#therapyupdate

[studyhardrunhardsleephard]

New T

Okay so I got news two days ago that my therapist is taking a break from practicing for medical reasons. After a whole lot of crying, shaking and nausea, I just feel numb. But I need to find a new therapist during this break and I’m really not looking forward to that. My T is the only T I’ve had and I’m afraid of finding someone else.

[omgleftoverdays]

28-03-2019 Therapy Update

I am just 6 days away from therapy. I started to draw some drawings which can show my emotions what I feel. 2 weeks since I told everything to my mother. It's been a stressful 2 weeks. Lot of emotional breakdowns and updowns. Two days ago my mother and I sat down together, it was fully random.

We could talk about the topic what we talked about 2 weeks ago. She said I am brave and we can rebuild our relationship if we put energy in it. She said she loves me no matter what. I could share with her my fears about a different topic and could ask for advice. That was a big step because we have never talked about this before.

I can see everything now and I am hopeful that these bad childhood traumas can fade away when the adult one (me) meeting with the whole situation and hear the opposite opinion of that topic. It's different what I heard when I was a kid and what I hear as an adult. My old traumatic memories will fade away because I know the full story and I hear the opposite. (You can't and disgusting! - You can and it's okay)

I am really hopeful and therapy is the best thing what ever happend to me. I am growing and changing, and can't wait to tell this to my therapist.

I'll keep this updated.

[studyhardrunhardsleephard]

how do you survive without your T?? I can't imagine if my T got sick and had to stop. I would be a mess.

Honestly, I don't know how I've managed. I keep looking at the calendar in disbelief, when I notice it's been over four months. It has helped that I've been in a pretty good place mentally ( with the exception of the first month of summer). Knowing that I couldn't contact T made me take care of myself more than I would have if I could talk to her. I had to be the one to hold myself accountable. Most days I think of T at some point and I really miss her, but as time goes on I think about that less. If t eventually does come back to practicing I'm not sure if I will continue with therapy. #1 I think this break did a lot of damage to our relationship and I'm not sure if things can go back to how they were. #2 I'm doing okay without it. It is a huge expense and not having that extra expense has been nice.

Also Anon, I hope you never have to deal with this

[studyhardrunhardsleephard]

Quitting new T

Just emailed new T to tell her I’m not coming back for another session 😬

[studyhardrunhardsleephard]

Email to T

So I emailed T telling her how upset I was to be taking a break from therapy. I'm guessing she is not going to respond, but I just felt like I should be allowed to put my feelings out there too. It's been a few days and no response, so I'm guessing I won't get that

[studyhardrunhardsleephard]

This morning I woke up to an email from my manager giving me my schedule for the next three days. Of course I am scheduled until 3 and my therapy appointment is supposed to be at 3. So I immediately texted T and asked if she could push back my appointment, but I haven’t heard from her. I just sent the text again just Incase it didn’t go through. Now I’m stressed because I REALLY need a session tomorrow. But if T isn’t answering its probably because something is wrong

[studyhardrunhardsleephard]

Today will be a good day

Today is going to be a good day. My last two Thursdays have been horrible and have cause a lot of crisising. BUT today is going to be a good day! I am going to be productive and take care of myself and it will be a good day. I will celebrate and try and enjoy. My roommate is gone this weekend and I will have the apartment to myself. This could be a good thing, but it also could be dangerous 🙄 I hope you all have good days!

[studyhardrunhardsleephard]

Therapy 12/19/18

Today’s session was a good one. Originally I wouldn’t have said it was, because we didn’t talk about something I really wanted to talk about/ feel we needed to talk about in the moment. But then I thought about it and just because it didn’t go where I wanted it to go doesn’t mean it wasn’t productive and doesn’t mean it was a good session. I gave T the Christmas card I made her and she asked if she could hug me. I said yes and she gave me a big hug. Oh yeah! today’s session was in person because I am home for the holidays :) I won’t be around next week and so she is giving someone else my session time, but the next week I will be around.