There are days I wake up, and I feel a peace I haven't known for months. It engulfs me and whispers assurances that the choices I made were right. My exuberance in these last few weeks, vastly depleted, are now rejuvenated to a vigor I barely thought possible. I allow myself to get swept up in my own en devours, sparing only a moments thought towards you. Not out of spite, no, never out of spite.
It's moments like these when I am at my happiest, that I think of you. Moments I want to share with you; I turn to my left, and my world comes to an earth-shattering halt. In these moments, I miss you the most.
To keep you here with me would be selfish. To force the bond we have in this time would stretch it thin; beyond repair. To be together would damage any progress we are making towards becoming the people we need to be.
The future is a secretive mistress, and to promise you a shared future, by any means, will only set us up for failure. We don't know what we are meant for, or what this time apart will bring us. Whatever it may be, it will come and find me. I refuse to travel down any rabbit hole any time soon. White Rabbit's would prove only a distraction from myself and my own personal goals. I meant what I said: this time is to work on ourselves.
I gave you up so that you could become the person I know you can be; your time with me has stunted you, leaving you in a horrid place; stuck in the muck of your inner demons. I pray every night that you seek the proper measures and find your spiritual renewal. Only then will you have the blessings and peace you so crave. For now, I must close the door, and walk away. In these moments when I crave your companionship, I take refuge in the knowledge that you are in good hands, that will never leave you, nor forsake you; as am I. Since the future is unclear, and our time apart indefinite, I won't say 'goodbye'. Instead, I'll leave you with 'take care'.
"I do my thing and you do your thing; you are you and I am I; but if in the end we end up together, it’s beautiful."
I love you, and miss you. Take care.
