#thingsivenevertoldyou

[we-are-med-to-be]

I thought we agreed that no more bullshits and lies? What the fuck is that “gusto kita pero hindi pa ako ready for a commitment”? Tapos malalaman kong may nililigawan ka? I fucking hate you now. Humingi ka sa akin ng favor na maging masaya para sa’yo if ever mahanap mo yung taong magco-commit ka. Sinabi mo sa akin to A WEEK AGO. So ano ako sa’yo? Dumaan lang na parang speed of light sa buhay mo? Ganun kabilis? Wala ka ba talagang pakialam sa akin? Or should I say, nagkaroon ka ba talaga ng pakialam sa akin? Kasi tangina mo. Pagod na pagod na ako. Dapat dineretso mo na lang ako kung ayaw mo talaga sa akin. Putangina. Paasa ka lang. Pinaasa mo ako.

[we-are-med-to-be]

I don’t memorize your number anymore. I actually tried remembering it awhile ago but I really can’t and at first, I felt frightened but then, I realized that forgetting it was a good thing. It was a sign of progress. So what I did was to get rid of other things that also remind me of you. I deleted your pictures even the picture of Hippo. (I know. I know. He’s so cute but sorry, a picture of your dog is also constant reminder of everything we had). I deleted your messages on my phone as well as your number.

The only thing i can’t let go  yet is that one last Facebook message you sent me. I just can’t delete that right now because it has everything. It was like a summary.

Maybe someday. Just not now.

[we-are-med-to-be]

Nababawasan na yung mga sinusulat ko tungkol sa’yo. Nauubusan na ako ng sasabihin. Sign na ba ito? Malapit na ba kitang makalimutan?

[we-are-med-to-be]

“Remind yourself that nothing is wrong with you.

There are just moments in life when you can't force anything into anybody if they're not ready for it, and that doesn't mean you're not enough. It just means that timing wasn't on your side and he's not ready yet. So stop blaming yourself, girl, and cheer up. No matter how ready you may be for a real relationship, if he just doesn't want to get into one with you, the situation between the two of you won't change.”

[we-are-med-to-be]

Nag-end kasi bago mag-Feb Fair e. Ayan tuloy wala akong ka-date. Hahahahaha. Just kidding.

[we-are-med-to-be]

Tutuparin mo pa kaya yung deal natin dati? Kasi ako, tumupad ako sa deal natin kahit tinigil na natin. Ikaw kaya? Gagawin mo pa rin kaya? O baka naman nakalimutan mo na o kinalimutan mo na talaga? Sana tuparin mo pa rin para sa huling pagkakataon, matapos na lahat ng pwedeng maiugnay sa atin. Para wala ka na ring naiwang marka sa akin.

[we-are-med-to-be]

What if?

What if I didn’t go to that event?

I wouldn’t have met you.

I wouldn’t have known you and your secrets.

I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you.

I wouldn’t have gotten hurt.

I wouldn’t have been so desperately trying to move on right now.

All these “what ifs” and “what could have been” destroys me but even for once, I have never ever regret anything.

I will never regret that I met you because you are the first one that made me so happy and devastated all at once. You are a beautiful thunderstorm that came to my life and I am thankful for that thunderstorm because now, I’m ready. I’m ready for future heartaches, for future thunderstorms that will come to my life again. Thank you. Thank you.

[we-are-med-to-be]

I cried again last night. Not because I feel miserable about what happened but because I miss you a lot. I just miss you. Hindi ko na iniiyakan yung nangyari sa atin. Sadyang namimiss lang talaga kitang kausap. Gusto kitang makita.