#thisbealexis

[thisbealexis]

Don't even know if it's worth saying.

I guess I just need to get it off my chest.

I think I've met the man I'm supposed to be with. I think he knows it too. There's this game that interferes and we ignore each other for reaction.

When he's away I question if feelings are even real. When he's drunk I see him most vulnerable and absolutely beautiful.

I want to hold him. I want to run up and spin him around. Shower him with love and kisses. Cuddle under the stars, streaming old films. I want to slow dance to Billie Holiday and whisper jokes in our ears.

I have been hurt many times before and I have found hope still grows. I have been taking a break from trying to get out there hoping one day the time will come.

I don't want to be pushy. I don't want to be brash. I am ready for love but, maybe he's not ready for me.

[thisbealexis]

My Chatham room!!! Dreams coming true. I miss some of the best people ever but I'll see you all real soon :D

[thisbealexis]

Happy Halloween!!!

With all the stress I've recently built up, it's nice to have a day off from work to do something I really want. Tonight Dave and I will be frankenstein and bride in a tux and wedding gown. Were going to a 2 hour Halloween cruise so I'm excited to try something new. Then of course we have work at 8 tomorrow -_- Happy Halloween everyone. Photos will be up later!

[thisbealexis]

My day consisted of: -hibachi for lunch with Dave -meeting Fiji and Alabama at Tonya's -trying to grab quick next at on the border but we were forgotten and waited an hour to not get food so they wrapped it up and gave it to us for free -going to the bushnell for Jason Mraz and Raining Jane :D -laughing at the fact that the birds flying for YES! Look like a pissed off and fed up face -jamming out to great music with a friend who also loves mr a to z -now finally home, needing to clean the kitchen and finally eat some Mexican :) I'd say it was pretty darn great!!!

[thisbealexis]

Back to

School I go. First class is called "swimming for fitness" I really hope I can make friends and not be so self conscious about how I look in the bathing suit. A part of me hopes we don't even swim today and we just discuss the class but I'm just full of wishful thinking :/

[thisbealexis]

I didn't write anything about it today

But Germany winning made me so happy. Old men at the casino were talking down to me because I was rocking the Deutschland jersey. Well Argentina lost and you're still old men. Hahah Then at the mall there were so many Germany fans and we all high fived when we walked by eachother. It made me happy :D it made me proud! I'm not even German but sometimes i wish I was.

[thisbealexis]

All my plans were washed away for the day. New plans: get my hair done, possibly get my nails done with my mom, upload the photos from my 4th of July vacation, go shopping at forever 21, pick up my dad from work at 640, see Dave for dinner. I'll probably eat when I go shopping...yea that sounds good.

[thisbealexis]

Try me on for size, just one more time.

You look like you don't care anymore. Maybe you never cared at all or enough. That maybe six months didn't need to drag out for three more years. That we were meant to grow up without each other and possibly we were never destined to meet but it happened. A tragic turn of events where finally you seemed to care just in the slightest before letting me go. And when you met "her" I stopped existing in your walls and the space you called your mind. And when she left I got a call, just one. A quick hello to tell me the news. Was I supposed to scream and shout; anger or joy!? I kept to myself for nights unsure if my news could change anything, us, you. I lied to myself saying things were going to be okay but three years later...I'm happier yet always gutted. I'm more aware and cautious of my steps when I used to glide with the wind. I don't look at the things I looked at with you the same way. It's like searching for hope in a black hole. I still haven't given up on trying, to be your friend. I've held back but I give in quick and ill do it again. I'm okay except for when I'm not and sadly I have you to thank. No grudges just the honest truth. What have I become since I met you? Three years broken and holding on strong. No matter how far, no matter how gone.