I’ve been sitting at work all day with a knot in my stomach. I’ve been under the distinct impression it’s because I’m thinking I need to break up with my boyfriend. However, I just had a revelation that it’s not the reason. I am feeling guilty because by breaking up with him, I’m putting my happiness first and my first thought on that was “I’m being selfish”. I’ve had a knot in my stomach because I’ve been feeling selfish for wanting to put my happiness first.
Why would I think that? It’s simple. For the last however many months I’ve been allowing this to happen, I’ve been assuming responsibility for Tim’s happiness. And in turn, he’s let me. Not 100% obviously, because some things are just flat out of my control (and I even tried to correct those whenever something would affect his happiness). And let me tell you, a LOT of things affect his happiness. We won’t get into all of that though.
The point being, if something in your life isn’t working you have the power to change it, in whatever way that looks like. I am responsible for my own happiness, just like he is for his. I’ll be fine and he’ll be fine. And if he’s not, there’s nothing I can do about that. But that’s not something I am required to deal with. Of course I’ll be there for him if he needs it and I’ll happily help him through in any reasonable way I can. I’ve never looked down on anyone or thought anyone else selfish when they’ve broken up with someone, whether in my own relationships or others, and it’s absolutely absurd that I would put that on myself.
It’s a form of self care. Making hard choices for the sake of your happiness is self care and it’s something you get to do. Breakups are hard, on both ends. But you get to advocate for yourself and your needs and your peace of mind.
