#theaarons2023

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THE AARONS 2023 - Best Film Performance

I’m told the recipients of this award totally would have accepted them in person this year if not for the actors’ strike. What about next year, you say? Oh, uh, well, you see, they may be preparing for their next strike. Here is The Aaron for Best Film Performance:

WINNER: Cillian Murphy as J. Robert Oppenheimer - Oppenheimer

Throughout his career, Murphy has been rightfully acclaimed for his ability to fully immerse himself in his roles; now, he has become Death, Destroyer of Worlds. To convey the unfathomable nature of its wide-ranging events, Oppenheimer traps viewers in the haunted headspace of the eponymous scientist. Murphy’s brilliant embodiment of the intellectual traces his obsession with accomplishment through to its harrowing aftermath. A scarecrow could scarcely look more gaunt than the actor by the time of the film’s finale. Through the subtle reactions in Murphy’s eyes, one can plainly see the horrific chain of events that Oppenheimer feared he brought to fruition.

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Lily Gladstone as Mollie Burkhart - Killers of the Flower Moon

The wealth of talents possessed by the Certain Woman star reached full bloom with Flower. 

Margot Robbie as Barbie - Barbie

Equal parts perky and percipient, Robbie’s rendition of the iconic doll will leave viewers tickled pink.

Greta Lee as Nora - Past Lives

Lee leaves a lot unspoken as the loving lead; her nuances as Nora puts her in full control of Lives.

Zac Efron as Kevin Von Erich - The Iron Claw

Efron’s heartbreaking portrayal of a man wrestling with unthinkable pain is the strongest in the actor’s body of work.

NEXT UP: THE 2023 AARON FOR BEST SUPPORTING FILM PERFORMANCE!

[myhahnestopinion]

THE AARONS 2023 - Best TV Show

While I do highly recommend all the shows listed here, I don’t expect you to watch that much TV if you don’t want to. We’re The Aarons, not The Marvels. Here are The Aarons for Best TV Show:

#10. My Adventures with Superman (Season 1) - Adult Swim

As James Gunn steels himself for Superman’s big-screen revival, he would be remiss not to take notes from the character’s recent small-screen success. Alongside the still-strong Superman & Lois, the new Adult Swim show confirms the key to the character’s appeal is his good-natured boyish charm. Adventures bolsters this tenderness with pretty animation and a storytelling focus on the young hero’s budding relationships with Lois Lane & Jimmy Olsen. The series stands out with a fresh-spin on its famous rogues gallery, including tantalizing teases of an imminent alien invasion, but it’s this spot-on romantic characterization that will sweep viewers off their feet and up, up, and away. 

#9. Star Trek: Picard (Season 3) - Paramount+

The final installment of the Star Trek spin-off boldly goes where it has never gone before: onto a ‘Best of TV’ list. It only took a complete creative overhaul and the return of the entire Next Generation crew to make it so. Functioning as a mulligan for both that cast’s previous send-off and the first two seasons, Picard’s third outing put the long-standing chemistry of its venerable characters front and center. In between all the nostalgic spaceships and evolving relationships, the show wove a madcap mystery out of surprising pieces from the franchise’s extensive lore. As unbelievable as it sounds, that adaptable energy made Picard one of the bright spots of TV last year (and there are four lights.) 

#8. I’m a Virgo (Season 1) - Amazon Prime

Sorry to Bother You filmmaker Boots Riley made another welcome addition to his idiosyncratic output with I’m a Virgo. If the director’s involvement wasn’t enough of a signal to watch, the premise is even more intriguing: the coming-of-age of a 13-foot-tall Black teenager named Cootie in an absurdist version of Oakland policed by a fanatic billionaire superhero. An awe-inspiring mix of puppetry, prop design, and perspective is used to bring this giant protagonist to life. It’s a tall tale, but not one without real-world relevance. Riley uses the towering position afforded him to champion racial and economic equality; the strangest thing about the surreal show ends up being that Amazon of all places signed off on it.

#7. Barry (Season 4) - HBO

Last year’s Aarons noted that Barry was gunning for a place in television’s greatest works. With a fantastic final season, it hit its target. The culminating episodes consolidated directorial duties in the multiskilled Bill Hader while bifurcating their storyline with a dramatic eight-year time-skip. In the first half, Barry stages a dazzling prison break; the second half makes it clear that the repercussions of one’s actions are far harder to escape from. This complexity further complicated a dark comedy that has always been difficult to define. Though the series got a lot bleaker as it went on, its status as a showbiz satire returned with a vengeance during the final curtain call. Without shying away from the fallout of its violence, Barry still manages to get the last laugh.

#6. The Last of Us (Season 1) - HBO

The Last of Us has been one of the greatest experiences in video games for a decade now; with the first-rate television adaptation, non-gamers now have no excuse to be left behind. The post-apocalyptic road-trip, shepherded by Chernobyl’s Craig Mazin and game creator Neil Druckmann, upgrades the original’s already-impressive production design with the ample resources afforded by HBO. Players will recognize, yet still recoil from, the show’s unsettling set-pieces, but it’s the small deviations from the source material where everything truly clicks into place. Taking advantage of the medium to enrich its world-building and side characters ensured the story held lasting intrigue for new and old fans alike.

#5. Reservation Dogs (Season 3) - FX

The news that Sterlin Harjo and Taika Waititi’s comedy would end with its third season was met with a lot of reservation since the series remained as brilliant as always. However, the decision secured the show’s ability to go out as one of the top dogs of TV. The final season, like the heartful series as a whole, advocated for embracing one’s community. It embodied this theme by entwining the advancing arcs of its young cast with that of its eccentric elder characters. These mirrored storylines fostered an unforgettable forum for processing grief, celebrating joy, and passing along wisdom between generations. As made explicit by the series finale, Reservation Dogs’ ending should not be viewed as a time of mourning but of happiness for all the life it had.

#4. Mrs. Davis (Miniseries) - Peacock

One of Peacock’s best shots at becoming a competitive streaming service lies in the defiance of an algorithm. Hailing from Watchmen’s Damon Lindelof, the bizarre Mrs. Davis sends devout nun Sister Simone on a quest for the Holy Grail as a last ditch effort to rid the world of an omnipresent artificial intelligence. The miniseries is recommended if you like ambitious sci-fi, spiritual journeys, unpredictable plot-twists, magic tricks, Super Bowl commercials, or chicken wings. The sheer absurdity of its various plot threads may seem at times like a lot of horsing around, but those who hold faith in the show’s ability to bring all those listed things together for a thoughtful conclusion will be richly rewarded. 

#3. Succession (Season 4) - HBO

The popular drama effortlessly rose through the ranks of the Aarons following a full series binge-watch this past year. Considering the nature of the premise, the final season, in which each character suddenly scrambles to enact their ultimate bid for power, was primed from the start to take over as its best. Unlike previous HBO hit Game of Thrones, it succeeded. As always, this was in no small part due to the sharp-tongued transactions between its talented ensemble. The richness of the writing lays bear the tragedy of its characters as they negotiate large acquisitions and influence Presidential elections without ever seeing the strings that are pulling on them. Luckily it’s all overseen with acerbic wit by creator Jesse Armstrong; a show with people this pathetic had no business also being this funny.

#2. The Great (Season 3) - Hulu 

Although it’s not his Favourite, The Great is the crowning achievement of writer Tony McNamara’s career. The third season of the risqué royal dramedy was as inaccurate as ever with the history of Catherine II & Peter III of Russia and no less on point with its scintillating dialogue. Some peculiar highs and precipitate lows in the duo’s tumultuous relationship gave stars Elle Fanning and Nicholas Holt equal opportunities to command viewers’ attention with their disarming performances. The progression of their marriage gave rise to some oddly emotional moments for the largely irreverent series. Those events are yet another example of the series playing fast and loose with the actual facts, but what is irrefutable is that The Great absolutely ruled.

AND THE BEST TV SHOW OF 2023 IS....

#1. Poker Face (Season 1) - Peacock

No lie: Poker Face was the best television of last year. One should have suspected as much from the start given the involvement of Rian Johnson; the mysteries here are every bit as sharp as Knives Out. Face has unique features for both a streaming series and detective show: its case-of-the-week episodes follow a howcatchem format instead of the more common whodunit. This formula folds each installment into an outstanding showcase for first-class actors, writers, and directors, including Russian Doll’s Natasha Lyonne fulfilling all three roles. Her charismatic character Charlie Cale anchors each story in perceptive humanity; that more than enough motive to be all-in on Poker.

NEXT UP: THE 2023 AARONS FOR BEST TV EPISODE!

[myhahnestopinion]

THE AARONS 2023

It’s the Ninth Annual Aarons, celebrating the Best and Worst of Film and TV in 2023!

FIRST UP: THE 2023 AARONS FOR BEST FILM!

[myhahnestopinion]

THE AARONS 2023 - Worst Film

It’s a marvel this category isn’t filled up with superhero films after the year they’ve had. Here are The Aarons for Worst Film:

#10. 65

A Quiet Place screenwriters Scott Beck and Bryan Woods don’t knock it out of the (Jurassic) park with their subsequent Spielberg homage. 65 will have viewers counting down the seconds until they can go home. The science-fiction tale strands stars Adam Driver and Ariana Greenblatt in a B-movie bereft of a reason to see it. The fusion of futuristic tech and ferocious animals should have been easy fodder for frivolous entertainment. Instead, the sluggish pace of the film’s imminent extinction event suggests it wasn’t a meteor or da ice age that killed the dinosaurs; it was extreme boredom. 

#9. Rebel Moon - Part One: A Child of Fire

Director Zack Snyder likes to paint himself as a rebel against a restrictive studio system while being constantly given new opportunities without cause. His latest big-budget misfire is a childish mash-up of Star Wars and Seven Samurai. Par for the course, the prosaic director copies his inspirations while completely misunderstanding their objectives. Already, the film’s awkward and abruptly-ended parade of thinly-sketched characters is being billed as another incomplete vision, requiring not just two parts but two cuts of each part to truly fulfill Snyder’s intentions. Maybe his hardcore fans will be pleased at the end of the prolonged journey; everyone else will be over the Moon long before then.

#8. The Exorcist: Believer

From the beginning, the involvement of David Gordon Green inspired little faith in Believer. Sure enough, the director of Halloween kills interest in his proposed trilogy one film sooner than his last. It’s unclear what exactly led the studio to release a sequel fifty years later that’s tamer than a TV edit of the original. It surely couldn’t have been the return of Ellen Burstyn in her Oscar-nominated role of Chris MacNeil given how quickly the film disfigures and discards the character. That said, it may be for the best that she could excise herself from the proceedings before its embarrassing ending. The franchise is no stranger to desecration but, even at its worst, it was never before this uncompelling.

#7. Five Nights At Freddy’s

Topping the box-office may have demonstrated audiences’ appetite for the haunted pizzeria franchise but, make no mistake, the film adaptation of Freddy’s is as run-down as its central establishment. The animatronic mascots at center stage only manage the most pedestrian of jump-scares; they’re far from the only ones just going through the motions. The script, written in part by franchise creator Scott Cawthon, stretches out its thin premise with banal characters and a bizarre child-custody B-plot. It might have been entertaining if it had been any more cheesy. Instead, Freddy’s only serves up an interminable runtime; five nights has never felt so long.

#6. Hypnotic

Hypnotic is aptly named; the thriller from Spy Kids director Robert Rodriguez certainly commands one’s attention. The plot, which revolves around Ben Affleck sleepwalking through a conspiracy involving dueling factions of psychics, is simply too inane to ignore. Rodriguez wrote his initial script back in 2002 but was clearly susceptible to outside influences; the film rips off several works that were released before and since, including the dream-like architecture of Inception. Although the director may pride himself on his low-budget prowess, even he can’t make those knock-off sequences look good (though they’re not the silliest instance of replicating elaborate scenery on a miniscule budget here). The film fulfills its intentions on one front: once it’s all over, audiences will have a hard time believing any of it was real.

#5. Children of the Corn

The latest offspring of the rotten franchise at least had a kernel of a good idea: the remake roots its characters’ motivations in righteous fury at environmental recklessness rather than strictly religious fervor. However, Children never develops this into any kind of sustenance. The horror here is as, ahem, corny as can be, particularly its stale translation of demonic entity He Who Walks Behind the Rows. Director Kurt Wimmer shows no growth as a director since his last film in 2006, the infamous Ultraviolet; the wooden child actors at least have their youth as an excuse. Sadly though, if ranked within the rest of the series, this one would still land in the middle of the row.

#4. Haunted Mansion

2023 was home to many failures for The Walt Disney Company, but none quite as ghastly as the new Haunted Mansion. It’s baffling how a film this overstuffed with actors (including Rosario Dawson, Owen Wilson, and Danny DeVito among many others) could end up this vacant. Indeed, the biggest throughline of the theme-park adaptation is not its attempted reflection on grief but its pervasive and perverse product placement (One character’s tearful monologue about his dead wife comes complete with a prominent Baskin Robbins namedrop). It’s definitely haunting, just not in the way they hoped for.

#3. My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3

The Big Fat franchise became even more bloated last year with a picture that can most charitably be described as ‘an all-expenses paid trip to Greece for its cast’. There’s certainly no storytelling reason why audiences are still following the adventures of this extended family, which haphazardly include a last-minute wedding of two very minor characters to justify its title. Nia Vardalos finally receives the director’s chair in addition to her regular writing work just in time for there to be no fresh direction to take things in. If she tries to reunite everyone for a fourth go-round, they would be wise to divorce themselves from it as quickly as possible.

#2. Pet Sematary: Bloodlines

Bloodlines resurrects the series last seen in 2019; if this was how it was going to come back, it should have stayed buried. While Stephen King is an imaginative writer, trying to stretch a single chapter of any novel into a feature-length film is like getting blood from a stone. The zombie prequel stumbles its way from scene to scene in search of life, but Bloodlines has nothing for audiences to relate to. Even screen icons like David Duchovny and Pam Grier can’t rouse any interest. Exploiting known franchises may be easy, but, sometimes, making anything else instead is better.

AND THE WORST FILM OF 2023 IS…

#1. Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey 

Disney slowly losing their stranglehold on intellectual property is a bit bittersweet; Honey is bad enough to sour anyone on the idea of a public domain. The shoddy slasher film, which blustered its way onto the marketplace as soon as the filmmakers could profit from it, is barely recognizable as Pooh but unmistakable as crap. Making the lovable animal into a feral murderer may be legal now, but writer/director Rhys Frake-Waterfield didn’t think, think, think up any other ideas beyond just stirring the pot. Winnie is hoping to prey on one’s curiosity with its premise alone. Word of advice? Don’t bother.

NEXT UP: THE 2023 AARON FOR BEST DIRECTOR!

[myhahnestopinion]

THE AARONS 2023 - Best Director

The worst direction of the year goes to Somewhere In Queens. Nothing against Ray Romano! It’s just that Queens is a big place, I need more guidance than that. Here is The Aaron for Best Director:

WINNER: Christopher Nolan - Oppenheimer

Oppenheimer had all the makings of a bomb without Nolan as its mastermind. A depressing three-hour historical drama aimed at adults hardly seems like blockbuster material, but Nolan has a knack for making those sorts of ambitious ideas work. Part of his success stems from the makings of its bomb: the director’s firm conviction in the use of practical effects increases the all-important awe of the film’s catastrophic explosion. Nolan turns things on their head further with his trademark timeline shifting in a series of trials afterwards. ‘Crowd-pleasing’ doesn’t seem like the right word for a film that forces viewers to reckon with its ramifications long after the spectacle has subsided; ‘life-changing’ may be though.  

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Chad Stahelski - John Wick: Chapter 4

Stahelski’s arsenal of unique angles unfailingly elevated Wick’s abundance of action.

Greta Gerwig - Barbie

Barbie’s world of plastic was made so much more fantastic by Gerwig’s out-of-the-box approach. 

Celine Song - Past Lives

Song showed wisdom beyond her years in every frame of her debut feature film.

James Gunn - Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3

The director ended his space-faring saga with guns blazing before jumping ship to the studio’s Distinguished Competition.

NEXT UP: THE 2023 AARON FOR BEST FILM PERFORMANCE!

[myhahnestopinion]

THE AARONS 2023 - Best Supporting Film Performance

Christopher Reeve will not be nominated for his part in The Flash this year. Hopefully, you’ll believe a man can die and rest in peace. Here is The Aaron for Best Supporting Film Performance:

WINNER: Ryan Gosling as Ken - Barbie

Gosling broke the mold in his performance in order to beach off his competitors for this award. Certainly, the actor modeled himself after well-known features of the popular toy in many regards, but his clueless characterization let his Ken take on a life of his own. Infused with the highest of himbo energies, The Nice Guys star reaffirmed his comedic chops and retained Ken’s sympathetic core throughout his curious character arc. Gosling goes on to accessorize this performance with delightful scenes of singing, dancing, and expert guitar playing, but he had more than (k)enough talent to win even without those.

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Robert Downey Jr. as Lewis Strauss - Oppenheimer

Downey shines at the slimy Strauss, a role that stands in stark contrast to his suave superhero. 

Glenn Howerton as Jim Balsillie - BlackBerry

Howerton’s deftness for dialing up indignation continues to rate him as a five star man.

Nicolas Cage as Dracula - Renfield

It’s ironic, given the subject matter, how dependent Renfield’s entertainment is on Cage’s batty performance.

Jason Schwartzman as Lucretius Flickerman - The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes

Viewers will surely flip for the deadpan delivery of Schwartzman’s anchorman.

NEXT UP: THE 2023 AARON FOR BEST SCREENPLAY!

[myhahnestopinion]

THE AARONS 2023 - Best Screenplay

I asked an A.I. program to write a joke for this category and it said “I’m sorry, Dave, I’m afraid I can’t do that.” I don’t see what all the fuss is about, it couldn’t even get my name right. Here is The Aaron for Best Screenplay:

WINNER: Anatomy of a Fall by Justine Triet and Arthur Harari

Triet and Harari form the backbone of Anatomy; Fall wouldn’t have had the same impact without their keen insight. The script by the real-world couple takes the top spot by being, at its base, a deep dive into how narratives are formed. Exploiting language differences, social biases, and procedural limitations, Anatomy uses a careful disclosure of evidence during its murder case to constantly call one’s interpretation into question. Ultimately, the preciseness of its vagueness makes it so that it is the audience's own storytelling that gets put on trial. Without tipping their own hand, Triet and Harari incite viewers to examine how everyone is forced by life to make sense of chaotic events or risk falling apart.

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Past Lives by Celine Song

In a similar vein to Anatomy, Lives also uses language barriers and intentional ambiguity to inspire introspection. 

Oppenheimer by Christopher Nolan

Nolan earns a nod for his high-energy compression of Oppenheimer’s encyclopedic substance. 

Scream VI by James Vanderbilt & Guy Busick

If nothing else, Scream VI deserves a shout out for a clever cold-open that’s almost as disquieting as the original’s.

The Blackening by Tracy Oliver and Dewayne Perkins

Before finding out who in the all-Black cast survives the slasher satire, audiences will first be dying of laughter. 

NEXT UP: THE 2023 AARON FOR BEST SCORE!

[myhahnestopinion]

THE AARONS 2023 - Best Score

Writing The Aarons takes a lot of work, but I stayed energized with Mark Mothersbaugh’s score of Cocaine Bear. It didn’t make the cut, but I was still very high on it. Here is The Aaron for Best Score:

WINNER: Oppenheimer by Ludwig Göransson

Nolan’s new go-to composer Göransson mirrors Oppenheimer’s mixing of explosive elements in the composition of his music. Both the fascination of discovery and the fear of doom get tangled together in the strings of the score’s violins. In true scientific fashion, this bouncing tension and release methodically tests the limits of its tempo. Göransson’s score is just as interesting for the components it chooses not to include as those it does: a lack of drums in no way dilutes the pieces’ pulse-pounding percussion. Oppenheimer is a film about lost-lasting reverberations; it’s only fitting the score shares that resonance. 

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse by Daniel Pemberton

The dynamic arrangements by Pemberton are made out of a multitude of unparalleled dimensions.

Society of the Snow by Michael Giacchino

Master of plane disasters Michael Giacchino uplifts the survival story with his soul-stirring score. 

Past Lives by Christopher Bear and Daniel Rossen

The soothing synths from Bear and Rossen enliven the movie’s meditation on missed connections.

Killers of the Flower Moon by Robbie Robertson

Robertson’s bold, bluesy heartbeat for the historical epic rightfully earns him a posthumous nomination. 

NEXT UP: THE 2023 AARON FOR BEST ORIGINAL SONG!