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rabbits are such a good animal

Oh my god. They’re in. A stronghold.

#my post #the rectangle #it’s an end portal #knifetrick

- the rectangle

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OMG Ron

"Tom put all my records into this rectangle!"

"The songs just play one right after the other. This is an EXCELLENT rectangle!"

The best part: he's SO EXCITED about it!!

#Ron Swanson #the rectangle #Parks & Rec #iPod #Farmers Market #Parks and Recreation #Parks and Recreation: Farmers Market #Parks & Rec: Farmers Market

Best of Cheap Gentleman: So, I Recently Discovered Audio-Books (March 24, 2012)

On that note I must say Apple makes a good phone. I have been listening to Deathworld by Harry Harrison on my girlfriend’s iPhone 4S. Granted, the battery life and durability is lacking, but hot damn, do I enjoy this thing. By the way, Angry Birds people, you can also get Duke Nukem 3D (for a buck) and Classic DooM (it’s five dollars, but worth it) on there. You know, if you ever decide to grow balls and play an actual game. On that note, you can simply play your Birds on Google Chrome. For free, with all the levels.

I bring up Audio-Books because I’ve thought “Boy, how funny would it be to have stories that would be shitty to listen to in audio-form put in audio-form? Like, a detailed play-through of Pong or Half Life (I like both)?” Then I found out they had American Psychology in there read by some guy who enjoys speaking in monotone. It’s a good laugh to my weird-ass sense of humor.

Anyway, without further ado, here’s something to replace that top-secret web-comic that I’m probably not going to ever bother with. It’s a fictional work of one neckbeard’s Pong marathon. Particularly, the most tense match of Pong in his life.

My Friend, The Rectangle Chapter 1: Coming Into The 15th Hour.

I had been in my basement all day in the 14th hour and 51st minute of my 48-hour Pong marathon weekend. What better way to spend my time off from work as a telemarketer for steak knives that not even a hobo would use? I, Melvin Greenhorn, with my vintage paddle control Pong set, will achieve greatness. I had 5 empty gallon-sized milk jugs set up as a catheter. My nutrition consisted of 40 peanut butter sandwiches, and I had 3 12-packs of the finest ginger ale at my disposal. In order to stay awake I also had a stockpile of energy shots. I had set up the game itself to be 15 points to win and maximum movement for both paddles.

This is my 212th game today. Coming into the 15th hour. This match, for some reason, has great significance. I had the serve. The score was tied at 7. I hooked the square hard towards the top of the screen. The computer had caught on quite well to what I was doing and sent it towards the middle. I had to think fast to get to the square ball if I should want to beat this tie. A mosquito started to attack my face. I had swatted it away and just barely smacked the ball as I put my hand back on the controller. The hit sent the ball on a straight path towards the left of the screen. The computer then hit it in such a matter that the ball would drift lazily towards the top right of the screen. This let my guard down a little, but I had hit it like my guard was up, this time sending the ball flying straight down and to the left and bouncing off the bottom. The computer had got it and I was too cocky to think that the computer would get it. I had missed the ball. By very little. The score was now 8-7. Computer in the lead.

TUNE IN NEXT WEEK TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS IN CHAPTER TWO OF “MY FRIEND, THE RECTANGLE!”