She knew she shouldn’t have tried. She wasn’t feeling confident that night and her hands were shaking from the chill outside, but Yerim was desperate. She hadn’t eaten in the past two days and a crowded bunch of drunk and tired locals waiting for the subway was her chance on getting a meal; no matter how small it would be.
Making a run for it was still an option that lingered stubbornly in her mind—despite her sore left ankle that resulted from her trip just moments earlier—as she frowned down at the stranger’s hand, her own wrapping tightly around the loose cash she had lifted off him.
“Would you believe me?” She questioned, wincing internally as she felt the beginnings of a bruises forming around her knees.
— physical features meme *✲ status: accepting!! *;
hair
Originally dark brown, raven dyed tresses fall to the small of herback, the ends kept trimmed and curled, flouncing whenever she walks. Her hairis her crown and she keeps it up, just as a someone would keep sacred jewelspolished. Image is of the utmost of importance to her, and because of her needto keep the appearance that she can not be neither swayed nor phased her hairis styled as such. Within the confinementsof her home, her hair is unkempt, the naturally curly tresses adorning her headlike a lion’s mane. When she is out and about her hair is kept straight due tothe belief that straight hair produces an image of rigidness that keeps peopleat a distance. At work, her hair is kept in various up dos to keep it out ofher face. Despite its thickness and how unbearable it can get to manage when itgrows past her shoulders, she keeps it long for the sake of her child (soon tobe children) for them to play with, braid and put in various hairstyles.
mouth
Gifted with lips that she deems as perfect, Carmen has taken onthe lips of her father. Her flushed pink lips form a pouty heart shape thatshe’s discovered when she was younger that those lips could get her whatevershe wanted. Located on the corner of her lip is a tiny scar gracefully given toher, by the rough touch of her lover whenever they get intimate. No one wouldbe able to notice such a scar, or the way the corner of her lips twitch wheneverirritation sets into her mood, but oh that smile. No matter how much she triesto hide it, her smile lights up her entire face and shines with the twinkle ofat least three stars. A smile of joy is always one you want to see from her forit radiates a force of happiness and joy that others find comforting. However,if one was to simply glance at Carmen her lips are always pressed together, ano nonsense expression settling on her features from just her lips alone.
skin
From afar, she possesses the skin others would deem as perfect.She has what she’s noticed to be Korea’s perfect standard: pale and smooth(from afar). But up close her skin is marred with the sins of her past and herfamily’s version of love marks. She views the self-inflicted scars that decorateher arms as a constellation: each mark forming a picture – a scene truly, ofher life that led her to break the skin, letting her body and soul bleed toalleviate the pain. Upon a closer look it gives the illusion of a rough touch,I mean, it has to right? What kind of person marked by both the world andherself, commending her to this unforeseen fate of damnation wouldn’t be roughto the touch? An arms graze is just enough. She has the soft skin of a mother,the delicate bend of skin under the pressure of a hand makes you think she isfragile, and if those words were ever uttered in front of her she would gladlyremind you that she isn’t. Oh, but there is a part of her that no one is everable to see. Her lover is the only one able to see a part of her body that hasbeen marred by cruel intentions with people with wicked minds. Decorating her backare whip marks: to her they look angry, ugly and sacrificial. It is just a grimreminder that as a child, she had no place in the world though she wanted tobelieve that she did.
hands
The same hands she uses to drag a knife across someone’s throat isthe same hands used to gently wipe away the tears of her child when he criesout for her. Slender fingers give a portrait of feminine delicacy, but a simpleturn of her hands to showcase her palms tells a story of a power so great andunexplainable even she has trouble comprehending sometimes. Her hands are herweapons to outside forces, small and agile when she feels threatened. The cutsdecorating her palms, crossing over her life and heart line as if she ismocking God himself, were used to coax her blood from her body to mutilate anddestroy. Appearances can be so deceiving. However, the times where she lives upto her delicate appearance is when her son asks for her aid when he’s scrapedhis knee, her husband lets her be the big spoon for once and her fingers lacethrough his hair to keep him close, and her fingers run through her pets furwhen they demand attention. Her hands are soft to the touch, a hidden fragilityabout them whenever someone grips them whether it be out of fear, affection orjust for the fun of it.
build
At a whopping 165 centimeters, Carmen wouldn’t draw a secondglance when it came to her body. She’s small and able to make herself blendinto a crowd with ease, nothing to fret about truly. But a bump into her frameand one recoil in surprise. Underneath her clothes lies nothing but muscle. Asa woman that got off on fighting any and everyone growing up, she’s become 165centimeters and 49 kilograms of lean muscle. Granted, her weight fluctuatesoften because of her lack of eating but there’s no mistake that despite hersize, she’s well-toned. She’s stronger than she appears, and if youunderestimate her because of said size she wouldn’t be afraid to get in yourface about it.
The comfort that the night offers her hasn’t always been a constant. There was a time in her life where the dark scared her; where it only seemed to put her on edge. She remembers reaching out for Ren, her slender fingers wrapping around his wrist, and asking him to stay; to stay until she had succumbed to sleep. He had done so without question, but had soon invested in a nightlight. It had been moon-shaped and the soft yellow hue it emanated had brought her a sense of peace. A smile graces her features at the memory as she wanders down the streets. Night has settled in and the darkness covers all that it can reach. Although, it’s true potential is diminished by the street lights and neon business signs. It’s a pity really, all of this light pollution, but at least she can still melt into the shadows.
With no real set destination in mind, she’s content to wander until her feet ache and legs cramp, but then the image of a favorite spot of hers pops into her mind. Humming to herself, she makes her way down her new route with the same lazy pace as usual. She arrives within a few minute’s time and silently makes her way up the stairs. Her fingers glide above the railing as she ascends towards the roof and she’s almost there when the rattling of cans alerts her of another presence. Calling out into the dark, a hand reaches out to flip the switch only to be interrupted.
It takes a moment for the voice to click, the memories slightly hazy with passed time, but the owner’s face and name eventually comes to mind. Her hand comes to rest at her side as the other shows himself and she gives a hum in response. “Ah, yes. I remember you.” The corner of her lip tugs up into some sort of half smile as she continues, “It has been quite a while.” Stuffing her hands into the front pocket of her sweatshirt, she picks her way closer to him, careful to avoid any other stray cans. “I’d ask what you’re doing up here, but I feel like your reasoning would be somewhat close to mine.”
She’s close enough to see his face clearly now and she drops the small backpack that she’s carrying on the floor. Crouching down, she unzips it and takes out a thin blanket. Pointedly ignoring him and the possible weird look he may or may not be giving her, she spreads it out before plopping down on top of it. Sighing in content, she finds his gaze once again and grins. “Nice face, by the way. I hope the other person looks worse.”
( ✉ — 자기야 🖤 ) work isn’t busy for once and i’m kind of irritated.how dare people let me be bored...
( ✉ — 자기야 🖤 ) so instead of me going crazy would my cute wife like to join me for lunch?
( ✉ — 자기야 🖤 ) i also look very cute so not only will your stomach get a meal, but so will your eyes. if you catch my drift huehuehue.
( ✉ — 자기야 🖤 ) untitled.png proof selca ;)
Instead of It being just two on one of Carmen’s many adventures that teetered on the edge of illegal activities to simply child’s play, two turned into four. Which she didn’t have a problem with, until Tiffany started paying more attention to the Emo Boy instead of her. She purposely walks behind them two, scowling out of envy as she watches the pair laugh, talking about God knew what. Jaebum got along with Tiffany well, and she figured it was because they were both stuffy nerds. Not that she had a problem with Tiffany, but when someone new came around Carmen was filled with crippling anxiety, weighted with the thoughts of her best friend nulling their friendship in favor of another. The thought alone has her kicking at the stray rocks that find itself underneath her boots.
“Hey! Watch where you’re kicking those, brat.” Jaebum calls over his shoulder and though it’s dark Carmen hopes that he can feel her glare burning holes into the back of his head.
“How ‘bout you mind your business and keep walking before I punch your ugly ass face.” She immediately snaps back, wincing in pain when her ear is tugged. “He started it.” Muttering underneath she switches over to walk alongside Twelve, childishly sticking her tongue out at the other two.
This is how it always was when the four of them hung out: Carmen and Jaebum bickering over the smallest of things and Tiffany and Twelve wondering how they could split the two up before blood was shed (which on some occasions couldn’t be helped). But this time around, Carmen was told to make nice while they snuck into the science lab at Tiffany’s school. It was something the three of them had in common, and truthfully Carmen felt a little left out but it wouldn’t last long – those types of situations never did.
There was no amount of words that could describe the relief when they had successfully snuck into the chemistry lab and Jaebum gave up arguing with her in favor of looking through the various tubes and chemicals. Carmen being the one who found solace in things like fighting and other aspects of physical activity hung back, simply watching them talk about science and other things she couldn’t explain. A few times she’s invited over yet she waves it off as their conversation boring her, when in actuality three intelligent individuals going back and forth over various physics laws intimidated her. It made her feel useless, let alone a part of the group. So she busies with inspecting her nails until a harsh bump on her shoulder causes her to look up, the irritation in her feature prominent due to not only the lack of sleep, but the boredom was getting to her too.
“What do you want?” She snaps, rolling her eyes dramatically only to be met with a fierce scowl. Clicking her tongue, she waves him off dismissively. He barely paid attention to her since they got there and she didn’t need his sympathy in order to feel a part of this little delinquent science expedition.
“I was going to ask if you wanted to come and help us make this mini volcano but since you want to be a brat, stay here by yourself.” He responds, not thinking twice about going back over to the group. But before he can get too far Carmen reaches out to grab his wrist.
“Listen, I’m really sorry. I just have no idea what you guys are talking about or doing and it makes me feel really stupid.” She admits with a mumble, and embarrassed flush on her cheeks. “You’re really smart and it annoys the fuck out of me, yet intimidates me and I’m sorry for being a dick.” Before he can say anything back to her statement she simply shoves him away from her, leaping from the stool to shuffle over to Tiffany, using her as a makeshift shield to keep Jaebum away from her.
THINGS YOU SAID WHILE YOU WERE DRUNK.
Day 304.
Her body is warm, an amazing euphoric feeling surging through her whole body as the realization that she is indeed intoxicated as all hell hits her like a wave of reality. She steadies herself by gripping onto Jaebum’s arm who instinctively puts his hand on her hip to make sure she doesn’t fall and hit her head on anything sharp. He’s mumbling something incoherent and she’s sure he’s scolding her, but she was never one to pay attention – let alone pay attention to him. He sounds far away, his voice muffled as if she’s underwater and she can’t help but to press her fingers against his lips shushing him with a little more aggression than necessary.
“God… You talk like – so fucking much. Just be quiet. You’re not my dad.” Her words are slurred and it’s a miracle she’s even alive, teetering on the edge of alcohol poisoning a little too often for it to be normal. But it’s the life she’s chosen to live and at the age of twenty-three she can’t believe that someone she met while she was sixteen still puts up with her repeated downward spirals.
“Carmen stop touching me!” He hisses through gritted teeth as he pushes her hand away, wiping furiously at his lips. “I don’t know where your hands have been and you’re touching me like this in public. Where are your manners?” He smacks her hand away viciously only to be confronted with a loud whine and insistent hiccups in between screams of her telling him how mean he was to her.
“You’re such a jerk, you were a jerk when I met you and you’re a jerk now. I hate your stupid, ugly ass.” She’s causing such a fuss at this point and there’s nothing Jaebum can do as he apologizes profusely to his neighbors when their heads peek out of their doors. “He is abusing a poor, helpless woman and you should call the police!” Her screams are short lived when his hand is slapped over her mouth and she’s shoved in his apartment. Her balance is immediately lost and she falls face first onto his carpet, groaning as she realizes that he’s slipped away to repair the damage she’s caused.
He isn’t gone for long, and somehow Carmen has mustered up enough energy to drag herself onto the couch, her arm slung over her eyes. “Hush, you’re making my headache ten times worse than what it was, and I honestly just want to have a good time.” There’s something about Jaebum that brings her a sense of comfort that she’s not willing to fully acknowledge, but the both of them is more than aware of her increasingly frequent habit of crashing on his couch after a drunken escapade.
“I’m tired of you getting drunk and then calling me like I’m some sort of drunk guardian angel. God you’re so reckless, stupid girl.” Her senses are jolted awake by the feel of cold water being splashed in her face followed by a cool rag being wiped at the back of her neck. “If you weren’t someone I cared about, I’d leave you out there in the cold. You never listen.”
His nagging goes in one ear and immediately out the other as she hoisted over his shoulder, much to her protest, to be placed on his bed and is demanded to sleep off her drunken haze. Turning over she slips one of her arms underneath his pillow to pull it comfortably underneath her head, staying back at the same pair of eyes that she met when she was at the peak of her teenage years.
“Hey, Jae. You’re the most annoying, insufferable, four eyed kid I have ever known.” Steadying herself she stands on top of his bed, wobbling over to him to stand at his level. “No honestly, but you’re also the smartest person in my contact list. Like, you’re so smart it’s really fucking annoying but also like mind blowing. You’re like that old white guy. The E equals MC something.” Stumbling a bit she wraps her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly to her. “You’re the bestest friend anyone could ever have and don’t think much of this but I’m so happy I met you.”
THINGS YOU SAID WHEN I THOUGHT I WAS ASLEEP.
Day 408.
Her mornings were different ever since she’s confessed an unspoken love for a man that had been in her life for eight years, who had also shown no signs of leaving her in the years to come. The bed in which she laid in countless times, that harbored the secrets of her restless body and the tear stained pillows that told stories of an endless loneliness that couldn’t be stifled by a simple fling. When she turns to see his sleeping face she can’t help but to be completely enamored. She’s so emotionally drawn to this man she couldn’t realize the fact that she had fallen head over heels, and no matter of denying and pushing aside, nothing could change how she felt towards Jaebum.
She lifts her fingertips to lightly press against his cheek, her gaze flitting about his features, memorizing the angles of his face, the bow of his lips and the dip of the bridge of his nose. The sigh that sounds from him causes her movements to halt for a few seconds until she is reassured that he’s still sleeping by the gentle rise and fall of his chest. He’s so beautiful to her. Despite all of his imperfections, worries and his own insecurities in which she found absurd – Im Jaebum is perfect.
“I love you so much.” Her confession is a lazy whisper, falling onto what she believes is deaf ears. “I’m so thankful to whatever God is out there for having me barge into your life and stubbornly staying there. I’ve never been at such a euphoric state of peace and can honestly say you’ve brought a balance into my life that I was subconsciously looking for I suppose. Either way it still makes me happy.” Her palm finds rest on his chest, her cheek finding comfort on his shoulder as her words are mumbled as if she were in a confessional, telling a priest of her newfound secret to the key of leading a happy life: an emo nerd obsessed with science and technology.
“And if you even think about breaking up with me you might as well just set up a funeral plan, because I definitely will kill you. Got it?” She huffs underneath her breath, the very thought enough to make her sink into a sulking fit of oblivion.
“Got it.” His voice makes her heart stop for a moment and instantly her head is lifted to look upon his grinning face and she groans loudly. “Aw, why’d you stop it was just getting good.” The teasing tone in his voice embarrasses her, and it doesn’t help that he decided to pet her hair gently to further make sure that she knew that he heard everything.
Her cheeks immediately flush out of embarrassment and she jumps up from her spot to walk into the bathroom, a slew of curses spewing from her mouth out of frustration. It was a relief to be vulnerable with someone that appreciated every aspect of her, but yet she wasn’t quite ready for the emotions that came with dating someone that she used to tease ( and still constantly does ) about being ugly.
“You will not speak of this again or I will punch you in your goddamn throat!” She screams from the bathroom as her cheeks are splashed with cold water.
The sole reason or logical solution he likes to comfort himself with the fact that semi-long walks within the dim-lit shadows will bring him back down to earth when he gets sucked into the venomous cycle of rehashing his trauma. Which he then succumbs himself to his relentlessly intense workaholic lifestyle to reassure himself that his ghost existence isn’t useless nor entirely doomed till the end. Although walks remain cathartic to him to a certain extent, it doesn’t help this one time when everything comes crashing down on him in a stormy wave of vicious anxiety that gets triggered when he gets reminded of him.
Collapsing his shoulder against the nearest wall his wobbly knees can stagger him towards, he folds his arms as he attempts to make sense of the oxygen he’s breathing out - how he is still real. Alive. In the present moment. The blood is still thrumming through his veins. But then the lulling yet ominous ringing tone of a familiar voice harshly whips through his derailing existential crisis - this time he barely manages to exert effort into meeting her eyes. Too much energy. Or he’s trying to forget how familiar faces make him feel.
“Hey you,” he echoes in response like he always does because there is nothing more solid that routine. “It’s Sailor Nae unless my vision has gone backwards even more.” with a grimace, he almost wishes he can forget how vividly he remembers the intricate details of fifth senses of people - especially those who he tried to look after. “I don’t believe your nursing story anymore. You’re a double agent by the way you keep disappearing. I don’t understand why you keep coming back to see me.”
she couldn’t express the guilt that was beginning to build within her heart, feeling of it thomping within the layers of her skin. it’s almost as if she couldn’t breathe, choked up with trying to figure an explanation to her sudden disappearance though she’s unsure of such an impulsive move. lips were beginning to get sucked in, palm extended to the top of her head to scratch on top of natural dyed roots. “beginning to think i should show you the proof, i have it at home.” naeun laughs at the idea alone, assuming something way beyond capabilities. thinking way way into thinks, he was always like that from what she can recall easily.
“we’re friends, remember?” the relationship the two share was unusual. the way they first encountered one another and how they continued to meet ends, there’s never a -- regular meeting between the pair. all the brunette can do is smile softly, reassuring him that there was nothing but positive memories despite such difficult times. she recalls frustration at times, even uncertainty but naeun was never one to push others aside and disregard them. though, the words rung a bell within her head; what if she possibly made him feel that way?
when she proceeds to continue conversation, merely inching forward a bit more and standing on the tip of her toes. for a second, she thought she was out of breath though the conditions that the taller male was in? no close comparison. “hey…” gently speaking, bottom lip jutted out in concern. she cautiously reaches to touch, a soft poke at his arm instead of slim fingers encircling around his arm. “are you okay? didn’t mean to startle you there.”
naeun almost feels as if she was in comparison to her own sister at times, disappearing and not thinking of her choices that would affect those around her. being in the same location after so long, felt like suffocation and traveling to study internationally had pro’s to con’s. to step out the airport and seeing what she was almost accustom to felt surreal, then seeing someone who she shared a close bond with was like a dream. “i wanted to see how you were, if we take a walk together i can share all the stories about what i’ve been doing.” not that it was out of the ordinary, naeun thinks.
though, jae was someone who was struck with paranoia. she should’ve known better, she was so selfish her own sister probably hates her for not saying goodbye properly too.
The intrusive question slices through the crisp air and the low sluggish midnight ambience of city bustling - which jerks him out of his hazy repetitive pessimistic cycle of thoughts. Although he is grudgingly clutching a metal can of an energy drink to sip his senses together, he finds himself sinking into a zombie-like trance so in a way, he is grateful for the sharp snap back to reality. Turning his eyes to the female who has now flung herself across the bench beside him, he instantly questions her sobriety. As soon as he is about to exhale his not again sigh of exasperation, he fully scrutinises her face which causes him to halt his words.
He’s supposed to be waiting for his former mentor to help her examine the movement of a gang in the area. But she is untimely as usual and secondly, the woman currently in front of him gives him an eerie sense of déjà vu is despite his disdain for the overly used pick up line. Something about her bright cheerfully curious smile makes him on his guard and he is extremely uncomfortable with the way how she is staring at him although he doesn’t let a crack of his discomfort slip through his poker face.
“Have we met before?” he thoughtfully mulls over as he seriously considers it before harshly stating. “You look like a girl who lives for adventure seeking because of the adrenaline kick because you get from it,” he cautiously takes another sip of his energy drink with a sigh as he tilts his head in her direction to narrow his eyes at her, “if we met somewhere before then you must have done something incredibly stupid and I don’t waste my memory for remembering fools.”
It’s hard to recognise anyone when it’s this dark out, and Haeun thinks she couldn’t even tell apart from her own shadow. Tonight, she doesn’t feel the darkness to be all that suffocating; maybe that was only because she hadn’t been expecting light in the first place. The city stays awake far longer than its residents, it seems like, and she can barely hear the sound of languid footfall over passing traffic and conversations out of earshot. Everything is just a little bit blurry, but her inhibitions are few and far in-between even whilst fully sober.
Her legs are grateful for the brief promise of rest when she stops at the bench, not even certain how long she’d been walking till then. She wasn’t certain how much longer she’d be walking for after, either. And Haeun thinks it would have been rude to not say anything at all. (The lesser of two evils.)
Up close, it’s even harder to tell him apart from the next guy. It must have been the same on his part too if he’d so easily pegged her for a fool with just a look. Then again, there has to be a certain level of idiocy that comes with talking to strangers at all. “I don’t doubt that.” The unwavering smile on her features doesn’t give away her surprise that the other actually responded to the question, much less say anything much more than a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’. It’s enough to even make her chuckle, taking the snide remark in stride. “But what business might you have coming across fools in the act, and not remembering them?”
and it hurt to know that I had been blind to it all // starter for @theseelenine
"But why would someone take the time to portray something as gruesome as this in a place where everyone can see?" there's a prolonged silence with them, and it could've felt as though it had been dragged on for hours. it didn't make sense with the sudden rise of art that along with it the crime rate would exponentially be greater either. she figured it had to do with the grotesque forms that were being used. true mutilated bodies where the figures were twisted in the act of creating something worthy.
she looked at the file in front of her and winced, scanning the images of an incapacitated woman whose body was morphed to look like an angel. yet there was nothing angelic about it. on the chest, there were miniature heads stitched onto her body with crimson dripping down the cheeks (and jieun could only be grateful that those heads were not real).
Jaebum sat across from her, his arms crossed as he continued to look at the open file in front of him. she could see the reels in his head turning, and she believed that he would know more than anyone else. if it weren't for all that had happened, she was sure they would've been partners on the team. she was sure she would've applauded every idea that fiddled in his head. but he was nothing more than enforcer.
and yet she still held him in high regard.
"Unless they wanted everyone to see. They wanted to have some sort of impact on the common person's psycho pass, but why?" She joined him in his own thoughts, somehow starting to understand just by seeing him in the midst of his own understanding.
She was sure he would put the blame on one person, on that one man that has been haunting them time and time again. But with little of what they knew, all they could carry their thoughts on were speculations. The two of them both knew, however, speculations would take them nowhere but to deadends and more deadends.
"An impersonation of someone else's work?" She mulled over, finger gripping at the tip of her chin. There were so many questions to ask with no definite answer. this was the kind of work they had to go through, the kind where even with going through the process, that perhaps the only way to get through was by speculating before understanding. "Or perhaps a cry for attention?"
