We used to laugh like it was easy
like nothing in the world
could fracture something that light
You knew my dumb stories by heart
finished my sentences
like they actually mattered
Somewhere between "just friends"
and "this means everything"
we crossed a line
we didn't know how to walk back from
Now everything is sharp
your voice, you name
the way your memory lingers
like smoke in a closed room
We should've stayed friends
because now I can't stand to see your
fucking face
and that's the part that kills me
not losing you
but losing the version of you
I didn't have to hate
Love turned into something crowded
too many expectations
too many small disappointments
stacked like bricks
until we couldn't see each other anymore
And I miss the simplicity
when your hand didn't feel like a question
when silence didn't feel like blame
Now we orbit the same places
two ghosts pretending not to notice
how loud absence can be
If I could rewind it
strip the romance out of our bones
peel back the nights
we tried too hard to matter
I would leave us laughing
in that safe, untouched space
but we wanted more
and now there's nothing left
but this bitter aftertaste
of what we ruined trying to keep
"It was like a ticker-tape parade, when the plastique on the safe was blown away"
Early Morning From Tokyo (Short) - Shiro Sagisu // 2. The Perfect Crime #2 - The Decemberists // 3. Song for Dan Treacy - MGMT // 4. Rush - SEATBELTS // 5. Traveling With Charley - The Cardigans
Part 2: Capture
"Just tell me how you wanna play it. I don't want you to apologize.
Just say it, say it, say it."
6. Cop Car - Mitski // 7. Be Good - Pom Pom Squad // 8. Désolé (feat. Fatoumata Diawara) - Gorillaz // 9. Metro -System of a Down // 10. Say It - SASAMI // 11. Specialist - Interpol
Part 3: Release
"Let's stop and play a game. You guess which way is back, and I'll guess when we're leaving."
12. Be Sweet - Japanese Breakfast // 13. Hertz - Amyl and the Sniffers // 14. Tie Me Up with Jackets - Fight Like Apes // 15. On Top - The Killers // 16. Forks and Knives (La Fête) // 17. Riotriot- Tune-Yards // 18. Passenger - Interpol // 19. Blue Diamonds -The Long Winters // 20. 80's Comedown Machine // 21. Mark On You - The Mountain Goats // 22. The Wrong Side - The Joy Formidable
New video from Welsh indie rockers The Joy Formidable for the track, The Wrong Side, which is taken from the new album, AAARTH , which will be released on the 28th of September 2018 on Hassle Records.
I mentioned a little while back that I would show you an example of how I outline. Here is a tame outline that I wrote today. I wrote over 4,000 words!!!
Alright bitches this is the story that I want to write about Malethar and a lot of gay people. So, once upon a time, Malethar was hired to steal a mirror from a long dead witch. Malethar has adhd and didn’t quite catch some of the warnings about the mirror. The story starts at the point where he’s getting the mirror, but his reflection recognizes him and, while there’s a bunch of shit going on around him all he can focus on is the mirror and his reflection because of magic bullshit. They switch places and he can’t go back because his reflection runs off and is also a ghost. On this side of the mirror there are guardians who he has to fight and the human race is dead (ghosts) and the witch is not and these legendary cat/turtle/rock hybrids from myth are the new people and they look like people because they were magically evolved. Malethar talks to the witch who makes him a deal. She’ll get him home but he has to go get another mirror (hence another reflection) which comes from a swamp because it’s actually just this magic reflect water, two virgins to replace the guardians that he killed, and a vial of innocence. He has 28 days and on the 29th, she’ll send her hunter Barthamau after him.
So he goes on his way and this is where I need to restart writing because this is where it start sucking like shit. So he doesn’t want to do this stuff because it’s all very evil but the witch told him to go to this dumb town called Olafson or something but he’s walking and it becomes night and there are animals that he’s never seen before. One of them is this really angry lizard bear thing that’s being hunted by the new dominant race, but one of them stops their hunt long enough to see that Malethar is being a huge dumb idiot walking around in the open at night when he can’t see in the dark. So she stops hunting (she’s also carrying the youngest hunter in the party who got injured so it makes sense) and she takes him back to their nomadic village. They move around a lot because they took over a human city and were living there but there’s a lot of territory wars going on because they’re people haven’t been people very long. Anyway Kyerai is trans and beautiful and Malethar asks her in a really random way if she’s a virgin and the town elder tells her to take him where he needs to go since he’s like, the last of his race on this side, and she really doesn’t want to. I originally had it so they didn’t really speak the same language but I thought that would suck for the rest of the book so no.
Okiedokie so they get to Olofson and they have a discussion somewhere around their around Kyerai’s transness because she has a stellar beard and not a lot of people in her village will use her pronouns and Malethar just thought that all of the girls of her race had beards because he doesn’t know any better and who the fuck even cares about gender, it’s a dumb thing and I wish it didn’t exist. So yeah, they get to shitsville and it’s a haunting ground for the things that were once humans and some of them still have some like corporealness but most of them are dickbag ghosts. They do some fighting and Kyerai is all like I told you so binch and Malethar is like I DON’T KNOW ANHTHING THAT’S GOING ON and they rush on out of there and they didn’t get what they were looking for and Malethar thinks that maybe the witch just wants him dead but then why the deadline of 28 days? (hint: it’s moon stuff) but also how would there be any innocence left in that burned up husk of grosstown? It’s just ghosts and nonsense. He’s super convinced that he has to murder a baby, which isn’t true, but he thinks that virgin blood means not having sex so… he dumb.
There’s something in Olofson, something deep under it, I dunno, maybe a snake? Maybe a big sword. I don’t know! But he has to go and get it and I guess he tries to go back in there in stealth mode, leaving his armor behind so he’ll be quiet and he falls through the floor of one of the houses which isn’t very stealthy at all and then all of the ghosts are coming for him and he does a run and he goes through like, these catacombs maybe? Until he finds the thingy and there’s a miniature trial and he gets hurt real bad and Kyarei is after him because she heard him commit a scream as he fell down like an idiot. I still don’t know what this thing is, but I think it’s going to be something really gross, maybe all of the flesh of those up above which has solidified and contains some awful truth within, I like that the most so far, it’s gross and I am gross. But, anyway, Malethar has to get in there and its like a maze within a maze and at the heart of it is a truth that is about to destroy his own innocence and since it’s in his/this things brain mass he can see that kind of fuckery happening and he, like, wrenches this shred of himself out and bottles it up before it’s ruined and then he kills whatever thing is still living within this mass, the host of the nightmare, that kind of thing, which could be a child’s mind which I think would be cool and kind of foreshadowed since he thought he was going to have to kill a kid in order to get their innocence but instead yeah, he gets his own innocence. And maybe he gets a prize of some kind? That would work if it was a snake or a sword, but I don’t know, maybe he gets some teeth and thinks it’s a good idea to take them? I doubt it though as that sounds super cursed. This is like 4 days, oh shit, and he’s already got like half of the way to his thing.
But yeah, he’s hurt and Kyarei finds him and drags him out of there and maybe killing the flesh killed all of the ghosts? Or maybe it makes it so they aren’t held there anymore? Regardless, Kyarei is fine which is good because she’s an archer and has a dagger but isn’t so good at the close range fighting ghosts thing. She gets Malethar out of there and patches him up a bit and is like, we should go back to my place and take care of this, and he’s like no, we need to keep going I need to get this mirror thing, and she’s like fuck you I’m not going anywhere near that place it’s bullshit and she hates it. So I guess they go back to her place, only to find that her place is no longer there. There’s signs of a struggle and like some fire or something, but the town had picked up and left and didn’t even leave her a note because fighting and all that, don’t want to give your location away to the enemy. I feel like this would be a good time to introduce another character but Kyarei would kill her if this was the intro and no, I want them to date not die. Traveling back took another 5 days, bringing them to 9, as they had to go slower because of Malethar’s injuries.
I would say that they get a steed of some kind but there wouldn’t be any mounts that are tame enough to be ridden, not at this point. Kyarei doesn’t wanna go to the swamp but what the fuck there’s nothing else, and hey turns out the village thingy was more on the way than not, so they start going thattaway. Oh, I forgot, Malethar gave the witch his true name because he normally kills witches instead of talking to them and didn’t know that was a problem, so she could do something to him if she wished. But she needs that stuff, so why would she do something to him??? Maybe something will happen later. Maybe she’ll help him heal up a bit since yeah, she can do that. YEAH.
Malethar, asleep on the 10th day, fucking sleepwalks which isn’t something he’s known to do, out into a field of some flowers or something that witches use to heal people. Kyarei is anxious enough that she wakes up easily and just follows him out of curiosity. AH MAN YEAH THIS IS A COOL THING! Here, they meet Cathrita, whose name I still think sounds like Catheter, not because she’s a soldier in a different village of Kyarei’s race but because she’s the assistant to a witch! She was out there gathering flowers and herbs because the position of the moon makes that a good thing to do and she sees this wounded man just fucking standing there as if that was enough and she and Kyarei nab him and take him over to where the witch lies which is really quite close. The witches name is…. Hmmm. Fawn? I dunno, something to do with being sickeningly nice to people, I’m sure. And well, hey she has no problem with all of this stuff and helps Malethar out and, when he’s awake gives him some advice for dealing with the bad witch and also with the swamp. Cathrita is flirting THE FUCK out of Kyarei and like, she’s an orphan because of the territory wars and has been living with Fawn for fucking ever so she hasn’t seen anyone else and holy fuck have I mentioned that Kyarei is gorgeous? Because emy fuckign god do I have a crush. I have now decided that Fawn’s ex or something lives in a swamp (I was going to have it be her sister but then I remembered that witches are all single children because they are all built by their mother’s out of found materials and then have half of their mother’s heart inbedded in them. When they grow up their heart grows to a full size and they can cut it in half for their own child, but it will never heal from that. Maybe it’s her brother, witchsons aren’t made with hearts and thus cannot do magic {although they can become witches if their mothers decide to give them half of their heart later}) Either way there’s some reason for Cathrita to go with them and at first Kyarei is really against that because she’s already looking out for Malethar, who’s a super good fighter so fuck you Kyarei, and doesn’t want to babysit anyone else. But Cathrita has been defending this witch from invaders for five ever so too fuckign bad she’s a badass!
So bam! Malethar has two virgins and some collected innocence. The mirror is all that’s left and they still have like, 17 days. FUCK. The swamp is really really far away and, while in Broken Blue I gave them horses made out of grass and magic, they only lasted three days and I’m not going to give them that again. So they start going and the swamp is pretty darn far away and Cathrita does NOT betray them because this is the part in the story where one of my party members tends to betray the others. It takes 8 days for them to walk there and, on the way something happens, I’m not sure what. Maybe Malethar catches sight of this horrible three headed cutie that I love following them, something like that, and Kyarei and Cathrita’s relationship goes from flirty and annoyed to cute friendship for like, one minute, and then they’re girlfriends.
They make it to the swamp for a SWAMP ADVENTURE and I’m just picturing that scene in the 10th Kingdom with the mirrors under the water and there’s a bunch of them and who knows what’s going on? I don’t think the person that Cathrita was supposed to check on is there anymore and that’s pretty bad, and she does some kind of magical thing (she can’t do magic but she has an item already imbued with magic) to contact Fawn and tell her what’s up, she’s about to be teleported back and leave the rest of them behind but there’s something in the swamp that is a combination of organic material, animal, and magic, and it does some attacking thing and Cathrita is like fuck no, I’m going to stay and help my friends!
The thingy is big and, while they’re fighting it it smashes a bunch of the mirrors under the water. It’s bad. Part of it lands on Kyarei and shoves her under the water, drowning her, and Cathrita is left to distract it while Malethar dives down to get her. He’s the fucking hero, he should do something heroic for once. He gets fucking down there and there’s a house down under the water? Under the swamp? And there’s light on in there? And there’s no way he can get Kyarei up to the surface in time so he stabs the thing, releases her, and then swims deeper, until he gets into the house. The house is similar to what it would be if it were on the surface, complete with air, and they’re given a chance to breath. Does someone live here? Hell if I know! But yeah, they breathe and rest for just a moment, before making their way back up to the surface and joining back in the fight. Cathrita has been retreating, using Kyarei’s bow to keep it’s attention on her while maintaining distance, but she has like, 2 arrows left and the thing doesn’t seem to care at all. So Malethar starts fighting it with his sword and Cathrita gives Kyarei one her short swords, and they all go back into fighting it. They get it down to like, a sliver of health, but instead of retreating, the thing starts to bulge and swell and it’s going to blow up like a big nerd. Then big cage tm fucking appears around the things head and the door closes and the weight of it pulls the thing down and it explodes under the swamp, shattering most of the mirrors that are left and it’s really really bad because Malethar needed one of those. He does see a glimpse of the cage headed thing rushing off and hiding in the swamp and mentions it to the others. They go hunting for Barthamau but he’s a smart boy and is good at hiding, even though he big.
By the time they get back to the water the swamp water is milky and gross from the creature’s bodily fluids and there’s a big bubble rising to the surface. The bubble pops and inside is the owner of the house below, who is probably a witch, but hey OH MAN WHAT IF IT’S THE WITCHSON OR WHATEVER FAWN WAS LOOKING FOR??? And Cathrita is like YOOOOOOOOOOO and the person is like, WHAT THE FUCK YOU KILLED MY DUDE and Malethar is like YOUR DUDE WAS A BIG MEAN BAD AND WE HAD NO CHOICE and the person is like FUCK YOU and Kyarei is like, hey, what the fuck, why is your house super far down under a swamp? So the person explains that the thing they’d just killed was originally a normal thing but when the witch of the area died, killed in one of the battles between these idiots and their territory crap, the creature got all fucked up and magically imbued, probably ate her body, and became this swole evil dick, so the person hid at the bottom of the swamp with whatever magical shit they had to protect themself and get them to the surface if need be (unless they are a witch but I don’t know yet).
Malethar says that they need a mirror and maybe even knows the name of it since I have no memory even though I know I wrote it down in the actual story. This person is like fuck you. Malethar shows off his big sword. The person don’t care. Malethar asks if there’s anything they can do to trade for it. The person is like, give me freedom from this place and its dumb shit. Malethar has no clue how to do that. Kyarei offers to take them to her village if she can ever find them. Cathrita gets it by giving up her teleportation thingy so they can just zoom over to Fawn and be in a safe place. Person just digs their hands into the water and pulls up a big chunk of mirror, not cut or framed or anything, just a huge chunk, and hands it over then teleports the fuck out of there.
They have 9 days left and Malethar is getting worried but Cathrita is really optimistic. They start heading back to the witches house. Barthamau is getting closer and more persistent. ANXIETY. At some point during their travels, during one of the nights, Malethar is woken up to the sounds of fucking and finds that Kyarei and Cathrita are doing the nasty and OH FUCK THERE GOES HIS VIRGINS. I mean, he didn’t want to give them up to the witch but he thought that maybe, once they were done with the deal, they’d think of someway to fight their way out of the contract. So now he needs two more virgins and I don’t know of you’ve noticed but there aren’t a whole lot of people around and that is bad bad news.
Also, at some point, I want Malethar to go out and fucking confront Barthamau since they’ve been following them for so fucking long and haven’t done anything. Barthamau doesn’t really talk at all, but can communicate enough to pass off that they aren’t really doing this of their own volition. Malethar knows that this is the thing hunting them for the witch and hey, they saved the party with that cage thing, so maybe they aren’t too bad. He invites this horrible monster to come with them, since they’re going to the same place anyway. Barthamau is unresponsive. The girls fuckign HATE this idea. They’ve hated most of the ideas so far. It’s fine. I just ship Malethar and Barthamau a lot okay and I want them to have some kind of bond before meeting with the antagonist.
They press on though and they think that Malethar is mad at them for having sex really close to him, not having a clue about the virgin thing. He thinks that hey, he’s gotten most of it, maybe he can beg for more time. He touches Barthamau at some point and oh mannnnnnnnnn the feels because no one has touched Barthamau in fucking decades unless it was in a fight and they’re so touch starved and it breaks through a bit of the silent/mindless shell that they’re in. I don’t know, there’s some small things about Barthamau that Malethar finds really endearing, even though he’s a horrible monster. He’s pretty sure that there is something inside of there, not gone but hidden away.
They get to the witch’s house on the last day and Barthamau is acting really weird, less human, if possible. It’s almost time for them to do their duty. Malethar hands over the mirror and the innocence and the witch is pleased, looking over his companions. Malethar admits that he failed in gathering the virgins and gets on his knees to beg forgiveness and Kyarei is fucking PISSED that Malethar is betraying them and also thinks that this was all his plot from the start, which it was kind of, but he was trying to plot a way to weasel them out of the deal too, and Cathrita is fucking cracking up. Malethar is like what the fuck? And the witch is like, dude you’re a fucking idiot, and Cathrita is like, dude, it’s not sex shit, it’s ritual shit, and I don’t think either of us has been used in a ritual. So the witch accepts them since she’s going to take away their faces and minds and turn them into guardians for her house and virgin blood was the secret all along.
Malethar has completed his half of the deal and the witch is happy and Kyarei is murderous and Cathrita is still in a decent enough mood for some reason. The witch does the stuff she needs to to get Malethar home with the mirror and then starts on the transformation for her guardians. Malethar doesn’t want to be there but he’s hoping that there’s something that he can do to get his friends free, so he stays and watches instead of going through the mirror. Cathrita demands to go first and stands in front of Kyarei. The moment the witch tries anything Fawn shows up and is SUPER pissed. She’s like a quarter of the size of the other witch but she’s pissed and Cathrita is under her protection and the witch can’t have her. Malethar didn’t go back on his contract, he delivered, but she couldn’t use the material given to her, so everything’s fine. That still means that Kyarei is free game though so Fawn just fucking cuts her arm open and uses it in magic right fucking there, using it to fight of Barthamau as the witch calls on him to fight the others. They are deterred for a moment and Kyarei is no longer a virgin in any meaning.
Barthamau is a tornado of fighting and trying to kill them all, because the witch wanted them to, and she and fawn are fighting one another, making it four against three on the party vs Barthamau. They’re also trying not to get hit by any magic, since that would suck. Malethar could leave at any time, the mirror is still working, but he won’t leave his friends, the dumb idiot. He also keeps trying to get through to Barthamau but they weren’t ever friends, just allies for a short amount of time and there’s no fucking way.
They end up beating Barthamau by shoving them through the mirror. They’re reflection falls through on this side and falls to the ground, a rotten corpse with three loose heads, all withered and decayed. The fact that they’re gone signals to the witch that she’s lost and she gives up right there. Barthamau is still on the other sides of the mirror and Malethar now has very little time to get through because they are ramming themselves against it, trying to get back through, but they can’t because their reflection doesn’t match their position. Malethar demands that the witch lets them all go, included Barthamau, to which she laughs and says that Barthamau will rip themselves apart without her forcing them to work together. Malethar thinks that would be better than being under her control. She agrees to it, knowing that she’s been beaten, but asks for payment. Malethar cuts his hair off with his sword, so she has his dna and his real name, but he doesn’t think it will come to anything since she can’t control him when he’s in a world she’s dead it. Fawn really doesn’t like this idea though.
One the other side of the mirror, Malethar can see Barthamau panic and start to tear at themselves. He’s ready to go, finally, and asks Kyarei and Cathrita if they want to go with him, be free of this world and enter a better one. On his side of the mirror though, they’re still those legendary beasts that they had evolved from and it’s clear that they can’t fit through the mirror and who knows what would happen if they tried. Malethar goes through it, before the witch can do something evil and before Barthamau’s wounds become terminal. He takes Barthamau’s hands in his own and sits with them, and tells them everything will be okay but they are a blathering mess and think themselves a monster and they can finally speak and have they’re own minds. Malethar begs them for time, for them to learn how to cohabitate in their strange form. They allow him to take care of them. Malethar goes back to the original mirror, collects what he needed originally, and helps Barthamau out of there, heading back to his employer.
Bill had the most mustiffs armpits of all people in the chess club dancing. He raised his arms to send devastating psychological attacks on his chess brother.
