#this actually worked

[brightlotusmoon]

The "I Am Not A Fish" Hiccups Cure | Know Your Meme

The "I Am Not A Fish" Hiccups Cure

The "I Am Not A Fish" Hiccups Cure, also known as Stop Hiccups By Saying, "I Am Not A Fish," is a theoretical solution for hiccups that enta

[justkeeponsimming]

Zeta: “There you are, my wife.”

Esme grins brightly. Usually, Zeta refers to her as ‘dear’. It’s a tender nickname that Esme adores. It takes a lot for Zeta to be outwardly affectionate, but the nickname ‘dear’ was the start of Zeta opening up. Is wife her replacement term for her?

Esme: “New nickname?”

Zeta: “Never, my dear. Just a new one for my darling wife.”

Oh plumbobs, Esme is blushing deep blue now. She lifts up the plate with the slice of wedding cake. Zeta watches her carefully, a playful spark in her eye. Esme could be cute and feed the cake to her, or smear the cake on her face like she did when she was making their trial wedding cake. Esme pouts a little as she ponders, trying not to melt when she sees Zeta’s expression soften. Her wife must think her pout is adorable.

Esme: “Here, I think I perfected the recipe for my perfect wife. Try some.”

Zeta half smiles and closes her eyes as Esme offers her the fork, then takes some cake of her own on another. They both close their eyes, fumbling to find each other’s mouths for a moment. There are many happy sighs at the taste of the delicious cake. When they open their eyes, they see friends and family have gathered to snap photos of them tenderly feeding cake to one another.

[valdiis]

My College Admissions Essay

Sounds like LiveJournal's on a ventilator now, so I'm copying out the one thing from it that I care about from that years-old journal. Below is the college admissions essay that - at the time of sharing it the first go-round - I did not know would get me accepted to a highly respected state university.

-----

Ha, take THAT, UVA....

So I had to provide a writing sample to UVA of no more than one page, on the following topic: "Stephen Hawking asked the question, 'What is the probability of life existing elsewhere in the universe?' in his public lecture, 'Life in the Universe.' If life does, in fact, exist elsewhere in the universe and you could send one thing to represent the human race, what would it be and why would you choose it?"

My submission - for which I feel vaguely dirty, but at the same time, what did I have to lose by being interesting and standing out from all the "amg i sends computarz!" entries? - is below.

The pinnacle of human achievement is not always the flashiest, most glamorous item. It is not always the gadget which beeps or the widget that makes our lives easier. Sometimes, the best way to represent the human race to a potential alien civilization is through the simple things in our lives: food.

Most of our celebrations – be it Western culture Thanksgiving gatherings or Middle Eastern Al-Eid celebrations or Eastern Lunar New Year parties – revolve around vital sustenance for human life. The adage “You are what you eat” has some truth to it, as food defines who we are as a culture and what we value in life. Without food, we cease living, which is why hunger strikes are so poignant.

With that in mind, who knows what type of food an alien civilization might have, or even if they have what we would think of as “food” – perhaps they survive by synthesizing nutrients out of their atmosphere. Humanity has already sent out radio waves and television transmissions and the Voyager I space probe with the Golden Record of Earth sounds and music and languages. What else should we send to represent humanity but food?

However, sending food presents a problem. Nearly every food made by man is subject to spoilage. But there is one food – one tasty item to represent human achievement in culinary technology – that does not spoil, one food which would reach the Andromeda Galaxy as tasty and fresh as the day millions of years prior in which we shot it into space: the Twinkie*.

The Twinkie – a wheat flour snack cake filled with vanilla cream – is made without any dairy products, thus making it significantly less prone to spoilage than most foods. Four of the eight main ingredients of a Twinkie are forms of sugar: corn syrup, high fructose corn syrup, dextrose, and sugar. Sending a sweet, small, easily understandable item like a Twinkie may not display the diversity of human culture through our food, but it would show our ingenuity and creativity when it comes to making long-lasting snacks for those interstellar journeys.

(* Shelf life of Twinkies is not guaranteed to exceed the span of light years necessary to escape the heliosheath.)

[hardlightvivisection]

pro tip!: you can stop intrusive thoughts by being horny!

[all-i-do-is-try1]

Low cal Egg white waffles !

1/4 cup egg whites (I just used boxed) ~25

A pinch of xantham gum or cream of tarter for structure

1 tsp of sweetener ( or just add sf syrup)

*You also add some flavored protein powder for better texture and flavor.

Just whip / froth mixture together until frothy for added fluffiness (I used a cheap battery powered milk frother wand)

Add sugar free syrup if you want ~5

Makes 6!

Tips: don’t close waffle iron-will flatten the waffle and stick like crazy. just spoon some egg white in the bottom grill and don’t press into the groves. You have to gently pick it up and flip like a pancake. And these puff up when cooking so don’t overfill

[maryse127]

Me: *deliberately closes the door HARD because she thinks her dad should wake up so we can get groceries*

Dad: I had fallen back asleep. It is really time to get groceries huh

[bitchassmcgrass]

the secret to waking up in the morning without the pain or agony is to get a good nine hours of sleep, and then an additional four hours of sleep