Jim thinks maybe they made the decision too quick. It was after one of those nasty away missions, he's known for. One minute he's bleeding out on the floor of the grand hall on Ubi IV and the next he's in a bio bed practically ripping a respirator out of his throat.
When they settled down in their quarters that night, after Bones has pressed light kisses to every part of Jim's body, Jim rested his head on Bones' shoulder and whispered, "Let's have a baby."
He noticed Bones' breath hitch. It's something they talked about, once. But Jim had been unsure. But now, he thinks he's ready to ease the Enterprise back home, take up the promotion Starfleet's been pushing on him, and finally settle down.
Six months later and they're meeting with a surrogate. They have a name picked out and have bought and fixed up a large Victorian that has enough rooms to raise ten kids, if they want.
He's sitting on the couch after a long day at Starfleet, delegating missions, going over budgets, when it hits him. He's not ready. He doesn't even know what he was thinking. They're practically raising, Jo, who came to finish out her last years of high school at a private academy for the children of Starfleet officers. That should be enough.
He presses the heels of his hands into his eyes and tries to ignore the rolling of his stomach. What the fuck was he thinking?
"Jim?" Bones finds him and is at his side in an instant, crouching down and pulling at Jim's hands, checking to make sure he's unsure.
"Bones-I. I don't think-"
"You're rethinking the baby. Aren't you?" His husband's voice is flat and when Jim looks up at him he sees the twist of his mouth, the hardening of his eyes.
"No, you listen here, you mad bastard."
Bones gets up and is on the couch, letting go of Jim's wrists and instead tangling his fingers in Jim's.
"You are going to be an amazing father. You already are, with Joanna. I know you are going to give Georgia or George all the love they deserve and more."
Jim bites the inside of his mouth, unsure of what to say. There's a welling in his throat but he fucking can't stand crying so he swallows that down. He's angry.
"I don't deserve it, okay? What could I give a kid? Jesus, I don't even know why they'd let me."
He's up and off the couch, old insecurities rearing their ugly heads.
Bones short laugh makes him whirl around. "You commanded a crew of 500 with an efficiency and compassion that lead to more commendations than most Starfleet captains. Get over yourself."
Jim scowls and Bones sighs, getting up and coming toward Jim, wrapping his arms around him.
"Please trust me. Trust us. Believe that you can give our baby the best life. I know it.'
Jim swallows again and leans into Bones, kissing him. After a second, they pull back. He thinks about what his father would say. He hasn't had to think about George with any resentment or hurt in a while but he thinks it would have been nice, to have him there.
After a moment, he sighs. He does want a child. He wants a baby to raise with Bones, to love with Bones, to show the stars with Bones.
"Want to give my mom a heart attack?" He says after a moment.
Bones eyes have softened, his tone lighter. "I think we should record it."
"I think it was grandparents day a week ago. Should we send her a belated card?"
Bones laugh is a beautiful sound. "I dare you."
They walk to the computer together, Jim pressed into Bones' side, ready to tackle this thing, however daunting it was, together.