#theglitterbot

[theglitterbot]

You think love is the end all do all which is why you're hurting so bad. You never expected it not to be and now you're drowning in your own disappointment. The sole purpose of your journey turned out to be a fairytale, and I crushed it.

Somebody had too

[theglitterbot]

A Journey Through My Current State Of Mind

I haven't done this because I was waiting for it to feel real. I was waiting for the feeling of sorrow to really hit me like it once did. I was ready to fight those demons back and win this time. I was ready to face myself head on, but something happened? Or rather, nothing happened? I'm just blank. I'm confused about the whole situation, I don't know if I need more time for it to set in or if I was already over it before hand so I got used to the feeling of being alone and then whenever it was actually over i cried because of the way it ended and then I was just okay. My feelings are definitely hurt and my time feels extremely wasted but I'm not dwelling on it nor do I feel the urge to be over dramatic. I think it has a lot to do with me being sober. I'm more accepting of my situation and i don't feel the need to push or manipulate aspects of it in order for things to go my way. I'm learning to let things go and it's very hard and heartbreaking but I'm starting to see the positive sides of it. Maybe I'm just convincing myself that I'm more okay than I am? Maybe I'm living in a made up reality? But maybe I'm not. Either way I'm making it to the next day and progressing with every hour that passes. I feel like as long as I'm doing that then nothing else really matters because it's been a long time since I've truly decided to focus on what makes me happy. For over four years ive been focusing on making someone else happy or getting back at someone who made me unhappy. Neither of which made ME happy. After everything I've been through I definitely deserve to be about me from now on. It just really shocks me how unattached I am to the whole thing. I'm physically involved but emotionally I'm just checked out. But I know the main reason is the way the other person is treating it too, as if I'm not important and never was. It makes things a lot easier to let go of when it's known that someone doesn't want your company. I mean either way it's not easy but it's not hard to stay away from someone who doesn't want you. I'd just rather not embarrass myself like I used to. Ive learned too much from the mistakes I used to make to go back now. I look back and think about where I was last December around this time I am so shocked the amount of change I've made because I never dreamed I'd get to this point. I used to think I was the next rip hashtag to happen and that motivates me. All of my fuck ups break ups and bad decisions, motivate me and I do not know how I transformed them from a pity party into a chip on my shoulder but I did and that is where they will stay. I think now my brain is focused on so many things that if one thing decides to fall through I redistribute my energy and focus in order to excel on everything else I'm doing. I guess it's one of those things where I just don't have time to dwell, or maybe it's just not worth it. I used to think it was worth it until we spoke and I realized I wasn't worth it to him. So I grew the fuck up and accepted it I think. Maybe that's what it is I'm not blank, I'm accepting. Wow. I am accepting.

[theglitterbot]

Never have I ever

I've never felt free I've always been restricted for as long as I can remember I've been restricted. Private school. Gymnastics. Home life. Religion. Decisions. Style. Music. Absolutely everything had a restriction and now that I'm on my own I'm trying to stray away from those restrictions to try new things but everyone is telling me I'm acting different and shit but I mean duh I am like I'm trying new things be my real friend and continue to support me not judge me for what I do next. That's what makes a friend a friend, Support! So come along for the ride or don't, im doing me

[theglitterbot]

My ego is fed with your discomfort the longer you whine and pitch a fit over me the stronger I get.

[theglitterbot]

I try to follow everyone back so if you can see this and I'm not following you reblog and I'll follow you!