Drunken mishaps
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various genshin impact men being silly while drunk. (includes: childe, kaeya, diluc, kazuha, itto, ayato, thoma, wriothesley, zhongli)
Childe
It’s rare for you to see Ajax actually drunk. He’s usually too careful, too practiced in keeping himself sharp for missions and appearances. But tonight, with the weight of Fatui business lifted for a few hours and you by his side, he’s had a little too much wine.
He leans across the tavern table, cheeks flushed and eyes glassy with that mischievous spark. “Can you be my girlfriend?”
You blink at him. “…Ajax. I already am.”
His mouth drops open like you’ve just gifted him a miracle. “You are?!” He throws his arms around your shoulders, nearly knocking the empty bottle onto the floor. “Oh, lucky me! I must be the happiest man in Teyvat! Do you know how long I’ve dreamed about you saying yes?”
You laugh, patting his back. “About two years ago, when you asked the first time?”
He pulls back, frowning in exaggerated shock. “Wait. Don’t tell me this is a dream. Because if it is, I’ll just have to—” He clenches his fist dramatically— “punch the dream until it’s real!”
“Ajax, that’s not how dreams work.”
“It is in Snezhnaya.”
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Kaeya
You were only supposed to be sharing a quiet drink with Kaeya at the tavern. Somehow, three drinks became six, and Kaeya’s usual smooth composure is… looser now, his smirk lazier, his laugh louder.
He leans heavily against the bar counter, gazing upward. “Oh, look at the stars! Ursa Major… so beautiful.”
You follow his line of sight, only to deadpan. “Kaeya, we’re inside. Those are ceiling lights.”
He tilts his head, long lashes fluttering as though he’s truly considering your words. Then, with a grin, he props his chin in his palm. “Then I must say… Mondstadt’s interior decorators are criminally underrated. Almost as dazzling as you.”
You snort into your drink. “You flirt like this sober, too. What’s your excuse now?”
“My excuse,” he says smoothly, though his hiccup ruins the effect, “is that wine makes me honest.”
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Diluc
Diluc doesn’t drink much. In fact, he usually avoids it. But Kaeya had been in one of his pestering moods, and against all odds, the brooding owner of Dawn Winery had agreed to join in. Three glasses later, he is swaying slightly in his seat, brows furrowed like a scolded child.
You stand to leave for just a moment. “I’m going to the restroom.”
His hand shoots out, gripping your sleeve with surprising desperation. “Please don’t leave me!”
You freeze. “Diluc, I’ll be gone for two minutes.”
His red eyes widen, glassy and dramatic. “Two minutes is long enough for tragedy to strike.”
You raise an eyebrow. “What kind of tragedy could possibly happen in two minutes?”
He leans forward, voice low and serious. “…You might not come back.”
You sigh. “Diluc, do you want to come with me?”
He nods solemnly. “Yes.”
“…No.”
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Kazuha
The night air is cool, carrying the smell of sea salt. You sit with Kazuha on a grassy hill, a bottle of sake long since emptied beside you. He’s lying flat on his back, watching the drifting clouds, an uncharacteristic grin plastered on his face.
Suddenly, he lifts his arm above him and lets it flop uselessly to the side. “My arm is floppy. I’m like a puppet.”
You laugh. “You’re supposed to be a disciplined swordsman, Kazuha.”
“Disciplined puppet,” he corrects, rolling onto his side to look at you, his eyes bright in the moonlight. “Would you still travel with me if I were just… strings and wood?”
You tilt your head, pretending to consider. “Hm. Only if you recited poetry in a funny puppet voice.”
Kazuha bursts into laughter, clutching his stomach. “Then I’d be the happiest puppet alive.”
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Zhongli
Zhongli rarely indulges in wine, but tonight Hu Tao had insisted he “live a little,” and the usually composed consultant has… softened.
You sit with him on a bench, the glow of Liyue Harbor’s lanterns surrounding you. He gazes at one of the posts nearby, eyes distant and thoughtful. “You look almost as pretty as this moon.”
You follow his gaze. “…Zhongli, that’s a street lamp.”
He hums, lips quirking slightly. “Indeed. And yet, somehow… you are almost as pretty as that.”
You blink at him. “…Are you seriously comparing me to a lamp?”
He nods sagely, like he’s reciting scripture. “A lamp, too, guides the lost traveler home.”
You pinch the bridge of your nose. “Drunk Zhongli is just poetic nonsense with worse metaphors.”
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Wriothesley
You never thought you’d see Wriothesley drunk, but someone smuggled strong wine into the Fortress, and he hadn’t refused. Now, sitting across from you, he’s slouched in his chair, arms crossed, looking far too pleased with himself.
“Have you ever thought about penguins?” he asks suddenly.
You choke on your drink. “…Penguins?”
“Yeah.” He points at you, deadly serious but clearly tipsy. “I think we should think more about penguins. They’re small, stubborn, walk around looking like they’re wearing suits…” He grins. “Kinda like me, right?”
You burst into laughter, nearly crying. “You are never living this down.”
“Good,” he says, resting his chin on his hand. “Then I’ll be your favorite penguin forever.”
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Arataki Itto
Itto is not new to being drunk. He is new, however, to realizing he’s dislocated his shoulder mid-drinking game.
“Let’s go play baseball!” he bellows, holding an empty sake bottle like a bat.
You gape at him. “Your shoulder is dislocated, maybe not right now.”
He looks at his arm like he’s just noticed it hanging at an odd angle. Then he grins wide, teeth flashing. “Hah! You’re right—Arataki ‘One-Armed Wonder’ Itto, swinging for the fences!”
You groan. “Archons save me.”
“Don’t worry, babe! I’ll hit a home run with one arm and a hangover. That’s the Itto promise!”
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Ayato
Ayato is one of those people who looks elegant even when drunk. But his words… well, his words betray him.
“You have a stupid face,” he says smoothly, sipping his wine like it’s fine tea, “and it’s my favorite one to stare at.”
You nearly choke. “…Did you just—?”
He tilts his head, smirking, the tipsiness only evident in the slight pink of his cheeks. “Don’t make me repeat myself, darling. I meant every word.”
You cover your face with your hands, groaning. “You’re ridiculous.”
“Ridiculously in love with you, yes,” he says without missing a beat.
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Thoma
You’ve lost track of how many cups Thoma has had, but his cheer hasn’t dimmed. If anything, it’s doubled.
“I will definitely remember this tomorrow!” he declares, pointing a little unsteadily at you. “How could I ever forget?”
You cross your arms. “You never remember when you drink.”
“That’s slander. Absolute—hic—slander.” He leans forward, eyes already drooping. “Tomorrow, I’ll prove you wrong.”
Tomorrow: he remembers nothing.
“See?” you tell him, arms crossed. “What did I say?”
He stares at you blankly, still nursing his headache. “…Did I propose to you or fight Itto last night?”
“Both.”
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i found these “drunk dialogue” prompts on Pinterest and decided to make the about my favorite sillies