#theprezzident

[theprezzident-blog1]

Quiet X Thunder: Blossom

We’re safe. We completed the mission and we’re both back safe. Sitting inside the metal hull of our Helicopter I can hear the whirring of the rotors as we’re whisked back to Mother Base. My head is still ringing, the sounds of explosions and gunshots still pound on my ears, I take a second to myself close my eyes and inhale as deep as my lungs would allow and slowly release. As I opened my eyes again they caught by the green solidarity of my companions own, she looked at me as if waiting for me to speak, I knew she wouldn’t say anything, it’s been Three months now and not a word. Why would she start now?

It was after this that the adrenaline dropped in my system and I began to shake, softly at first, barely visible in my layers of refined carbon and Kevlar that made up my armour. I brought my hand up and began to unlock the gauntlet around it; the shaking grew as I noticed the amount of blood on the glove. As soon as I could I brought my flesh to my forehead, seeking some sort of self-comfort, as I sighed again I slid my hand down my cheek and brought it back into view. Now my own flesh was covered in blood. The shaking got worse and I felt tears begin to form and my own voice choked me as I held back any noise that might try and escape my mouth. It was horrifying, all we had done her and I, all the lives we had taken all the ones who tried to stop us before. None had been successful but us, countless dead all in the name of world peace. But I was no soldier; I wasn’t made for this like she was! She had been my reason for continuing all this time, I had no inner desire to keep going, keep killing. But if she would do it, I would do my best to help her until the Dogs had achieved their goals and the threats of nuclear war were ended. But at what cost? What parts of myself would I have to give up? What parts of my humanity would I have to exercise to continue fighting? How many more lives must I take? I had not realized it until now but I was shaking harder than before, bloody hand made bloody fist, and I screamed. In a single moment I screamed harder than I ever could hate and feared exploded from my throat, tears poured down from my eyes catching in the blood that covered my jawline and brought it with it down unto blood stained Kevlar. For a single moment the world I had created shattered, there was no Helicopter, no piolet or war; there was no armour on me, no blood on my hands. And then it stopped, my eyes shot open again and my lungs begged for air, all these things came rushing back to me and before I could move another muscle she was there, hand on my bloodstained cheek.

Her eyes were locked on mine, struggling to find the means in which she could stop my pain, I let in one sharp breathe as I tried to hold back more tears. I sharply said to her: “I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me!” But I couldn’t fool her. She must have known what I was going through, she must have felt pain similar to all this in her time in the field. I could see she wanted to reassure me and in an act of complete silence she did. She took her hand from my cheek stained in no doubt the blood of our enemies, looked from it to me, and in a silent and morbid gesture wiped it down the side of her face. I was shocked at first, how could she be so okay being covered in someone elses blood like that, is this what I will become? I had no time to dwell on this as she reached down for my bare hand. With a smooth and fluid motion she brought my hand to her cheek, this side was clean for a moment; now it was not. She left it there, blood on my hand now on her cheek, and she embraced it. Nuzzling it like a pet would their owners, her hand on mine in a sign of ghastly affection. She paused and glanced at me, her eyes searching mine, I felt she wanted to know if I understood her. “We’re in this together, aren’t we?” She smiled, “Side by side, my blood is yours and yours is mine?” I asked her in a curious tone. She nodded her smile growing. I let out a soft chuckle and smiled myself. Warmth was returning to my body, the shaking had stopped entirely, I could feel my humanity returning. “I don’t know what I would do without your strength Quiet. Thank you!” as I finished my sentence she pulled herself towards me and for a moment that would last forever her lips embraced mine. It was powerful, overwhelming even; Passionate and terrifying. I could not feel her body through my armour, but I knew it was there. Once again there was no Helicopter, no piolet no war; no blood on my hands or hers. Just us. Together in a world on the brink of destruction. At that point I knew what we had to do, and how we had to do it! Together we would end Chiper and leave the warzones and death behind us. Only together would we see this through to the end. My blood is hers, and hers is mine.

[theprezzident-blog1]

Hey you :)

I’ve been curious about the people who have been reading my Summer of Growth posts. If you’ve enjoyed reading them, I would love to hear from you! I started doing this so I could hopefully make an impact on someone somewhere. I’ve come to learn that when people share their experiences with one another it helps them feel like this world isn’t all that massive. Anyways, if you have enjoyed what you’ve read then I am glad, and that within itself is enough for me. But if you have anything you’d like to share with me, my Message box is always open. Private or Not. Much love, and I hope your Summer is going well or getting better! -Brayden, ThePrezzident <3

[theprezzident-blog1]

It's like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don't go out any more. We sit in the house, and slowly the world we're living in is getting Smaller, and all we say is, 'Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster and my TV and my steel-belted radials, and I won't say anything. Just leave us alone!' Well I am not going to leave you alone. I want you to get Mad! I don't want you to protest. I don't want you to riot. I don't want you to write to your Congressman, because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write. I don't know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the crime in the streets. All I know is that first, you've got to get mad! You've got to say 'I'm a Human Being, God Damn IT! My life has VALUE!'

Peter Finch (Network, 1976)

[theprezzident-blog1]

v3.07 (Part 2)

What does it mean to Quit? And What does it mean to Grow? Nine months ago I quit drinking. Nine months ago I swore off Alcohol cold turkey and began making major adjustments to my life. For Nine months I fought and cried and bled and pushed forward relentlessly. However, the universe knew I was growing strong ever moment that passed, so it upped the ante and increased the challenge that I was facing. My life became more difficult to face, it became harder and harder to get up each morning, I could no longer hide behind the High of getting Drunk. I had to face each Demon that had been snapping at my heels for the last 7 years of my life, they were hungry and relentless, and they did not make sobriety easy what-so-fucking-ever! The first two months where hell, absolute HELL, each night was a race to see if I could make it to the dawn, each night was it’s own test, each night I faced a part of me that had been buried for years. But... Every dawn was a victory! Every morning I woke up and went to work, or cleaned something, or made something, was a Victory! For two months after quitting I was focused only on making it till the next day, so I could only make it too the next day. It was not productive for my mental state or my physical well being. I gained weight, because I was not concerned about how I looked. I ate more Junk food then I had before and justified it by telling myself that “At least I wasn’t using that money to buy booze.”. To be fair, it got me through those hard times, but it could not be a permanent solution to my situation, it came time to grow even further then I had in those two months. And so I did. I began looking at my life in it’s entirety. It was no longer just about being sober, it was about becoming a better person both inside and out. It was about being a happier and more inspiring person and here I am Seven months later writing a Blog trying to not only help myself, but perhaps someone else. If even one person can get anything from what I am writing then I have improved to a level I never thought was obtainable. I have dedicated this Summer to be a Summer of Growth. The question I have been asked since the first day I quit drinking was: “Are you still Sober?”. The answer at this point in time, and I can happily say, No. That’s right I am happy about it! I lived in fear of Alcohol after the first two months I would make sure I did everything in my power to avoid it, because I was terrified that if I even had so much as a Drop of Alcohol I would begin another spiral down into addiction again this time even more dark and more brutal. I Was Terrified. When I decided to dedicate this summer to change I thought long and hard on my sobriety. I never EVER want to go back to that place where I would chase the metaphorical dragon back into the bottom of a bottle, but I never want to live in complete and almost paralyzing fear of ANYTHING. But I am a new person, I am no longer the man who fell victim to substance abuse Seven years ago, I am stronger! Both mentally and physically I am Stronger! I am no longer the man who couldn’t just have One drink, I had to have enough to get drunk. And while I still feel the rush whenever I get to that state now, I know I have the strength within myself to not chase after it. I can sit down and have a drink with a friend and not feel like: when I get home I am going to buy more and get completely drunk, I know I can enjoy myself casually and not lose control. So... Does this make me a quitter? To that I say no. I say it makes me adaptable. I am growing, now more then ever, and this I can wholeheartedly say will be my proof if ever I need some. Will I ever go back to the man I was before? I hope not, I believe in myself to an extent where I believe I don’t need to live in fear that I ever would. I believe if I where to just sit on the fact that I had gone and stayed completely sober I would have stalled out in midair and plunge back to the ground. Because I would have continued to live in fear of the past. I am growing and I don’t intend to stop, and neither should you! This may work for me, this might be what I needed to continue growing, but that doesn’t mean it will work for you. Find what you need to grow. Find what you need to stand up tall and believe in yourself! You are an amazing person with unlimited potential, and when you begin breaking down the walls and working your way towards your goals, you will feel it! You will feel stronger, you will see yourself in the mirror as a stronger individual. And the people around you will see it as well and you will begin to inspire them to do the same for themselves. This is OUR Summer of Growth in Beautiful 2015, don’t forget to breath deep, and never stop believing in yourself! Much love to each and everyone of you, from now until the end of our days. -Brayden XOXO ThePrezzident <3

[theprezzident-blog1]

Forgettable (ft. Olivia)

Forgettable (ft. Olivia)

In case you needed some Pick Me Up music today!. Stay Beautiful, never stop smiling and keep moving forward! -Brayden AKA ThePrezzident <3

[theprezzident-blog1]

I fight Fear and I fight Hell because I understand it!

Corey Taylor (Slipknot, Custer)

[theprezzident-blog1]

Two Steps forward and One Step back, at the end of the day is still a step in the Right direction!"

Brayden Stairs (ThePrezzident)

[theprezzident-blog1]

v3.07 (Part 1)

I made a promise to myself that this Summer would not be spent inside and engulfed in some sort of digital coma, and so far I have done just that. I have spent more time at beaches and other peoples houses or doing something I rarely ever do, then I have in years. I have set out and so far maintained course on what I wanted out of this Summer. Very quickly into making this happen, I had come to the realization that I need to be doing some Major repairs to both my Physical Health and Mental Health. I never really noticed how much I had deteriorated in these aspects or I had never noticed how inexperienced I was with dealing with them. So I made a vow with myself that not only would I continue to escape from my Apartment like holding cell but I would also begin making some much needed adjustments/repairs to myself. I began with working on my fear of Open/Deep water. While I don’t live near enough to the ocean to really text my mettle, I do live near plenty of bodies of water with varying sizes and depths. I began by verbally and mentally accepting that this is a fear I hold inside myself. I then set out with the help of friends and family and swam, over and over again, in varying degrees of depth and water colour. I’m not going to lie, I was terrified the first few times and rightfully so, it’s something that I has had it’s claws in me since I was a child, but it was time to finally work through it. I’d like to think that in a shorter time than i had anticipated I have made leaps and bounds in overcoming that fear. I feel like I can swim care free again. Impressed with how I well I had done, I looked to the other things I needed to improve and work on, one was my weight. Now I’ve been “Fit” before, but it had been years since I was in the shape I was back then and I missed it. I missed being able to look into a mirror and not feel ashamed or like a failure, and so I pushed myself, pushed harder then I had in any of the recent years and made every attempt to both lose weight and feel like I had improved the look of my body. I wanted to make sure I was healthy on the inside, and beautiful on the outside. While I didn’t keep an exact and accurate measurement of my weight loss over the last month or so, I can estimate that I have lost close to 30lbs, and have gained even more of that in Muscle. I can see the changes on the outside, and every time I take a moment to notice and remind myself of this I can feel that I have changed on the inside as well. It’s honestly revolutionary for my mind and body tackling even two things on my list for the Summer. I am proud, I am strong, and I am making a come back that I would have never anticipated. And it feels GREAT. So here it is: I want you to get involved too, I want YOU to make this a Summer you will never forget. Find something, ANYTHING, that you want to make better in your life. And Do It! It’s not going to be easy, it might not even go smooth, but dammit does it become worth it in the end when you look back at where you were and where you are now. Find someone to share in this advancement with, find someone that will cheer you on and help you help yourself. They’re out there, believe me, they are out there. Here is too OUR amazing Summer and a better Us. Much love from now and to forever <3 -Brayden, AKA ThePrezzident.