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thesaurus-wrex replied to your post: "Hundie" omg guys i’m so, so sorry
Tumblr is happening to you
Tumblrers say 'hundie'? Did you guys grow up in a bogan town in outback New South Wales too?
Why Did the Alligator Cross the Road?
I owe Rex a story. At one point ages ago, the town of Augusta, Georgia came up in conversation -- and I have a story about Augusta, Georgia. But at the time the story was completely off-topic from what we were talking about, or it was late and I was tired, or there was some other reason I didn’t want to tell it right at that moment, so I told him to remind me some time to tell him my story about Augusta. Like, probably over a month ago, he sent me a message that is still sitting in my inbox, reminding me I owed him the story. Now don’t get me wrong -- we’ve talked since then -- but I still haven’t told him this story. Don’t ask me why, just consider this a primer on how conversations with me often go. To make up for my seemingly endless delay and procrastination, I’m posting that story here, and also outing myself as a terrible person who tells people to remind me to do things and then doesn’t do them for months on end. The summer after my second year of law school, a group of my law school friends and I had decided to rent a house at Isle of Palms, South Carolina for a week and have a little vacation before our third year started. Most of us had finished fairly lucrative summer associate gigs so between all of us we rented a really amazing oceanfront house with like 8 bedrooms and three decks and its own pool and all this malarky. One of my friends had to drive cross-country to come. She was from California, and had gone home for the summer. If she flew out to the east coast, she’d have to fly back to California to get her car and then drive from L.A. to Indiana (where we were all attending law school). What she decided to do instead was just drive to S.C. and meet up with us, and then drive back up to Indiana after that. We already knew it was going to be a couple days after the rest of us arrived before she’d get there -- that wasn’t any big deal. But the day she was supposed to be arriving, I started getting antsy because I hadn’t heard from her yet. She’d called the day before, and we’d estimated she’d be getting in sometime in the afternoon. It was after 3 p.m. and I still hadn’t heard from her, nor had anyone else. When we tried to call her phone it went straight to voice mail. We were worried. Then my phone rang with a California number I didn’t have stored in my phone. I answered anyway. It was her mom. She’d been in a car wreck, her phone battery was basically dead, she was in a hospital in Augusta, Georgia -- “you know, where they have the Masters?” -- and she was alright, but her car was totaled. We put together a crack team of rescuers and headed towards Augusta. Her mom had given me the name of the hospital, we should be able to find it, we had the address, we could ask anyone, there were probably signs, etc. I should probably explain that there’s no actual interstate that can get you from the Charleston area to Augusta, Georgia -- at least not directly. If it’s direct you want, it’s all two-lane state roads and buffoonery. I could probably write an additional 500 words on this scenic drive, but if you’ve seen the film Deliverance you have a pretty good picture already so I won't burden you with that. When we finally got to the hospital and located our friend, the drive back seemed to go much quicker, because she had plenty of stories to tell -- and also because we took the interstate instead of driving back through Deliverance. She’d been hit by a semi truck; the driver had admitted he hadn’t seen her when he switched lanes. It was a clear-cut case, her car would be replaced. She’d had to stand in the median for hours and get eat en up by mosquitoes and chiggers (welcome to the south, ha -- she didn’t even know what chiggers were). Finally she’d been transported to the hospital -- though she was just fine, the records had to be made for insurance purposes, etc. When she got to the hospital and everyone found out she was from L.A., she became something of a celebrity. Every nurse and orderly on the floor came into talk to her, to ask if she ever hung out with movie stars or if she wanted to be an actress. One of the orderlies apparently had said “you’re the biggest thing to happen here this year besides the Masters.” Small towns, gotta love ‘em. With everyone safe and sound at Isle of Palms, we settled in for a week of drinking, playing poker, swimming, and various other “what the fuck is law school” type shenanigans. It was only after we’d gotten back to school that she heard from the attorney in Augusta who she’d retained to represent her in her case against the truck driver and his trucking company. There was a wrinkle in the case. Apparently, the truck driver was now alleging that he had swerved his truck to avoid hitting an alligator in the road. Yep. An alligator crossing highway in Augusta, Georgia. I was with her when the attorney called, but I wasn’t really paying attention to her side of the conversation until she said “An alligator?!?! Why -- in the fuck -- would I have gotten out of my car and been standing on the side of the road if there was an alligator wandering around?” There was no alligator. There never had been an alligator. But still, it’s best to be alert when driving through Augusta. You never know when a phantom alligator might cross the road and cause a tractor-trailer to swerve into your car and total it, briefly ruining your vacation.
thesaurus-wrex replied to your post: And another follower gone after today’s song of...
I’ve been listening to your playlist all day!
Are you trying to say you're unfollowing me too?
Cheesecake is the Benedict Arnold of pies.
Not Darth Footnotes
The Liar (by Rex Ybañez)
The Liar, a mad crier Phoenix on his burning pyre Dying slowly every day His mirror'd image, what dismay His own rubbish on display. And I wonder: Who am I, and who is he? Is this strange life but a dream? Days turn to weeks, And weeks to months And then and there they lie
Talk is drawn from vineyard's blood, A drunken promise to prevent the flood
Still I abide with blackened wings In this illusion dreams a mind unhinged
Who is he, and who am I? A trickster yesterday A trickster today A trickster tomorrow
Dear God... Save me!
