#the soapbox

[bioloyg]

posting/publishing fic is a lot easier when you accept that A. it’s never going to be as perfect as you want it to be and B. someone is still going to be stoked about its existence regardless.

I know that’s easier said than done, but if you’re a perfectionist, I promise you, you just gotta unclench. You’re doing this for fun, not as a submission for the Pulitzer

[gracegrove]

Whether you're talking about a fictional character (Billy) or an actual person...

How can you say, "I don't think his abusive, racist, misogynistic behavior would have improved with time--because he didn't see it as a problem. You have to want to change."

How did you know he didn't want to change? Why are you so damn certain he's incapable of change? He's literally only 18 and has the rest of his entire life to change. You think he's honestly gonna sit there and be like, "nah this is fine. I'm set. I like everything just the way it is." And never once contemplate or attempt a change.

Every person attempts change on some level. Not everyone makes big ground shaking changes. Not everyone gets to a point that is satisfactory to others. That's not the point.

When you are around real people and/or work with real people and use this language guess what happens? It makes them feel incapable. It feels undermining. It helps solidify and corner them into a box they may not want to necessarily stay or be in.

I've worked with clients with records. Clients who've said outright sexist and bigoted things in front of me and at times directed towards me. But I continued to work with them. Guess why? Because if I were to leave in that instance, I'd only be proving a point. A single point. That again there's this giant narrative of "no one believes in you", "you clearly don't want help", "you're irredeemable", etc.

You don't kick someone when they're already down and then say, "gosh well, you don't even wanna get back up do you? You have to really want it?" Why should they want it or try harder when they're expecting more people like you to kick them right back to the floor again. Google "labeling theory", it might be helpful.

There's an therapeutic approach called Motivational Interviewing, and its main tenant is that change is facilitated by and comes from the client alone. It helps a client who is already well aware of people around them telling them to change, or societal expectations, or maybe more simply they have considered personally making changes themselves whether it's something like smoking cessation, substance use /harm reduction, emotional management, or wanting to make other behavioral changes but they haven't because they're not sure what such a change would mean or look like in their lives. So they sit on the fence. They become ambivalent.

The only job the therapist has in this is to help the client lay all this out. To discuss it and weigh each side. To examine what making changes or no changes would mean. Ultimately the goal is to help the client reach a state of active change. So that the client can begin new parts of their life and continue moving forward. But if someone isn't ready, then they're not and that's also ok.

If you immediately shut down on a fictional character because their story wasn't insightful enough for you to glean any empathy that they were capable of change, how do you or will you tolerate the overall change process that real people have? Because it's an arduous one. It takes time, it doesn't sprout up overnight. And half of it is because those people themselves were repeatedly told that they couldn't change either.

So stop contributing to the ambivalence or the stagnancy and start contributing to the change.

[boombaux]

[bioloyg]

I’m worried my complaint is gonna be trivialized so I feel the need to elaborate: my problem is less about shipping and more about the state of fandoms and how much it’s changed even in just the short decade I’ve actively been participating in them. if it’s not what people want when they want it, then suddenly it’s not worth it at all — and I think that’s such a lame way to be.

there’s more conversation to be had and space to play in when things aren’t exactly what you want. disengaging the moment something is no longer perfect is one of many reasons why so many fandoms just up and fucking die. Y’all gotta learn to take the good with the bad, and be fucking patient. Especially when a story is about personal growth and reprogramming yourself after experiencing years of trauma???

[bioloyg]

"a ship not being canon used to be the shortest hurdle to jump in fandom" truly 😭 I think too many sydcarmies are setting themselves up and have way too high expectations for their relationship this season. it's great the fandom has grown but I've seen way too many dumb takes lately I'm so sorry. only the sc truthers who have been in the trenches since season 1 (or even right after season 2 released) are the most reasonable

lmaoooo not you gatekeeping being a sydcarmy truther 💀 I get what you mean though. someone watching this (and more importantly, waiting on it) since 2022 is probably a little bit more laid back about the current narrative than someone who mainlined the series a few months ago.

that’s not even my problem, though — I still maintain sydcarmy is never going canon the way people want it to, and I think we all need to be okay with that being a possibility without the show somehow being irreversibly ruined? don’t get me wrong, I’ll be in the corner rooting for Sydney to get her fucked up little white man all day, but that’s not the (only) reason I love The Bear. And I think if a romantic subplot, potential or otherwise, IS the only reason you like a show you’re gonna be setting yourself up for disappointment more often than not.

Like. just… be open minded. all things in good time, and if not, a narrative telling you no is providing more ammo for you to take and go “actually, yes. you don’t get it.”

Where’s your spite? Your disregard for the way public perception can force narratives away from what looks to be a more natural course to someone (like yourself) who’s a little more enlightened? Why is being told no the end for you? The universe gave you a beautiful brain to do criminal crime with, and if that crime is stealing a story to finish it the way you want, then Do That.

[gracegrove]

There is a monumental difference between holding a head canon, preference, or interpretation of a character's behaviors/mannerisms/mental health/trauma history on a personal level (while leaving room and space for others to enjoy their own and other characters as well)...

Vs.

Insisting only your said interpretations are correct about the character in question while at the same time dragging down another character and maligning them with the same mental health interpretations you don't want your character to have.

Displacing perceived unwanted characteristics, mental health diagnoses, or traumas onto another character perpetuates an oppressive mentality. A narrative of "I'm not mentally ill/broken/wrong/diseases/etc... Because if I was I would look like John. No one wants to be like John." It classes and categorizes people into groups or even castes of who is acceptable or palatable to the community and who is not.

You could be St. Thomas Aquinas and struggle with psychosis, it doesn't make you better or even less than Tommy Two Shoes who only has ADHD and difficulties with math and reading.

Don't hold up one mental health status, recognize that another is demonized/marginalized, but then simply say "well this is why my blorbo and I aren't marginalized, so *phew* thank God to that amiright?"

If you want to hold space for these interpretations of mental health and trauma, make room and realize that there's always going to be someone whose views don't match yours. It isn't about making sure you're "at least I'm not that guy". It's not about being more important or better. It's not about being "right".

[gracegrove]

something that people don't seem to realize about the nexus of arguments concerning severe/chronic mental health conditions, substance use, and individuals with prior convictions/justice involvement is...

when you argue that a person is beyond help or that they don't deserve to be helped, or that they don't deserve to heal, or that they cannot be redeemed or in anyway rejoin society or their community because you feel they made a choice (whether it's truly a "choice" or not)...

what you're saying is that the only viable option for people you deem in some way morally and/or ethically undesirable is permanent removal from society. you're saying that the only place for them is a cage. containment. aka permanent institutionalization or incapacitation. "so they can't hurt anyone anymore"... or some such thing. whether that is by involuntary commitment, imprisonment, or death.

leper colonies did not prevent new cases of leprosy. plague ships did not fully prevent the spread of the plague. shutting out and shunning the unhoused to the streets and risk of death by exposure does not discourage or prevent homelessness. imprisonment and harsh punishments do not deter others from committing crimes, and it often sets up those being released to reoffend when facing an unforgiving world that will not give them a second chance. so it does not prevent direct deterrence either.

at what point is this not societally, self-induced sabotage and cruelty?

[gracegrove]

It would appear that some in the wider fandom have an underlying notion that only good and deserving people go to therapy 🙃

I have never once had a person in my office across any internship or setting come in and say, "everything's good, nothing's going on really, I just thought I should see what therapy is..."

Most often I have people come into my office who have been court ordered, advised by lawyers, DCF or services involved, their parents insisted, or a partner is worried, or even they themselves are worried. Something has been building and it's reached a point that can't be avoided anymore that they need extra help and they hope that I can help.

If everything is rainbows and roses you rarely see a therapist because we're seen as problem solvers or "fixers" (I use that term very loosely).

You don't have to deserve to be in my office. There isn't an owed threshold. Show up and I'll meet you where you're at. That's how it works. Messy or otherwise. And if someone can't understand or handle that it can be messy. That it can be upsetting. That it can sometimes also be violent...

Then they don't have a full understanding of my profession and they watch way too much kumbaya fluffy shrink stuff.