprising for her, for everyone.
You, who were always so put together, so proper, so prim.
"Well, uhm, I-" You start to talk but you can't seem to think about an excuse quickly enough.
So of course people start assuming.
"The machine probably changed them?" Mel asked as she moved her eyes between the people present there.
The people that are now trying to understand how you are wearing the clothes you are wearing.
"Don't you need the badge to get them? How can the machine give the wrong one." Javadi asked, pointing a finger to you.
"One time I got a different one." Whitaker said and you thanked god for that.
"Yeah, after you changed like four times in a shitty shift, you didn't arrive with a different scrubs." Santos crosses her arms and stares at you, like she knows your sins.
Jesus Christ.
Dana continues to tap her foot, watching Santos's eyes narrow even further as she stares you down. She can practically see the gears turning in her head as she tries to put the pieces together.
And you get the feeling she's getting close.
Dana sighs, reaching up to pinch the bridge of her nose.
This is not how you wanted your morning to start off. Neither did she.
"Alright, enough." Dana says firmly, holding a hand up. "Everyone back to work. The patients won't treat themselves, you know."
"No, but like, this is getting very interesting, we should keep going to get to the bottom of this." Santos said as she got closer to Dana.
"I bet it's not the machine." Princess appeared and put her arms over the central desk.
"You can't bet it's not something, you have to bet on something." Perlah moved her eyes to her friend like it didn't make sense and you stayed quiet as Joy stared at you a little too intensely.
"I already did, do not worry."
When you hear Princess response, you glance back to the panel, the one that it's usually filled with the bets, but there is nothing there.
You are safe for now, apparently.
Dana shakes her head, her eyes darting between the group of people as they begin bickering amongst themselves. The last thing she needs on plate today is a bunch of bets on the reason for a scrub mishap.
"Hey, knock it off. No more betting. Period." She says firmly, her voice cutting through their discussion. "This is a hospital, not a casino. We have patients to attend to."
Cassie emerges from the hallway entrance, scrubbing her hands clean in the gel. Her gaze lands on the brewing situation amongst the group in front of her, and she sighs with a touch of tiredness, probably because she is already sleepy... You're to blame for that.
"What's going on here now?" Cassie asks, crossing her arms and leaning against the central desk too.
You stare at Cassie as she emerges with the gray scrubs.
The nurses scrubs.
You can't even open your mouth to warn her, It's already going down.
Before Cassie can even fully process the situation, a chorus of voices rings out from the gathered people.
"You tell us!" Princess says, smiling so big at her and you just want to reset the day.
Everyone seems to be in on the game now, except for Cassie - the one who is suddenly the target of their scrutiny. Her confusion only deepens as she glances around, baffled by the accusatory stares and sharp remarks.
"Uh, excuse me? What is everyone's problem?" Cassie asks with a touch of aggravation, folding her arms defensively.
"Oh fuck." You whisper as you sigh and move one hand to your forehead, having absolutely no idea how to properly get through this now.
Cassie's eyes dart to you at the sound of your whispered curse, her suspicion growing by the second. Your expression doesn't help matters, and now she's really on high alert.
"What the hell is going on here?" She demands, her eyes locking with yours for the briefest moment before flicking back to the nurses, each one of them watching the exchange intently, waiting for your reaction.
You move one hand up as you make eye contact with her.
Well give her a break, give you two a break, you didn't even have a cup of coffee before getting here.
"Uhm, well-"
You gesture your hand pointing to your chest and then to her so she can look down at herself.
No one had the audacity to ask if the machine also gave her the wrong scrubs, but you heard Princess whispering to Santos and Perlah something like 'Oh it was Cassie's washing machine we were talking about then...'
Cassie follows your hand motion, her attention drifting down to her own scrubs, realization slowly sinking in.
"Oh crap." she mumbles, her eyes widening as the pieces start to fall into place.
She glances back up at the other nurses and doctors, their gazes still glued to the unfolding scene, and a wave of embarrassment washes over her.
Cassie lets out a frustrated sigh, a small grimace on her face. She's caught red-handed, figuratively speaking, well, a little literally too since her cheeks are now burning.
They continue to murmur amongst themselves, still trying to piece together the puzzle.
"Wait... You two...?" Santos mutters, raising an eyebrow as she looks between you and Cassie.
Ogilvie chimes in, an unsure but also almost smug expression on his face. "What, is this some kind of secret affair?"
Joy rolls her eyes at Ogilvie's comment, crossing her arms. "Yeah, like you know anything about relationships."
Cassie's expression twists in frustration as they start to exchange whispers and sly remarks. Damn it, this is not how she wanted this to go down. She can feel a headache starting to form as the situation only seems to grow more uncomfortable by the second.
"It's not like that." You blurt out, an edge of defensiveness in your tone. "You've all got it wrong."
Princess chuckles, her eyes narrowing at your attempt to dismiss their assumptions.
"Oh really?" she says, her voice skeptical. "And what exactly is going on then, if it's not some kind of secret love affair?"
Santos chimes in again, unable to resist the opportunity to tease you further. "At least, you two sure seem cozy in each other's scrubs."
"We also arrived late together when I slept at Santos and Whitaker's apartment." Mel added, smiling, like this would help.
"Ok… so why don't you two just get over with this and go change these scrubs, huh?" Dana interrupts the talk again and moves her hand up, gesturing for everyone to get moving. "Come on, come on, the night shift needs to get going."
You stare at Cassie across the room and just move your feet towards one of the hallways that she goes as you search for an empty room, almost in silence.
Cassie follows closely to you, a mix of embarrassment and frustration bubbling up inside her. The whispers and taunts from the other coworkers only add to the discomfort of the situation.
When you finally reach an empty room, she steps inside and shuts the door behind her. For a moment, there's a heavy silence, as if neither of you knows how to begin addressing the situation.
Finally, you break the silence with a resigned sigh and taps your hands against the wall, anxious.
"Well, that could've gone better."
"Well, that definitely could've gone better." She says as she exhales.
There's silence again and for some moment you keep your eyes on the ground, both of you are too awkward now and Cassie is too silent, which makes you a little nervous somehow.
Cassie leans back against the wall, still avoiding eye contact with you as she processes the morning's chaotic turn of events. The silence between you is deafening and there is a sense of unease hanging in the air.
After what feels like an eternity, you finally speaks up, your voice filled with a hint of anxiety too.
"Look, about this whole... thing… we've got going on... We need to figure out a way to keep it low-key. We can't afford any more slip-ups like this."
"A little late for that, right?" She tries to say like it didn't sting a little wrong what you just said.
She knows you are casual.
She knows it is just that.
And it will be just some dates to relieve the tension like she agreed a long time ago.
Yet...
It feels bitter.
So you just shrug it off and start pulling your shirt off to change the scrubs with her and get out of this room as soon as possible right now.
There's the intimacy of the action momentarily distracting her from the conversation.
But her thoughts soon return to the topic at hand and she can't help but notice the subtle sting in your tone.
"I mean... yeah." You responds hesitantly, feeling a pang of guilt knowing exactly why it stings.
But you can't afford that. Not right now. You haven't been here as long as she has.
She averts your gaze, not wanting to linger on the awkwardness any longer, not wanting to keep looking at you getting undressed and having flashbacks from last night when she was on top of you.
She can't keep her eyes on the little marks of her kisses on your chest, the way your collarbone is still a little red.
"Let's just get changed." she murmurs a little too low, too quickly, needing to get out of the room as badly as you, but for different reasons.
You give her the shirt and start getting the pants off as she starts to get her shirt off when the door suddenly opens.
And then there she is.
The worst person right now.
The new attending.
Looking at you.
Barely with clothes on.
Baran Al-Hashimi stares. Like a lot, her eyes going between Cassie and you as her eyebrows perk up and her mouth opens in surprise.
She steps in and freezes as she catches the two looking like deer in headlights, barely dressed.
"Am I interrupting something?" She asks, arching a brow.
Cassie's face instantly flushes crimson red as she realizes how compromising their situation looks, both her and you half-undressed, caught in a scenario that could easily be misconstrued.
"No, no, you're not interrupting anything."
Cassie quickly insists, her voice a bit too high-pitched. She fumbles to grab her top, holding it tightly against herself as if it could somehow salvage their dignity.
"We're just... changing after shifts."
"We- We got the-" You start speaking as Baran stays with the hand on the door staring at you, the way you didn't even turn the lights on didn't help you at all. "The machine just gave the wrong scrubs we are changing."
It doesn't make sense.
You know it, Cassie knows it and Baran definitely knows it too.
A sly smirk quirks the corner of her lips, an amusement growing. The hastily crafted excuse is blatantly weak.
She casually leans against the doorframe, crossing her arms over her chest.
“Hmmm, the machine..." Her gaze flickers over you and Cassie again, lingering for a moment too long before she speaks again. "Must be having quite the malfunction then, since you both have the exact wrong scrubs on."
"Uh... Yeah, it's crazy, right?" Cassie tries to force a laugh, but it comes out more nervous than convincing.
She shifts awkwardly, still clutching her top tightly against herself, her face still rosy.
She glances at you, silently begging for a better explanation, but your expression mirrors hers - you're both caught red-handed with no easy way out.
The tension in the room only mounts as Baran continues to watch the two of you, her smirk widening faintly.
"Right..." She says as she moves to close the door. "Just- get over the change quickly, we need to let the night crew go."
And then she leaves and you exhale deeply again, letting some air you didn't even notice you were holding.
"God, you didn't lock it?"
Cassie's face pales as she realizes the oversight - neither of you had even bothered to lock the door before getting undressed.
"I-" Her voice is caught in her throat, embarrassment washing over her like a wave. "No, I didn't... It completely slipped my mind."
She rubs a hand over her face, still holding the top against her chest. "Jesus."
"Of all the people, it had to be her, right, amazing." You mutter, a little annoyed as you finally pull your right pants up, nodding in denial.
You scratch your forehead again as you look at Cassie, who is finishing on getting herself together. And you try to not think and stare the little hickey she still has on her right shoulder now.
Cassie tries to compose herself, her movements hurried as she puts her shirt back on. She catches your sidelong glance at the love bite still faintly visible on her shoulder, a lingering souvenir of your secret liaison.
She notices your gaze, and her hand reflexively goes up to touch the mark, briefly. There's a hint of guilt in her eyes as she meets your gaze, knowing you're both silently cursing your carelessness.
"Just... let's just hope she keeps it to herself… but it's not like she will tell anyone." Cassie adds.
"I know she won't tell, maybe just ask questions, I don't know, this is not the problem, the thing is her seeing it. The attending seeing it." You say a little frustrated.
"I know." Cassie exhales, running a hand through her hair. "The worst part is... she's probably judging us, you know - thinking we're unprofessional or something."
She glances at you, her expression torn between frustration and anxiety.
"And I can't blame her, honestly. What just happened was pretty damn unprofessional." You say as you nod in denial, mad at yourself for the situation.
She scoffs, a little too abruptly, of course you would say the obvious thing just to make even more sure that she understands that you are dismissing her after this.
"You don't need to make yourself clearer on how this can't happen again."
You wince at her sharp tone, sensing the hurt and defensiveness in her voice. You didn't intend to come across as dismissive, but you can see how your words might've landed that way.
"That's not... that's not what I meant." You protest weakly, taking a small step closer to her. "I just- we have to be careful, you know that."
You reach out, your hand resting on her arm in an attempt to mend the sudden tension between you two.
"This... thing we're doing, we need to be discreet. It can't start interfering with our work."
"It's not-" She starts to talk but she stops herself, losing the words, she can't seem to talk right now.
And she knows she also can't.
"Let's just get back, right? We took too long already." She says as she heads towards the door, opening it and not even acknowledging your touch.
Your heart sinks a little as she closes off, your hand instinctively dropping back down to your side. You can sense the shift in herr mood, the wall going back up between you.
You hesitate for a moment before nodding. "Yeah. We should probably get back."
You follow her out the door, your mind still replaying the recent events - the near-miss with Baran, her reaction, and the sudden tension that's now palpably hanging in the air.
This is the last thing either of you needs right now.
You had started this to relieve the tension, because you two liked each other that much and just seemed to have a good chemistry.
And you definitely have…
But now it's only giving more tension.
As you both step back into the bustling chaos of the ER, You can't help but steal sideways glances at Cassie, the concern growing within you. You want to reach out, to clear the air, but the setting isn't right. You are surrounded by colleagues, patients, and the general stress of work, not the ideal environment to address the unspoken words.
"Hey" you finally say quietly, leaning a little towards her. "Can we talk after shift? Seriously this time."
"Yeah, sure." She mumble after some moments, glancing up at you and then back at the desk, not wanting to draw more attention to you two, even if she know it's not possible.
For the rest of the shift, the tension between you and Cassie remains palpable, even as you both go through the motions of work. You exchange a few words, focusing primarily on the tasks at hand.
But as the hours tick by, time seems to slow down, each passing minute feeling like an eternity. The anticipation of the conversation that needs to happen after work gets to both of you.
Finally, as the end of shift approaches, You discreetly catch Cassie's eye, trying to convey the silent message that you need to talk.
She doesn't understand, but she moves to you anyway.
“What?”
“Talk?”
“Here? Isn't it better literally anywhere else? Outside? The parking lot? After everything? For not getting any more attention?"
She talks and you know it's because of the way you reacted and you know she is right.
“Yeah, sure, more privacy, you are right.”
Cassie just nods at you and leaves towards somewhere again, her arms crossed, not even a barely smile on her face.
Once your shift has officially ended, you and Cassie make your way towards the parking lot. The walk is mostly silent, the air heavy with anticipation. Finally, after a few minutes, you reach the dimly lit, empty parking lot, the cool night air a stark contrast to the hectic energy of the hospital.
Cassie takes in a deep breath, running a hand through her hair, clearly preparing herself for the conversation to come.
You turn to face her, your eyes scanning her face in the faint light of the parking lot's lamp. "Well... here we are."
There's a pause, a moment where you seem to be searching for the right words. Finally, you speak up again, your voice a bit hoarse.
"I just wanted to... clear the air, you know? After... what happened earlier."
"I know... sorry I was- I think I was rude, should not have said things like that too..." She says as she lean against her car at your side. "You were very clear about not wanting to mix things up."
You lean against the car with her, your shoulder barely brushing against hers.
"Don't worry about it." You say quietly, your tone genuine. "I understand where you were coming from. It was a stressful situation, and things get said when emotions are running high."
You take a moment, your gaze fixed on the ground, before lifting your eyes to meet hers again.
"And... you were right, I was being dismissive. I'm sorry about that."
You stay in silence again, she can't seem to think exactly what to say, well, she thinks she knows what she wants to say, but she doesn't feel the courage to, maybe deep down she is getting too invested in something that was just supposed to be a saturday night.
The silence hangs between you both, heavy and with unspoken words.
You can sense the struggle within Cassie, the hesitation and the desire to communicate something more.
You study her face, the conflict playing out in the furrow of her brow and the slight downturn of her lips. You know her maybe a little too well at this point.
Finally, you take a deep breath, deciding to broach the topic first, you feel you should be the one to do it.
You nod, your gaze never leaving her face, even if she doesn't look at you. There's a hint of vulnerability in her eyes, a rare sight coming from Cassie.
"This thing... us... it was supposed to be casual, right?" You start gently, choosing your words carefully.
"Well, yeah. I mean- it's kind of what you said. Just a work stress relief thing."
You nod again, a small pang of guilt tugging at your heart. You had been the one to suggest the whole 'no strings attached' arrangement and now you couldn't help but wonder if you had been naive in thinking you could keep things strictly physical.
Especially with her.
You cared too much.
"Right." You say quietly, your eyes searching hers. "That's what we agreed on."
She glances slightly at you when she feels your gaze moving out of her eyes and then she moves them out again the moment you make eye contact.
And you pick up on her subtle cue, noticing the way she avoids your gaze.
You can tell there's something more on her mind, lingering between her words. You decide to push a little further, wanting to understand where she is at right now. You take a small step closer to her, your voice soft yet persistent.
"But is that still what you want? For things to stay... casual?"
"Isn't that what you need?" She asks, thinking that is the actual question.
And your heart sinks a bit as you hear the words she says, realizing there's a deeper layer to her question. You had been quick to dismiss any possibility of something more, to keep things strictly about work and relieving stress, especially because you were kind of recent to the job, you didn't want to mess up… but was that truly what you wanted?
"I..." you start, your voice faltering slightly. You take a moment before continuing, choosing your next words carefully again, you were so afraid to break something between the two of you more. "It's not just about what I need, you know. What about what you want?"
"We know what I want." She murmurs, chuckling with no humor,
You are the answer.
She could answer that just by saying 'you', like it's simple like that.
The hint of bitterness in her tone piercing through the quiet night air, you can sense the depth of her unspoken words, the desire and the yearning behind it.
You close the gap between you. You reach up, your fingers gently lifting her chin, forcing her to meet your gaze.
"Say it." you whisper, your voice cracking slightly. "Tell me what you want."
She moves her eyes up, going to the side of your face, anywhere but you.
"Why?" it's almost a whisper.
You can sense the barriers she is trying to put up, the attempt to keep her true feelings locked away.
Your hand cups her chin, gently guiding her face so she needs to look at you. There's a hint of pleading in your voice as you reply gently.
"Because I need to hear you say it. Please, I need... I need to know, just say it to me.”
“It's not that hard.” she almost whispers, saying your name like it's something to beg for. “I- even if it's casual, I just- I need you.”
Cassie avoids your eyes again, your face, everything.
So you do what you do best and kiss her, moving your fingers to caress where you are touching her face, kindly, answering her - and your - needs.
“I need you just as much, Cassie, I really-” You say, still so close, still touching her, your foreheads brushing against each other. “You also look so good in gray.”
She chuckles, moving her eyes out of you, from a good embarrassment this time.
Far away, behind a glass door, someone slaps their knees and gaps out loud, going to the central desk of the ER.
“KISS ON THE PARKING LOT AFTER A SHIFT, GUESS WHO WOOOOOON!” Princess says as loud as you could be in the ER without bothering the patients.
“It was not Cassie who made the move?” Perlah says almost flabbergasted from it. “Shame.”
“Just give me that.” Dana says as she takes the money from Princess hand.
“You never participate in these things, how did you win that one?” Santos asked with arms crossed, bothered that it wasn't her.
“Just had a feeling.” She shrugs it off and continues doing her stuff, but with a little cocky smile on her face now.
i’ve been binge watching the pitt and before i started i saw a ben kindel x the pitt dr reader but i didnt read it cause i hadn’t watched the pitt yet. so naturally today i went to find it and i CANT FIND IT please someone send help and find me this fic i NEED it
summary : After moving to Pittsburgh and struggling with loneliness, you reluctantly join a tango class recommended by your therapist. There, you meet Jack Abbott, an emergency doctor who quickly becomes much more than just your dance partner. Between late-night walks, quiet vulnerability, and growing intimacy, one winter evening changes everything.
contain : 18+ content MDNI!! stranger to lovers, slow burn, fluff, therapy mentioned, loneliness & isolation themes, emotional vulnerability, soft romance, explicit sexual content, p in v, NSFW, smut, unprotected sex, consensual sex, soft intimacy, hurt/comfort.
a/n : finally I’ve finished it ! I’ve had this idea when i listened to Everlasting dance by Llunr, and this story instantly popped in my head. Anyway I hope you’ll like it !
The winter night presses in close around you as you run.
The air is sharp enough to sting the inside of your nose with every breath, cold enough that it clings to your lungs for a second longer than it should before letting go. Streetlights glow hazy through the dampness, their light diffused into soft golden smears across the pavement, as if the city itself is slightly out of focus tonight.
Your footsteps echo too loudly in the quiet streets. There’s barely anyone out—just the occasional passing car, tires whispering through wet asphalt, headlights sweeping across empty shopfronts and shuttered windows. Everything feels slowed down except you, like the world has decided to settle into winter while you’re still rushing through it.
You pull your coat tighter around yourself, though it doesn’t do much against the cold that keeps slipping in anyway. Your breath comes quick, visible in pale bursts that vanish almost immediately into the dark.
Somewhere ahead, a faint warm glow spills onto the sidewalk.
The studio. You spot it just in time, and your pace stutters—half relief, half panic. Of course. Of course you’re going to be late. And not just late—first class late.
Your grip tightens around your bag strap as you angle toward the entrance, the light above the door flickering gently in the cold night air. The sign reads:
Tango Studio
The warm glow of the studio spills across the pavement, inviting and impossible to ignore.
Inside, the music has already started—low at first, then building into that slow, unmistakable rhythm that feels like it’s meant to be followed, not just heard. It seeps through the walls, through the glass, through you, like it’s already decided you’re part of it whether you’re ready or not.
But your feet don’t move. You stop just short of the entrance. The cold suddenly feels louder again.
Your breath slows—not from exhaustion now, but from something else. Hesitation. That familiar tightening in your chest that shows up whenever you’re about to step into something unknown and your mind starts offering you every possible reason to turn around.
Why did I think this was a good idea?
Your fingers curl more tightly around your bag strap. You look at the door. Then the sign again. Then the faint silhouettes moving inside. And the doubt starts creeping in, quiet but insistent. You don’t know anyone here.
You barely know this city. Pittsburgh still feels too big, too unfamiliar, like it hasn’t quite accepted you yet. Six months of living here, and most days still feel like you’re just passing through someone else’s life instead of building your own.
Work helps. It always has. It gives shape to the hours, something to hold onto. But after that… the silence comes back. Too often. Too easily. That’s what your therapist said she noticed first. Not sadness, exactly. Distance.
“You’re isolating yourself,” she had said gently, not as a judgment but as a fact she’d watched unfold over sessions. A woman with a calm voice and steady eyes who somehow always seemed to see more of you than you intended to show.
“You need something outside of work. Something that forces you to be present. In your body. In the world.”
You remember laughing a little at that. In my body? I’m barely surviving in my head.
She hadn’t laughed back. Just smiled slightly, like she was used to people deflecting exactly like that.
And then she’d mentioned it. A tango studio. Not as therapy, she insisted. Not as a prescription. Just… something alive. “I used to dance there myself,” she had said, almost offhand. “It’s good for people who feel… disconnected.”
You had almost said no immediately. Almost. But something in that word—disconnected—had stuck with you longer than you expected.
So now you’re here. Standing outside the door. Cold air slipping under your coat. Music pulsing faintly through the walls like a heartbeat you haven’t learned how to match yet.
And for a moment, you seriously consider turning around. Going home. Back to quiet rooms and familiar loneliness and the safety of not being seen.
Your fingers twitch on the door handle without touching it.
Inside, someone laughs softly over the music. Life continues without you. And you are still standing there, suspended between stepping in… or disappearing back into the night.
Something in you moves before your thoughts can catch up. Not confidence. Not courage. Just momentum. Like if you wait another second, your body will decide for you—and it won’t be in your favor. So you push the door. It opens too easily.
Warm air rushes out immediately, carrying the scent of polished wood and something faintly clean, almost citrus-like. The contrast hits you hard after the winter cold—like stepping through a threshold into a different world entirely.
For a split second, you don’t move. And then you’re inside. The door clicks shut behind you. And the sound feels louder than it should. Heads turn. One by one. Slowly. Until all of them are looking at you.
Ten people—mid-movement, mid-conversation, mid-breath—pause as your presence interrupts the rhythm of the room. It isn’t hostile. Not exactly. Just… aware. Like you’ve stepped into something already in motion and the entire space has briefly adjusted to account for you.
Your throat tightens. The room is bright. Too bright compared to the night you just came from.
Overhead lights spill warm yellow across every surface, flattening shadows into soft edges. The wooden floor gleams slightly, worn smooth by years of movement—steps, turns, mistakes repeated until they became muscle memory for someone else.
And the mirror. It stretches across the entire wall. Massive. Immovable. Reflecting everything back at you in doubled, slightly disorienting layers—people and their reflections overlapping, multiplying the space until it feels like there are twenty figures instead of ten, all watching, all paused.
Including you. Standing at the entrance. Still holding your bag too tightly. Too late to pretend you didn’t just interrupt the entire room.
Somewhere in the background, the music continues softly, but even that feels distant now, like it belongs to a version of this moment you haven’t caught up to yet.
Your pulse thuds in your ears. And then—A voice, calm and unhurried, breaks through the silence that followed your entrance. “New student?”
The instructor’s voice is calm—steady in a way that gently cuts through the tension hanging in the room.
There’s no sharpness to it. No impatience. If anything, it carries something softer—an ease that suggests he’s seen this before. People arriving nervous, late, unsure of where to place themselves in a space that already feels like it belongs to everyone else.
Your throat tightens anyway. For a second, your brain blanks completely. All those eyes. The mirror doubling them. The brightness. The music still faintly moving underneath it all like nothing has stopped for you.
You swallow. “Y-yes,” you manage, voice slightly smaller than you intended. You clear your throat quickly, as if that might fix it. “I mean—yes. I’m new.”
A beat. You shift your weight awkwardly, suddenly hyper-aware of everything you’re holding—your bag strap digging into your shoulder, your coat still half-open from the cold outside, your hands not knowing what to do with themselves.
“I’m sorry I’m late,” you add quickly, the words spilling out faster now, like you need to make up for the silence. “I didn’t— I wasn’t sure where— I—”
It gets messy halfway through, tangled and rushed, and you hate that it does, but you can’t seem to slow it down. So you just stop.
And then, almost in a flustered reflex, you drop everything. Your bag slips from your shoulder first, landing against the floor with a soft thud. Then your coat follows, shrugged off too quickly, too carelessly, like getting rid of it will somehow erase the fact that you arrived late at all.
You smooth your hands down instinctively, as if you’re trying to reset yourself into something more composed. The instructor watches this—not unkindly. If anything, there’s a flicker of understanding in his expression.
“No need to apologize,” he says gently. “You’re here. That’s what matters.” The words land easier than expected. Not dismissive. Not rushed. Just… simple.
He gestures slightly toward the room, toward the waiting pairs already beginning to reset their positions. “We’re just getting started with partner work,” he continues. “You can team up with Jack.”
At the name, something shifts subtly in the room. Not dramatically. Just enough that you notice it. A small reorientation of attention. A presence already established in the space. Your eyes follow instinctively. And somewhere deeper in the room, you start to feel it—someone waiting for you, even before you’ve fully seen him yet.
All attention shifts—not abruptly, but in that subtle way a room rebalances itself. Toward the left side of the studio. Toward him. And when your eyes follow, you see him.
He’s standing slightly apart from the others, as if he’s never fully folded himself into the chaos of a room unless he chooses to. Composed, steady, shoulders relaxed in a way that reads as controlled rather than casual.
There’s something about him that feels immediately… grounded. Like he knows exactly where he is in space at all times.
He’s dressed simply—nothing flashy, nothing that demands attention—but it suits him in a way that makes it hard not to look anyway. Dark trousers, a fitted shirt that moves easily with him, sleeves subtly rolled as if he’s not here to perform anything other than presence itself.
His posture is upright without being rigid. And his face— Serious, yes. But not closed off. Not distant.
There’s a quiet focus in his expression, the kind you’d expect from someone used to reading situations quickly, efficiently. Someone observant. Someone who notices more than he lets on.
And then, as his gaze meets yours— Something shifts. Just slightly. The seriousness doesn’t disappear, but it softens at the edges, like it’s making room for something gentler underneath.
A small smile forms. Not big enough to announce itself to the room. Just enough for you to notice it. Warm. Brief. Reassuring in a way that feels almost unexpected, given how composed he looked a second ago.
Like he’s silently telling you that you’re not intruding. Not a problem. Not out of place. Just… there. Present.
Your breath catches without permission. Because for some reason, that small smile feels louder than the instructor’s reassurance. And you realize you’ve been staring a second too long.
You nod quickly, almost too quickly, as if agreeing before your nerves can change their mind for you.
Then you move. Your steps are a little too fast across the wooden floor, the sound of your shoes too loud in the quiet that followed your arrival. The mirror catches you as you pass—still slightly stiff, still holding onto that leftover embarrassment like it might anchor you in place.
You stop beside him. Close enough now that the air feels different. Warmer. More aware. But you don’t look at him—not properly. It’s easier that way.
His presence is… a lot. Not in an overwhelming way, not exactly. More like standing near something steady and intense at the same time, something you don’t quite know how to meet head-on yet.
You focus instead on a point just past his shoulder, anywhere but directly at his face.
“Sorry,” you say quickly, the word slipping out before you can overthink it. “For being late. I didn’t— I mean, I didn’t realize you didn’t have a partner before I came in.” Your voice softens at the end, a little uncertain.
You shift your weight, suddenly very aware of your hands again, unsure what to do with them now that everything you were holding is gone. “I hope I didn’t… mess things up,” you add, quieter this time.
A brief pause follows. You risk a glance—just for a second.Enough to catch him in your peripheral vision. Still composed. Still steady. Still watching you, you realize, even if you’re not fully meeting his eyes. And yet there’s no judgment there. Only patience. Like he’s giving you space to land properly in the moment.
He doesn’t rush to answer you. Just like earlier, there’s that same quiet steadiness in him—as if he’s never in a hurry to fill silence that doesn’t need filling.
Then, finally, his voice comes, low and calm. “You’re fine,” he says simply. “It’s the first class.”
Nothing more complicated than that. No correction. No weight. No awkwardness attached to it. Just… permission to exist there without apologizing for it.
A beat passes, and then he adds, almost lightly, “We’re all still figuring it out anyway.” It’s not a joke exactly—but something in the way he says it softens the moment between you anyway.
Before you can respond, the instructor’s voice rises again, reclaiming the room with practiced ease. Everyone shifts slightly back into attention. “Alright,” the instructor begins, pacing slowly in front of the class. “Before we move any further, let’s talk about what you’re actually stepping into.”
He gestures loosely, hands expressive in a way that matches the rhythm of his speech. “Tango isn’t just steps. It isn’t choreography in the way most people think of dance. It began in the late nineteenth century—along the Río de la Plata, between Argentina and Uruguay. Born in working-class neighborhoods, in ports filled with migrants, loneliness, longing, waiting.”
He pauses, letting that sink in. “It was a dance created by people who had something to say but no words for it.” A few subtle shifts around the room—people settling, listening more closely.
The instructor continues. “It’s built on connection. On trust. One person leads, the other follows—but not in silence. There’s dialogue in every movement. A conversation without speech.”
He demonstrates with his hands, shaping invisible partners in the air. “Distance matters. Timing matters. But most of all… awareness matters.”
Your attention drifts, then sharpens again without you fully noticing it. Somehow, your gaze finds him again. Jack. This time, you don’t pull it away as quickly.
There’s something about the instructor’s words—connection… trust… awareness—that makes you more conscious of him beside you. Of how close he stands. Of how still he is even while the rest of the room is subtly moving, adjusting, preparing.
And then, as if sensing it, he turns his head just slightly. Not fully. Just enough that your attention catches. And when your eyes meet for a second longer than before, something quiet but steady sits there in his expression again. Not pressure. Not expectation. Just presence.
And for some reason, that voice of his—calm, grounded, uncomplicated—feels like the first thing in the room that actually makes sense.
The instructor’s voice is still filling the room, talking about connection and timing and trust—but it fades into the background the moment something shifts beside you.
Unexpected. Simple. Direct. A hand appears in front of you. Not intrusive. Not rushed. Just offered. When you glance down, you realize it’s his—turned slightly upward, palm open in a quiet gesture of introduction, as if this is the most natural thing in the world.
Then his voice follows, calm as ever. “By the way,” he says. “I’m Jack Abbott.” No performance in it. No effort to impress. Just… fact.
For a second, your brain lags behind the moment. Then you react. A little late. A little shy. Your hand lifts carefully to meet his, fingers brushing his before you fully commit. When you do, his grip is steady—not firm in a way that overpowers, but in a way that immediately grounds you. Warm. Solid. Real.
You swallow. “Y/N,” you say softly. “I’m… Y/N Y/L/N.” And suddenly, the space between you feels different. Smaller. Not because he stepped closer—but because attention has narrowed, quietly, around the contact between your hands.
You become aware of details you weren’t noticing before. The warmth of his skin against yours. The steady pressure of his hold. The faint movement of his thumb, almost imperceptible, as if he’s simply acknowledging the moment without breaking it.
Your eyes lift without you meaning to. And his are already there. Holding yours. Directly. No avoidance. No distraction. Just clear, steady eye contact that doesn’t demand anything—but doesn’t look away either.
The noise of the room softens again at the edges. The instructor’s words continue somewhere far away, but they no longer land the same way. Because here, in this small, accidental introduction, something else is already happening—quiet, unspoken, and unmistakably present.
His hand is still in yours. And for a moment that stretches just a little too long to feel casual, neither of you moves to let go.
A sharp sound cuts through the room. Clap. It echoes against the wooden floor, the mirrored wall, the high ceiling—snapping everything back into place all at once. You blink. The moment breaks. Like something delicate pulled too tight and suddenly released.
Your hand slips from his—almost at the same time he lets go—and the absence is immediate. Noticeable in a way that feels disproportionate to how brief the contact actually was.
You draw your hand back, fingers curling slightly as if they’re trying to hold onto the warmth that was just there.
Around you, the room comes back to life. Shifting feet. Adjusted postures. Quiet movements as everyone reorients themselves.
The instructor steps forward, clapping his hands once more, softer this time but just as commanding. “Alright,” he says, voice carrying easily. “Let’s begin.” He gestures toward the mirrored wall. “Everyone, face the mirror. You need to see yourselves—not just your partner. Tango is as much about awareness of your own body as it is about connection.”
You turn with the others, aligning yourself with the room. The mirror stretches in front of you again, wide and unavoidable. This time, though, it feels different. Less like something exposing you, more like something you’re being asked to understand.
You catch your reflection, and his, just beside you. Close. Closer than before.
The instructor continues, stepping into position to demonstrate. “We’ll start simple. The walk. Everything in tango begins with the walk. If you don’t understand how to walk together… nothing else will work.”
A small pause. Then, more softly, “Leader initiates. Follower responds. But remember—this is not control. This is communication.” The words settle into the space between you and Jack. You feel it now, more clearly than before.
Expectation. Not from him. From the moment. You turn slightly toward him, unsure, waiting without fully realizing you are.
And then, he steps closer. Not rushed. Not hesitant. Just enough that the space between you shifts again, narrowing into something intentional this time. His hand lifts. Hovering for only a second before it settles gently against your upper back.
Warm. Steady. Guiding.
His other hand finds yours again, this time more naturally—like the first contact had already erased the awkwardness of it. You inhale quietly. And through the mirror, you see it, the two of you. Side by side. About to move.
“Ready?” he asks, voice low enough that it doesn’t leave the space between you. Not a command. An invitation.
The music shifts again—slightly clearer now, more structured, the rhythm easier to follow if you focus hard enough. You try. Really try.
Your eyes flick between the mirror, your feet, the instructor demonstrating at the front… and then back to the reflection of the two of you together, trying to make sense of how all of it is supposed to connect.
Jack moves first. Not abruptly—just a subtle shift of weight, a quiet signal that travels through his hand at your back before you even fully register it.
You follow. A step. Then another. It’s… not terrible. But it’s not good either. Your timing slips almost immediately, your foot landing just slightly off, your balance tilting in a way that makes you hesitate for half a second too long.
You feel it the moment it happens.“Sorry—” you start under your breath. But before you can pull away or overcorrect, his hand steadies you. Not tightening. Not forcing. Just guiding. “Don’t stop,” he murmurs. “Keep going.”
There’s something reassuring in the way he says it—like mistakes are expected, already accounted for. So you try again. Step. Shift. Pause— No, too long. You miss the next movement entirely.
A small, breathless laugh escapes you, more out of nerves than anything else. “I told you I don’t dance.” And this time, he actually lets out a quiet laugh too. It’s soft, low—barely there, but unmistakable. “I noticed,” he replies. There’s no edge to it. No teasing that stings. Just… amusement, shared instead of directed.
He adjusts slightly, repositioning your hand without breaking the flow. “Here,” he says, guiding your step again. “You’re thinking too much.”
“That’s kind of my thing,” you mutter.
“That makes two of us.” The admission is so casual it almost slips past you. Almost. Because it doesn’t quite match the version of him you’ve built in your head over the last few minutes—the composed, controlled presence that never seems to falter.
And yet, right on cue, he missteps.It’s small. Subtle. But enough.
His foot lands just off the intended line, throwing the rhythm for a split second before he catches it again.
You feel it. You see it in the mirror. And before you can stop yourself, a soft laugh escapes you—lighter this time, less nervous. “You were saying?” you glance up briefly.
There’s that almost-smile again. “Occupational hazard,” he says.
You raise an eyebrow. “Of dancing?”
“Of not doing it enough.”
That earns another quiet laugh from you, and somehow the tension loosens a little more after that. The steps don’t magically become perfect. You still hesitate sometimes. Still miss cues. Still overthink. But something shifts anyway.
Because now, when you get it wrong, you don’t freeze. You adjust. And when he gets it wrong, he doesn’t hide it. He recovers—and lets the moment stay light.
At some point, you stop apologizing. At some point, the space between movements starts to feel less like pressure and more like… possibility.
Your body begins to recognize the rhythm before your thoughts do. Not perfectly. Not consistently. But enough. And through it all, his hand remains steady at your back—guiding, correcting, sometimes just there.
A constant. A point you can return to when everything else feels uncertain. You glance at the mirror again. At the two of you moving—imperfect, slightly out of sync, but still moving together. And for the first time since you walked in, you don’t feel like you’re interrupting something. You feel like you’re part of it.
—————————
Time moves differently after that first night. Not all at once. Not in big, noticeable shifts. Just… gradually. One class becomes two. Two become a rhythm. A routine you start to recognize, then expect, then quietly rely on. You stop rushing to the door. You stop hesitating outside.
And somewhere along the way, the studio stops feeling like foreign territory and starts feeling like somewhere your body knows how to exist. The steps come easier now. Not perfect—but familiar. You don’t have to think about where your feet go every second. You don’t watch the instructor as closely. You don’t check the mirror as often.
Because now, you feel it. The movement. The rhythm. Him. Jack Abbott. You’ve learned the way he leads—subtle, precise, never rushed. The quiet signals in the shift of his weight, the slight pressure of his hand at your back, the almost imperceptible pauses that mean wait, now, turn. And he’s learned you, too. You can tell.
In the way he adjusts before you even make a mistake. In how he gives you just enough space when you hesitate, just enough guidance when you need it. There’s less talking now.
More understanding. More… trust.
The class is different tonight. You feel it the moment you walk in. There’s a kind of anticipation in the air, a subtle energy running through the room as the instructor gathers everyone together. “Tonight,” he announces, “we’re going to try something a little different.”
A few curious glances are exchanged. “You’ll dance in pairs,” he continues, “but one couple at a time. The rest of us will watch.”
A pause. “Think of it as… a small performance. Not perfection. Just presence.” Your stomach tightens instantly. Of course. Of course this would happen. You glance at the mirror, then at the other pairs, then—inevitably—at him.
And just like that, the nerves creep back in. Not as sharp as the first night. But there. Alive.
“I don’t know about this,” you murmur under your breath. Before you can spiral too far into it, he steps closer. Closer than usual. You barely have time to register it before he leans in—just enough that his voice doesn’t have to compete with the room.
His breath brushes faintly near your ear. “Just do what we always do,” he says quietly. “And look at me.” It’s simple. But it lands. Something about the certainty in his voice cuts through the noise in your head.
You exhale slowly. Nod. When your turn comes, everything feels louder. The room. The silence. The awareness of being watched. You step into place with him, your heartbeat a little too fast, your hands just slightly colder than they should be. The music starts. And for a fraction of a second, you freeze.
Then you remember. Look at him. Your eyes lift. And there he is. Steady. Focused. Waiting. The rest of the room fades almost immediately. Not completely—but enough. His hand settles at your back, familiar now. Grounding. Your hand finds his. And then, he moves.
You follow. Step. Step. Turn.
This time, there’s no hesitation. Not because you’re not nervous—but because you’re not alone in it. You stay with him. Focused on his eyes. On the way he watches you—not the room, not the audience, just you. Everything else becomes peripheral. Muted. The mirror, the people, the pressure—it all slips just out of reach. Because here, in the movement, it narrows down to something simpler. His hand at your back. Your steps matching his. The rhythm threading between you like something alive.
You feel it more clearly now—the connection the instructor kept talking about. Not forced. Not performed. Just… there. Natural.
Your body responds without overthinking, your movements aligning with his in a way that feels almost instinctive now. Closer. More controlled. More aware.
There’s a moment—a turn, a shift, a pause—where you end up just slightly closer than before. Your breath catches. But you don’t pull away. Because his hand steadies you. Because his gaze holds yours. Because the movement doesn’t break. And for that stretch of time, however long it actually is, you’re not thinking about the audience. You’re not thinking about getting it right. You’re not even thinking about the steps. You’re just… there. With him. Moving. Connected.
Like the dance exists only between the two of you—and everything else is just background noise.
When the music ends, it feels almost abrupt.
Like being pulled out of something you hadn’t realized you’d fallen into. The room comes back. The silence. The watching. And only then do you remember, you weren’t alone.
For a second, everything stays suspended. Then the sound hits. Applause—warm, immediate, filling the room in a way that feels almost too big after how small your world had just become. It startles you a little. Pulls you back.
The mirror, the other students, the space—you become aware of all of it again at once, like stepping out of something private into something shared. You blink, breath still slightly uneven.
Hands come together across the room, a few smiles, a couple of impressed looks exchanged between pairs. It isn’t overwhelming, not loud enough to feel like a performance hall—but it’s real.
And it’s for you. For both of you. Your hand slips from Jack’s a second later than it probably should. Not rushed. Just… reluctant, in a way you don’t fully process yet.
The instructor steps forward, clearly pleased, clapping once more as the room settles. “Very good,” he says, his gaze moving between the two of you. “That—” he gestures lightly, searching for the right word, “—that is what I mean when I talk about connection.”
You feel your face warm slightly. “There was no forcing,” he continues, addressing the class now but still clearly referring to you. “No hesitation breaking the flow. You listened to each other.” A small pause. “That’s not something you can fake.” His eyes flick back to you, softer now. “Well done.”
Something in your chest tightens at that—unexpected, unfamiliar. Because it doesn’t feel like praise for getting steps right. It feels like he saw something you didn’t realize was visible.
Around you, the class begins to shift again, people relaxing, murmuring quietly, a few glances still sent your way. But your focus drifts back—inevitably. To him. Jack stands beside you, composed as ever. But there’s something different now. Subtle.
A quiet intensity still lingering from the dance, like he hasn’t entirely stepped out of it yet. His gaze meets yours again. And this time, there’s no audience in it. No performance. Just that same steady presence— and something underneath it that feels a little harder to ignore now.
The class doesn’t end right away after your turn. Instead, it continues—quietly shifting into something softer, more observational. One by one, the other pairs take their turn in the center of the room. The energy changes again. Less pressure. More watching.
You find yourself sitting on the wooden floor near the edge of the studio, the warmth of it still lingering faintly even as your legs finally relax from the intensity of the dance.
Your knees are bent loosely in front of you, one foot tucked slightly closer to your body. Your hands rest behind you on the floor, palms flat, fingers angled slightly outward to support your weight as you lean back just enough to give yourself space to breathe. It’s an easy position. Unguarded without being careless.
Next to you, he sits the same way. Close enough that you don’t have to turn your head to know he’s there.
The mirror reflects the room again—couples moving in slower, more expressive rhythms now that the pressure of performing has eased. The instructor occasionally calls out small observations, but mostly it’s just music and movement and people trying things without fear of getting it wrong.
Your attention settles on one couple in particular. You watch them carefully. The way they step into each other’s space, then out again. The timing of their turns. The subtle communication in the shift of weight, the trust in how one body follows another without hesitation.
You don’t even realize how focused you’ve become until everything else around you fades a little.
And then, something shifts beside you. A small movement. Barely noticeable. His hand adjusts on the floor. And in doing so, it brushes against yours. Fingertips first. Then more fully, as his palm settles again for balance. It’s not intentional. At least, not obviously so.
Just a natural repositioning of someone sitting close to you on a shared floor space. But your body reacts before your thoughts do. A quiet stillness. Not outward. Just internal.
A momentary pause in everything. You don’t move your hand away. You don’t pull back. Neither does he. Instead, the contact remains. Light. Unassuming. Warm in a way you didn’t expect to notice so sharply.
Your eyes stay forward, fixed on the couple dancing in the center of the room, but your awareness narrows without permission—shifting sideways, toward the point where your skin meets his.
The brush of his hand doesn’t disappear. If anything, it settles more comfortably now. Like neither of you feels the need to correct it. And that thought alone is enough to make your focus falter for half a second. Just enough to remind you, you are very aware of him. Still. Even when you’re not looking.
You don’t pull away. Not out of boldness. Not even fully out of choice. Just… because you don’t want to. The initial surprise settles quickly, replaced by something quieter, something that lingers just beneath the surface of your focus. Your hand stays where it is, palm still pressed lightly against the floor, fingers relaxed instead of retreating.
And beside you, he doesn’t move either. There’s no hesitation in it now. No second-guessing. Just a shared stillness where neither of you acknowledges the contact, but neither of you breaks it.
You keep your eyes on the couple in front of you, watching the way they turn, the way their steps fall into rhythm. You try to follow it, to stay present in what you’re supposed to be observing. But your awareness is split now. Pulled in two directions. Because you can feel it, the warmth of his hand against yours.
And then, slowly, almost imperceptibly, he shifts. Not away. Closer. His hand moves just enough to settle more fully over yours, the side of his palm covering yours more completely now, his fingers brushing lightly along the edge of your hand as he adjusts his position.
It’s subtle. Deliberate in its quietness. Like he’s testing the moment without breaking it. Your breath catches, but only slightly. You don’t move. Not even a fraction. And that—somehow—is answer enough. The contact deepens. Not tighter. Not restrictive. Just… more.
More present. More intentional. Still casual enough that anyone looking wouldn’t think twice about it. But not accidental anymore. Not really. You both keep watching the dancers. Eyes forward. Expressions neutral. Like nothing has changed. Like this isn’t happening at all.
And yet, your hand remains under his. His hand resting over yours. Warm. Steady. Unmoved. And neither of you says a word.
The music comes to a soft, deliberate end. For a split second, the room holds its breath. Then, applause rises again, filling the studio with that same warm, collective energy. Hands coming together, a few quiet cheers, smiles exchanged across the room as the couple at the center relaxes out of their final pose.
The moment shifts. Back to everyone. Back to normal. And suddenly, You’re aware of your hand again. Of his. Of the contact that had settled so naturally between you without either of you acknowledging it out loud.
A flicker of hesitation crosses your mind. Should I—? Before you can overthink it too much, instinct takes over. You pull your hand back. Not abruptly. Not harshly. Just enough to break the contact as you bring your hands together to join the applause, matching the energy of the room, like nothing had happened at all. Like it had been nothing.
Beside you, he moves at the same time. His hand lifts, the warmth disappearing as easily as it had arrived, and he joins in as well—clapping, composed, perfectly in sync with the rest of the class. Encouraging. Normal.
But the absence is immediate. Noticeable in a way that lingers just a second too long. You keep your eyes forward, focused on the couple bowing slightly, on the instructor stepping in with a few words of praise.
It’s easier that way. To stay in the moment everyone else is sharing. And yet, something quiet settles in your chest. Not regret exactly. But close enough to recognize it when it passes through. Because just a second ago, it had felt… easy. Unspoken. Natural. And now, it’s gone.
You clap along with everyone else, offering the same supportive energy, the same polite smile. But somewhere underneath it all, you’re still aware of the space where his hand had been.
The rest of the class slips by in a blur of music and movement. Couple after couple takes their turn, each bringing something different to the floor—some tentative, some confident, some clearly more practiced than others. You watch, you clap, you listen when the instructor offers small pieces of advice, but your focus drifts in and out.
Every now and then, you catch yourself replaying moments instead. A step. A look. A pause that lasted just a second too long. You don’t dwell on it. Not fully. But it lingers anyway.
Eventually, the music fades for good. The instructor gathers everyone one last time, offering a few final words—encouragement, reminders, a hint of pride in how the class has already started to come together. “Very good work tonight,” he says, glancing around the room. “Keep practicing the walk. Everything comes from that. And—” a small smile, “—don’t forget to listen to each other.”
A few quiet laughs follow. Then it’s over. The room shifts back into something casual again—people stepping out of dance positions, conversations picking up, the soft shuffle of movement as everyone begins to collect their things.
You move toward your bag, crouching slightly as you gather your coat, slipping your arms into it while balancing your weight. The fabric is still a little cold from earlier, but it warms quickly against your skin. Your bag rests open in front of you.
You start placing things inside—phone, keys, small items you don’t even remember taking out. Your movements are automatic, grounded, a way to come back into yourself after everything that happened on the floor. Around you, voices overlap softly. Zippers. Laughter. Shoes against wood. Normal. You focus on that. On the simple task in front of you.
Until, Something shifts behind you. Not loud. Not sudden. Just… presence. Close enough that you feel it before you fully register it. A subtle change in the air. In the space at your back. Your hands pause for a fraction of a second inside your bag. You don’t turn immediately. But you know.
You turn. And it’s him. Already dressed, coat on, bag slung over his shoulder like he’s been ready to leave for a while—but chose not to. Like he waited.
There’s a small smile on his face. Not the quiet, almost unreadable one from earlier, softer, a little uncertain at the edges. It suits him in a way you didn’t expect.
For a second, neither of you speaks. The noise of the room continues around you—people zipping bags, saying their goodbyes, chairs shifting faintly against the floor—but it feels slightly muted again, like it’s happening just out of reach.
“Hey,” he says, simple and careful. You straighten a little from where you were crouched, your hands still lightly gripping the edge of your bag. “Hi.” There’s a brief pause—just long enough to feel it.
And then, something shifts in him. Not confidence exactly. More like… decision. He exhales quietly, glancing down for a fraction of a second before looking back at you. “I was—” he starts, then stops, as if recalibrating his words. One hand adjusts the strap of his bag on his shoulder, a small, grounding movement. “I was wondering…”
Another pause. And this time, you can see it clearly. The slight hesitation. The way he’s not entirely sure how to approach this. It doesn’t match the composed, controlled version of him you’ve seen all evening. And somehow, that makes this moment feel more real. “If you’re free,” he continues, voice a little softer now, “maybe we could… grab a drink. Or something to eat.”
He lets the words settle between you, not rushing to fill the silence after.Then, almost as an afterthought—like he’s trying to make it less of a thing than it feels— “No pressure.” But there is something there. Not pressure. Just… intention.
You can see it in the way he’s looking at you now—steady, but not overwhelming. Hopeful, in a quiet kind of way. Like he’s stepping just slightly outside of his usual certainty. And waiting to see if you’ll meet him there.
Your first instinct isn’t to answer. It’s to look away. Your eyes drift past him, toward the rest of the room—people finishing up, slipping into coats, already halfway back into their lives outside this studio. The familiar pull of hesitation settles in again, quiet but persistent.
You let out a small, nervous laugh, more reflex than anything else. “I—” Your voice trails off. Because it would be easy to say no.
Easy to fall back into something safe, something known. Go home. Tell yourself you’re tired. That it’s been a long day. That maybe next time would be better.
The words are right there. Ready. And then—
You’re isolating yourself.
Your therapist’s voice cuts through the noise in your head with frustrating clarity.
You need something outside of work. Something that forces you to be present. In your body. In the world.
You inhale, slow. Your fingers tighten slightly around the strap of your bag. This is exactly the kind of moment she meant. And you hate how obvious that feels right now. Because it would be easier to stay where you are. To not take the step, to not risk… whatever this is.
Your thoughts start lining up again, ready to decide for you. And then your mouth moves first. “Yeah,” you say. The word comes out before you’ve fully committed to it. You blink, a little surprised at yourself. Then, more clearly this time, “Yeah, I’d like that.”
There’s a brief silence after. Not awkward. Just… settling. And in that space, you see it. The shift in him. Subtle, but unmistakable. His shoulders ease slightly, like something he’d been holding—something you hadn’t even realized was there—finally lets go. Relief. Quiet, but real.
“Okay,” he says, a small breath of a laugh escaping with it, like he wasn’t entirely sure how this was going to go either. “Good.” There’s that hint of a smile again, softer now, less guarded.
And for a moment, it feels like you both stepped into something at the exact same time, without fully knowing where it leads yet.
—————————
“You’re a doctor?” The question slips out easily. Too easily compared to earlier. But something about the setting makes it different now.
The restaurant is small, warm, the kind of place where the lights are dim enough to soften everything but not enough to hide anything. A quiet hum of conversation fills the space around you, glasses clinking softly, cutlery brushing against plates. Outside, the winter night presses faintly against the windows, but in here, it feels… contained. Safe.
You sit across from him, a drink in your hand you’ve barely touched, a plate between you that you’ve been picking at more than eating. And somehow, you’re talking. Really talking.
He looks up at your question, a slight pause before he answers, like he’s used to people reacting in different ways when they find out. “Emergency,” he says. “Yeah.” Simple. Straightforward. Like it’s just another fact.
You tilt your head slightly, studying him a little more openly now than you would’ve allowed yourself earlier.
“I’m surprised,” you admit. A small beat. “But not shocked.”
That earns a faint shift in his expression—curiosity, maybe.“No?”
You shake your head lightly, a small smile forming. “I was trying to guess, actually,” you say, almost amused at yourself now. “Back in class.” His eyebrow lifts just slightly. “Oh?”
You nod, leaning back a little in your chair, more relaxed now, your fingers loosely wrapped around your glass. “Yeah. The way you talk… the way you stand… even how you move.” You gesture vaguely, searching for the right words. “It’s very… controlled. Precise.” A pause. “Like you’re used to paying attention to everything at once.”
Your eyes flick back to his. “Like missing something isn’t really an option.”
The table falls quiet for a second after that. Not uncomfortable. Just… more aware. Because this time, you didn’t deflect. You observed. And said it out loud.
He watches you for a moment, something thoughtful settling in his expression, like he’s not entirely used to being read that clearly. Then, quietly, “That obvious?”
There’s a hint of something in his voice—not quite humor, not quite something else. You smile faintly. “Only if you’re looking for it.” A pause. Then, softer, almost teasing, “And I had time to look.”
That lands differently than you expect. Not heavy. But not nothing either. And for the first time since you sat down, the conversation doesn’t feel like small talk anymore. It feels like something that’s starting to open.
He lets your words sit for a second—like he’s turning them over quietly in his head. Then, a shift. Subtle. Almost playful. One corner of his mouth lifts. “I didn’t know you were looking at me that much,” he says, tone light, but with something warm underneath it. Not accusing. Just… amused.
You blink once, caught off guard, and he leans back slightly in his chair, fingers loosely wrapped around his glass now. His gaze stays on you. Steady, but softer than before. Then he adds, like it’s the most casual thing in the world— “Wanna know what I saw on you too?”
There’s a pause after it. Not dramatic. Just enough for you to register it. The shift in tone. The way the conversation tilts slightly off its previous axis. Your heart does that annoying little thing again—subtle, but impossible to ignore. Because it doesn’t feel like a joke. Not entirely.
You glance at him, a little slower this time, trying to read what’s behind the ease in his voice. “Depends,” you say carefully, but there’s a hint of curiosity in it now. “Is it going to make me overthink everything I did in class?”
That gets a quiet exhale of a laugh from him. “Probably not,” he says. A beat. Then, more seriously—but still calm, “You looked like you were trying really hard not to disappear into your own head.” That lands gently. Not sharp. Just… observant. He doesn’t rush to fill the silence after that either. Just watches you, like he’s giving you space to react.
“And,” he adds after a moment, tone softening again, “you kept coming back.” A small pause. “Even when you thought you were messing it up.” The noise of the restaurant continues around you—clinking glasses, distant laughter, life going on normally. But your attention narrows again. Not in the same intense way as in the studio. Something quieter now. More personal. Because it feels like he’s not just talking about dance anymore. He’s talking about you.
He doesn’t rush to fill the silence this time. Just lets it sit there for a moment, like he’s deciding how far to go—and then choosing honesty anyway. His fingers rest loosely around his glass, but his gaze stays on you. “I noticed something else,” he says quietly. Not heavier. Just more precise.
“You’re forcing yourself to do things that aren’t easy for you.” A pause. Not accusatory. Not clinical. Just… observed. He leans back slightly, still steady, still calm. “But you’re doing them anyway.” The words land differently than you expect. Not loud enough to overwhelm. But direct enough that there’s no room to pretend he didn’t see it. You don’t answer right away.
Your eyes drop almost on instinct—to your glass, to the table, to somewhere that doesn’t require you to be looked at while you think. The surface of your drink catches the light from above, small reflections shifting slightly with your movement. You swirl it once without meaning to. Then stop. Because your brain is trying to catch up with what he just said.
Forcing yourself.
Like it’s visible. Like it’s something you wear instead of something you hide. The silence stretches. Not uncomfortable—but full. Around you, the restaurant continues its quiet rhythm, but your space feels momentarily paused inside it. You’re aware of your breathing more than you want to be. Of how still you’ve gone. Of how accurate his words feel in a way you didn’t expect them to.
And that’s what makes it harder. Not judgment. Recognition. Finally, you exhale softly, still not looking up. “…You make it sound like it’s obvious,” you say, quieter than before. It’s not defensive. More like you’re testing whether that’s actually true. Whether you’ve been that readable all along. And for a moment, you just stay there—hands near your glass, eyes lowered—processing not just what he said… but the fact that someone actually saw it.
The shift in you doesn’t go unnoticed. Of course it doesn’t. He sees it almost immediately—the way your gaze drops, the way your shoulders settle just a little too still, the quiet that replaces the ease from a few seconds ago.
And just like that, something in him adjusts. A flicker of concern, subtle but real. He leans back slightly in his chair, not pulling away, just giving the moment a bit more space—like he’s careful not to crowd you with what he just said.
His eyes search yours, even if you’re not looking at him yet. “Hey…” It’s soft. Careful.He waits a second, then adds, quieter, “You know… I do the same.” That might have been enough on its own. But he doesn’t stop there.
A small, almost self-conscious smile appears—brief, but genuine in a way you haven’t seen from him before. “I actually did the same for this class,” he continues. “The tango thing.”There’s a lightness in his tone, but it doesn’t quite hide what’s underneath it. “It was my therapist’s idea.”
That makes your head lift. Just slightly. Enough to look at him again. And he holds your gaze this time, not as steady and unreadable as before, but more open. More human.
“Needed something outside of work,” he adds, echoing words that feel a little too familiar now. “Something that didn’t involve… fixing things all the time.”
A small pause. His fingers tap lightly against his glass, then still again. “I didn’t think I’d stick with it,” he admits. “But…” His eyes flick toward you for half a second. Then back. “…it helped.”
The way he says it is simple. No over-explaining. No dramatics. Just honest.
You blink at him. Once. Twice. Like your brain needs a second to catch up with what he just said.
“Your therapist?” you repeat, a little incredulous, your voice lifting slightly in surprise. He nods, watching your reaction carefully now, like he’s not entirely sure where this is going.
And then it clicks. Fully. All at once. A short breath escapes you—half laugh, half disbelief—as you lean back slightly in your chair. “No way.”
That gets his attention. “What?” You shake your head, a small, almost stunned smile forming as you look at him properly now.
“No, because—” you let out a quiet laugh, still processing it yourself. “Mine told me the exact same thing.” A pause. You study his face, like you’re trying to confirm this isn’t some weird coincidence your brain made up.
“She literally told me to stop isolating myself and find something physical to do outside of work,” you continue. “And then she mentioned this tango studio, said she used to come here.”
His expression shifts. Curiosity sharpening. “Yeah?” he says. You nod. “Yeah.”A beat. Then, more directly, “Who’s your therapist?” He answers without hesitation. “Dr. Elena Marlowe. Office over on Walnut Street—Shadyside area.” Your eyes widen slightly. There it is. “That’s—” you let out another small, disbelieving laugh. “That’s mine too.”
Silence falls between you for a second. Not awkward. Just… surprised. Because out of everything, the same class, the same night, the same reason. And now the same person who sent you there.
Jack leans back a little, absorbing that, a faint smile pulling at his lips again—this time more genuine, less restrained. “Well,” he says after a moment, a quiet note of amusement in his voice, “that’s one way to build a client network.” You huff a soft laugh, shaking your head. “Did she plan this or something?”
“Feels a little suspicious,” he admits lightly. But there’s something else there too. Something quieter. Because suddenly, this doesn’t feel random anymore. Not entirely.And the space between you shifts again, not just two strangers who happened to meet in a class. But two people who started from the same place… without knowing it.
By the time you step outside, the night has settled deeper. The air is colder now than earlier, sharper against your skin, but it doesn’t hit you the same way it did before. Maybe because you’re not rushing this time. Maybe because you’re not alone.
Jack falls into step beside you easily. Not too close. Not distant either. Just… there. “I can walk you home,” he says, almost casually, like it’s the most natural continuation of the evening. There’s no pressure in it. No assumption. Just an offer. You hesitate for half a second—more out of habit than anything else—then nod. “Okay.”
And just like that, you’re moving again. But slower this time. The streets are quieter now, most of the city tucked away behind lit windows and drawn curtains. Streetlights cast long, soft shadows along the sidewalks, the faint glow reflecting off damp pavement in uneven streaks of gold.
Your footsteps fall into an easy rhythm beside his. Not perfectly in sync. But close enough to notice. Conversation comes easier now. Lighter. You talk about small things at first—work in vague terms, the city, places you’ve both tried or meant to try. It drifts naturally, no effort needed to keep it going.
At one point, you laugh—really laugh—and it surprises you a little, how easily it comes out. He glances at you when you do. Not in a way that interrupts. Just noticing. Like he’s quietly taking it in.
And you catch yourself doing the same thing a few minutes later—watching the way he talks, the way his expression shifts when he’s relaxed, how different it feels from the controlled version of him in the studio.
More open. Less guarded. “Do you always analyze people like that?” he asks at some point, a hint of teasing slipping back into his voice. You glance at him, a small smile forming. “Only when they’re interesting.” That earns a soft huff of a laugh from him. “Good to know I made the cut.”
You shrug lightly, pretending to consider it. “Barely.” He looks at you then—really looks—and there’s something in his expression that lingers just a second longer than the joke. Not heavy.
The conversation drifts again after that. Comfortably. You talk about nothing and everything at the same time—childhood habits, favorite music, the strange things you notice about the city when you’re walking instead of rushing.
And somewhere along the way, the silence between topics stops feeling like something that needs to be filled. It just… exists. Easy.
The walk eventually slows to a stop in front of your building. An old brick townhouse tucked between two others on a quiet street, its windows dark except for one glowing faintly on the upper floor. At the top of a few narrow stairs sits a large dark red door, worn slightly around the edges from years of winter and rain.
For a moment, neither of you says anything. Then the porch light flicks on automatically, reacting to your movement in a sudden wash of warm light that spills across the steps and catches the edges of his face.
You glance toward the door. Then back at him. “It’s here,” you say softly. Your voice sounds quieter now than it did during the walk. More careful.You climb the stairs slowly—three, maybe four steps—but it feels strangely significant putting even that small amount of distance between you.
At the top, you stop. Turn back toward him. And he’s still there at the bottom of the steps. Hands tucked inside the pockets of his coat against the cold, shoulders slightly drawn in from the winter air. The light catches faintly in his eyes as he looks up at you, steady and quiet in a way that suddenly feels almost unbearably intimate after everything else tonight.
Neither of you moves. The city hums faintly in the distance somewhere behind him, cars far off, wind brushing softly through bare winter branches. But here, everything feels still. There are things you could say.
Thank you for tonight.
I had a good time.
See you next class.
All of them sit somewhere at the edge of your tongue. None of them come out. Because none of them feel like enough. And judging by the way he’s looking at you now—like he’s caught between staying and leaving—you’re not the only one feeling it.
A few seconds passes. Maybe less. Maybe more. Time feels strange suddenly. You just stand there, separated by a few steps and cold night air, looking at each other in complete silence. Not awkward. Not uncertain. Just… unwilling. Like neither of you wants to be the first person to end this moment.
He breaks first. Of course he does. Not because he wants to—if anything, it looks like the opposite—but because someone has to. “Well…” His voice is softer now in the cold night air, almost reluctant. “Have a good night.” A small pause. “And I’ll see you next week.” His smile returns then, warm and real. “The dance class,” he adds lightly, like he suddenly needs to specify where he’ll see you again.
You smile despite yourself. And still, neither of you moves right away. Then finally, he starts stepping backward slowly down the sidewalk, hands still tucked inside his coat pockets against the cold. But his eyes stay on you the entire time, unwilling to break contact just yet.
You watch him go. One step. Then another. He turn around. And suddenly something inside you tightens painfully. Because this feels too final. Too calm. Too polite for what tonight became.
Your heart starts beating faster—not slowly, not thoughtfully, but all at once, like it’s making a decision before the rest of you catches up.
Don’t let him leave like this.
The thought hits hard enough that it almost steals your breath. And this time, you don’t hesitate long enough to stop yourself. “Wait!” Your voice cuts through the quiet street louder than you intended.
He stops instantly. You barely register his expression changing before you’re moving. Your bag slips from your shoulder and lands carelessly on the porch behind you with a dull thud, forgotten immediately as you rush down the few stairs too fast, your heartbeat loud in your ears, cold air burning in your lungs again.
He barely has time to fully turn.
One moment he’s still facing you, caught in that quiet pause between leaving and staying and the next, you’re there. Right in front of him. Too close to think. Too fast to hesitate.
His name doesn’t even make it out of your mind properly before the feeling takes over completely—something sharp and certain and undeniable, like every careful thought you had dissolves all at once into instinct.
And you don’t stop. You reach for him before you can second-guess it, your hands lifting to his face as if to anchor yourself, fingers finding his jaw, steadying him—or maybe yourself.
You rise onto your toes without even thinking about it. And then you kiss him. It’s not careful. It’s not planned. It’s all the things you didn’t say at the door, and in the restaurant, and on the walk here—compressed into a single moment that doesn’t ask permission to exist.
For a second, everything goes still. The street. The cold. The space between decisions. Even him. Then you feel it, the smallest shift in him as he reacts, surprise first, then something softer breaking through the restraint he’d been holding onto since earlier.
His hand comes up instinctively, not to pull away, but to steady you—warm against your wrist, grounding, like he’s making sure this is real and not something that will disappear if he moves too quickly.
The world narrows. Porch light behind you. Winter air around you. His presence in front of you. And nothing else. When you finally pull back just enough to breathe, you don’t move far. Neither does he. And for a second, neither of you says a word.
Your hand is still against the side of his face, your breath uneven from the suddenness of what you just did. Reality crashes back in slowly—the cold air, your racing heart, the fact that you kissed him first without giving yourself even a second to think about it.
And suddenly, shyness floods in just as quickly. Your eyes search his immediately. Checking. Making sure. Making sure you didn’t imagine the tension between you all night. Making sure he wanted this too.
The silence stretches for a heartbeat. Then another. Jack looks at you like he’s still catching up to the moment himself.
There’s surprise there, yes—but softer now. Warmer. Something deeper settling underneath it as he takes you in standing so close to him, flushed from the cold and from him, still slightly breathless on the sidewalk beneath the porch light.
And then his expression changes. Not dramatically. Just enough. Enough for you to see the answer before he even moves. His hand lifts slowly, fingers brushing lightly along your jaw before resting there with quiet certainty.
And this time when he kisses you, it’s different. Slower. Deeper. Intentional in a way that nearly steals the breath from your lungs. Like he’s no longer holding himself back.
The cold night disappears almost instantly beneath the warmth of him, the steady way he draws you closer without rushing, without urgency, but with something that feels far more dangerous than impulse:
want.
Real and controlled and undeniable. You melt into it before you can stop yourself. Your fingers curl slightly against his coat, grounding yourself in the feeling of him as his thumb brushes softly along your cheek.
And somewhere behind you the porch light clicks off. Darkness settles over the street again, soft and quiet, the two of you left alone beneath the winter night. No music now. No mirrors. No audience.
Just the cold air around you, his warmth against you, and the way he kisses you like he’s been thinking about it far longer than either of you planned to admit.
When the kiss breaks this time, neither of you really lets go. You stay close enough that your breaths still mix in the cold air, close enough that you can feel the warmth radiating from him despite the winter night surrounding you.
For a moment, neither of you speaks. The porch light is gone now, leaving the street wrapped in darkness, soft and quiet around the two of you. Only a distant streetlamp somewhere behind you casts enough light to outline parts of his face—the bridge of his nose, the curve of his mouth, the faint reflection caught in his eyes when he looks at you.
It makes everything feel strangely private. Hidden. Your heart is still beating too fast. Not from nervousness anymore. Just… from him. Jack’s hand lingers lightly at your waist, steady and warm through your coat, like neither of you is quite ready to create distance again after finally closing it.
You swallow softly. Then, cautiously, almost shy again after the certainty of the kiss, “Do you…” Your voice catches slightly before you try again. “Do you want to stay?”
The question hangs between you in a visible breath of cold air. Simple. But full of implication. Jack looks at you quietly for a second, like he’s taking in the fact that you’re really asking him that.
Then the smallest smile touches his mouth again. Warm, soft around the edges. And he nods. Just once. “Yeah,” he says quietly. Like there was never another answer. And somehow, that simple little nod sends warmth rushing through you stronger than the cold ever could.
You turn before you can overthink the moment again. Your fingers slip into his naturally this time, finding his hand in the dark without hesitation, and warmth immediately closes around yours as he lets you guide him toward the building.
He follows half a step behind you. Quiet. Close enough that you can still feel his presence at your back as you climb the few stairs again, your abandoned bag still sitting crookedly on the porch where you dropped it earlier. You pick it up quickly with your free hand, slightly embarrassed now that the adrenaline has faded.
You hear the faintest huff of amusement behind you. The front door opens with a soft creak. Warmth greets you immediately as you step into the narrow entryway of the building, dim lights humming faintly overhead. The sounds of the street disappear almost completely once the door shuts behind you, replaced by quiet old-building silence and the distant ticking of pipes somewhere in the walls.
You lead him upstairs. Your hand stays in his the entire way. And somehow, that feels more intimate than the kiss did. By the time you stop in front of your apartment door, your heartbeat has started climbing again. Not fear. Just awareness.
You unlock the door quickly, suddenly hyper-conscious of the fact that he’s about to see your space. Your things. Your life. The door swings open. You reach in first to switch on the light.
A warm glow immediately spills through the apartment, soft amber lamps replacing the harshness of overhead lighting. Then you step aside slightly. “Um…” A shy smile flickers across your face. “You can come in.”
Jack steps inside slowly, quietly observant without making it feel invasive. The apartment is small, but deeply lived-in.
Warm blankets drape over the couch in imperfect folds, one corner still slightly collapsed from where you’d probably been sitting earlier that week. Books rest in uneven stacks on shelves and side tables, mixed with candles burned halfway down and mugs that clearly got left behind during long evenings alone.
A soft lamp glows near the window instead of the ceiling light, casting the entire living room in warm gold. Plants sit near the radiator, some thriving, some barely surviving winter.
There’s music records leaning beside a cabinet, loose papers near the kitchen counter, a sweater thrown carelessly over the arm of a chair like you stopped thinking about where things belonged once you were home.
Nothing about it feels staged. It feels… safe. Comfortable. Like a place built carefully to soften loneliness. Jack takes it in quietly, removing his coat slowly as his eyes move across the room.
You step inside after him more slowly this time. The door closes softly behind you, shutting out the last traces of the winter night, but your heart still hasn’t settled from any of it—the walk, the kiss, the fact that Jack Abbott is standing inside your apartment like this is actually happening.
For a moment, you just watch him. Carefully. Trying to read him the same way you did back at the restaurant. He moves quietly through the space—not wandering, not intruding, just taking it in with calm curiosity. Respectfully. His gaze lingers on details without judgment: the books stacked unevenly near the couch, the framed prints on the wall, the blanket draped over the armchair.
There’s something strangely intimate about someone seeing the private shape of your life like this. Especially him. You try to understand what he’s thinking. If he feels as aware of this moment as you do. If he’s nervous too. But his expression remains soft, composed in that familiar way—though not unreadable anymore. You’re beginning to understand the subtle shifts in him now. The quietness doesn’t mean distance. If anything, it means he’s present.
You turn away before he catches you staring too long. Your hand finds the lock automatically. Click. The sound echoes a little louder in your head than it should. And suddenly, the reality of it hits you fully. He’s here. Inside your apartment. Because you kissed him. Because you asked him to stay.
Your fingers linger against the door for a second longer than necessary as your thoughts trip over themselves.
What am I doing?
Not regret. Never that. Just disbelief at your own boldness. At how quickly tonight slipped out of your control in the best possible way. You inhale quietly, grounding yourself against the cool wood of the door before finally turning back toward him. And when you do, he’s already looking at you. Like he never stopped.
There’s a softness in his expression now, something warmer than before, but still steady, still deliberate. One of his hands lifts slightly toward you, palm open. Not demanding. Not rushing. Just… offering. An invitation.
For a second, you just blink at him. Then a small laugh slips out of you, breathy and disbelieving, as you shrug out of your coat a little more properly now, as if you suddenly remember you’re supposed to be doing normal human things in between life-altering moments.
“Is this…” you start, glancing at his hand, then back at him. “A formal invitation?” You try to make your tone serious. It almost works. Almost.
He doesn’t break eye contact when he answers. “Depends,” he says quietly. “Are you accepting it seriously?”
That earns another laugh from you—softer this time, warmer, a little unsteady around the edges. You shake your head like you’re trying to ground yourself back into reality, even though you don’t really want to.
Still, you step forward. Your fingers slide into his without hesitation now. And the moment you do he pulls you in. Not roughly. Not abruptly. But decisively. Like the answer was already known.
The space between you disappears in an instant, and suddenly you’re close enough that everything else in the room fades out completely. Your free hand finds his torso instinctively, palm pressing lightly against him as you steady yourself in the sudden closeness.
His hand settles at your waist again like it belongs there. And then, stillness. Just the two of you. Breathing. Close enough that the air between you feels shared instead of separate.
His face is right there now. Close enough that you can see the small details you couldn’t outside—the quiet focus in his eyes, the faint softness at the corners of his mouth, the way his expression has fully shifted from composed stranger to something unmistakably present.
You’re looking at him. He’s looking at you. Neither of you moves away. The moment stretches, suspended, like the world has politely stepped back and closed the door behind it.
The pause between you doesn’t last. It doesn’t really have time to. Something shifts—quietly, inevitably—like the last thread of restraint finally loosens all at once.
There’s no more hesitation in the way you look at each other. Only certainty. And then you both close the distance again. This time, it’s not careful. It’s immediate. Like neither of you can stand the space anymore.
You meet him halfway, breath catching as your hands rise instinctively—finding him, holding onto him like it’s the most natural thing in the world. He pulls you closer with the same urgency, grounding you against him as if the world outside your apartment doesn’t exist at all anymore.
The kiss deepens fast. Not rushed in confusion—but in recognition. Like everything unspoken all evening has finally found its language. Your thoughts scatter completely. There’s no analysis left, no hesitation, no second-guessing. Just him. Warmth. Closeness. The steady reality of his presence anchoring you in place while everything else fades into the background.
The kiss keeps unfolding between you in slow waves of warmth and breath and closeness, until at some point neither of you are really standing still anymore. You move together without thinking about it. Small steps. Careless ones.
Your apartment blurs at the edges as your focus narrows entirely to him—to the feeling of his hands steady at your waist, the warmth of him close enough that you can barely tell where your breathing ends and his begins.
You guide him backward almost unconsciously, your fingers tangled lightly at the nape of his neck, brushing through his hair every time you pull him closer again. And he follows. Easily. Like he’d follow you anywhere right now.
The kisses grow slower for a moment—not less intense, just heavier somehow, deeper with everything that’s already passed between you tonight. Eventually you part just enough to breathe. Barely. Your faces remain close, foreheads nearly brushing, warm breaths mingling in the dim golden light of your apartment.
You can still feel the ghost of his mouth against yours. His hands remain at your waist, holding you there like he has no intention of letting you drift too far away. Then he smiles. Small. Breathless around the edges. And with that teasing warmth you’re already starting to recognize in him, he murmurs softly, “So…” His thumb brushes lightly against your side. “Are you forcing yourself into this too?”
The words hit you instantly. And despite everything—the racing heart, the closeness, the fact that your thoughts are barely functioning anymore—a laugh escapes you. Soft and incredulous. You pull back just enough to look at him properly, your fingers still resting against the back of his neck.
“Oh my god,” you whisper, half laughing now. “You’re unbelievable.” His smile widens slightly at that, eyes warm and impossibly fond as he watches you.
You answer him with another kiss. Soft at first. Then warmer when he melts into it immediately again. Your fingers slip back into his hair as you kiss him again, softer at first, then deeper when he immediately responds, pulling you close enough that you can feel the tension in his body melting back into warmth beneath your hands.
Your smile lingers against his mouth as you guide him further into the apartment, toward the hallway leading to your room, as it fades into dim light and blurred shapes. Your hands slowly find the buttons of his shirt almost absentmindedly—more focused on feeling him close than on what you’re actually doing
You feel him react instantly. Not pulling away. But tensing. Subtle at first. A hesitation in the way he kisses you back. Then another.
Until finally he parts from you slightly, breath uneven, his forehead briefly resting near yours before he takes half a step back. “Wait—” The word comes out soft. Careful.
You stop immediately. Your hands still against his chest. For the first time since you kissed him outside, genuine uncertainty crosses his face. Not rejection. Not regret. Something more vulnerable than that.
Your stomach drops instantly. Every possibility crashes through your mind at once. Too fast. Regret. Changed his mind. You pull back a fraction more, searching his face immediately, and he must see the doubt appear in yours because his expression softens almost painfully.
“No—hey,” he says quickly, voice gentler now. “It’s not that.” His hands remain on you, grounding, reassuring. But he still looks uncertain. Like he’s trying to figure out how to say something he doesn’t usually say out loud.
“I just…” He exhales softly, glancing down for a second before looking back at you. “There’s something I should probably tell you first.” You stay still, heart still beating too hard, waiting.
He opens his mouth once. Stops. A faint, almost shy frustration crosses his face. Then finally, quieter, “I think it’ll be easier if I just show you.” Before you can respond, he guides you gently the last few steps into your bedroom.
The room is dimmer than the living room, softer somehow, lit only faintly by the spill of warm light from the hallway lamp. He sits down slowly on the edge of the bed behind him while you remain standing a few feet away, still trying to understand what’s happening.
Slowly, carefully, he shifts his position. “I had to show you before anything went further,” he says quietly, eyes lowered for a second like he’s bracing himself for whatever comes next.
His hands move to his pant leg. Not rushed. Not dramatic. Just deliberate. And then he reveals it. The prosthetic. For a second, the room goes completely still. You don’t speak.
Not because you’re shocked in the way he might fear—but because your mind is trying to align everything you’ve seen of him tonight with this new piece of reality. The way he moves. The control. The precision. The ease with which he led you across a dance floor like it was nothing at all.
You look at the leg. Then back at him. He keeps his gaze lowered at first, jaw tight in a way that suggests this is the moment he’s been dreading more than anything else tonight. “I just—” he starts, then stops, exhaling quietly. “I didn’t want you to find out later and think I hid it from you.”
His voice is steady, but softer now. Less guarded, but also more exposed. The silence stretches again. And then, slowly, he completes the gesture. The prosthetic comes free. The room doesn’t change—but everything in it feels different. Not in a frightening way. In a revealing one.
Jack sits there for a moment, hands still resting near it like he’s not entirely sure what to do with himself now that it’s fully visible. Like this is the part he can’t control with precision or distance or composure.
You take a step closer. Then another. Careful, but certain. You don’t say anything. There’s nothing that feels necessary right now.
Instead, you close the remaining distance and lower yourself carefully sitting on his lap, close enough that your presence fills the space he’s been holding alone for too long.
It shifts the air immediately. Not breaking anything. Just softening it. Your hands find his shoulders instinctively, steadying yourself for a moment before sliding up gently, resting around the back of his neck.
He is still looking down, like he’s bracing for something he can’t quite control. But you don’t look away from him. Not even for a second. Your gaze stays on his face—on the tension he hasn’t fully let go of yet, on the way he’s waiting for a reaction that never comes.
He looks up at you slowly. Carefully. Like he’s still waiting for something to go wrong. But you’re already there, closer than doubt, closer than fear. Your expression doesn’t change—still that small, steady smile that doesn’t ask him to explain anything or defend anything. It just stays. Present. Certain.
And that’s what finally breaks something in him. The tension in his shoulders eases a fraction, like his body is starting to believe what you already decided.
You lean in. Gently. Not rushed, not uncertain—just enough to close the space between you. The kiss is soft. Quiet. Not a question this time, but an answer. I’m here. I’m not leaving. I’m not looking away.
For a brief moment, everything else fades again—the room, the weight of what he showed you, the fear he carried into it. His arms settle around you in a quiet, steady hold—careful at first, then more certain, like he’s letting himself believe he doesn’t have to brace for rejection anymore. He pulls you closer against him, feeling you settle into his lap. One hand slides up your back while the other traces along the curve of your hip, fingers curling into the fabric of your top.
Jack’s breath hitches as the kiss deepens, his hands roaming more freely now. He breaks the kiss only to trail open mouthed kisses down your neck. Jack's large, warm hands slide up your sides, gently pushing the fabric of your scrub top higher until it's thrown on the ground. As the fabric fell away, the cool air of the room met your skin, but it was instantly replaced by the warmth of her body pressing against yours. He can feel your smooth skin under his palms, your hips rolling slightly in his lap as he kisses and bites gently at your neck.
The air in the room seemed to thicken, charged with a silence that spoke louder than any words. You stood beneath his gaze, feeling the weight of his eyes tracing every line of your body, a silent promise that lingered in the space between your breaths.
Jack lets out a low, appreciative growl as you push him back onto the mattress, the sheets giving way under his weight. He watches you from below, eyes dark with desire, his chest rising and falling heavily as your fingers make quick work of the buttons on his shirt. With each button undone, more of his toned chest and abdomen are revealed, the warm skin flushed with arousal.
Jack groans softly, his hands squeezing your backside as you grind down against him, feeling his growing arousal press against you through his pants. He tilts his head to the side, giving you better access to his neck, a shiver running down his spine as you bite gently at the sensitive skin there.
His touch was electric as his fingers pressed against your ass, Each movement was a conversation, a silent dialogue of desire and trust that required no translation.
The rhythm of your movement was a language of its own, a slow, deliberate dance that seemed to pull the very air from the room. You felt the weight of his presence not just as a physical pressure, but as a profound emotional anchor, grounding you in a moment of absolute stillness amidst the rising tide of sensation.
When his hands finally found their way to your back, the touch was tentative at first, seeking the curve of your spine as if tracing a map. The friction of his skin against your back sent a jolt through you, not just of desire, but of a deep, resonant recognition.
Jack deftly unclasps your bra with practiced ease, sliding the straps down your shoulders and tossing the garment aside to join the growing pile of clothes on the floor. His warm hands immediately cover your bare breasts, thumbs brushing teasingly over your hardened nipples while you continue to roll your hips against his, drawing a ragged moan from deep within his chest.
His gaze held yours, dark and intense, stripping away any remaining defenses you might have tried to keep in place. It was a look of total acceptance, a silent invitation to let go of the world and exist only in the space you shared.
Jack suddenly flips you over onto your back without warning, his large frame looming over you as he settles between your spread thighs. He captures your mouth in a searing kiss, his tongue delving deep as his hips grind down against yours, his hard length pressing insistently against your core even through the fabric of your remaining clothes.
"I need... more..." he says, between two kisses.
The world narrows again until there’s nothing left but the two of you. The hesitation that once lived between you is gone now—completely replaced by something steady, certain, and mutual.
You caress his abs as you start to unbutton your own pants, and Jack quickly pushes his pants and boxers down, kicking them aside to reveal his muscular body. Clothes are shed gradually, not as a spectacle, but as a quiet continuation of trust—of choosing each other without doubt in the way that matters most.
He climbs back over you, his hips pressing against yours as you finish sliding your pants off, leaving you both completely bare. When you look at each other again, there’s no uncertainty left in his expression.
Everything shifts again—faster now, less careful, like the restraint that had been holding both of you together finally gives way completely. The space between you disappears in waves of closeness and breath and heat, every movement driven by mutual urgency and trust rather than hesitation.
Jack groans appreciatively, his hands squeezing and caressing your sensitive breast as he worships them with his mouth. He kisses and licks his way back up to your neck, sucking gently on the sensitive skin as he positions himself at your entrance, his thick head pressing against your wet, ready opening.
Nothing about it feels uncertain anymore. Only overwhelming. Only real. The rest of the world fades out entirely—the apartment, the city beyond it, even time itself—until there’s nothing left but the feeling of being chosen and choosing in return.
Jack's eyes burn into yours with intense love and desire as his fingers slowly slide through your wet folds, coating himself in your arousal. He circles your clit slowly, making you squirm beneath him before bringing his hand back to grip himself, guiding the head of his cock to your entrance.
The moment slows again. Jack grits his teeth as he sinks inside you inch by inch, his jaw clenching at the overwhelming sensation of your tight, wet heat surrounding him. A low groan escapes his throat, his forehead dropping to rest against yours as he bottoms out, completely buried within you.
"Fuck... you okay ?" His voice is careful, soft, but still full of pleasure. It’s a question that holds everything—attention, respect, and the same steady care he’s shown you since the very beginning, even before either of you knew where the night was heading.
"Yes… I’m good, really good…"
Jack kisses you deeply, his tongue sliding against yours as his hips begin a slow, deliberate rhythm. Each thrust is deep and measured, hitting places that make your breath hitch and your legs tighten around his waist. His large size stretches you perfectly, filling you completely with every movement. He breathes against your lips, setting a pace that has you seeing stars.
The moment deepens, and the room seems to fall away completely around you—no sound, no time, nothing except the closeness between you and the steady way he stays with you through it all.
Your moans feels like music to his ears, and as the intensity rises and settles in waves you can’t fully put into words, what remains constant is him—steady, focused on you, never letting the moment drift into anything that isn’t mutual.
"This is so good, oh my god…" you were so overwhelmed from the pleasure building up, his warm body over you.
"You like that ? Fuck you’re so tight…" He growls softly, somehow knowing exactly how to hit your spot. His voice drops an octave lower, huskier with desire. "So good, you're doing so well, taking me so well..."
You start moving your hips under him, helping him go deeper, feeling his length all the way. "Fuck... just like that, use me…" He encourages, his hands gripping your hips tightly as he thrusts up to meet your movements, the sound of skin slapping against skin filling the room along with your moans and his grunts.
The tension that had been building between you finally snaps, sending waves of overwhelming pleasure crashing over both of you. Your bodies move in perfect, frantic synchronization, trembling uncontrollably as the sensation becomes too much to bear. Jack buries his face in your neck, groaning your name deeply as his hips rock relentlessly. "Let go... I've got you…"
Everything between you tightens into something overwhelming—too close, too full, too consuming to hold onto in any structured thought. There’s no distance left now. No hesitation.
Just the two of you, completely caught in the same moment, carried by everything that has built between you since the first dance step, since the first look, since the first silence that didn’t feel like loneliness anymore.
And then, it crests. In a way that feels like release rather than escalation—like something inside both of you finally lets go at the same time. Your head was thrown back, your expression openly desperate with lust. Your eyes were dazed with desire, your plump, perfect lips parted and panting for air.
"That's it, fuck..." He moans, his thrusts becoming more erratic and forceful as he chases his own release. He leans down to suck a mark onto your neck, his teeth grazing your skin as he feels you start to unravel beneath him.
His cock pulsing deeply inside you as you make him come. He collapses onto you gently, careful not to crush you with his larger frame, both of you panting heavily as you come down from your highs.
The intensity slowly fades, not all at once, but in gentle waves that leave everything quieter than before. Breathing becomes something you both notice again.
The room settles around you—warm, dim, familiar in a way it wasn’t an hour ago, like it has absorbed everything that just happened and chosen to hold it gently rather than echo it back.
For a moment, neither of you speaks. There doesn’t feel like a need to. You’re both still close—closer than before in a different way now, not driven by urgency but by something calmer. Something steadier. Like the rush has given way to understanding.
He shifts slightly first, careful, as if checking in without words. Then his voice comes quietly, low against the silence.
“You okay ?”
It’s the same question as before. But softer now. Different weight to it. Not anticipation anymore—just care. And in that moment, it hits you how present he still is. How he hasn’t pulled away emotionally just because the intensity has passed. How he’s still here, still attentive, still him.
The vulnerability doesn’t disappear after the moment. It deepens. Because now there’s nothing left to hide behind. Just two people, breathing in the same quiet, trying to understand how something so unexpected already feels so… safe.
Outside, the world continues without you. But in here, everything has shifted. And neither of you seems in any hurry to leave it behind.
You breathe out slowly, still coming down from everything, but steadying now in the quiet that follows. I’m okay,” you say softly. Your voice is calm—more certain than you expected it to be.
That seems to ease something in him. The tension in his shoulders finally loosens as he shifts beside you, carefully settling back onto the bed. The movement is slow, unhurried, like neither of you wants to break the fragile calm that has replaced everything else.
And then he pulls you in gently. Not urgently. Just enough to close the space again. You end up resting against him, tucked into his side, your head finding a natural place where you can still hear his breathing—still feel the steady presence of him there.
His arm stays around you, warm and grounding, holding you like it’s the most natural thing in the world. For a while, neither of you speaks.
The silence now is different from before. No tension in it. No uncertainty. Just quiet. Shared. And in that stillness, everything that happened earlier doesn’t feel like something that needs to be understood right away.
Just something that brought you here. Together.
The room stays quiet long after the last words fade. Warmth lingers in the sheets, in the slow rhythm of breathing, in the way your body has finally stopped bracing for anything at all. Outside, the city continues without you—cars passing distantly, wind brushing against glass—but it all feels very far away now.
In here, there’s only him. And the steady way his arm stays around you, like it never needed to learn how.
You shift slightly against him, not to move away, just to settle in more comfortably. Your fingers rest lightly where they land, absentminded, grounded in something real after a night that still feels almost unbelievable when you try to think about it too hard.
Jack exhales softly above you. Not a word. Just presence. And for a moment, you let yourself think back—briefly, gently—to how this started.
A late arrival.
A dance class you almost didn’t enter.
A stranger who looked too composed to feel like home.
A hand offered in a mirrored room under yellow light.
You almost smile at the memory. Because none of it looked like this from the beginning. And yet…it led here.
Your eyes drift half-closed as his hand traces an idle, absent motion at your arm—more habit than intention now, like he’s still making sure you’re real beside him.
And now you’re something. Something that doesn’t feel like it needs a label yet, because it already feels like more than what it was supposed to be.
More than a dance partner.
More than coincidence.
More than a first meeting that should have ended at the studio door.
The room stays quiet for a while after everything settles. Not awkward. Not empty either. Just calm. The kind of silence that only exists when two people stop feeling the need to fill every space between them.
You remain tucked against Jack, your head resting near his shoulder while the warmth of the blankets and his body slowly replaces the cold memory of the winter night outside.
For a moment, neither of you moves much. Then a quiet laugh escapes him unexpectedly. Small. Breathy. You lift your head slightly, looking at him. “What?”
A faint smile pulls at his mouth as he stares up at the ceiling for a second. “I’m just thinking,” he murmurs, “your therapist is never going to let us hear the end of this.” That makes you laugh immediately. A real one this time—soft and tired and warm. “Oh my god,” you whisper, covering part of your face with your hand. “She’s going to look so proud of herself.”
“She basically orchestrated the whole thing.”
“She really did.” You both fall quiet again for a second, smiling a little into the dim light of the room. Then you glance toward him again, softer this time. “Did you actually want to come to the dance class at first?” He lets out a quiet breath through his nose, almost amused at the memory. “Absolutely not.” You laugh again. “I knew it.”
“I thought it sounded ridiculous,” he admits. “A tango class? Me?” He shakes his head lightly. “I almost left after the first session.” That surprises you enough to look at him properly. “Really?”
He nods once. “Then you showed up late.” Your chest tightens a little at that. The room grows quieter again after his words—not heavy, just more intimate now. You trace lazy patterns against his chest while gathering the courage to ask your next question. “And now?”
His eyes shift toward you immediately. There’s no hesitation in his answer this time. “Now I’m glad I stayed.” The simplicity of it nearly hurts. Not because it’s dramatic. Because it’s honest. You hold his gaze for a moment longer before smiling faintly, unable to stop yourself. Then, softer, “I almost didn’t go inside that night.”
“I know,” he says quietly. You blink. “How?” A small smile appears on his face again. “You had the exact look of someone trying to convince herself to run away.”
You groan softly in embarrassment, hiding your face against him for a second as he laughs quietly above you. But his arm tightens around you immediately after, grounding the teasing with something gentler. Something affectionate.
And slowly, as the conversation drifts into softer things—random thoughts, quiet jokes, the comfortable exhaustion of the night—you realize something strange :
For the first time since moving to Pittsburgh… you don’t feel lonely anymore.
Somewhere Between Hate And Whatever This Is — Jack Abbot
(Chapter 2/?)
pairing : jack abbot / f!reader
word count : 4,6k
previous chapter : Chapter 1
summary : The night shift at the Pitt teaches you two things very quickly: how to keep people alive, and how to survive the ones you can’t.
You are a newly assigned intern doctor who is brilliant, stubborn, and entirely incapable of backing down — which becomes a serious problem when your supervising attending, Jack Abbot, seems to make a sport out of challenging you at every possible opportunity. Between impossible trauma cases, sleepless nights, and arguments sharp enough to cut through the entire ER, the rivalry between them slowly turns into something far more dangerous.
contain : enemies to lovers, rivals, slow burn, sarcasm, mentions of medical trauma, injuries, death, blood, minor character death
a/n : here’s chapter twooo ! A bit more serious now. If you want to read more I’ve already posted 5 chapter on Ao3 ;)) don’t hesitate to tell me what you think, I love reading comments 🤓
Link to Ao3
Chapter 2 : Trauma Five
The ER transformed in less than five minutes.
One moment the department had still been functioning under the sluggish rhythm of a normal stormy night shift — exhausted conversations, routine cases, half-finished coffees abandoned beside computers — and the next, the entire floor snapped violently into motion like someone had pulled a fire alarm directly into everyone’s bloodstream.
Chaos in emergency medicine was rarely loud at first. It started in pieces. Phones ringing.
Voices sharpening. Stretchers moving faster through hallways. Attendings speaking in clipped sentences that meant serious before anyone even explained why.
Then suddenly everybody was running.
“The noncritical cases need to move upstairs now.”
“We need trauma two cleared immediately.”
“Call respiratory.”
“Where’s surgery?”
“Get more blood stocked.”
Rain thundered relentlessly against the ambulance bay doors while overhead lights reflected off wet floors and moving bodies, turning the ER into something bright and frantic and almost unreal beneath the storm outside.
You stood near the nurse’s station gripping your phone so tightly your fingers hurt. Still no answer. Straight to voicemail. Again. Your stomach twisted harder every single time you heard it. Dana never ignored calls during storm nights. Not from the hospital. Not after major accidents.
And now all you could hear in your head was Abbot’s voice from twenty minutes earlier:
One of them is a blonde lady driving a Ford Fusion…Dana’s car.
Near.
Not necessarily hers. Not necessarily Dana. But your brain had already stopped listening to logic. Around you, the rest of the staff moved with the terrifying efficiency of people trained for disaster response. Nurses cleared rooms at record speed while residents rushed equipment between trauma bays, monitors beeped endlessly in overlapping rhythms, and somewhere down the corridor somebody was already yelling for additional ventilators.
Ellis appeared beside you carrying armfuls of supplies.
“You okay?”
“No,” you answered honestly.
She paused for half a second, reading your expression immediately. Still no answer from Dana. You looked back down at your phone. Nothing. A horrible tightness had settled beneath your ribs now, making it hard to breathe normally. You hated this feeling. Hated how helpless it made you. Usually in the ER there was always something to do, some task to focus on, some patient to stabilize, but waiting was different. Waiting hollowed people out.
Ellis lowered her voice slightly. “Hey.” You looked up.
“We don’t know anything yet.”
You nodded once. Didn’t believe it helped.
Across the station, Abbot was coordinating with EMS over the phone now, speaking quickly while reviewing incoming casualty estimates on the board. He looked composed again from a distance, almost cold, but you could see the strain underneath if you watched closely enough — the rigid set of his shoulders, the way he kept rubbing a hand briefly against his jaw between instructions.
He was worried too. The realization grounded you slightly. Not because it made things better,
but because it reminded you that panic wouldn’t help anyone here. So you shoved your phone into your scrub pocket and forced yourself back into motion.
“Trauma three is ready,” you informed Ellis, voice steadier now.
“Good. We’ll probably need all of them.”
Another nurse rushed past carrying extra IV kits. The automatic ambulance doors slid open violently with a burst of cold rain-heavy wind before slamming shut again.
More paramedics. More shouting.
The storm outside had turned vicious now, thunder rattling faintly through the building itself while red and blue emergency lights flashed endlessly against the ER windows in blurred waves of color. You barely noticed how hard your heart was beating anymore.
Someone handed you gloves. Someone else asked for saline. The trauma board updated again.
Six incoming. Then ten. Then fifteenth .
Multi-vehicle collision. Poor visibility. Hydroplaning. Possible fatalities.
The words blurred together. Your pulse spiked again.
Fatalities.
No. No.
You tried Dana’s number one more time while crossing toward trauma intake. Still nothing.
“Doctor.”
You turned sharply. Abbot stood near the ambulance entrance now, already gloved, expression unreadable except for the intensity in his eyes. “The ambulances are two minutes out.”
You nodded quickly. He held your gaze for one brief second longer, like he almost wanted to say something else.
“Focus.” He wasn’t gentle. But somehow it helped anyway. You inhaled slowly. Forced your hands to stop shaking.
The first sirens became audible seconds later, faint at first beneath the storm before growing louder and louder until they swallowed everything else completely. Around you, the entire ER seemed to brace at once. Then the ambulance bay doors burst open.
Cold air and rain exploded into the ER with the ambulances. The bay doors slammed open one after another while paramedics flooded inside pushing stretchers slick with rainwater and blood, shouting vitals over the noise of monitors, wheels, thunder, and too many voices colliding at once.
Everything became movement. Controlled panic. The kind emergency departments trained for constantly and still never fully got used to.
“Thirty-two-year-old male, driver, chest trauma, decreased breath sounds on the left—”
“Female, possible spinal injury, hypotensive en route—”
“Teenager, head laceration, responsive but confused—”
“BP dropping!”
“Trauma two, now!”
The entire ER fractured instantly into organized chaos. Nurses split off toward incoming patients with carts and monitors while doctors moved between bays in rapid sharp motions, gloves snapping onto hands, orders firing across the room faster than thought. Rainwater streaked across the floor beneath the stretchers.
A woman somewhere near intake screamed in pain while another patient cried quietly into an oxygen mask, blood running down the side of his neck in thin red lines. One paramedic stumbled through the doors drenched completely through his uniform while manually ventilating an unconscious man whose face was almost unrecognizable beneath bruising and shattered glass cuts. Another stretcher rolled past carrying a young couple clutching each other’s hands so tightly their knuckles had gone white.
One conscious. One not.
The smell hit next. Rain. Gasoline. Blood. Antiseptic.
You hated how familiar it all was becoming.
“Move, move, move!” Someone brushed hard against your shoulder while rushing a crash cart past you toward trauma four. You turned instinctively. Another stretcher entered. Blonde woman. Your stomach dropped so violently you almost stopped breathing.
Not Dana.
Too old.
Relief crashed through you so suddenly it made you dizzy.
Then guilt followed immediately afterward because somebody else’s loved one was still bleeding out in front of you. More patients kept coming.
A teenage boy with glass embedded in his arm.
A man coughing blood into a towel.
A woman whose hands shook uncontrollably while she kept repeating:
“My husband was behind me— my husband was behind me—”
The ER noise swelled louder and louder around you until it almost stopped sounding human anymore, just overlapping alarms and voices and movement. And somewhere beneath all of it, panic started clawing its way higher inside your chest. Because every new stretcher triggered the same thought instantly:
What if this one is Dana?
You kept searching faces without meaning to. Every blonde woman. Every injured patient.
Every glimpse of blood-soaked clothing making your pulse spike harder. Your phone stayed silent in your pocket. No messages. No calls. Nothing. The uncertainty was becoming unbearable.
“Doctor!”
You turned sharply but barely registered who’d called you. Another patient rolled past. Not
Dana. Another one. Not Dana. But what if—
“Hey.”
A voice cut through the noise suddenly, close and sharp enough to snap your attention back into the room.
Abbot.
He stood directly in front of you now in trauma intake, gloves already streaked with blood from another patient, eyes fixed on your face with a focus so intense it almost startled you.
“You’re spiraling.”
You blinked once. The words landed harder because they were true. Around you, the ER kept moving at terrifying speed while you realized with sudden horror that you’d frozen completely in the middle of it. Your chest tightened.
“I—”
“No.” His voice stayed calm, firm enough to cut through the panic immediately. “Not now.”
Another stretcher burst through the doors behind him carrying a crying child. Maybe eight years old. Blood matted through dark curls near the side of his forehead while his small hands clutched weakly at a paramedic’s sleeve.
“Pediatric male,” the paramedic shouted. “Possible concussion, fractured wrist, responsive but disoriented— mother’s in another ambulance—” The child’s terrified eyes darted wildly around the ER. Abbot turned toward you again instantly.
“You’re with me.”
Your brain still felt flooded and distant and wrong. But his voice grounded itself somewhere solid beneath all the noise.
“I need you focused,” he said, quieter this time but no less sharp. “Can you do that?” For one horrible second you weren’t sure. Then the little boy let out another frightened sound from the stretcher and instinct took over before fear could. You nodded once.
Abbot didn’t soften exactly, but something in his posture loosened slightly.
“Good,” he said immediately. “Take his vitals.”
And just like that, there was finally something to do besides panic.
You followed Abbot into trauma 3 almost automatically, your body moving before your thoughts could catch up, sneakers squeaking sharply against the polished floor while the stretcher carrying the little boy rattled violently over the doorway threshold.
The trauma room was already too bright. Fluorescent lights reflected harshly off metal instruments and white tile while monitors woke up around you in shrill mechanical beeps, oxygen lines hissed softly from the wall, and somewhere just outside the curtain another patient started screaming. The child looked impossibly small in the middle of all that noise.
Rainwater still soaked through parts of his sweatshirt, dark curls plastered messily against his forehead where blood had dried in uneven streaks near his temple. His breathing came too fast, sharp frightened little gasps that made his chest rise unevenly beneath the blanket covering him.
He couldn’t have been older than eight. Nine at most.
“Hey, buddy,” you said immediately, stepping beside the stretcher while nurses crowded around the opposite side, attaching monitors and cutting through the sleeve of his jacket.
“Can you tell me your name?”
His eyes darted toward you instantly. Wide. Terrified. Glossy with tears he was trying very hard not to let fall.
“…Noah.”
“Okay, Noah,” you replied gently while reaching for the blood pressure cuff with steadier hands than you actually felt. “I’m Doctor—”
A monitor beeped sharply behind you. Someone shouted for saline outside the room. The little boy flinched violently at the noise.
“It’s okay,” you said quickly. “You’re okay. You’re safe here.” You weren’t sure if you were reassuring him or yourself anymore. Abbot stood near the foot of the bed already reviewing EMS notes while another nurse checked the child’s pupils with a penlight.
“BP’s dropping slightly,” she said.
“Pulse one-thirty.”
“Sat’s okay.”
Noah winced suddenly when you touched near his wrist.
“Hurts,” he whispered. You looked down carefully. The left wrist was visibly swollen already, bruising spreading beneath pale skin in angry dark colors that would probably worsen within the hour. Glass cuts scattered across his hands and arms in thin shallow lines, most minor, though one near his elbow still bled steadily onto the sheet beneath him.
His head injury worried you more. Not catastrophic from first glance — thank God — but enough dried blood clung near his hairline to make your stomach tighten. Concussion maybe.
Hopefully only that. You checked his pulse while trying to keep your voice calm.
“Do you remember what happened?”
Noah swallowed hard. “The car…” His breathing hitched suddenly. “It spun.” The words came small and confused. Like he still didn’t fully understand it himself. Thunder cracked somewhere outside the hospital hard enough to vibrate faintly through the walls. The child startled again.
“Where’s my mom?”
Your chest tightened painfully. “We’re finding her,” you answered softly. Technically true.
Somewhere else in the ER another trauma alarm suddenly started screaming. Your brain betrayed you instantly. What if Dana’s somewhere else in the ER too? The thought crashed through your concentration so hard you nearly missed the next question Abbot asked entirely.
“Pupils?”
You blinked sharply. The nurse answered before you could.
“Reactive.”
Good. Good. You focused again. Forced yourself to.
Noah’s small hand had unconsciously gripped the edge of your scrub sleeve now, knuckles trembling slightly while the room moved around him too fast, too loud, too clinical for a frightened child trying to process flashing headlights and spinning metal and rain.
You knew this feeling. Not the accident itself — the helplessness afterward. The confusion.
Machines kept beeping around you in overlapping rhythms while nurses moved in and out of the room carrying supplies you barely registered. Someone adjusted the overhead light.
Someone else called radiology. Everything smelled like antiseptic and stormwater. You checked Noah’s breathing again, trying to anchor yourself in the familiarity of procedure, because procedures made sense and panic didn’t. Your hands stayed steady somehow, but only barely.
Abbot noticed. Of course he noticed. He looked up from the chart suddenly, eyes flicking toward you for one brief second too long. Not judgmental. Assessing. Like he was measuring exactly how close you were to losing focus again. You hated that he could read you that easily.
“Doctor,” he said evenly, pulling your attention back immediately. “Stay with me…I need you.”
You inhaled once. Forced yourself back into the room again. Noah still held onto your sleeve.
The monitor still beeped steadily beside him. And somewhere in the middle of all that noise, your phone remained horribly silent in your pocket.
Noah stabilized faster than you’d feared. Not perfectly — he would still need scans, stitches, monitoring, probably surgery for the wrist depending on the fracture — but the terrifying uncertainty of those first minutes slowly eased as his vitals steadied and the panic in the room loosened just enough for everyone to breathe again. You adjusted the blanket more securely over him while radiology prepared to move him upstairs.
“Your mom’s here too, okay?” you told him gently, even though you still had absolutely no idea if that was true. “We’re taking care of her.” His grip loosened slightly from your sleeve.
The monitor beside him continued its steady rhythmic beeping.
Alive. Stable. Thank God.
You stepped back from the bed finally, stripping off bloodied gloves while exhaustion and adrenaline crashed together unpleasantly beneath your skin. Outside trauma three, the ER still looked like a disaster zone — stretchers packed into hallways, nurses rushing between rooms, overhead pages echoing through the department every few minutes.
The storm was quieter now. But not the ambulances.
A paramedic spotted you the second you exited the room.
“Doctor,” he called sharply, already pushing another stretcher through the corridor. “Need help in five. Severe MVC.” You moved immediately beside the stretcher while they rolled past. The woman lying on it looked barely conscious. Mid-thirties maybe. Blonde hair soaked dark with rainwater and blood. Oxygen mask fogging weakly with every uneven breath. Your stomach twisted instantly at the amount of blood. Jesus.
Part of the windshield glass had embedded itself across the right side of her abdomen and lower chest in jagged glittering fragments, crimson spreading continuously beneath the pressure dressings paramedics were desperately trying to hold in place. Bruising already bloomed violently across her ribs and collarbone from the seatbelt impact, deep purple shadows forming beneath pale skin.
But what frightened you most was the breathing. Too shallow. Too wet. Internal bleeding.
Maybe collapsed lung too.
“BP’s crashing,” one paramedic warned while steering the stretcher toward trauma five.
“Seventy over forty last check.”
“Pulse one-fifty.”
“She lost consciousness twice en route.”
You grabbed the side rail automatically while helping guide the stretcher through the trauma room doors. “On my count,” you ordered quickly. “One, two, three—” The transfer onto the hospital bed happened fast and messy all at once. Monitors started screaming almost immediately as nurses crowded around attaching leads and IV lines while someone cut through the woman’s blood-soaked jacket. The room flooded instantly with movement and noise and sharp bright light reflecting off fresh blood.
Abbot entered seconds behind you. One look at the patient and his expression sharpened immediately. “What do we have?”
“High-speed collision,” you answered quickly while pressing gloved hands against the abdominal wound, trying to slow the bleeding already soaking through gauze far too quickly.
Warm blood coated your fingers almost instantly. “Possible internal hemorrhage. Maybe thoracic injury too.” The woman let out a weak sound beneath the oxygen mask. Abbot moved to the opposite side of the bed, already assessing pupils, chest movement, airway.
“Breath sounds diminished right side,” he said sharply. “Get me a chest tray now.”
Another nurse rushed to comply. The monitor screamed again. Heart rate climbing. Blood pressure dropping lower. The woman coughed suddenly and blood appeared at the edge of the oxygen mask. Your pulse spiked.
“Shit.”
“We’re losing pressure,” someone warned behind you. You pressed harder against the wound instinctively, though it felt useless already, blood slipping hot between your fingers faster than anyone could control.
The woman’s eyes fluttered weakly open then. Disoriented. Glass-bright with pain. She looked around the room like she couldn’t fully understand where she was. Machines beeped wildly around her.
“Ma’am,” you said quickly, leaning closer so she could focus on your voice. “Stay with me, okay? You’re in the hospital.” Her gaze found yours slowly. For one second she looked terrified. Then exhausted.
“…my son…”
The words barely reached you through the oxygen mask. You glanced toward Abbot automatically before looking back at her. “What’s his name?” Her breathing shuddered
painfully. “…Noah.”
Everything inside you froze. The room suddenly sounded distant. The monitor. The shouting.
The storm outside. All of it blurred together into static. Noah.
Your eyes snapped toward Abbot across the bed. He’d gone still too. Only for half a second. But you saw it. The immediate realization landing between both of you at exactly the same time. The little boy in trauma three. This was his mother.
And she was bleeding out in front of you.
“Noah is safe,” you said immediately, the words leaving your mouth almost too fast, desperate somehow, like if you said them quickly enough you could hold her here a little longer. “He’s alive, okay? He’s stable. He’s here.”
For a brief second, relief flickered across her face. Tiny. Fragile. Then pain swallowed it again. Her breathing hitched violently beneath the oxygen mask, wet and uneven now, every inhale sounding thinner than the last while blood continued soaking through the dressings beneath your hands no matter how much pressure you applied.
Too much blood. Way too much. “Pressure’s dropping again,” the nurse at the monitor warned sharply. “Fifty systolic.” Abbot’s voice cut through immediately. “Hang another unit.” The room accelerated around you again. More movement. More shouting. Metal instruments clattering onto trays.
You could feel the woman slipping away beneath your hands and it terrified you. “Chest tube,” Abbot ordered while already pulling on another pair of gloves streaked dark red at the fingertips. “Now.”
A nurse handed him the tray instantly. The woman cried out weakly when he inserted the tube between her ribs, blood immediately flooding down the line.
Hemothorax.
Your stomach dropped. Of course. “Come on…” you muttered under your breath, pressing harder against the abdominal wound while another nurse pushed fluids through the IV.
The monitor kept screaming. Heart rate climbing higher. Blood pressure lower. The woman’s skin had gone frighteningly pale now beneath the trauma room lights, lips tinged faintly blue while sweat dampened strands of blonde hair against her forehead. She looked exhausted.
Not tired. Exhausted. Like her body was already beginning to let go.
“Stay with us,” you told her quickly, voice sharper now, almost demanding. “You need to stay awake.”
Her eyes struggled to focus on you again. “…Noah…”
“He’s okay,” you repeated immediately. “Do you hear me? He’s safe.”
Abbot checked the monitor again, jaw tightening visibly. “We need OR now.”
“They’re still backed up with the other traumas.”
“Then we make space.”
Another violent cough wracked through her body suddenly, blood appearing again near the oxygen mask. The monitor alarm changed pitch. Lower. More dangerous. Your pulse spiked instantly.
“No— no, no—”
“Pulse weakening,” the nurse warned. You looked up sharply. The woman’s eyes had started drifting closed again. “Ma’am.” You leaned closer immediately. “Look at me.” Nothing.
“Hey.” Her breathing stuttered. Stopped. The monitor gave one long continuous tone.
Flatline.
For one impossible second the entire room seemed to freeze around that sound. Your brain rejected it instantly. “No pulse,” somebody said.
“No,” you snapped immediately, already climbing onto the side of the bed. “No, no, no—”
You started compressions before anyone even finished speaking. Hard. Fast. Your hands pressed down against her sternum rhythmically while the trauma bed shook beneath the force of it, blood staining your gloves, your sleeves, nearly up to your elbows now.
“One, two, three, four—” Sweat slipped down the side of your forehead despite the freezing air conditioning in the trauma room. “She was talking two seconds ago,” you said breathlessly between compressions, panic sharpening every word. “Come on—”
Abbot moved instantly beside you, calm in the terrifying way only experienced ER doctors could be during moments like this. “Charging to two hundred.” The nurse handed him the defibrillator pads. You kept compressions going while he placed them against her chest quickly through blood-slick skin.
“Clear.” You pulled back. The shock hit her body violently, arching her slightly off the bed before she collapsed back again. The monitor flickered. Nothing.
Flatline.
“Resume compressions.” You started again immediately. Your shoulders already burned from the force of it but adrenaline drowned everything else out. Around you, nurses pushed medications, changed blood bags, called out times, but all you could hear was that horrible endless tone from the monitor between commands.
“She’s losing too much blood,” someone said quietly. “No shit,” another voice muttered.
“One, two, three—” Your breaths came faster now. Sweat clung damply to the back of your neck. “Come on,” you whispered under your breath without realizing it. “Please—”
Abbot checked the monitor again. Still nothing. “Charge again.” The room smelled like antiseptic and blood and electrical heat now.
“Clear.” Another shock. Her body jerked sharply. Then collapsed again.
Flatline.
The sound cut straight through your chest. You stared at the monitor for half a second too long before starting compressions again harder this time, almost angry now.
“She has a kid,” you said breathlessly. “She can’t—” Your voice broke sharply. You hated it instantly.
Abbot looked at you briefly then, something unreadable flashing across his expression before he turned back toward the monitor again.
“Epinephrine pushed?”
“Yes.”
“No rhythm.”
You kept compressing.
Blood stained the front of your scrubs now, sticky beneath your hands, your arms trembling harder every second while the flatline tone continued endlessly beneath the rain outside.
The room grew quieter in the worst possible way. Not silent — hospitals were never silent — but muted around the edges, like everyone inside trauma five had already begun understanding something your body still refused to accept.
The flatline continued. Long. Steady. Unforgiving. You kept compressing anyway.
“One, two, three—” Your arms burned now, every muscle in your shoulders screaming from effort, sweat slipping down your temple and into the collar of your scrub top while blood coated your gloves so completely they barely looked like gloves anymore.
“She’s been down too long,” one of the nurses said quietly somewhere behind you. You ignored it. “Four, five, six—”
The woman’s body moved mechanically beneath your hands now, no longer fighting, no gasping breaths interrupting the rhythm, no flicker of consciousness returning to her eyes.
Still you kept going. Because upstairs there was a little boy with dark curls and a fractured wrist who kept asking for his mother. Because she’d looked relieved when you told her he was safe. Because she was only thirty-five.
“Doctor.” Abbot’s voice. Close. Calm. Too calm.
You didn’t stop. “Push epi again.”
“We already did.”
“Then again.” Your breaths came sharp and uneven now, panic and desperation tangled so tightly together you couldn’t separate them anymore. The monitor never changed. Still flat.
Still dead.
Someone slowly lowered their eyes toward the floor. Another nurse stopped moving entirely.
You hated all of them for it suddenly. “No,” you whispered harshly, compressions growing more frantic. “No, come on—”
Abbot checked the monitor one last time. Then looked at the clock. The room waited. You didn’t. “One, two, three—”
“Time of death,” Abbot said quietly. “3:42 AM.”
The words hit the room like a door closing. Everything stopped around you. Nurses lowered their hands. Someone turned away toward the counter. The defibrillator powered down with a soft mechanical sound.
But you kept going. Your palms slammed against her chest again and again and again while the flatline screamed endlessly beside you.
“Doctor.”
“No.” Your voice cracked immediately.
“She has a son.” Nothing. The woman’s body moved only because you forced it to.
“Doctor,” Abbot repeated, firmer this time. You couldn’t stop. Because if you stopped then this became real. If you stopped then Noah was upstairs alone. If you stopped then the last thing his mother ever heard was your voice promising he was safe. Your vision blurred suddenly. You weren’t even sure if it was sweat anymore.
“Please,” you whispered under your breath, still compressing. “Please—”
Then suddenly warm hands closed firmly around your wrists. Not rough. Just steady. Enough to stop you. Your entire body jerked slightly at the contact before you finally looked up.
Abbot stood directly beside you now. Closer than you realized. His gloves were bloodstained too. His expression unreadable except for something tight beneath it, something exhausted and human and quietly devastated in the way ER doctors learned to hide from everyone except each other.
“She’s gone,” he said softly. You stared at him. Then at your own shaking hands trapped gently between his for one horrible suspended second before your body finally gave out beneath the adrenaline holding it upright. The compressions stopped.
The flatline continued anyway. Abbot slowly guided your hands away from the woman’s chest and helped you step down from the side of the bed before your knees could fully give out underneath you. You barely felt yourself moving. The room around you had gone strangely distant now.
Muted voices. Soft footsteps. Machines shutting off one by one. A nurse reached over quietly and silenced the monitor at last. The sudden absence of sound felt unbearable. You stood there motionless beside the trauma bed while someone gently pulled the sheet higher over the woman’s body, covering the blood, the injuries, the failed resuscitation attempts.
But not her face. Not yet. Your breathing still hadn’t steadied.
Blood covered your hands completely. Dark red across your palms, beneath your nails, smeared along your wrists and sleeves where you’d pressed desperately against wounds you couldn’t fix. You stared at it numbly.
Noah.
The thought hit so hard it physically hurt. Upstairs, he still thought his mother was alive. And for one terrible moment all you could picture was him gripping your sleeve in trauma three with those frightened eyes while you promised:
We’re taking care of her.
Your stomach twisted violently. You swallowed hard against something dangerously close to panic again. Around you, the trauma team quietly began resetting the room for the next emergency because the ER never stopped long enough for grief. But you couldn’t move.
Couldn’t look away from the body.
Couldn’t stop thinking about the little boy upstairs waiting for someone to tell him his entire world had just ended.
summary : The night shift at the Pitt teaches you two things very quickly: how to keep people alive, and how to survive the ones you can’t.
You are a newly assigned intern doctor who is brilliant, stubborn, and entirely incapable of backing down — which becomes a serious problem when your supervising attending, Jack Abbot, seems to make a sport out of challenging you at every possible opportunity. Between impossible trauma cases, sleepless nights, and arguments sharp enough to cut through the entire ER, the rivalry between them slowly turns into something far more dangerous.
contain : enemies to lovers, rivals, slow burn, sarcasm, mentions of medical trauma, injuries, blood, argument.
a/n : yay new chapter…Alexa play The Cut That Always Bleeds by Conan Gray 🥲
archiveofourown link Spotify playlist link
Chapter 14 : No Answer
A coward.
That was the first coherent thought that had managed to survive the night.
A coward.
The word had been sitting in your chest for nearly an hour now, heavy and impossible to ignore. The morning air was cool against your skin as you sat on the floor of your balcony.
Barefoot. Your knees pulled up beneath your chin and your arms wrapped tightly around your legs.
The city stretched out in front of you, quiet, but not sleeping, not anymore. The sun was beginning its slow climb over the skyline, painting the buildings in pale gold and soft orange.
Down below, life was already moving. A delivery truck rumbled through an intersection, a cyclist cut through nearly empty streets, lights flickered on in apartment windows.
Some people were waking up, others had never gone to sleep. Somewhere, nurses were ending their shifts, somewhere else, residents were starting theirs.
You stared at the horizon andthought about the fact that Jack was still inside, still asleep.
At least you thought he was, you hadn’t checked, you couldn’t bring yourself to. Because the moment you looked at him, everything would become real again.
The kisses, the night, the way you’d fallen asleep against his chest, the way he’d held you.
You squeezed your arms tighter around your legs. A coward. Because he’d wanted to talk, and you hadn’t.He’d been ready to ask the questions, the difficult ones, the necessary ones.
And you’d stopped him.
Don’t talk. Let’s just stay like this.
At the time it had felt like exactly what you needed, now it felt suspiciously close to running away.
The irony wasn’t lost on you. You, the woman who had marched into trauma bays and operating rooms and impossible situations without hesitation. You, who had risked your career four days ago because standing by had felt worse than acting.
And yet one honest conversation with Jack Abbot had sent you fleeing to the balcony before sunrise. You let out a humorless laugh, the sound disappeared into the morning air.
What exactly were you afraid of? That he’d regret it? That you’d regret it? That the answer to what happens now? might be something neither of you wanted to hear?
The balcony door remained closed behind you, quiet and still.
You hadn’t heard movement yet but somehow you were aware of him anyway, of his presence inside the apartment and the fact that for the first time since you’d met him, there was no professional distance left to hide behind. No pretending, no misunderstanding, no unfinished tension.
You didn’t know. That was the worst part. If you regretted it, at least there would be certainty. If you knew it had been the right thing, there would be certainty too. But there was nothing, just confusion.
A thousand emotions tangled together so tightly that you couldn’t separate one from another.
Was it a mistake? Maybe.
Was it the right thing? Maybe.
Did you regret it?
The question circled endlessly in your mind. And every time you tried to answer it, the answer changed. You lowered your forehead onto your knees, closing your eyes.
Trying to think, trying not to think. None of it worked because every path led back to the same place…him.
The feeling of waking up and realizing he was still there. The memory of falling asleep against him. The terrifying reality that what had happened wasn’t some fantasy anymore.
It existed now, inthe daylight, in the real world. And suddenly you felt uncomfortable in your own skin, likeyou didn’t know where to put your hands, didn’t know where to put your thoughts, didn’t know who you were supposed to be now.
The resident? The woman who had spent months arguing with him? The woman who had spent the night in his arms? You didn’t know.
The apartment behind you remained quiet. Until it didn’t.A faint sound, movement. The soft creak of the mattress. Your heart immediately tightened. You froze. Then came footsteps, slow and unhurried.
Of course he would wake up, of course he would notice you were gone, of course he would come looking. For a brief second, you considered getting up, going back inside, pretending to be normal. Pretending you weren’t currently having an existential crisis on your own balcony.
Instead, you stayed exactly where you were, curled into yourself, arms wrapped tightly around your legs as though making yourself smaller might somehow protect you.
The footsteps moved through the apartment then the balcony door slid open behind you. The sound seemed impossibly loud in the quiet morning. For a moment, neither of you spoke and you didn’t turn around, you couldn’t.
You stared stubbornly at the city instead, at the traffic, the rooftops, anything but him.
You heard his footsteps cross the balcony, then stop. The silence stretched between you, like both of you were standing at the edge of a conversation neither one knew how to begin, and somehow, without even looking at him, you knew he was watching you.
Jack sat down beside you quietly, close enough that you could feel his presence. You still didn’t look at him, you couldn’t. Because the second you did, all the thoughts you had been desperately trying to keep organized would fall apart again.
The silence stretched, the city continued waking up below, cars moved through intersections, people started their days.
And neither of you knew what to do with this one. After a while, you felt him shift. Then, carefully, slowly, his hand came to rest against your arm.
A simple touch, gentle and tentative. The kind of touch that was asking a question rather than making a demand.
You flinched, only slightly but enough, enough for him to feel it, enough for you to hate yourself for it immediately afterward.
Several seconds passed, neither of you speaking, neither of you moving. Then suddenly you couldn’t do it anymore, so you pulled away. Getting to your feet before your courage failed. The movement forced his hand to fall away, the loss of contact felt immediate.
You crossed the balcony before you could stop yourself, putting distance between you, putting distance between the questions waiting in his eyes.
You stopped near the railing staring out over the city, your arms folding tightly across your chest, protective, maybe defensive..
Behind you knew he was looking at you. You knew he was trying to understand what had just happened. And maybe that was exactly why you couldn’t turn around. Because if you saw the hurt on his face, you weren’t sure you’d survive it.
Your throat tightened, the words came out rougher than you intended. “I think…I think you should leave.” The moment they left your mouth, the balcony seemed to go completely still. Even the city noise felt distant.
Behind you, Jack didn’t answer immediately. And somehow the silence hurt more than if he had. You closed your eyes. Your hands gripping your own arms tighter.
Jack stood. For a moment, you thought he was going to do what you asked, leave, walk back inside, pick up his things. Let you hide behind the walls you were already rebuilding around yourself.
Instead, you heard him let out a sharp breath, not angry, not at first. Frustrated. Deeply frustrated. “Stop.”
You closed your eyes. Your arms tightened around yourself. “Please—”
“No.” His voice cut through yours. For the first time in a long time, he sounded genuinely fed up. “You don’t get to do this.”
You stared at the city. The traffic. The rooftops. Anywhere but him. “I know.”
“No, I don’t think you do.” Silence. “You call me when you need me.”
“I know.”
“You let me in, and then the second things become real, you slam every door shut.”
The words landed harder than you wanted them to. Because they weren’t wrong. You swallowed. “I know.”
His laugh wasn’t amused. It was exhausted. “That’s the problem, Y/N.” You flinched. “You always know.” Another silence. “You know when you’re pushing people away, you know when you’re being unfair.”
“I know.”
“You know when you’re hurting yourself.”
“I know.” Each answer came quieter than the last. Smaller. Like pieces of yourself breaking off. But Jack kept going. Months of frustration finally spilling out. “You act like nobody understands you.” You stared ahead. “But you never actually let anybody try.”
Your jaw tightened. “I know.”
“You want people to stay but you make it impossible.”
The words struck something deep. Something uncomfortable. Something true. Still, you couldn’t look at him, couldn’t face him. Because if you did, you would have to see what was in his eyes, and right now, you couldn’t survive that.
Behind you, Jack fell silent for a second. When he spoke again, his voice was lower, more controlled. Which somehow made it worse. “You know what drives me insane about you?” You didn’t answer. “You think leaving first protects you.”
The tears started before you realized it, one slipping down your cheek, then another, silent, invisible from where he stood.
“You think if you push everyone away, you won’t get hurt.” Your throat tightened. “But you never stop to think what it does to the people who keep coming back.”
The tears were falling steadily now, you wiped one away quickly, then another, still refusing to turn around, still refusing to let him see. And then Jack said the thing that finally broke you. The thing that was so brutally honest neither of you could take it back.
“You keep asking why people leave…” The balcony fell silent. “…You never ask how long they spent trying to stay.”
The words hit like a physical blow. This time, you didn’t answer. Behind you, Jack waited. For an “I know.”, or an argument, or anything. Nothing came. The silence stretched.
And suddenly something felt wrong. Jack didn’t say anything after that. The words hung between you, suspended in the cool morning air.
You never ask how long they spent trying to stay.
Neither of you moved, neither of you spoke, he just stood there behind you, waiting. Not for a grand gesture, not for an explanation, not even for an apology. Just something, a word, a glance, a reason to stay, a sign that you wanted him to.
But it never came. You stood frozen at the edge of the balcony, tears sliding silently down your face. Your arms wrapped tightly around yourself, your eyes fixed stubbornly on the city, as if looking anywhere else would shatter whatever fragile control you still had left.
Behind you, Jack waited a little longer, a few more seconds. Then a few more. Long enough for hope to become acceptance. Long enough to realize you weren’t going to stop him.
Eventually, you heard him move, the sound was small, almost imperceptible. But it felt enormous. The balcony door slid shut, his footsteps crossed the apartment, the quiet sounds of someone gathering their belongings, his jacket, his keys. The things he’d left scattered around your apartment the night before, when neither of you had been thinking about morning.
Each sound felt like a countdown. And still, you couldn’t move, couldn’t call after him, couldn’t make yourself speak. The guilt was already crushing you, but somehow not enough to break through the fear.
Then came the final sound, the apartment door opening. A pause. And then— Click. Silence, complete silence. He was gone. For several seconds, you didn’t react, you just stood there, staring at the city, listening to the emptiness behind you. As though your mind hadn’t quite caught up yet. As though some part of you still expected to hear his footsteps, his voice, the sound of him moving through the apartment.
But there was nothing, only silence. And suddenly the reality of what had happened crashed into you all at once. Your knees gave out, you sank to the balcony floor so quickly you barely registered the movement. A broken sound escaped your throat, then another. And then the tears came harder, the kind you couldn’t hold back…the kind that hurt.
You buried your face against your arms crying openly now. Not because he had left but because you had made him. Because after everything—after him answering your call, after him coming for you, after his patience, his honesty, his vulnerability… you had done exactly what he accused you of doing. You had pushed him away, again.
The guilt sat so heavily in your chest it was hard to breathe. And the worst part was knowing he hadn’t been wrong, not about any of it.
You thought about him standing behind you, waiting. Giving you chance after chance to stop him. And all he got in return was silence.
The sunrise continued over the city, people went to work, cars filled the streets, life moved forward. But curled up on the cold balcony floor, your face hidden against your arms, it felt like the world had stopped. Because for the first time since you’d met Jack Abbot, you weren’t afraid that he would leave. You were afraid that this time, he finally had.
———————
5:48PM
The emergency department had been loud all day. Not unusual loud, hospital loud. Phones ringing, monitors beeping, patients complaining, residents rushing. The kind of chaos everyone who worked there eventually learned to tune out.
At almost 6 p.m., that noise changed, dana noticed it first. Not because of something she heard, but because of what suddenly stopped.
Dana was in the middle of a conversation when her phone rang. She answered, listened, and immediately went pale. The room seemed to shift, like the atmosphere itself had tightened.
“What happened?” Princess asked.
Dana looked up. “A mass casualty.” The words landed like a bomb. Every conversation nearby stopped, every head turned.
Robby was already moving. “How many?”
Dana shook her head. “They don’t know yet.”
Nobody ever knew yet, not at the beginning, at the beginning there was only confusion, pieces of information, rumors, half-finished reports. Then another phone rang, and another, and another. Suddenly everyone was talking at once. Security. EMS. Hospital administration. Trauma surgery.
The department transformed within seconds. Years of training snapping into place. People stopped being tired, stopped being distracted, stopped being human for a moment, they became professionals, machines.
Robby was already issuing orders. “Clear every available trauma room.”
“Dana, get disaster protocol started.”
“Call everyone.”
“Everybody.”
The department exploded into motion. Stretchers disappeared.
Equipment carts rolled through hallways, nurses began discharging anyone who could safely leave, every available bed became valuable, every available pair of hands became essential.
Still, nobody knew exactly what had happened, only that something terrible had occurred at Pitt Fest.
6:04PM
The ambulance bay had become a blur of flashing lights and shouting voices. Robby stood in the center of the chaos, turning in every direction at once.
Trying to see everything, Trying to miss nothing.
“Dana!”
Dana looked up from the charge desk.
“Call the night shift.” Robby pointed toward the waiting room, already overflowing. “Call everybody.”
The words came sharp and immediate. “No exceptions.” He looked toward the ambulance entrance where even more sirens were arriving. “Get Abbot., get Y/N, get every resident.” Another ambulance door slammed. “Every attending.” The situation was growing by the second. “Everyone.”
Dana nodded immediately already reaching for the phone, already pulling up contact lists.
Mass casualty staffing protocols. Emergency call-ins. The things everyone hoped they’d never need.
She call everyone, one after another, attendings, residents, nurses. Anyone available. The calls were short, no explanations necessary.
“Pitt Fest mass casualty.”
“Hospital needs you.”
“Now.”
Nobody asked questions, the tone in her voice was enough. Dana grabbed the next number. Jack Abbot.
The phone rang once, twice, then connected. “Abbot.” His voice sounded rough, tired, like someone who hadn’t had much sleep.
Dana closed her eyes for a second, relieved he answered. “Jack.”
Immediately his tone changed. “Dana?” Something in her voice had given it away. “What happened?”
Around her, the emergency department erupted into another wave of noise. Dana pressed a hand against her forehead. “We have a mass casualty incident.”
Silence. Then— “How bad?”
Dana looked toward the ambulance entrance. The paramedics were preparing many stretchers near the doors. She swallowed. “Bad…We’re getting victims from Pitt Fest.”
Jack was already moving on the other end. She could hear drawers opening, the rustle of clothing, his keys. “What happened?”
“We’re still getting conflicting reports.”
Dana rubbed at her temple. “But it was intentional.”
The words felt strange even saying them, heavy, terrible. “Multiple victims. Gunshot wounds. Trauma. We’re activating disaster protocols.” Dana lowered her voice. “Robby wants everyone here.”
A brief pause. Then, “I’m leaving now.”
Of course he was.
She had expected nothing less.
“Good.”
“I’ll be there in ten.” Tonight she just nodded, the line disconnected.
Dana lowered the phone, selecting the next number.
You.
She pressed call, the phone rang. One beep. Two. Three. Dana waited. Nothing. No answer. She frowned. Not because you missed a call, everybody missed calls sometimes. But because you almost never missed her calls. Especially not if she was calling more than once. The line disconnected.
Dana immediately pressed call again. Around her, somebody shouted for additional IV pumps, a nurse rushed past carrying blood products, the overhead speakers announced another trauma activation.
The phone rang again. One beep. Two. Three. Four. Still nothing.
Dana felt a small knot form in her stomach and stared at the screen for a second. Then tried again. “Come on, kid.” The words escaped under her breath.
Another nurse appeared beside her. “We need two more attendings in Trauma.”
“I’m working on it.” Dana dialed again. Straight to voicemail this time.
Her frown deepened. She quickly sent a message.
“Mass casualty at Pitt Fest. Call me immediately. Hospital needs all available staff.”
Then she hit send. For a second she stared at the delivered notification. Waiting. Nothing. No typing. No response. Just silence. A silence that felt increasingly wrong.
“Dana!” Robby’s voice carried across the department. “We need another physician in Trauma Three!” Dana shoved the phone into her pocket. “I’m coming!”
And for the next several minutes she was swallowed back into the chaos.
6:23PM
Dana looked toward the ambulance entrance. Nothing yet, just the distant wail of sirens. The realization spread through the department, they’re coming. Questions filled the air. “What happened?” “How many?” “Who’s critical?”
The emergency department had somehow become even louder. Until finally the real information arrived. A police lieutenant entered through the ambulance bay and headed straight for Robby.
The conversation lasted less than thirty seconds. Dana watched Robby’s expression change, whatever he was hearing wasn’t good, not that anything tonight had been good.
The lieutenant left immediately to continue coordinating outside.
Robby stood motionless for a moment then he climbed onto a step near the nurses’ station. “Listen up!”
The words cut through the noise, not enough to stop the department, but enough that nearby staff looked over while continuing to work. Robby didn’t waste time. “We have confirmation.” The room seemed to tighten around him. “A gunman opened fire at Pitt Fest.”
Several people froze only for a second. Then went right back to work.
“A single shooter.” His voice remained steady, professional, even though the reality of the words was horrific. “Multiple victims.” Another stretcher rushed past behind him. Robby continued. “Law enforcement believes the threat has been contained, but assume we’re still receiving patients for several hours.”
Heads nodded, nobody needed further explanation. The disaster had a face now, a cause, a reason. And somehow that made it worse. The uncertainty was gone, the reality wasn’t.
Then suddenly the ambulance bay doors burst open again. And through the chaos strode Abbot. Dark shirt and jeans, hair slightly disheveled. Like he’d thrown on the first clothes he found before racing out the door.
A duffel bag hung from one shoulder. Without breaking stride he tossed it behind the nurses’ station, the bag landed with a thud. He was already scanning the department, already assessing, already switching into physician mode.
“Where do you need me?” No greeting, no small talk, straight to work. Dana felt relief immediately, real relief. The kind that physically loosened something in her chest. Robby looked equally relieved. For the first time in nearly an hour, they had another experienced attending, and they desperately needed one.
Robby jumped down. “Trauma Four just lost their attending.”
Jack was already moving. “Got it.”
“Two incoming criticals.”
“Got it.”
“OR’s backed up.”
Jack nodded once. “Got it.” Then he was gone.
Disappearing into the chaos as if he’d been there all day.
Dana watched him go, only briefly before her eyes drifted back to her phone sitting beside the charge desk.
Still dark. Still silent. No missed call. No message. No response. Jack was here, every available attending was arriving, residents were showing up one after another. The entire night shift was being pulled in.
And somehow, despite all of that—there was still no sign of you. No answer. No text. Nothing.
7:13PM
The emergency department had stopped feeling like a hospital. It felt like a battlefield. Not because of what it looked like, but because of how it moved. Nobody walked anymore, everyone ran.
Doctors. Nurses. Techs. Security. Transport staff.
Every hallway was full of motion, every room was occupied, every available space had been turned into a treatment area.
The normal rhythm of the ER had disappeared completely, this was survival mode. Stretchers continued pouring through the ambulance bay, one after another, sometimes three at a time, sometimes five.
Paramedics barely had enough time to give reports before rushing back outside for the next patient.
The noise was relentless, monitors alarming, phones ringing, people shouting names, calling for medications, calling for blood, calling for equipment. The overhead speakers announcing trauma activations so frequently they almost blended together.
Dana moved through the department like a storm, checking rooms, reassigning staff, opening additional treatment areas. Trying to stay five steps ahead of a disaster that kept growing faster than she could manage.
Across the room, Robby was directing triage, making impossible decisions in seconds. Who needed immediate intervention. Who could wait. Who needed surgery. Who needed blood. Who needed a chance. The hardest part wasn’t treating patients, it was deciding where limited resources would do the most good, every decision mattered, every second mattered.
A teenager arrived with severe blood loss. Two nurses were on him immediately. A woman with multiple injuries was rushed toward imaging. A terrified father searched every stretcher for his daughter.
The waiting room had become a sea of fear, people crying, people calling family members, people demanding information nobody could give.
A nurse sprinted through the hallway carrying emergency supplies. Another nearly collided with a resident pushing a stretcher. Nobody stopped, nobody complained.
Everyone adjusted and kept moving. The air itself felt charged. Adrenaline. Exhaustion. Fear. Determination. All mixed together. And still the ambulances kept coming.
The worst part was the uncertainty, nobody knew how many victims existed, nobody knew if more were on the way, nobody knew if another attack had happened elsewhere.
But there was no time to dwell on any of it, because every few seconds another patient arrived, another injury, another crisis, another life depending on them.
8:37PM
Time had stopped making sense sometime around the tenth ambulance. The emergency department existed in its own reality now. A reality measured in blood pressure readings, heart rates, trauma activations, units of blood, and whether the patient in front of you was still breathing.
The first death had happened forty-three minutes earlier. A young man. Massive injuries. The entire team had worked him for nearly thirty minutes. Nobody had wanted to quit, nobody had wanted to call it. But eventually there was nothing left to do. The room had fallen silent. A silence that lasted all of five seconds before everyone moved on to the next patient.
The second death came twenty minutes later. A woman who had arrived already beyond saving. The kind of case that stayed with you, the kind every physician carried home afterward. If they ever allowed themselves to think about it. Nobody was thinking about it now. There wasn’t time, there was only the next patient, and the next, and the next.
Across Trauma Three, Javadi was helping stabilize a teenager with multiple injuries. Her face was pale, exhausted, sweat stuck loose strands of hair to her forehead. But her hands remained steady. Focused and professional. “Pressure’s dropping.” A nurse handed her another set of vitals. Javadi immediately adjusted course. “Get another unit ready.” No hesitation, no panic, just action.
Nearby, Santos looked like she’d been running for three straight hours, because she practically had. She bounced between rooms, helping wherever the need was greatest. Transporting patients, assisting procedures, holding pressure on wounds when nobody else was available. At one point she looked up and realized she couldn’t remember the last time she’d eaten, or sat down, or even taken a full breath.
Then another patient arrived, and the thought disappeared. King had blood on her scrubs, nobody’s clothes were clean anymore. She was helping coordinate patient flow while simultaneously managing treatment plans. Every few minutes somebody called her name, every few minutes another decision had to be made. The strain showed around her eyes but she kept moving.
Everybody did. Mohan was assisting in one treatment bay after another, checking injuries, reviewing scans, helping wherever the system was weakest.
The department had become one giant organism, everyone adapting constantly, filling gaps, supporting one another. Because no single person could manage this alone.
At the center of it all, Dana continued working the charge desk. If anyone looked closely, they would have noticed she hadn’t sat down in hours, hadn’t eaten, had barely stopped moving. The patient board behind her looked terrifying, names everywhere, statuses changing constantly.
Beds filling, beds opening, patients transferred, patients admitted, patients waiting. And still more arriving. The stream had slowed but it hadn’t stopped, not completely.
Across the department, Robby emerged from another trauma room. His face looked older than it had at six o’clock. Exhaustion sat heavily on his shoulders, yet he kept moving. Because everybody was watching him. And if he stopped, they might too. He glanced through the department.
McKay working.
Whitaker running.
Dana coordinating.
Princess and Perlah assisting.
Nurses moving between rooms. Residents doing the work of people twice their experience.
And Jack. Abbot had barely stopped since arriving, one trauma after another, one procedure after another, one patient after another. Like a machine.
Except tonight there was something different about him, something harder, quieter. Even Dana had noticed it. He wasn’t distracted, far from it. His focus was almost frightening. As though he had buried every personal thought under layers of work. And maybe he had.
The emergency department was good for that, good at giving people somewhere to put their pain.
Across the room, Dana’s eyes drifted toward her phone again. Still nothing, no call, no text, no voicemail. You remained absent. The empty space felt increasingly strange. Because you should have been here, you would have been running between trauma rooms, arguing with attendings, taking impossible cases, refusing breaks, driving everyone crazy.
You belonged in this chaos. And yet your name remained absent from every room assignment, every patient board, every conversation. A ghost-shaped hole in the department.
9:24PM
The emergency department was finally breathing again. Not resting, Not recovering, Just…breathing. The panic that had consumed the hospital for the last three hours had begun to loosen its grip.
The ambulance bay sat mostly empty. For the first time all evening, there weren’t flashing lights reflecting against every wall, no sirens screaming toward the entrance, no paramedics sprinting through the doors with another critical patient. Just quiet. Or at least the hospital version of quiet.
Monitors still beeped, phones still rang, patients still called for nurses. But compared to what the department had been two hours earlier, it felt almost surreal. The worst wave had passed, most of the survivors had been stabilized, others had gone to surgery, several had been admitted upstairs, some had already been transferred to specialized units.
The emergency department was no longer drowning. Now it was dealing with the aftermath, and sometimes the aftermath was harder. Because adrenaline began wearing off. People started thinking again, started feeling again, started remembering what they’d just lived through.
At one nursing station, a day-shift attending was giving report to the night team. “Room twelve’s stable. Trauma surgery already consulted.” A tired resident scribbled notes. “Room fourteen still needs repeat labs.” Another nurse nodded. Information passed from one exhausted team to another. One patient at a time, one room at a time.
Across the department, people who had been running for hours finally slowed to a walk.
Some sat down for the first time all night, others drank cold coffee they had forgotten existed. A few simply stood still, as though their bodies had forgotten how.
Javadi leaned against a counter while reviewing charts, for the first time all evening, she looked her age. Young, exhausted, human.
Santos sat heavily in a chair near a workstation. A nurse handed her a bottle of water. She looked genuinely surprised by it. Like she had forgotten water was a thing people needed.
Whitaker was still working through patient lists. Still coordinating admissions, still refusing to stop.
McKay had finally managed to remove her blood-stained gloves, her hands looked tired. Everything about her looked tired, everyone looked tired.
At the center of the department, Dana was finishing another handoff, her voice was hoarse, her shoulders ached. The patient board behind her was still crowded but no longer terrifying, manageable for the first time all night.
Nearby, Robby stood watching the department. Not doing anything for a moment, just looking, taking inventory, making sure everyone was still standing. Making sure the machine was still functioning. His eyes landed briefly on the names of the two patients who hadn’t made it.
Across the ER, Jack emerged from a patient room. His scrubs were wrinkled, his face exhausted. There was dried blood on one sleeve. He looked like every other physician in the department, completely drained. Yet somehow still moving. He paused near the nurses’ station next to Robby. Listening to a report, asking a question, reviewing a chart, never truly stopping.
The mass casualty surge was over. Dana looked across the department, toward Jack, toward Robby, toward the exhausted staff slowly beginning to process the night. Then back to her phone. Something felt wrong, she couldn’t explain it, couldn’t justify it, couldn’t prove it. But the feeling remained, heavy, persistent and impossible to ignore.
Because you should have been here. You should have walked through those doors hours ago. And the fact that you hadn’t was becoming harder and harder to explain.
9:26PM
Outside, the night air felt cold, or maybe that was just you. Everything felt cold now, your hands, your skin, your thoughts. The world around you seemed strangely distant, muted like you were hearing it through water.
You weren’t entirely sure how long you’d been walking, only that eventually the hospital had appeared in front of you. Bright, familiar and safe. A beacon in the darkness. The emergency department entrance glowed beneath harsh white lights.
You focused on it, one step, then another, then another. Just keep moving. The automatic doors opened. Warm air washed over you. You crossed the threshold and for a moment, relief almost hit. You made it.
Then the dizziness returned, hard, your vision blurred again, the floor shifted beneath your feet. You stumbled slightly. Instinctively your left hand pressed harder against your waist. Against the spot that had been hurting for far too long now.
You caught yourself against the wall, breathing carefully. Waiting. The bright lights overhead felt vicious. Needles behind your eyes. You closed them briefly. Just for a second, just long enough for the room to stop spinning.
Then you pushed yourself upright again, kept moving, because stopping felt dangerous. Because if you stopped now, you weren’t sure you could start again.
The second set of doors slid open and suddenly you were inside. The ER. Your ER. The familiar sounds hit immediately. Monitors, phones, voices, footsteps, nurses moving quickly between rooms, doctors discussing patients, the controlled chaos that had become home.
You stood there for a moment trying to focus, trying to orient yourself. Everything seemed too bright, too loud, too far away. Your eyes drifted across the department past treatment rooms, staff stations, patients. Until they landed on the nurses’ station. Robby was standing there chart in hand talking to Jack.
The sight of them felt strangely unreal. Like seeing people from another life. For a second neither noticed you, they were focused on a chart.
Then Jack looked up, not directly at you, just a casual glance. Something caught his peripheral vision. You. His head turned and immediately everything changed. His entire body froze, the chart lowered, the color drained from his face. Dana noticed instantly, following his line of sight. Then she saw you too and her expression collapsed.
Robby turned next, confusion first, then alarm, then something much worse. The three of them were staring now, not moving, not speaking.
And suddenly you realized why. Because they weren’t looking at you the way people looked at a coworker arriving late. They were looking at you the way doctors looked at a patient.
You swayed slightly, the room tilted again. Your eyes never left Jack, standing here across the department, frozen, staring. As if he’d just seen a ghost.
Your hand remained pressed firmly against your side, fingers trembling slightly. You’d stopped noticing the pain a while ago, but you still felt it—the slow, warm liquid slipping between your fingers, soaking your palm a little more with every step. You didn’t dare look down. You already knew what you would find.
Your throat felt raw, dry. The single word barely made it out. Weak and broken. Almost lost beneath the noise of the ER.