“He may be bipolar but that gives him no reason for being a serial flirt."
Clare pushed herself up from her bed, feeling the funny feeling growing stronger in her chest as she grabbed her coat and left her house. She knew that keeping her thoughts and feelings bottled up wasn’t going to make her feel better and she also knew that writing it out in her journal would only possibly make it worse as well. So she went for the only person she could. With Alli gone and her mom so distracted and bias on the subject, she hadn’t really had anyone to talk to about certain things. So as her feet his the sidewalk, she hurried her way to Adam’s house without stopping once. Her mind was racing with thoughts and her ears grew warm with her upset as she huffed her way, annoyed that she had neglected to grab her bike. After what seemed like far too long for her to be alone with her thoughts, she began to knock on the door. What she hadn’t thought about was the fact that she was showing up at his house without a word, which is why it caught her off guard when her brother answered the door. She looked up at Drew who looked at her slightly confused and her head fell, “Is Adam here?” she asked quietly and Drew nodded. “Yeah, he’s up in his room. Want me to get him for you?” But Clare shook her head, “Would it be okay if I just go talk to him?” He nodded once again and without a word pushed the door open so she could get through and she pushed her way into the house and up the stairs to Adam’s room. She knocked lightly and then pushed the door open to see him sitting on his bed with a comic book in hands. He looked up quickly and his face brightened, “Hey, what are you doing here?” he asked and Clare shook her head. “I did something so stupid, and I’ve been beating myself up for it all day. I can’t believe I let my guard down like this and I let myself feel something I shouldn’t have and I’m so upset and confused and just completely angry with myself!” She threw herself backwards on his bed and covered her face with along exaggerated sigh. “Okay, slow down.” Adam began as he watched her in distress, “Care to explain any of this?” There was a long pause without any words at all before Clare decided to speak. “I almost kissed Eli the other night.” Adam tilted his head and his expression was shocked. “Oh…” he began and sat his comic down, sitting himself up straight, “And that’s not good?” Clare removed her hands from her face and shook her head. “No, it’s not good. Because I let my guard down and I let myself just… act on my feelings and I guess…” she paused and sat up, looking at him. “I guess he almost kissed Imogen last night. And he would have if…” she paused another time and decided to leave the Fiona kiss out, “If they hadn’t been interupted. And I don’t know why but it bothers me that I actually-” “Thought there was something there?” Adam finished her sentance for her and she nodded with a pout on her lips. “I hate myself because I let my guard down, thinking something was still there between us when it’s obvious that he didn’t feel the same way. And I’m not mad at him, of course I’m not I’m just mad at myself for acting and feeling so stupid.”
Adam couldn’t think of anything to say. He stayed quiet for a second as he tried to think of something. “Eli’s a normal guy but I’m sure he didn’t mean to hurt you.” He began, “But I can tell you he’s probably as confused as you are right now.” Clare looked back at him with a saddened face. “I know he didn’t mean to but I can’t help but feel like this.” She frowned. “And I hate that I’m actually feeling upset. Hadn’t I been the one kissing Jake all those times when Eli still liked me and I didn’t even think twice?” But Adam shook his head, “It’s different. You and Eli had broken up and it was normal for you to move on but with you both being single now I think you’re just fighting back the feelings that you both know are still there and never left.” Adam couldn’t help but feel like a therapist for his two best friends. But it’s how he usually was when it came to them. They were his friends and he would do anything to help if it was possible. “Yeah but if that’s so obvious then why would he be trying to kiss Imogen?” Adam shook his head, “Do you know for sure that’s what happened? I mean did you talk to him?” Clare frowned. “No of course not it’s not exactly something I want to just have a conversation with him about.” Adam laughed, “You two are terrible. You can’t even talk anything out when it comes to this sort of stuff. Look Eli is great and he’s my best friend but like I said he’s just a normal guy. If some cute girl throws herself at him, which is probably the case with Imogen, it’s going to be hard for him to hold back. You two aren’t together anymore so there’s not really anything keeping him from kissing her back Clare. You have to realize that right? And sure it’s not really great that he almost kissed you and then goes the next day almost kissing her I completely agree. That’s not really like him but I’m sure he’s got a good reason. You can’t let this bother you and you can’t let it keep you mad at him.”
“Does he even know you’re mad at him?” Adam asked Clare with judging eyes and she let out a sigh. “I’m really not mad at him!” She explained and Adam chuckled, “Yeah yeah, I know. You’re upset with yourself.” He put air quotes around the last sentence and rolled his eyes, “You may not be mad at him but you are upset with him and I can tell.” She narrowed her eyes and began to speak but he cut her off. “If he hadn’t almost kissed Imogen, would you even be acting like you are now? Would you be upset with yourself or whatever?” Clare wanted to reply but she had gotten her there. She wouldn’t have been upset, she probably wouldn’t have even thought twice about it and instead of her stomach twisted when she thought about the almost moment they had almost shared, she would have probably continued to get butterflies from the thought. She let out another sigh and shook her head. “No, probably not. You’re right. I’m just upset that it meant more to me, even though nothing really happened, than it obviously meant to him. And I don’t know why that bothers me so much.” Adam sighed and put his arm around her shoulder. “Unresolved feelings are a pain huh?” he chuckled softly, “Not to mention how fond you are of Imogen.” But Clare shook her head, “It has nothing to do with her, honestly. I know she just… likes him.” the words were acidy in her throat and she took in a deep breath, “And that’s completely fine. And if he wants her then… that’s completely fine too. I just would rather know than let myself get like this.”
“What are-” Adam began but was cut off by the sound of his cell phone ringing. He looked at Clare apologetically before standing up from his bed and crossing the room to his desk. He picked up the phone, glanced at the screen, and ignored the call. “You can answer it if you need to.” Clare said casually and picked up one of the comics that Adam had been reading when she entered the room. “It can wait.” Adam slid the phone into his pocket and sat back down on the bed. “Who was it?” Clare set the comic down and leaned back on her hands. “Doesn’t matter. It can wait.” “If you’re sure.” Adam nodded. “What was I saying? Oh right. What are-” Again, Adam’s phone began to ring. He struggled to get the phone out of his pocket without standing from the bed and he glanced up to see that Clare was trying not to laugh at him. He made a face and finally managed to free his phone. Instead of answering, he silenced the ringer once again. “Adam will you just answer the stupid phone?” “No it’s not important. I’ll call him back later.” Clare narrowed her eyes suspiciously and Adam quickly changed the subject. “What are you going to do?” Clare shrugged. “Do you want me to talk to him?”
Clare’s eyes widened, “No! Don’t you dare talk to him about this! I don’t want him knowing anything about my stupid feelings.” She sounded genuinely worried about the thought and Adam raised his hands in calming her. “Fine fine, don’t worry about it I won’t say anything about your feelings. But if he asks me about it I will tell him what I really think.” Clare sighed, “And what is that?” Adam picked up another comic from beside the bed and flipped through it. “I don’t really agree with him messing with your head. And I may not know Imogen but I don’t really think it’s fair to her either. I’m sure he doesn’t mean anything by it but if he’s going to act like this he needs to realize what he’s doing. He may be bipolar but that gives him no reason for being a serial flirt.” His voice was joking but Clare pouted and was about to speak again before for another time, Adam’s phone buzzed. He looked at it and his face twisted with annoyance and looked at Clare apologetically before answering it. “I’m with Clare. Can’t talk. I’ll call you back.” and then hung up again. “Please don’t let what’s happening with me affect your guy’s relationship. He’s allowed to do whatever he wants.” She pleaded as he hung up the phone chewed on the edge of her lip feeling horrible about how Adam was reacting. “Don’t worry, I won’t. I know he’s just too much of a flirt and he needs to work on that. I just know you’re upset right now so I need to talk you through it so you don’t beat yourself up for no reason. Which is what you’re doing.” Again he rolled his eyes and relaxed back against his pillow, “Either talk to him, or don’t talk to him. It’s up to you but you can’t let it get to you like this. I know you Clare and I know you’ll let this bother you for God knows how long. You’re stronger than that, you know?” She sighed and nodded, “Right.” but she paused and again began biting the inside of her cheek. “So… what should I do? Ugh, I wish I could just shut off my feelings. I’m over boys and all of their drama. I mean I just got dumped!” But now Adam was the one frowning, “You don’t think that’s why you’re feeling like this do you? I mean… you’re not just rebounding with Eli….?” But Clare’s jaw dropped in disbelief, “No of course not! I would never… I couldn’t. I love Eli and that’s never stopped but now that Jake’s not around I guess I’m just acting on that thought and… I shouldn’t be. Just friends. That’s all we are and that’s all we should be. Good friends.” Adam laughed, “Good friends that almost kiss.” “Almost.” She replied, “Keyword.” He nodded, “He seems to be good at that huh.” It caused Clare to laugh, “Yeah you better watch out, it’s lethal.” Adam bumped Clare’s arm with his own and they both laughed until a comfortable silence fell around them. “You’re sure that’s what you want though, right?” He asked her, “Just being friends?” Clare stared off, nodding slowly, “I think that’s what has to be.” Adam knew it wasn’t a real answer but he wasn’t going to pry, not when she was already feeling so down. Instead he picked up his phone and sent Eli a text, not wanting him to think he was bothered with him and Clare smiled. “Get back to him, I’m going to go anyways. It’s getting late and I didn’t exactly tell anyone I was leaving. Thanks for talking me down Adam, you’re the best.” She stood up from the bed and headed for the door, flashing him a smile before leaving. Adam was right, she couldn’t let this get to her no matter how silly she felt.