Prompts - 239 - “You can’t watch Willy Wonka without massive amounts of junk food.”
As Thor began spending more time on Earth the two of you had grown closer and you had taken it upon yourself to introduce the God to all the movies, shows, songs...pretty much everything he was clueless about.
There was a long list but it was fun, watching as Thor followed you around, listening to every word you said. Tony had compared him to a golden retriever once and honestly you could see it.
Today you weren’t feeling so great as you headed down to the kitchen. You had been away on a mission for the past three days. It had taken a toll on you and today you were feeling the extent of the job.
“Y/N!” Thor exclaimed as you walked into the room, his whole face lighting up. Despite how you were feeling you couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face as you saw him. He had been visiting Asgard for a week and you had missed him dearly.
“Hi Thor.” You greeted, willingly going into his open arms and resting your head against his chest as he held you close, seeing that you needed the comfort right now.
“Is everything ok?” He asked after you pulled away after a minute or two.
“Yeah, it was just a rough mission.” Thor nodded sympathetically, he had had many rough missions and knew how draining they could be.
“How about we spend the day watching some more of those movies?” Thor suggested, brushing a strand of hair out of your face as he did so. You smiled up at the God softly as he leaned down to press a kiss to your forehead. “How about the one about the chocolate factory? I was rather intrigued by that.”
“Willy Wonka?” You asked with a laugh as Thor nodded excitedly. “Sure but we have to go to the store first.”
“The store?” Thor asked as he followed you into the elevator.
“Of course,” You told him seriously, “You can’t watch Willy Wonka without massive amounts of junk food.”
“Oh, of course.” Thor said, mirroring your serious tone.
It wasn’t long before the two of you burst into laughter.
-
Shopping with Thor was an...interesting experience to say the least.
The man attracted everybody's attention immediately, looking so out of place in the supermarket. He was a sweetheart to everyone that approached him and was always quick to take pictures or sign things for the fans.
Once that was done, Thor turned into a child excited by everything in the store, he wanted to look at everything, wanted to buy everything. Before you were halfway around whatever store you were at he’d always asked you half a million questions.
You thought it was endearing though, the way the God was so easily pleased. He managed to find joy in such human things, grocery shopping, walking around the park, driving in a car. The way he saw the Earth, describing its beauty to you when the two of you sat on the roof of the compound looking up at the stars made you pause before looking around and appreciating the world around you.
“So what food do we need then?” Thor asked as the two of you stopped in front of a wide selection of candy.
“All of it.” You replied with a grin and quickly the two of you were filling up the cart with a sickening amount of candy.
“Are you certain this is a good idea?” Thor laughed as the pair of you checked out.
“Probably not but it’s the proper way to experience Willy Wonka, Thor.” You rolled your eyes fondly as Thor grabbed the bags before you could and the two of you headed back to the tower.
-
The two of you went your separate ways once you were back at the tower, you went to your room to change back into some comfy pyjamas whilst Thor went to his room to do the same whilst having JARVIS set the movie up in the room.
Once you’d changed you quickly made your way down to Thor’s room, smiling as you saw him already in the bed with the covers drawn back and the movie waiting to be played. You paused just to take in the scene before Thor was patting the bed and you went over, happily tucking yourself under his arm, letting him pull you against his chest and wrap the blanket around the both of you.
As the movie played Thor happily chatted away, asking you all sorts of questions which you answered with a smile on your face. When Thor’s attention was fully on the movie, his fingers trailed across your waist unconsciously and honestly, even with the stomach ache that was already starting to develop, there was nowhere else you’d rather be.
“Thank you.” You whispered before leaning up to kiss his jaw. Thor didn’t reply with words, he just pulled you closer and kissed your head.
*A combo of fluff, pining and angst.
**I obviously did not want to go through everything that happened in the movies, so I skipped around a lot.
*2012*
The battle was over, the Chitauri had been defeated and Loki captured. This marked the first battle of the Avengers, and it certainly was a group of unique individuals.
You thought this as you looked around the table, watching as everyone ate at a different pace. Most slowly, or barely at all, and then there was Thor. The apparent Norse God, and brother of Loki. He was very strong, and quite handsome. Not to mention, he had one hell of an appetite.
You had fought side by side during one part of the battle, and he made some flirty remarks to you, which was definitely unexpected since he didn't really seem to trust most of you since he arrived. But he was growing on you quickly.
As you all slowly began to walk out of the trashed restaurant, you looked up and around at the harshly damaged city. As you took a few steps towards the street, the others beginning to group up with some SHIELD agents, you looked to the ground, a mess of color catching your eyes.
A flower cart was smashed to pieces, as were the dozens of flowers, now scattering the road. Crouching down, you picked up a smashed and tattered sunflower, twirling it around in your fingers.
"Are you alright L/n?" A deep voice said from behind you.
Turning your body, you looked up to see the concerned face of Thor looking down at you. You gave him a somewhat shy smile before standing and turning to him. His eyes fell to the flower in your hand
"It's just a shame is all." You said as you looked back at the numerous destroyed sunflowers, Thor following your gaze "There my favorite flower." You said simply before dropping the wilting bloom. You gave Thor a small smile before waking past him and towards the group.
Thor continued to stare at the flowers scattered around the road before turning to watch you leave. You had piqued his interest since he arrived to look for Loki. You were different than the others, kind, strong, and caring. Looking back to the flowers, his eyes catching on a single sunflower in near perfect shape, he smiled softly to himself.
- - -
You stood in the room waiting for Thor to enter with Loki. They were about to depart back to Asgard and you wanted to say goodbye. As he entered, your eyes ell to the tall blonde, and then the brooding black haired man next to him. You felt a sense of sadness take over. Thor had told you of what happened between them, you were the only one that would listen. It must be hard, for both of them.
As Thor walked closer, he handed Loki off to an agent before turning to you. He smiled as he looked down at you before he raised up his hand. You felt a sense of surprise as you saw a single medium sized sunflower in his hand. You met his gaze with surprise as he simply smiled at you as he handed you the flower "This one survived."
"Oh." You said somewhat bashfully "Thank you.."
"I can see why they are your favorite. They are bright, and quite beautiful. Like you."
You were sure the look on your face was one of bashfulness and confusion as Thor smiled at you once more before turning away. You watched him with a pounding heart as he nodded at you all once more before a bright colorful beam took them away.
Looking down at the yellow flower in your hand, you wondered when you would see him again, and hoped it would be sooner rather than later.
*2015*
You nervously made your way through the Tower, having heard that a certain Norse God had arrived. Thor had returned to Earth a few times in the last three years, but you had not seen him personally since the battle of New York. He only stayed for a short period of time, usually just to visit, or to help out the Avengers.
And though you yourself were an Avenger, you were often taking care of other SHIELD related business at those times. You always felt a great since of disappointment when you had learned you missed seeing him each time.
But now, he was back, and you were here. You would finally see him again. He came back to earth due to a mission with the Avengers, to find Loki's scepter at a Hydra hideout.
Though you were excited to see him, you had a feeling he would not particularly care about you being there. He seemed to have an interest in you three years ago, but again, it had been three years. Perhaps he no longer cared, though, Natasha would tease you occasionally about him being disappointed at your absence each time he had come before.
As you entered the headquarters of the tower you jumped when your name was suddenly called. Turning you see Thor walking through another doorway towards you.
"Thor!" You greeted, slightly breathless and a bit more excited that you meant. "It's great to finally see you again." You continued as he stopped in front of you.
"And you." He beamed down at you, his eyes swimming with emotion before he cleared his throat. "Are you ready for our mission? It will be the first time we fight side by side in years."
"I'm ready if you are." You said with a grin as you both turned and headed towards the meeting room.
- - -
With the mission finished, the retrieval of Loki's scepter and the capture of Strucker, Tony insisted on throwing a party for the teams success.
As you entered the room, you looked around, seeing everyone spread around having a good time. You smiled as you spotted the others laughing and drinking, glad that things were going well.
Looking around casual for a certain blonde, you felt a chill crawl up your spine when someone stepped up behind you "Y/n."
Turning, you see Thor looking at you with a smile, two drinks in hand. Handing you one you take it with a smile "Thank you."
"You look wonderful." He said casually.
You glanced down at yourself, feeling a hint of self-consciousnesses take over before looking at Thor "And you are wearing normal clothes for once." He chuckled as he looked at his own outfit "I like it." You added on quickly.
Stepping a bit closer, he held out his elbow for you to take "Well, shall we have some fun."
Smiling at him, you looped your arm through his as you walked further into the room, meeting up with the others. The night was going well, but you couldn't get rid of an unusual feeling in the back of your mind.
- - -
The bad feeling at the back of your mind was right, and lead to quite the battle in Sakovia. One you were sure no one would get over easily. By the end of it, Bruce was gone, and the Avengers had a couple new recruits.
As you waited on the rooftop of the Tower, hands clasped behind your back, you felt a sense of weariness take over. You and Thor had grown a bit closer, but he was leaving again. To look for information of the infinity stones, and their possible importance.
"Y/n." Thor's voice called out, shaking you from your thoughts as he walked out onto the roof, where he was planning to depart.
"Thor." You greeted warmly "I thought I'd see you off."
He smiled at you as he approached, a hint of sadness in his eyes "I'm glad. I wished to give you these before I left." He said as he pulled a small bouquet of sunflowers from behind his back.
"Oh" you said almost breathlessly as you took them gingerly from him.
"I remember you said they were your favorite. Every since that day, in New York..anytime I see sunflowers, I think of you."
You looked from the flowers and into his blue eyes as he stared at you with a fond smile. "There are sunflowers in Asgard?" You asked with curiosity, to which he replied with a nod. "Thank you. Their beautiful, you didn't have to."
"No. But I wanted to. I am unsure of the next time I will return to Earth. And I...I wanted to make sure you had some idea of my feelings towards you." You felt speechless as he spoke, and he could tell this, seeing the astonished gleam in your eyes. Smiling once more he leaned towards you, pressing a gentle kiss to your cheek, not far from the edge of your lips, before pulling away from you. He began to walk backwards, before stopping in the center of the rooftop.
You smiled at him as the familiar colorful beam began to swirl around him, as you kept your gaze locked with his. He smiled at you and spoke one last time before he disappeared in the colorful light "Goodbye Sunflower."
*2018*
Another three years had passed since you had seen Thor. You thought of him often, even between what happened to the Avengers after Sakovian accords and the battle at the airport.
You had heard nothing of Thor until Bruce had shown back up out of no where. He told you of what had happened on Asgard, and what happened with Thanos, a new enemy you would be facing. Now you could only hope that Thor was alright, and that he had survived.
But now, things had gotten even more complicated. You had reunited with some of the others in Wakanda to fight the oncoming battle and to protect Vision from the grasp of Thanos.
As you were beginning to grow overwhelmed by the mob of creatures running through the battlefield, you started to feel overwhelmed with doubt and fear. Suddenly a huge colorful beam of light struck the field, you felt a sense of relief and excitement flow through you as you recognized it. Suddenly a large axe flew through the air, as well as bright lightning bolts. When Thor stepped out you found a smile spreading across your face. And as he threw himself into battle you were in awe of his apparent increase in power.
You quickly regained some strength as you continued to fight the creatures around you. After cutting down some more you felt a presence land beside you as a lightning bolt struck down a creature next to you.
Turning quickly, you met the now not quite familiar eyes of Thor as he smiled at you. His hair was much shorter and his eyes now two different colors, you'd have to ask him about that later. He was different, but his smile was the same as he stared at you.
"Hello Sunflower" his voice rang out.
You smiled brightly at him "Hello Thor. Nice haircut." You added on, unsure of what to really say.
He simply smiled at you before you were both brought back to your surroundings when more creatures ran towards you. You and Thor began to fight side by side, and for a moment you felt as though nothing had changed.
- - - - -
You ran to Thor's side after Thanos vanished into a portal, as Steve approached "Where'd he go? Thor? Where'd he go?"
"Steve?" Bucky called out, causing you all to look over at him.
Your eyed widened in shock as Bucky seemed to disintegrate right in front of you. "Oh my God." You whispered out watching as Steve crouched down to now pile of ash. "What?!" you asked in desperation as Steve looked over at you and Thor.
Suddenly, you began to feel an uneasy feeling flowing through you. As though the air around you had begun to flow right through you. It felt wrong. It didn't hurt. But you didn't understand.
"What's happening?" You muttered out, as Steve and Thor looked at you.
Thor's eyes widened as he saw you look down at your hands, your fingers beginning to flow away. "No." He whispered as you met his eyes, terror filling them.
"Thor? Steve?" You asked as you began to panic watching your own hands seem to disappear.
"No!" Thor yelled as he ran forward, grabbing your arms as you began to feel yourself fade away.
You stared into his eyes as he pulled you close to his chest. He began to talk to you, rapidly, with desperation filling his voice "No, no, sunflower, stay here, no-" as you disappeared into nothing Thor stared down at his now empty arms feeling a sense of anguish take over "No." he muttered once more as he looked around, seeing others through the trees turning into nothing but dust. He felt all sense of emotion replaced with desperation as he realized, they had lost.
*2023*
You didn't know everything that had happened in the last five years, but you knew enough. You were gone, but now you were back. And it was time for one final battle against Thanos. To end it all.
You walked through the portal with Bucky and the others as Sam flew over head. Hundreds of others came through similar portals all around you as you stared out at the desolate battle field. Steve standing alone in front of Thanos and his army. As Tony and Thor rose from the ground, watching as you all arrived.
Thor's eyes immedietely landed on you, seeing you standing there among the others that had returned, prepared to fight. Just as the last time he had seen you five years ago.
You stared at the army in front of you, turning as someone landed next to you. Seeing Thor, now again entirely different than the last time you had seen him. He turned and met your eyes, and you saw so much emotion behind them you knew he must have been through so much in the last five years.
A small smile formed on his face as you nodded at him smiling in return. Steve called out to all of you as you formed together as a team for one last battle "Avengers! Assemble."
*Now*
You sat out on your balcony, staring out at the city. Your eyes landing on the distant ruble that used to be the Avengers compound. You felt a sense of melancholy take over as you looked at it. You thought of Tony and Natasha, and their sacrifice's, of Vision, taken forcefully. Of the others, all left to different areas, to move on with their lives in the aftermath of the blip.
The world was so different now. To you it had only been a few months, but to others, it had been years. Of terror, loss, grief, and now confusion and more rebuilding. Things were almost more complicated now it seems, than it was during the five years you had been gone.
You were unsure of your place in the world now. You felt you were no longer needed as an Avenger, a hero. People didn't really see as much of one anymore, now that the world was more chaotic and confused.
As lightning cracked in the distance, thunder rumbling soon after. Your mind thought back to Thor, and the last time you had seen him.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
After the battle, after Thanos was gone, and Tony dead. Thor came to you and pulled you into a hug. He held you tightly as he whispered against your hair "Welcome back sunflower." His voice was straightened and desperate.
After that, he seemed to distance himself before going to new Asgard, and then leaving with Peter Quill and his team. You could tell Thor had been hurt so much by Thanos, and you knew that he needed to reflect, to rebuild himself. But it still hurt that he left without even saying goodbye.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
You sighed as you looked out on the distant storm wondering if you'd ever see him again. And as though your thoughts had summoned him, a bolt of lightning struck your balcony. You screamed as you almost fell from your chair.
Breathing heavily as your heart hammered in your chest you saw a figure appear through the fading light that had briefly blinded you.
You stood from your seat as our eyes grazed over Thor as he stood on your balcony. One hand was behind his back as his other held his axe. He looked different than before, when he had left. He looked more like the Thor you had known years ago. His hair was long again, almost reaching his shoulders.
Thor silently watched you, his eyes seemingly grazing over you before he met your eyes "Hello sunflower" he said with a smile.
"Thor." You said softly, almost not believing that he was there at all "What are you doing here?"
Thor took a few steps closer, slowly setting his axe down against the railing. He remained silent for a moment as he seemed to ponder what to say "I brought you these" he said suddenly as he brought his hand out from behind his back.
You looked at the small bundle of orange and yellow sunflowers and felt a soft small grace your face. Sunflowers over the years had taken on a whole new meaning for you. They always made you think of him, just as they made him think of you.
He stopped in front of you, handing you the flowers, which you slowly took before meeting his eyes somewhat shyly. He cleared is throat softly "I-" he hesitated "I'm sorry I left without saying goodbye. I'm sure that must have hurt you, or maybe it didn't, I don't know." He faltered as he second guessed himself.
"It did." You said quickly, and you saw guilt pass over his features "I understood why you left, you had been through so much. But...why didn't you say goodbye? That part didn't make sense to me." You admitted.
Thor's face appeared conflicted as he tried to think of what to say. He stared down at the ground as he spoke, carefully picking each word. "I changed. Quite a bit, after what Thanos took from me. Many of my people died, Heimdall....Loki. And then you." He looked up and met your eyes, and you saw the pain behind them. "I had lost so much, and when I came back to Earth and found you here, I felt as though I still had something important I could fight for. And then you disappeared in my arms, and I could do nothing. I failed to stop Thanos and then he took you from me. Took you before-... before I could even ever have you. After that I became a version of myself I am ashamed to have become. And then you came back." He smiled at this, but then it faltered "But I was different, different than the man who...I hoped you had feelings for. So, I decided I needed to leave. To find who I once was, or to become someone else. Someone that was worthy once again. Not just to be the ruler of Asgard, or an Avenger, but also someone who was worthy of you."
You took a small step closer to him, placing your hand on his chest "You have and always will be worthy Thor. Yes you changed, but anyone would after what you experienced. And I'm sorry I could not have been there to help you through the pain. To change after loss, to get lost in the grief is something that happens to anyone, human or not. And you were right. I did have feelings for you, and I still do."
Thor stared at you, feeling his heart beat heavily in his chest as he felt the growing emotion at your words. Slowly bringing up his hand, he gently brushed the side of your face with his fingers "I thought of you so often. It was hard for me to not come back, but I needed to find my strength again. And I promise I wont leave without saying goodbye. I mean, I wont leave at all...if you don't want me too. We could be a team again."
You smiled brightly at him before you thought of how the world was now "Thor...Earth is different now. They have no need for nor want the Avengers. There will always be superheros to step in, but..I'm not one of them anymore."
Thor saw the sadness in your eyes "Where are the others?"
"Gone. Mostly. Clint is with his family, where he should be. Steve disappeared, as did Wanda. Bruce is spending his time trying to help fix the world. Sam and Bucky are working as a team now. Strange is doing what he's always done, as are the others. And I'm just....here." You were unable to hide the feeling behind your words and Thor felt even more guilt come over him.
"Have you been alone all this time?"
You opened your mouth to protest, to lie, but knew there was no point, so you just nodded slightly "More or less. I mean, I did go to New Asgard a couple times, to see how everyone was under Valkyries' rule."
"I'm sorry." He said "When I had left I didn't realize-"
"Of course not Thor." You cut him off "No one knew what was going to happen afterwards. You could not have known either."
A thought popped into Thor's head making him feel a new sense of excitement "Well then." He began as he looked at you, a gleam of excitement visible in his eyes "If you have no real reason to stay here. Then...come with me."
You let out an amused scoff "Where?"
"Anywhere." He began "I can take you to all the places I've been, in space I mean. And maybe we can meet up with Quill and his team again, I mean..we could go anywhere. Do anything." He finished his ramble, and placed both of his hands softly on either side of your face "We could be together sunflower."
You stared into his eyes and felt your own reflecting the excitement of the possibilities "Well I've never been to space." You joked.
Thor's smile widen "You'll come then?"
You grinned at him "When do we leave?"
He let out a breathy laugh "We can leave anytime you want. But first..." he trailed off as his eyes flicked down to your lips.
Leaning towards you, you leaned in to meet him, his lips pressing against yours softly, before he deepened the kiss. His hands left your face, his arms then wrapping around your waist as he pulled you closer. The kiss became passionate as the build up of feelings you had for each other over the years seemed to finally be set free as you embraced. Your mind was silenced as you relished in his arms, but soon your thoughts would be full of excitement about your new adventure, with the man you loved.
xx End xx
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Warnings: language, allusions to penises and sex, lots of buffalo wings, fluff
A/N: Just an intended drabble that turned into a one shot for Valentine’s Day. I did Bucky last year so I thought I’d do Thor this year. I may do another one, if I’m in the mood. I hope you enjoy it! This is seriously just silly fun. xoxo
Thud! Thud! Thud! Thud! Thud!
It feels like your whole apartment is shaking.
Startled you spring to your feet and reach for the heavy wooden bat that you’d placed by your umbrella holder in the foyer.
You’re not exactly scared but you know the threats you might face.
It’s been three months since your life changed. Three months of surprising bliss. Three months of dating the perfect man.
With this perfect man, however, comes dangers that you know you’re not ready to face. Dangers that might very well end your life more quickly than you can attempt to fight them.
In fact, as you approach your front door—Thud! Thud! Thud! Thud! Thud! Thud! Thud!—you know that if whoever is on the other side wants to hurt you, you won’t even have the chance to swing this bat.
There’s a heavy shift on the other side as you reach it, and with a trembling hand placed against the red painted wood, you push yourself up onto your toes and peek through your peep hole.
Your heart unclenches and relief floods you as you plant your feet back down and rest your forehead against the cool wood.
“Why are you knocking on my door, dummy? You have a key!” You tell him, pulling back to unlatch the chain and unlock the door.
He doesn’t answer you, but you open the door and you suddenly notice the way he’s swaying a little, the glazed look in his eyes, the sloppy grin stretching his bearded cheeks.
“There she is.” He says, his booming voice finding its way into your chest cavity to restart your heart at twice the speed.
Gods, you could listen to him talk forever, and be happy with only that if you couldn’t have anything else.
“Are you drunk?” You ask, brow furrowed.
“No.” He argues, frowning at you.
He blows a raspberry to emphasize the absurdity of what you’re saying, but then he sways too far forward and only stops when you throw your hands out against his chest to keep him upright.
His electric blue eyes look down at your hands, and suddenly he’s smiling like an idiot again.
“Thor, you’re drunk.” You insist.
“I’m drunk.” He agrees, too happy to notice your annoyance.
You hadn’t expected him to remember. This isn’t his thing. Earth holidays aren’t exactly something that he’s studied.
And technically this isn’t even a real holiday.
But you’d hoped…
“Come on.” You tell him and move to wrap his free arm around your shoulders so that you can help lead him inside.
He’s staring at you as you walk him in, absolutely pouring heart eyes at you and you’re so irritated by it that you really wanna just let him fall to the ground in a heap.
Instead he tightens his arm around you as you shut the door and presses his massive forehead against the top of your head.
“I missed you.” He whispers, sending shivers across your skin.
“Not much if you went out drinking after your mission.” You counter, not really meaning it but wanting to fight to expend all this damn disappointment.
“I had to!” Thor exclaims, voice rising and cracking in octave as he stands up straight.
He does it too quickly and he almost goes teetering backwards into your kitchen.
“Woah,” You exclaims but reach out with your bat less hand now and catch the loop of his jeans to keep him upright.
“When there is victory, there must be revels!” He assures you.
You sigh.
“Are you angry with me?”
“No.” You sigh and move him towards the room.
He can sleep it off.
“You’re angry with me.” Thor insists.
“Not angry. Just…I’m…”
“What were you doing?” Thor wonders, looking around the apartment as you pass through the living room and into the hallway towards your bedroom.
He notices the glass of half-drunk wine on your coffee table, a small plate of half eaten pasta. Netflix is still running, Sleeping With Other People still playing.
“Nothing. Just watching movies.” You tell him. “What are you carrying?”
You look over at his other arm, tucked underneath it what looks to be a sleek fancy black box with a golden ribbon tied around it.
For a moment, you wonder if maybe he didn’t forget…maybe someone reminded him?
“Food from the party.” He tells you, shifting towards you so that you can take it.
“Oh.” You reach over and grab the box by the bow and place it on the end of the bed as you near it.
Quickly you shrug out from underneath his arm and turn him around before helping him sit, but he throws himself back making your whole room shake.
“Thor!” You gasp, chastising him as the walls and ceiling creak and complain.
“That’s my name.” He says, slurring his words. “Dunweritow.”
His eyes are already closed.
“Dumbass.” You sigh, watching him scratch at an itch on his chest.
You smack his leg and he lifts it for you to place on your lap. You untie his boot and peel it off, letting it drop to your floor with a thud.
You do the other, then move to undo his jeans and begin to tug those away too.
“Are you trying to take advantage of me?” Thor accuses you. “Getting me naked while I am not of sound mind?”
You scoff and almost laugh, but you only pull harder until the jeans fall free of his hips and you can slide them down his massive thighs to leave him in red form hugging briefs.
They leave nothing to your imagination, but you have to stop and laugh when you see that they’re covered in tiny black hearts.
“What?” Thor asks, pushing himself up onto his elbows despite the sleep in his eyes.
He looks down at his pants and makes an O with his mouth as he sees his underwear.
“I forgot I chose those.”
“Why did you choose them?” You wonder, still laughing a bit.
“Is it not St. Valentine’s day today? Where are your heart underwear? In my research this is what is done, is it not?” Thor asks, trying to clear his mind of his drunken fog to focus on you.
So, he did look into it, but maybe didn’t do more than get past the images part of the search? At least he tried…
“I don’t have any underwear with hearts.” You remind him.
“No…” Thor shakes his head. “No, but you have those red ones. With the pink lace?”
There’s a shift in his underwear that draws your eyes. You frown.
“I’m not changing into any lingerie, Thor.” You get up and throw his pants into your hamper, the move around the bed to take off his shirt.
“Come on, take this off. It reeks of booze.” You grab the ends and he sits up completely then raises his hands up above his head so that you can peel the shirt away.
“You just want to get me naked.” He insists.
You scoff a chuckle again. “Yes, it’s my dream. You naked, in bed, all the time.”
Never mind that it is partially your dream to have him naked in bed all the time. He doesn’t need to know that when you’re upset!
“Mine too.” Thor says, “One of them.”
He sits there, slouching, hands between his thighs as he watches you dump his shirt in the hamper too.
“I’m hungry.” He tells you.
“When aren’t you hungry?” You counter. “And you’ve ben drinking. Of course, you want food.”
You move to the sleek black box—there must have been fancy caterers at the Avengers after party—and pick it up only to deposit it back into his lap.
“Here, eat your leftovers.” You grab his boots and move to place them by the end of the bed. “I’m gonna go clean up the living room and I’ll be back.”
“Very well.” He sighs but grunts.
The sound draws your attention and you find him struggling with the knot of the golden bow.
You let him struggle with it for a minute, a little smug that he’s so helpless right now. But watching him also frustrates you more and you move to sit beside his legs and push his hands away to take the box.
Placing it in your lap, you sigh and begin to work the tight knot slowly.
Thor leans against the bed, his hand beside your thigh so that both your knees are between his hand and his body.
He scratches at his chest and his head, his thigh and his beard as he waits and watches you undo the knot.
It finally pulls free and you run the stiff glittery ribbon through your fingers as you pull it apart.
You’re going to just give it back to him and let him open it himself, but you’re curious as to the quality of food that would warrant such a fancy box.
As you toss the lid aside, you see that there is mostly white wax paper inside. You rifle through it, folding the layers of paper back and find instead of food a small drawstring pouch in deep velvet red.
Suddenly, your hands are buzzing. You’re not sure what you’re seeing but your body seems to respond to it before your mind can catch up.
“Did you really think that I’d forget what today is about?” Thor asks, reaching around to wrap his arm around your waist, tickling the small of your back.
You pull out the pouch and with shaking fingers you pull it open. Slowly you reach in and feel for what he might have hidden in so much paper and box, when your fingers make purchase on a small metal circle.
You were hoping for a card maybe. A bracelet or necklace at most. Flower or chocolates. Something small and simple.
Well, this is small…but most definitely not simple.
You fish it up and find yourself staring down at a thin golden band around which is wrapped another in silver creating a beautiful Celtic vine pattern.
The gem is round, brilliant, but modest in size. The brilliant yellow diamond, however, stuns you with its color.
“Will you marry me, babe?” He asks.
You meet his eyes, tears threatening to spill across your cheeks. You had accepted that you’d get nothing and all of a sudden here he is, offering you everything.
“Yes…” You nod. “Yes.”
Thor smiles and pulls you closer to kiss you silly as you struggle to lean against him with the angle that you’re sitting.
He kisses you until you can’t breathe then pulls back to rest his forehead against your own.
“How about that red underwear now?” He tries.
You throw your head back in laughter, as you shove him away and get up to go clean.
“Is that a no?” He pleads, and you look back to find him splayed out on his back at the center of your bed, watching you with deep longing.
“That’s a no.” You assure him, but as you go out of sight, you know that it’s only a no for now.
~~~~~~~~~~
“THOR!” You shout, staring at the team of delivery men as each one comes in and deposits tray after tray of what looks like buffalo wings.
There are at least twenty boxes, each one with twenty wings each.
“Is my food here?” Thor wonders, still drunk off his ass despite the very competent way he just made love to you.
“Your food?!” You demand, looking at not only your small kitchen table, but your coffee table and end tables all laden with boxes of wings.
Thor smiles at the sight of them and throws himself down onto the couch as he reaches for one of the boxes but being so drunk, he falls sideways and just stays there where he’s fallen, eyes shut as sleep threatens to take him.
“Thor! What the hell were you thinking?!” You demand, flabbergasted by the sheer amount of food in your home.
“I’m hungry.” He explains, eyes still shut, voice losing strength with his drowsiness.
“That…that doesn’t mean that you order four hundred buffalo wings!” You nearly shout.
“Well, I’m the God of Thunder and this is how I eat and I love you, babe.” He tacks on at the end and you’re not sure if he says it because he’s trying to get out of trouble or if he means that you’re supposed to eat too or whether his drunken stupor is just making him say whatever comes to mind.
You remember that you just told him that you’ll marry him and that you will have a lifetime of buffalo wings in your future. The very thought is so ridiculous that all you can do is laugh as you watch your husband to be pass out on this, your first shared Valentine’s Day.
Pairing: Steve x Reader, Thor x Reader Word Count: 5,676
Prompt: Impost - Bearson
Warnings: language, light smut, angst up the wazoo, puppy Thor
A/N: This was written for @youngmoneymilla ‘s challenge. I’m probably failing at the prompt. This is growing and growing and well, enjoy this next bit. Let me know what you like/think. If you happen to reblog, thanks for helping me spread my work. xoxo
If you want to be tagged, please send me an ASK.
It’s like a really bad joke. Only there’s no punch line.
No. You are the punch line.
This nightmare you find yourself in suddenly.
How many times have you dreamt of this moment? Wanted him to come back? How many nights did you cry yourself to sleep in the corner of some dingy hotel room, or abandoned shacks, or the solitary depths of a moss covered cave, or…hell, you’ve stayed in too many temporary shelters over the last two years, they all blur into one.
You’d spent your time running from this. This very moment and wishing for it all the same. You knew that if it came—and it’s finally here—that you’d be torn.
You’d be pissed. And you are.
You’d be overjoyed. And you are.
What you didn’t expect to be is uncertain.
You didn’t expect to have a second set of blue eyes…well, one amber, one blue…engrained into your soul. It had happened over the past month. It had happened quickly.
Almost like it was meant to. As if this had been inevitable. Waiting…those eyes—one honey, one sky—had been longing for you, thinking about you, wanting you, for two years.
Those mismatched eyes are attached to a rugged face, sweet, and kind with pink lips, a semi-long braided haystack colored beard and the long wavy hair to match.
You shake your head, refusing to accept this and search instead for those mismatched eyes and the warmth you’ve reluctantly allowed them to bring you.
The room is empty.
Steve is at the foot of the stairs now.
When had he moved down the stairs? When had everyone left?
Thor? Your mind pleads, terrified of what you might do. What you might say. Your heart is in shreds and yet, the closer Steve comes, the more wildly it beats.
“Hi.” He says, as if it’s that simple. Like he didn’t tear your world down and leave you to be crushed amongst the rubble.
“Hi?” You gasp, angry, hurt, voice shaking a little but not from weakness. It’s the power in you that trembles your throat. “Hi?!”
Steve’s face falls, his beautiful golden face, with those storm blue eyes and full peach lips. He looks like he literally stepped out of one of the old movies you like to watch with those high pants and that shirt, all tucked in and ironed.
Did Peggy iron his shirt? Doesn’t sound like something she’d do but…you don’t know her.
“Y/N…” He begins, but you shake your head.
“No.” You spit, denying his broaching. “You don’t get to come back here, two years later, and tell me hi!”
“I know.” He says, remorse thick in his voice.
It sways you. Makes you want to give up the tough shell you’ve built for yourself.
“I-I’m sor-”
“Don’t.” You growl, hating him now but loving him still too. It’s so confusing. You shut your eyes.
You shouldn’t have shut your eyes.
Steve’s hands are on your biceps and you tear them open again. Searching for his gaze of familiarity because it feels like it all happened just yesterday when he touches you.
“Why are you here?” You demand, irritated. Confused.
“I…” He thinks. He thinks hard as he stares at you, his thumbs stroking the skin of your arms. “I don’t know.”
He admits, looking guilty and confused, just like you.
Then he feels one of them. A scar. An old knife wound. With a furrowed brow, he tilts his head to the left. “Are you hurt?”
It’s surreal to be here. Steve holding onto you. Showing concern and love because you can see it in his eyes. It’s all wrong of course.
A lie.
That fondness he's staring at you with. The look of sorrow and happiness all mixed with affection is a lie.
Steve doesn’t love you. Never has maybe. Everything he’s ever said to you, expressed, and made you feel is called into question because of what he did two years ago.
The first time he told you he loved you. The first time he slept with you. When he asked you to move in. When he made you a terrible tasting meatloaf. When he bought you a necklace simply because he thought it would look pretty around your neck. When he took you to the little restaurant he used to take you to and then held you close when you cried because the owner had been taken with the Snap.
The ring you found in his sock drawer.
Everything that Steve had ever done to show you that he loved you became a lie the moment he chose to leave you.
Anger, white hot like your lightning only not as pleasant or comforting, floods your brain. It clenches your fists. It sets your jaw. It hardens your heart.
Then you channel it. You force your body to relax and watch as Steve begins to fuss. It reminds you so much of before he chose to abandon you.
He pulls your arm up and around to look at the scar on the back of your bicep but spits another up higher and he reaches with his hand to move the strap of your tank top slightly off your shoulder.
You just stare, straight faced, at the growing frenzy in his eyes.
He finds the beginning of your big scar on your clavicle, the different colored skin a mar on your once unblemished—well, it hadn’t been damaged like this—body.
He freezes as he blinks in shock then he follows the trail behind you. His heated hands pressed against the spot between your shoulders before he simply just lifts the back of your shirt.
You hear the release of his breath as he recognizes the healed gunshots and the knife wounds and then the big scar that had made Thor hiss.
Thor…your mind pleads, because Steve’s hands on your back feel good even if it also pisses you off to no end.
“What are you doing?” You speak slowly, calmly. The threat in your voice is seething but controlled.
You’ve learned more from your two years alone than just how to patch yourself up in a crisis.
Steve’s hand freezes on your back and he seems to realize his slip up. That his touch is unwelcome. He lowers your shirt, taking his hands away, stepping back.
You fix your shirt, turning around slowly until you’re facing him again.
“Sorry.” And he looks very sorry. He really does.
But your shock has worn off. His touch sobered you up with the sharpness of its pain. You’re ready for him now.
Your heart still stutters when your eyes meet his, but you don’t shut them again this time. This time they’re wide open.
“Wh-” He only hesitates for a second. The wounded bravado of a man who’d once been able to touch you whenever he wanted to. “What happened? You have so many sc-”
“That’s none of your business anymore, Steve.” You shake your head just a little, annoyed, disbelieving in this entire day suddenly.
He looks hurt by your words. He actually has the balls to look hurt?!
“I know.” He says, despite the pain clearly etched into his face. “I just…when I left, you-”
It’s not what he’s saying but you latch onto the words to get your point across.
“Yes.” You nod. “You did leave me. You left me. You didn’t even come after me. I waited and waited and I-”
The image of old Steve standing by the bench fills your mind and you know that once again he doesn’t choose you here.
“Y/N…” He begins, sorrowful, as if someone precious has died.
You avert your gaze, hating the tightening in your chest. The choking grief that had finally begun to shift into memory. Your eyes fall on his hands, fidgeting nervously at his sides. Fingers clenching and unclenching.
A small glimmer of gold catches your eye and your hurt doubles harshly, taking your breath away. You take a step away from him and he looks down to see what’s caught your eye before he quickly, nervously, shoves his left hand into his pocket.
“Y/N…” He tries again.
“Why are you here, Steve?” You gasp, breathless. “It can’t be for me because you-you’re married.”
Fuck, it hurts to say that aloud. You want to be gone suddenly. On the run. Trekking across the Himalayas or maybe sleuthing your way through Europe. Anywhere but here where Steve is back to torture you with proof that he built his life without you. A life that had been yours for five years now thoroughly squashed.
“I-” He steps towards you, reaching out to touch you but you raise your hand as if to block him, taking another step back. “Things are…complicated.”
“Complicated?”
“With Peggy, we’re…not doing…” He stops speaking, unable to finish his words because he can also see how wrong he is to be here. He looks down at your feet, gathering his thoughts. He’s trying to find reason in his madness and you’re not sure that you can forgive him for bringing you into this again.
“So, you and your wife are having problems, and you abandon her too?” You ask, incredulous.
“No.” Steve says, passionately. “I would never leave Peggy, I…”
He seems to realize his mistake again and he screws up his face as your own nearly crumbles.
“Of course not. Not Peggy.” You spit at him.
“Baby…” He says, and you know that it just slipped out. Habit. He said it because it’s what he always called you and he couldn’t help himself, but you hate him for it anyway.
“What?!” The torture of it is too much. Your panic rises and with it your temper. You’re suddenly done with him and his wife and his stupid new life without you.
“Shit.” He gasps. “No…I mean, that’s not what I—fuck, this isn’t coming out right.” He fumbles.
“Why are you here, Steve?!” You yell at him, voice echoing off the large glass walls behind him.
“Because I still love you!” He yells back, frustrated with himself, and responding to your anger. “And when I can’t get my head on straight, I think of you. It’s always…always you, now.”
You scoff, hating him. Hating his words because when things had been tough for him before, yes, he’d turn to you but at times you’d find him with that stupid compass, staring at what you now know was Peggy’s picture.
“Now you think of me?” You put your hand on your chest both to indicate yourself and to keep your heart from leaping out of your chest. “Now?”
“I know that it’s not right. I get that. I understand what I did-”
“Do you?” Your voice shakes. “Do you, really?”
He says nothing, just stares at you.
“You understand that when you chose to go back and stay behind in the past, that you took the five…no…the ten years that I spent with you, and made them nothing? You understand that you took—I loved you, Steve. It was always you. I lived my life with you in mind for my future. And when you took that from me…I had nothing.
“I had no one. No family. No friends because the Avengers…they were your friends. Nat was my friend. And she left me too. And Tony. And then you…and…You have no idea what you did to me when you left.
“You turned our life together into a lie. You took everything that we ever did together and made it into a joke.” You nod, your history with Steve so painful that you rarely let yourself think about it.
His face is all sadness and melancholy. Eyebrows draw down at the corners, eyes red, lips frowning. He has no right to look like that.
“Don’t be sad.” You tell him angrily, almost growling it at him. “You have no right to look at me like that.
“You did this to me. To us. You took us and you crushed us and—you’re married, for fuck’s sake!” You gasp, laughing once because it impossibly stupid that this is even a conversation you’re having.
“Y/N…” He begins again, moving towards you.
“No.” You move back again, this time turning away from him. “Fuck. I can’t do this. Stay away from me.”
“Baby, please.” Steve says, pleading with you, making you angry again. Fuming.
“Fuck! Steve, stop calling me that!” You turn around, hand out, and maybe it’s because you’re an emotional wreck or because maybe it sensed that you needed its strength, but a faint whistling suddenly fills the air, too far away still.
“I’m sorry.” Steve gasps, frustration in his voice. “I don’t mean to.”
He reaches for you again, and you turn holding your hand out towards him to keep him away.
“Stay away from me, Steve.” You plead, growing angrier.
“I just want to explain…”
“Explain what?! Why you left me? You loved her and I was shit. You didn’t love me. It was all just a big fat lie. I get that. Okay? I really don’t need you to tell me in so many words.”
“No!” Steve suddenly booms, angry. “You are not and never have been shit. I love you.”
“Stop lying!”
“I love you!”
“THEN WHY DID YOU LEAVE?!” You’re done.
And Mjolnir flies into your outstretched right hand.
Steve is startled back away from you a few steps as you point the new Mjolnir at him, black handle glistening in the light of the morning.
“You can’t love me,” You shake your head, biting your lip hard as you drop your right hand beside you, Mjolnir held secure as you press your left hand to your chest again. “And do what you did to me, Steve. You just can’t. Either you loved me, or you didn’t, and you left me so, you didn’t.
“I found the ring.” You tell him and he pales. “I went to look for some clothes and I was looking for that black bandage that we used on your elbow when you broken it and we had to re-set it? And I pulled open your drawer and it was right there. Right underneath the first pair of socks.
“I mean,” You scoff. “You didn’t even try to hide it.”
Steve’s eyes move from Mjolnir to you. He’s in shock. About what you’re not sure. But as soon as you mentioned the ring, his eyes were on yours.
“Why did you buy it?” You ask, finally able to get an answer to this curiosity.
Steve flexes his jaw, Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows hard. “Because-”
His voice comes out as wind, no volume. He clears his throat.
“Because I wanted to marry you.”
Your eyes sting but you focus and push it down, deep. Even though your emotions have gone up and down and you’ve been yelling your ass off and just fighting with Steve, you’re happy that not a single tear has been shed.
You smile bitterly, shaking your head.
“I hate you.” You sigh. “I hate what you did to me. Maybe I should be over it by now, but…You robbed me of a life when you went back to her and I can never forgive you for that. You should have at least taken the ring.”
“I forgot I had it.” He admits and that burns deeper than anything he’s said yet.
“You forgot?” You ask, very much close to giving into those tears that had begun to burn.
“I-” Steve meets your eyes again, suddenly realizing what he’s said. “No…”
“You forgot that you wanted to marry me?” Defeat is a terrible thing. In all of your mission. In all of the beats that you’ve suffered because you have been beaten even if you haven’t technically failed a single one, you have never felt this way.
“Look, I just…I need some time to get my head on straight. I’m not doing this right and I’m saying all the wrong things. I’m nervous. Okay? You still make me nervous and I-”
“I wish I’d never met you. I wish you’d kept that gym door shut and left me out in the rain. I wish I’d never kissed you on that car park.”
“Don’t say that.” Steve pleads. “What we had-”
“Go back to Peggy, Steve. I don’t know what problems you two are having but I’m not here to ease your worries anymore. Just…leave me alone.” You swing the hammer, only a little. Just to adjust its weight in your grip.
“Y/N…”
“Leave me alone, Steve. I mean it.” You say sternly, already walking away from him. “Stay away from me.”
~~~~~~~~~~
What did he do? What has he done to you?
“You’re still here?” Bucky’s voice is like a welcomed balm, but it only soothes Steve’s aching heart a little.
“Where is she?” Steve asks, desperate but only Bucky would be able to see it.
“After that yelling match earlier, I figured you’d have gone back to Peggy.” Bucky sighs and moves to sit across from Steve, hands on his knees.
Steve scoots to the edge of his seat, elbows on his knees as he clasps his hands tightly.
“What happened to her? Why is she—the scars on her back?” He can’t seem to finish the question or find the right words. Worry has gripped his heart and it’s making him a little crazed.
“That’s none of your business anymore, Steve.” Bucky reminds him. “But if you really need to know, she joined the S.T.R.I.K.E. field team about two weeks after you left.”
“What?” Steve asks, shocked and hating the idea of you out in the field.
“Then she went off on her own, left the team. Kept her comms in case we needed her, and it was the only way to get her old team’s missions. She’s been going off doing them alone.” Bucky shrugs. “At first Sam and I thought she was just trying to…I don’t know, get herself killed? But she was really trying. And she was good. She’s brought in almost three hundred perps on her own.
“Now that she has the hammer, I think that’ll only go up.” Bucky states.
“She’s been going on missions alone? Why didn’t you do something about it?” He demands, angry at Bucky suddenly. “I asked you to keep an eye on her.”
“And I did.” Bucky assures him, just as angry right back. “I kept her safe while you left to-”
Bucky stops, looking down at the black marble floor, sleek and cold. He reminds himself that Steve is his best friend. That he’s his brother.
“Steve, she had a right to deal with what happened on her own terms. You know, I keep trying to understand what it is you’re doing here. If you were coming back for her, you’d have come back the moment you left so that it would be like you never did. Then you and she could have fixed things.”
He sounds almost hopeful and Steve knows that he’s right.
“You don’t know what you want, do you?” Bucky asks him, a knowing look in his steel blue eyes.
Steve licks his lips and slowly shakes his head.
“You shouldn’t have come back, Steve. She was getting better. She was starting to be happy again. She was moving on.” Bucky narrows his eyes at the look of confusion on Steve’s face at his words.
Steve is at an absolute loss. You hadn’t seemed in the least bit happy and the rage and pain he’d seen you display with him earlier said that you were anything but moving on.
A silly thought pops into Bucky’s head. The thought that Steve might have only seen you when he came in. That when he first saw you, he saw you and only you and no one else. Bucky knows that he loves you and Steve probably missed you more than you could ever imagine—not like that excuses Steve anything he’s done, but still.
“What did you see when you got here, Steve? Where was Y/N standing?” Bucky checks, sure that he’s wrong, but just in case.
“Y/N? She was, in the kitchen. Why?” Steve’s brow furrows in consternation, his mind flashing back to the moment he saw you, stretched up on your toes, reaching into the cupboard for something. Your face was all lit up and you were smiling, and you looked so happy and nothing like the broken woman you’d been when he’d last seen you.
You were positively glowing. Beautiful and perfect and his heart felt lighter just seeing you there and all he had wanted in that moment was you.
“Steve…” Bucky sits back, shaking his head. “What was she doing? Who was she with?”
Steve’s eyes wander to Bucky’s feet, thinking back to the moment he walked across the top landing and spotted you in the kitchen.
The picture clears and sharpens, focusing on you but also everything else. His heart drops and he meets Bucky’s eyes, as his stomach rolls and his chest nearly caves in.
~~~~~~~~~~
You’ve been sitting in here for hours. Waiting. Getting more and more upset the longer you sit here, thinking. Wallowing.
The door opens and you stand up, Mjolnir at your feet.
When he turns around, Thor’s somber expression melts away in favor of happy surprise.
“My little dove,” He almost gushes, moving towards you quickly. “You’re in my room.”
You reach up and put your hands on his massive biceps, staring at his wide chest as you try to get a grip.
“You left me.” You whimper, more at ease with Thor. Your emotions laid out for him to see.
“No, little dove. No, I-” He stammers, thinking quick as he shakes his head and his smile falters then returns in full force as he tries to explain.
“You told me you loved me.” You counter, cutting him off because what he has to say is not as important as what you have to say.
It’s a little unfair of you, you know this. You haven’t returned those words to him, but he knows. He must. It’s in every lingering gaze. Every touch. It’s in your body when you meld with his.
Still, how can he know when even you didn’t know just how deep these emotions ran until you were faced with Steve and all you wanted was Thor?
“I do!” He gasps, hearing the doubt within you. Chasing it away with his hands as he grips you to him, holding your waist as he seeks to chase away the distance between you. Emotionally. Physically. All of it.
With Thor, it always feels as if he needs you closer. Even when he’s inside you, shifting you, arms on either side of your body as his hands rip into your shoulders and he thrusts deep.
You’re never close enough.
“But you left me!” You’re not being loud, not like with Steve, because if you get loud, you’re afraid you’ll fall apart.
You don’t want to cry yet.
“Y/N-” Thor reaches up, right hand cupping your cheek as his left wraps around to the small of your back.
“You left me. Alone. With him.” You simper, wanting his comfort but also hating him for leaving you too.
Why does everyone leave you?
You push against his chest and he doesn’t resist when you renew the distance between you.
“You said you wouldn’t leave me.” You look up at him and he’s reading you, taking in the finality in your tone. “I needed you there, Thor and I…I don’t want to need anyone. It needs to be only me. If you leave me…”
“I won’t leave you, my dove.” Thor protests, trying to reach for you but you put your hands over his and push them away gently.
“You already did.” How do you convey the depth of the despair that you felt seeing Steve again? Hearing the things he said, seeing that stupid ring and all through it wishing Thor was with you? How can you make him see that it’s too dangerous to need someone like that again?
Steve had been your world. Thor can’t be your world too. He’ll take it away. Just like Steve.
“Sweet pet,” He begins, smiling hopefully as he reaches out to caress your cheek again.
“I can’t do this, Thor. It’s too much. I can’t fail like I did before. I need to be strong.”
“What are you saying?” Thor asks, confused and serious.
“I’m saying that we can’t be together anymore.” You sigh. “You’re bad for me.”
You leave him there, staring in stunned silence at his bed as you head out to seek some much-needed advice.
The meeting runs long. It’s tedious and you haven’t missed this part of the job.
You’ve been on your own too long that being at the table with the team feels odd.
It sucks even more because you can see Thor shooting you sad puppy eyes every few minutes, desperate to catch your eye and talk again.
You’ve been avoiding him, and he finally got the hint last night that you need space and he’s been giving it to you, but he also really wants to talk, and you hate pushing him away. You want him close.
You want him beside you, and that terrifies you. This need to feel him there is familiar because you’ve felt it before. With Steve…who is also sitting across from you.
His gaze is annoying too. Irritating because he keeps looking at you with longing and then he looks at Thor with suspicion and what right does he have to give your Thor—wait, not your Thor…fuck—that look?
The sheer nerve of him to be jealous is infuriating.
You look up to find Thor staring down at his thumb, tracing circles against the glass of the table. You bite your lip, wanting to reach out and place your hand over his. Your chest is yearning for his arms. For that smell of juniper in his beard when he tickles you with it.
You want to run your hands through his hair and pull him down until you can kiss those big pink lips, as he squeezes you to him.
Fuck! This isn’t happening.
You sigh, frustrated with yourself then inadvertently look at Steve to find him staring at you, frowning.
Ugh! “Are we almost done here?”
You snap, looking up at Sam who puts one hand on his hip, annoyed with you too. You don’t blame him. You’ve been in an insufferable bad mood.
“Oh, I’m sorry. Are we intruding on your schedule?”
“The League is in Northern Canada, right? Just dispatch a scout, find out where exactly, how many there are, what we’re going to go up against and then we can all go together.” You gripe, wondering why this meeting is endless.
“We already sent Wanda and-”
“No, Sam. Send in a stealth team. Someone that can blend in and infiltrate the bunker. The world knows our faces. I mean…your faces. The team.” You feel left out suddenly but you did this to yourself.
In one startling moment, you regret ever leaving. You’ve lost two years of time with the team.
“That’s not a bad idea.” Rhodey nods, tapping his finger against the table. “It’ll take about a month for them to get in and then get back out and we’ll be able to learn a lot more about them this way.”
“Fine.” Sam sighs, “And where do we find this covert team?”
You sit up straighter, feeling slightly uneasy with all eyes on you. Not to mention Steve’s and Thor’s each with a different type of longing.
“I can get us a few agents. I’ll call them now.” You get up from your chair and move towards the kitchen only to hear footsteps behind you.
With your phone pressed to your ear, you turn around and frown when it’s Steve moving closer.
You frown at him, heart dropping, as you move through the kitchen and down a secluded hallway.
“Y/N…” Steve calls out and you stop, hanging up your phone.
“Why are you still here?” You ask him, curt and uncaring, no matter how much it really hurts you.
His feet slow, sadness overtaking his handsome face. “We need to talk.”
“No.” You shake your head. “We really don’t. You should go back to your wife.”
“Hey,” He reaches out and grabs your wrist as you turn to move away from him. He turns you towards him, pulling you closer until you’re inches from his chest, his face leaning down towards yours. “Just give me a chance to talk, Y/N.”
“For what, Steve?” You shake your head, smiling bitterly up at him.
“I love you.” He confesses once again, quietly, almost with hesitation.
You scoff. “And you’re still married.”
“Did you mean it?” He asks, his hand softening, caressing down to your elbow as his other hand takes gentle grip of your hip.
“Did I mean what?” You shift uncomfortably, wanting him so much when he touches you. “Let go of me.”
“Did you mean it when you said that you wanted to give me kids?” He asks, shyly, sadly.
Your chest nearly cracks, ribs aching from the tearing your heart is doing right now. How dare he!
You blink, stunned for a moment, tilting your head to one side as you watch the desire on his face. It isn’t sexual. Just a different kind of longing.
“Is that why you’re here? Because she won’t give you kids?” You realize, suddenly considering the possibility that Steve might actually come back into your life, to stay. For good?
Because you offered him what he so clearly wants now.
His jaw tightens and you know that you’re right.
“I bought that ring with every intention of asking you to marry me, Y/N. But then Scott came back and changed everything and-” You try to pull back, you don’t need this right now.
“I understand, Steve. I helped keep you patched together when everything went tits up you left me because I’m not the girl you marry and have kids with. I’m the one you fuck when things get tough, right?” This particular thought has been on your mind.
“Don’t say that.” He begs you, pulling you so close your breasts are right up against his chest. “You’re perfect and…I made a mistake.”
He’s saying all the right things and it sounds like he’s saying he’s going to stay.
“You made a big fucking mistake.” You counter, and Steve is so close you can taste the sweet strawberry of his breakfast toast on your lips.
As he breathes it wafts over your tongue, sweetening it, his heady scent of crisp citrus soap and clean linens transfixing you.
“Forgive me.” He begs, his lips ghosting over your own.
“No.” You tell him, unable to forgive him. As much as your body wants him, your heart is forever hurt.
You hear a small thud and pull back, turning to look down the hallway as Thor’s fist lifts away from the wall he just punched, which crumbles as he moves it. He turns and he’s walking away from you, long blonde hair swishing with his angry strut.
“Thor…” You call, firm.
You shove Steve away, ripping yourself from his arms and fix him with a glare.
“Go home, Steve.”
“I am home.” He counters, his own jealousy sneaking in.
You growl and hurry after Thor, watching as his wide back turns the corner into the common room.
“Thor, wait!” Your heart is in a panic.
You love him, damn it. Even if you don’t want to. He needs to know that what he saw was…it won’t happen again.
“Thor!” You turn the corner and almost fall back as you crash into another strong chest. Two arms—one metal, one flesh—catch you.
“Careful, Sugar. You’ll hurt yourself.” Bucky steadies you and then waits until you’ve caught your balance. “Hey, that was a good idea about the covert team.”
Shit. You need to call Fury.
Fuck it. Just text the team.
You can always beg Fury for forgiveness later.
Quick as you can, you type out a group message and shoot it off.
“You okay?” Bucky asks, shoving his hands into his jean pockets.
“No.” You sigh, frustrated because Thor is probably gone by now. Where would he go? His room? The skies? He wouldn’t leave Earth again, would he?
Your heart is in a panic again, thumping wildly against your ribcage. Sharp edged pain pierces your gut and you kind of want to hyperventilate. Instead, you blink once, hard. You take a deep breath and release it slowly, urging yourself to stay calm.
“Steve?” Bucky asks and you wheel yourself around in search of him. “No, I mean, he’s bothering you?”
“He almost kissed me.” You confess, regret in your voice. “I…Thor saw…” Your shoulders slump and Bucky sighs.
“Look, I…I think I have an idea of how we might be able to get him to go back home.” Bucky waits, dipping down to look into your eyes. “If that’s what you really want?”
You’d be a fool to not hesitate. For five years Steve had loved you. He’d devoted himself to you until he simply couldn’t anymore. His heart had called him elsewhere.
“I do.” You nod.
“You really like Thor, huh?” Bucky asks, a small smile playing on his lips.
“I love him.” You admit, to someone. To Bucky. “It’s my weakness.”
“Loving someone isn’t a weakness, Sugar.” Bucky says.
“What’s your idea?” You press, ignoring his other words.
Bucky moves a step closer, crossing his arms over his chest as he looks towards the large wall of windows at the opposite end of the common room. Rhodey and Stephen are huddled around a stack of papers, talking and rifling through them. Everyone else has left.
“You’re not gonna like it.” Bucky tells you, turning back to you with a withered sigh.
Synopsis: Rejected once again, you vow never to fall for anyone ever again. As you cry, you find your sorrow interrupted by the God of Thunder who offers you kind words and a much needed drink. Can you resist his soft voice and sweet words or will you fall once more, head over heels and expose your already scarred heart to the pain of love?
Masterpost Warnings: language, eventual smut maybe, violence probably, cozy Thor, Thor in his undies
A/N: So, this started because I was telling someone about my original fiction and they just didn’t care? I’ve had others try to read it too and they never do. It’s a little heartbreaking when you feel so excited and happy about something and no one cares even when all you want to do is just share your excitement. So, that feeling sparked this fic. I wasn’t sure where I was going with it but now I do. I hope you like it. This is also for all those lovelies of mine that wanted me to do some more Thor. If you happen to reblog, thanks so much for helping me spread my work! xoxo
Thor can vividly remember the first time he saw you. He can remember it so clearly that his heart still aches when he thinks back to that moment when his whole world lit up with a poignant and fierce fire. It engulfed him. It overwhelmed him. His skin began to hum, and then half a minute passed, and his fire was bathed in ice water and the misery set in.
You were sitting at a table, looking like other women that he’d seen. You were one face among many with no particular quality that set you apart. You were just another girl.
Then someone, the guy to your left said something that Thor couldn’t hear. Then the girl to your right said something. Then your eyes shone with stunning excitement. They sparkled and lit up like stars, gleaming bright amongst the other eyes in the room.
You smiled, the brilliance of it nearly knocking his breathe from his lungs because it was more than you looking adorable, it was the pure joy that radiated out of every facet in those damn eyes.
Your cheeks were spread so wide and tight he was sure that they must be hurting. It was a smile for the ages.
You looked from the guy to your left to the girl on your right and opened your mouth once to say something, but the girl leaned forward, and she reached out to grab the guy’s left hand. You shut your mouth.
Then the guy responded, and you opened your mouth again, but the guy shook his head and laughed and spoke once more.
You closed your mouth and the sparkle in your eye dulled a little. Like the sun hid behind dark clouds, overwhelming him in gloom. Your shoulders hunched as the two beside you continued to talk, animatedly exchanging words and laughter. You smiled lightly when they looked at you but then you sat back, shoulders slumped as you pulled your drink closer and took a long sip through your straw.
Slowly, as the two continued to talk, your eyes glazed over. All life had drained from them and all Thor could think about was how he might find a way to put that light back into your eyes.
Which brings us to today.
Thor had come to that same shop several days in a row, eager to see you again and when you finally showed up, you were alone but not for long.
When you were joined by the same two people as before, they greeted you brightly. Then the three of you sit at the same table and once again your eyes glazed over, and you’d sat in silence while your friends talked.
Occasionally Thor would see that brightness return but it never lasted more than a few seconds.
Thor didn’t mean to become a stalker. He seriously, really, truly, honestly didn’t mean to follow you out of the café. He was just so curious.
He followed you and your friends to a nearby park and then a small antiques shop. Then the male left and the female with you listened only halfheartedly as you talked to her.
She would listen for a few seconds and then her eyes would wander, and she’d interrupt you and point at something across the street or in a shop window or just cut you off because she was bored. Every time she did, you relented.
Thor hated her. Even now, as the two of you wander around the Metropolitan Museum of Art looking at the watercolor exhibit, you stop in front of a lovely piece with greens, yellows, and pinks—Thor’s too busy watching you to see what the painting actually is—and point at it, your eyes bright and stunning again.
Thor swoons, his heart thudding loudly in his chest.
Until your friend walks away while you’re still talking.
Your eyes lose their sparkle again and you look at her as she calls out for you. “Y/N! Look at this one!”
Thor growls, annoyed and frustrated for you. You sigh very lightly, so lightly he’s sure no one but he notices, and then move over towards your friend. You smile at her, no sparkle in your eyes but your smile is genuine. It’s kind and polite and patient.
The painted smile on a porcelain doll.
Why are you so perfect? Not that he likes your submissive side. He hates it, in fact. No, that’s not right. He loves it…wait? Loves it? Fuck, he loves it. Shit. What is he getting himself into?
He loves it because it’s yours. It’s a small side of the person you are. What he loves about it is that even in the face of all the overlooking these so-called friends put you through, you still manage to find joy in their company. You smile kindly at them. You take joy in your time with them even though the joy is only surface deep.
Thor can relate. How many battles had he fought after he’d lost his people? His family? His self-worth and felt only the subtle secondhand joy of his comrades after the fight was won? Sometimes, you do things just to pass the time.
Thor keeps to the opposite side of the large room. He avoids looking at you for more than a few seconds at a time until you stop at yet another painting and turn your back on him.
Your eyes light up again and it's all he can do to stay put. He licks his lips, clenches his fists, crumpling the informational pamphlet he'd grabbed on the way in.
He'd already ruined it by rolling it up over and over, fidgeting with it every time your friend interrupted you or moved away when you were talking.
Impatiently, with an itch to move to you, he smacks his large thigh with the rolled up paper. The tap, tap, tap, isn’t loud enough to draw your attention but it does get him some ugly looks from the couple to his right.
He's not even facing the wall anymore. His body is turned fully, wearing a navy blazer with a pair of matching navy slacks, black and white Chucks, and underneath the blazer is a plain white t-shirt. It's a little sheer. The toasty peach of his skin is slightly visible through the stretched white fabric.
He looks at the annoyed couple to his right and gives them a toothless smile, chagrin across his face. “Sorry.”
They don’t seem to care that he's Thor. They move past him, still frowning.
With a furrowed brow, Thor turns back to you, eyes still shining bright. He tries to hear what you're saying and he can just make out your voice if he tries hard enough.
“-I think it's the mountain. It kinda looks like a stormy sky if you don’t notice the subtle strokes that shape the peak. What do you like about it?” You ask your friend but she's looking down at her phone.
“Hold on, Seth is calling.” She puts the phone to her ear and walks away. “Hey, Seth. Where are you?”
Thor's too busy watching you to look after your friend.
You're biting your lip, watching the girl walk away before you turn your previously shining eyes on the painting.
The audacity these people have to ignore your excitement, the genuine elation you feel on a daily basis, constantly stepped on?
The urge to join you is renewed and he takes several steps in your direction but your friend comes barreling back towards you, heels clicking and clacking against the waxed floor, just when he's made up his mind to introduce himself.
She catches herself on your arm and you turn an excited smile to her.
“Seth finally asked me out!”
He can see your face fall. You blink a few times but before your silence can register as too long, too awkward—Say something, little mouse. You'll give yourself away! Thor thinks desperately—you smile again.
“That's so great Nan. I'm-I'm glad he finally got his shit together.”
Thor smiles, genuinely surprised yet pleased with your vulgarity in such an austere place as the Met. His cheeks flush, the gentle way your mouth wrapped around the word was utter perfection.
“Me too!” The girl, Nan, curly brown hair, caramel skin, and wide hips gushes.
“He should have come with us.” You say but Nan is not listening. She's on that cellular phone again. Can the damn woman not carry on a conversation with you for more than ten seconds?
You watch her text and in stark contrast to this Nan's elation, your timid sadness stands out. How can no one but him see it? What's wrong with everyone in your life?
Thor can tell with that look alone that this Seth—the blonde man that has been meeting you at the café for two weeks—is someone you yourself desired.
It takes Nan a few more minutes, four and twenty-seven seconds actually—Thor counted—to focus back on her present company. She's still got her arm wrapped around your elbow.
She looks at the painting and stares for all of two seconds before, “Is that mountains? You'd think they'd have painted a clearer picture.”
You smile, amused for some reason. Thor would really rather tell her to silence her ridiculous comments.
“It's watercolor, Nan. It's not supposed to be super clear. It's the artist's impression. You see how clear the people are? But the entire background is blur-"
“Ugh! Y/N, this is boring. Let's go watch a movie or something. Yeah?”
Thor's hand crumples up the pamphlet into a tight compressed ball.
“Oh.” You mutter, disappointment saturating your beautiful tone. “Okay.”
“Yay!” Nan exclaims then begins to drag you away.
Thor watches you crane your neck to get another look at the painting before Nan completely pulls you from the room.
With slow steps, Thor moves to the painting and reads the small placard.
The Lake of Zug
Artist: Joseph Mallord William Turner (British, London
1775–1851 London)
Date: 1843
He stands there, staring at the painting for what might be hours. All the while he ponders the very possibility that what you might see in this painting is the very thing he saw in you when he saw your eyes light up and then extinguish.
He accepts, after a time, that it is not possible for this painting to make you feel the way he felt when he first saw you brighten then dull.
You are way more exquisite than this painting with its blurry watercolor mountain.
-----
Thor continues to stalk you. Okay, he doesn’t stalk you. Or he tells himself he doesn't. But…the consensus is…
“Thor's stalking a girl.” Nat says, amused and brimming with smugness.
“I am not…pfft…stalking a girl.” Thor waves her off, rolling his eyes, quirking a brow as he lifts his cup of coffee and takes a sip.
“Yeah, you are.” Nat assures him, leaning over the counter with her chin in her hand. Long delicate fingers rest against the curve of her jaw and rap the dark quartz countertop.
“Am not.” Thor says, a swift heavy swallow before his cup is laid aside.
“Yeah.” Nat chuckles because it's too good to be true. Too cute. Too weird that Thor, the God of Thunder, is obsessed with a girl and doesn’t have the courage to speak to her. “You are.”
“Look, I am not stalking her. I am merely going to the café that she goes to every day, to possibly see her. And if—if she happens to be there, I-"
“Follow her?” Nat offers.
“No! I walk in a similar direction until she reaches her destination then I go my own way. Unless she happens to go to a place where I might maintain a considerable distance while I-"
“Watch her?”
“While I-I-I-" Thor stumbles, not sure how to spin this one.
“Gotta tell ya pal, it kinda sounds like you're stalking this dame.” Bucky slides in beside Nat, her arms immediately wrapping around his bicep where she leans her head—in what she insists is a platonic expression of affection—and laughs as Thor huffs.
“Fine! Whatever. I’m stalking her. Are you happy?” Thor booms, arms raised in the air then childishly crossed across his broad chest, biceps large and beefy, sun-bathed skin stretched and bulging.
“What are they happy about?” Steve wonders, moving into the kitchen, mid-yawn.
“Thor finally admitted to stalking that girl he saw in the café down the block.” Bucky explains.
Steve stops, eyes shining, mouth open in mock surprise as he stares from Bucky to Nat and then to Thor. He shuts one eye, still sleepy. “Woah, hey. That's progress. Good for you, Thor.”
“Oh, fuck off.” Thor grumbles.
“Woah!” Nat chastises, lifting her head from Bucky's arm, amused but also surprised by Thor's defensiveness. “Hey, we're just trying to help.”
Steve doesn’t seem to care. He’s already rifling in the fridge for food.
“How? By making me feel worse? I know I shouldn’t be watching her. I’ve tried to stay away but I can't stop thinking about her.” Thor sighs, looking down at his cup and swirling the smooth brown liquid, still steaming.
“Guess he's got it bad.” Bucky whispers to Nat who nods. He turns back to Thor then takes Nat's cup of coffee to steal a sip. “What is it about this girl, Thor? I mean, you’ve been around for almost…what? Fifteen-hundred years? And you’ve seen thousands of girls here on Earth. What's so special about this one?”
Thor has wondered this very thing over and over since he first laid eyes on you.
It makes absolutely no sense. You are not exquisitely beautiful to anyone but him--or so it seems as you only every draw his gaze while out and about. Thor has come to see you as the only beauty in all the realms that could possibly match the need in his heart. A fitting piece. His ideal. Yet, you are nothing like the women that the people of Earth deem as particularly desirable. That is to say, there is nothing wrong with you either.
Had Thor not seen you in that exact moment when your exuberance had shot out from those dazzling eyes of yours, stunning him into immobility, changing his heart forever and then fallen dull and sad the very next moment, perhaps Thor would not feel the way he does?
“I don’t know.” He admits. “I think that is why I cannot get her out of my head. She’s just so…so…so…”
“Vulnerable?” Nat offers.
“Hot?” Bucky wonders, Nat smacks his arm. “Ow.”
“Right?” Steve suggests, sipping his cup of coffee with a knowing look in his storm blue eyes. Thor meets them and his own brighten considerably.
“Yes. Right. That she is. I don’t know what makes her right, but she is so very right. And she is indeed most vulnerable and strong at the same time though her strength is not in the way we would count it. She’s not a fighter. Not in that sense.”
“There’s more than one way to be strong.” Nat affirms, nodding at Thor with a proud smile on her lips, her fingers gently stroking the muscle of Bucky’s bicep as she takes another drink of her coffee.
Thor turns to Bucky who’s sitting now with his elbow on the table, his chin in his hand, staring at the Thunder God.
“And she most definitely is hot. Perhaps not like those women on your magazines or in your picture boxes.”
“Dude, you know what they’re called.” Bucky gripes, amused.
“Televisions, yes. She is not that. She’s real.” Thor gushes slow and mystified.
His eyes are a mist of love cantered outpouring unrestrained and unbidden. He can feel it flow out from him in waves of gossamer heat, enveloping all of them and painting them in beautiful heaven light. Golden warm and saturated in allure.
Can they feel it? Can they feel how he loves you already?
Nat’s hand tightens around Bucky’s bicep and Bucky’s chin slips from his hand as he shifts in his seat, radiating towards Nat. His arm wraps around her shoulders and he pulls her closer.
Steve’s eyes glaze over briefly then with a lovestruck look across his usually calm expression, he smirks.
“Woah, there. Reel that in, buddy. We don’t want the whole tower to start finding closets to make whoopee in.” Steve’s smirk shifts to a grin as his eyes move over to Nat and Bucky who are sitting much closer to each other now, Nat’s leg draped over Bucky’s right knee.
“Oh, sorry.” Thor blushes, feeling woeful for his slip. “I forget sometimes the effect I have on the people of Earth. I don’t use that ability much. Have had no use for it. How strange. This is the first time it's slipped out.”
Slowly Nat and Bucky slap out of the daze as Thor reigns in his uncanny fertility booster. Nat blushes scarlet as she realizes she’s practically on Bucky’s lap and quickly scrambles off of it.
“Oh, I’m…sorry.” She whispers huskily at him.
“No, it’s my mistake.” Bucky hurries to appease her, cheeks burning along with hers.
They renew their distance and put an extra foot between them for good measure.
Thor eyes them cautiously. He knows what’s been budding between them, but they still haven’t-
“Anyway,” He begins. “You are right in your assumptions that she is nothing but a normal girl. And she is that, but she is so much more. To me. I don’t know why.”
“Hot doesn’t always have to mean physically attractive.” Bucky offers, still blushing but calmer. Though, he keeps stealing glances at Nat.
“But she is physically attractive. She’s attractive to me. Her body is perfection.” Thor argues.
“And that’s great.” Bucky tells him. “It’s good that you’re attracted to her physically. I just mean that a perfect body—the women you were talking about in our magazines and on T.V. and movies—it doesn’t always mean one thing. What I’m saying is that, even if she’s not perfect to me or Steve or any other guy on the planet, if she’s perfect to you, then that’s great, Thor. But—and I’ll kill you if you tell anyone I said this—you aren’t just after her for that are you? To…bury the old hammer?”
“How dare you accuse me of such misconduct!” Thor shoots to his feet, hand banging the table.
“I didn’t!” Bucky hurries to calm him. “I’m just saying that while being attracted to her from a distance is great, maybe you should finally try and talk to the girl?”
“He’s right.” Nat agrees. “We know you like what you’ve seen so far, but what if what she has to say doesn’t hold up? You aren’t planning on stalking her forever, are you?”
Thor calms down instantly, slowly sitting back down to wrap his hand around his cup once more. “Please don’t call it stalking.” He begs.
Nat smiles. “Fine, but you are going to talk to her, right?”
“Yes.”
“When?” Bucky asks.
“I-I don’t know.” Thor grieves, grabbing fistfuls of blonde hair, grown out in waving locks that just reach the tips of his ears. He needs to cut it again.
“Soon, Thor. You can’t keep following her. She’ll think it’s weird. God of Thunder or not. You follow a girl; it means you’re a creep.” Steve insists.
“But I’m not a creep.” He sobs, no actual tears, just the sentiment. “I swear I’m not.”
He looks desperately between Nat and Bucky then finally at Steve who is nodding.
“We know that, Bud. But…do yourself a favor and talk to her sooner rather than later. You don’t want to be that Avenger. The one people read about in the tabloids.”
“Oh, you mean me?” Bucky turns to look at Steve, a smirk in place.
“Yes.” Steve says and sips his coffee.
“Right.” Thor agrees, sitting up straighter, downing his drink then rising to his feet. He pulls the front of his hoodie down, adjusting the collar so that it looks neater. “Right. I can do this. I’ll talk to her. Yeah. I will. It can’t be that hard, right? I can do this.”
“Not wearing that you can’t.” Bucky frowns. “Trust me, you show up in a hoodie…”
“He’s still pretty hot, Buck.” Nat assures him.
“Still.” Bucky insists, nodding at Nat with an I know he’s hot, alright? expression. “Trust me. At least wear that thing you wore that time when you followed her to the Met. That navy blazer.”
“Again?” Thor wonders, worried. What if you’d seen him in it and he hadn’t noticed? It has been weeks though.
“Then we’ll get you something else, but definitely don’t go in a hoodie and jeans. Save that for when she’s known you for a while. For when you’re actually dating.”
“Dating? Courting?” Thor smiles, his heart aflutter, his stomach twirling. “Y/N and I? Courting?”
It fills him with a humming euphoria, the idea of you and him dating.
He pictures it. You cuddled in his arms on a sofa watching TV or reading a book while he watches you, that beautiful brilliance in your eyes stunning and agonizing all at once.
That euphoria rolls over his friends again and only when he looks at Bucky and Nat, Nat straddling Bucky’s hips with her hands in his long dark hair, does Thor realize he’s doing it again.
This time Steve is too amused to interrupt. He’s leaning his elbows on the counter, staring at Nat and Bucky with a smug smile.
“Oh, sorry.” Thor shuts it off, clearing his throat nervously.
It takes a second, but Nat suddenly straightens her hands, gasping lightly as she looks back at Bucky’s hands secured around the curve of her butt.
“Hands, Barnes, or I’ll cut them off.”
“Oops.” Bucky says, though he sounds anything but apologetic. “Thor’s fault.”
Nat rises and now the shade of a cherry tomato, she marches out of the kitchen.
Bucky turns a blushing soft smile to Thor and shakes his head once. “Thanks, man.”
“You’re welcome.”
It has been almost six months since Thor first saw you. Over time he has come to appreciate your quiet nature. Not because he would prefer to have you silent. He longs to speak with you and get your side of many things.
However, he can see the way you work now. Your mind. He can almost see you thinking. Doing it. The subtle art of listen, look, learn and then speak—if those horrible people you call friends ever allow you to do so, that is.
Today, Thor made sure to get up half an hour early. He poured through his closet and the meager pickings of fine clothes within. He can't use the navy blazer. You might have seen him in that though he has no reason to suspect you have.
There’s a black tie suit but…that's too formal, right? He's got several nice pants. Trousers? Slacks? He's not sure which ones they are exactly but he picks a nice black pair, stiff crease lines at the front and back.
He tosses his towel aside and begins to pull them on before he thinks better and carefully folds them on top of the drawer for his collection of fancy watches. A gift from Tony though he hardly ever wears them.
He rifles through the second drawer and produces a pair of red briefs then slips them on, adjusting himself in them with a frown. He's not much for underwear, truth be told but with you…he feels weird dangling about in his pants.
He smiles as he pictures the flush you might get from realizing he's not wearing underwear. Would you be embarrassed? You’re so sweet. So gentle. So perfect.
He places both hands on his now brief covered hips and can’t quite wipe the smile from his face. He looks up into his full length mirror and his cheeks are red. His eyes are brimming with excitement. His smile is goofy and wide and he hasn’t felt this eager in so long.
Not for a girl. Only for battle.
“Snap out of it, Thor. Get it together.” He chastises, clearing his throat as he realizes how stupid he must look, standing there in his underwear smiling like a dumbass.
He grabs his pants and slips them on. Muscles rippling, he pulls on a plain grey t-shirt then moves to look at his shirts. Most of his button ups look too stifling. Tight and hot. Choking.
Although, with the weather on the more brisk side, hot might not be a bad idea.
He slides over to the jackets and sweaters and finds a thick, soft, knit navy sweater. Too thick for both an undershirt and the sweater. He peels off his shirt and then slips the sweater on.
He pushes the sleeves up to just below his elbows and then moves back to his watches to select one that’ll match.
As he chooses his shoes, a pair of black boots, he feels his heart ache in nervousness. It quivers, afraid.
What if you don't like him? What if you get one look at him and simply get up and leave? What will he do with himself? He'll be heartbroken.
This is foolish. He should just keep watching you from afar. This is safer. This is better.
If he never tries to talk to you, then you can never reject him. He can continue to watch you from a distance and enjoy your dwindling smiles.
Dwindling. Less and less do you smile. Still as observant as always, but you almost rarely speak with your friends though you still sit with them and accompany them places.
No. He must show you that there are some who will hang on your every word. That you are worth listening to. You matter. So much. To him. Already.
You have yet to speak a word, but you are already so important.
Somehow Thor is able to find his courage and he heads out, dressed nicely enough to impress with the easy casualty of his outfit.
With Bucky’s approval—who then takes a quick exit when Nat wanders into the common room—Thor heads out to see you now feeling sure that he’s doing the right thing.
The café is not as busy as it usually is. Thor understands that you like this. For as long as he’s been following you—he refuses to see what he’s been doing as stalking, damn Natasha—he’s known that you come early on purpose. You show up an hour before your friends and he’s honored that by staying away and only coming at his regular time instead of the earlier hour you set aside for yourself.
He’d shown up by chance one day, to ask the barista what your favorite drink was as you bring your own reusable cup and he can never see what they put in it, only to find you sitting at your usual table. Alone. Enjoying the silence of the early morning with your phone screen shining up at you. What do you look at in that hour?
Thor really wants to know.
The little bell above the door dings and Thor moves in, searching for you the instant the rich caffeinated air fills his lungs. Hazelnut, vanilla, mocha, and caramel; cinnamon, sweet syrup, chocolate, and the smell of baking bread welcome him warmly.
He finds you as he had that one morning. Sitting at your usual table—reading, right in the middle of the shop, four chairs around a small square birch yellow table. The sheen of wood inviting and cool. Luckily for him, your table is near the register.
He adjusts his sweater. Nervously he strokes the small spiky hairs on the sides of his head where he had Steve buzz it short again leaving a long wide strip along the top of his head slightly longer. He fixes his watch, regretting his choice to wear it as he’s not used to it and it’s distracting as hell.
The closer he gets the more he can see what you’re wearing. Your blue coat is hung on the back of your chair. He’s seen it before. The rest he has not and he almost stumbles as he bumps into a chair, accidentally shoving a patron forward into his coffee.
“Oh, forgive me.” Thor begs. “Sorry. So sorry. I’ll buy you a new coffee.”
Thor leans down to whisper at the man who waves him off then seems to realize that it’s Thor having bumped into him.
“Oh my-Can I have an autograph?” He asks excitedly, beginning to rise but Thor quickly pushes him back down by the shoulders so that he remains glued to his seat.
“Shh, yes, of course.” Thor gives him a tight nervous smile and quickly signs his name on the first page of the book the man holds up for him.
“Thank you so much! My wife is such a fan!”
“Oh.” Thor smiles wider, flattered. “How kind of her. Please, keep your voice down.”
He has nothing to worry about though. You don’t look up. You’re wrapped up in your book.
Thor’s only temporarily distracted because he tears his eyes back to you in your gray long sleeved sweater, your soft orange suspender skirt—large buttons along the front and large round buckles at the shoulders—and a pair of worn brown leather boots on your feet.
Your hair so often left to its own devices is gathered high on your head into a messy bun leaving your neck exposed for his eyes to feast on.
He has to force his eyes away from you because you’re beautiful and he’s staring and as lovely as your eyes look all brilliant, devouring your book, he needs to stop staring!
He turns to the barista and gathers his thoughts to focus on his plan.
“Woah, you’re here again today Mr. God of Thunder?” The short barista asks, green eyes shining, excited smile on her face.
“Hello.” He peeks back over his shoulder at you but you’re still just staring at your book. “Just Thor is fine.”
“Right. Yeah, cool. What can I get for you Mr. Thor?”
“No. Just ‘Thor’.” Thor insists, slightly muttered under his breath in embarrassment.
“Oh. Okay. Th-Thor.” The barista giggles. “What can I get for you Mr. Thor? I mean, Thor! Just Thor!”
Why is she being so loud?! Thor sighs and he hears you shift behind him. He doesn’t dare look. “Um…I don’t know. Yesterday I had-”
“A regular coffee. Cream. Two sugars.” The barista laughs again and though she is sweet, Thor is beginning to worry about the amount of noise she’s making. “Would you like the same today?”
Behind he can hear the scrape of your chair and he turns to look for you. You’re getting up, gathering your things. No! You can’t be leaving. With your arms full as you hold your coat, book, and purse, you hesitate then move towards one of the alcoves along the far wall.
Damn barista! She was being too loud and probably drove you away. You like your silence in the morning.
You shove your coat into the booth, your purse thrown on top of it and your book deposited on the half table that protrudes from the wall. A small lamp lights the space, dim lights overhead. It’s in all reality a booth with only one side as if someone decided to rip it in half and then place the seats in alcoves one in front of the other.
The setup, minus the walls in the middle, remind Thor of the seats that he’d once seen in a yellow school bus when a group of kids had visited the tower.
You come back, grab your cup, and Thor knows that it’s now or never.
“Excuse me, Miss?” Thor’s voice is trembling, his hands are shaking with nerves and he hopes that you can’t tell and that no one from the team is spying on him because he has never felt himself so vulnerable before.
He feels exposed, like a vein, easily cut and raw.
You freeze, startled to be addressed by him it seems because your eyes are wide as saucers. Your lovely mouth pops open as you stare at him, perplexed and shocked.
“I’m sorry to bother you but, might you perhaps make a suggestion? I like coffee but have never had anything more than a plain coffee with cream and sugar.” Thor explains, hoping to bury the shake in his voice with his words and a fidgety smile.
He curls in on himself. Hoping to seem less intimidating with his shoulders hunched.
Your eyes wander to the barista and your brow narrows in more confusion.
Speak to me, my pearl. Thor thinks, pleading wildly with you silently.
“Wouldn’t the barista know more about what you should try than I would?” Your voice is surprisingly strong. Sure. Nothing like his quaking timber.
“Oh, but, your coffee al-” He stops himself and chooses his words carefully. “Your coffee smelled so tempting just now when I passed you. What are you having?”
Shit. He’d almost said always smells so tempting. He must be careful.
Your perplexed expression doesn’t waver. Instead you stand up straight and bring your cup up to your nose to smell but beyond the White Chocolate Mocha that he knows you are drinking, he can smell you and you smell more exquisite than he thought possible. Like coconut and strawberries and the slightest hint of nutmeg.
How is even your smell so tempting and perfect?
“It’s a White Chocolate Mocha.” Your hands are cupped around your mug, soft fingers curled gently. “Without the whip cream.”
Your lips are perfect. Kissable. He would love to taste the coffee on them.
“If you have a sweet tooth though, with the whip will be better.” You reach up and tuck a stray strand of hair behind your ear and Thor wishes he were your hand so that he might caress the sides of your head as you just have.
“Sweeter.” You assure him and your face finally relaxes into a soft and stunning smile. It must be no larger than a slight curve to the corners of your lips and yet it transforms your face and you are alight again.
Thor can’t breathe.
“R-Right.” He wheezes, then clears his throat when your smile grows larger at the sound of his voice. “Right. Thank you. I will try that.”
Your eyes are shining so bright, life breathed into them by the discussion of coffee for some reason. Your lips part and you laugh. You actually laugh. Not an audible laugh. It’s just a sigh. A small puff of sweet air from your lips as your eyes shift down to his shoulders then back up to meet his eyes and Thor suddenly feels a swell of pride to know that he actually tried to look good for you.
Do you like what you see? Gods, let her like what she sees.
You nod and without another word you wander over to your selected alcove and slide into the booth. You steal one more glance at him and then shyly look away and bury your nose once more in your book.
Thor is floating. He feels as light as a feather. Like he could fly. Well, he can actually fly. But he feels as if gravity were nothing. He might float up to the ceiling and crash through to the floor above. He might rise higher and higher until he’s in the sky itself, floating amongst the birds and clouds.
He doesn’t remember placing the order for your suggestion but suddenly his name is being called by the barista. She’s pouting as she places his cup on the counter and slides it over to him, not releasing it until he has it held within his hands.
“Thank you.” He mumbles. Smiling stupidly at her.
As he turns to look back towards you, all he can see is your elbow, hidden in the booth as you are, but just your elbow shines in pristine light.
Thor thinks back to all the teasing he’s endured from the team over his crush on you, for that is what this must be. A crush. Honestly, all the teasing was worth it if it eventually led to such a small but treasured moment.
You. Smiling. At him.
Twitterpated. The word Sam had teased him with not two weeks ago pops into his head and he’s smiling like a sap. Too enthralled with you to care what he might look like to others.
With your tiny laugh playing over and over in his head, Thor is instilled with a sudden confidence and he marches forward, careful not to seem too eager but also unwilling to hide his enthusiasm for you. He crosses into view and he sees your eyes focused hard on your book.
He stops, sliding a little as he hesitates to interrupt you. You look so invested that he almost wishes he was that book. He’d give anything for you to gaze at him like that.
You flip the page and don’t see him, although you tilt your head a little so that you’re facing him as you read.
Suddenly your eyes burst into sunshine, twinkling like the starlit nights on Asgard, bewitching and majestic. How the hell is it possible that you can fit an entire galaxy into your eyes? That must be the only way that your eyes can sparkle like that. There is no other explanation.
Then you laugh. Thor’s heart shatters then mends and becomes whole once more only to erupt into a gallop at the small sound of your actual giggle. A real giggle. He suspects this is what his mother had meant when she’d told him that when she first heard him laugh as a baby, her world had suddenly centered and nothing else mattered than to make him happy. Then when Loki had come and he’d laughed, her world shifted again and now she had two suns shining in her sky.
This is what she probably meant because nothing will ever be the same after hearing that giggle. He must make you laugh. He’ll make you happy or die trying.
“Excuse me?” He says bravely, taking one large step to move up to the edge of the table you’re at. The alcove is smaller than him and he has to duck a little so that you might see all of him.
“Oh, hi.” You smile, kindly, sweetly.
Can he kiss you yet? Your eyes are still shining. Up. At him. He’s awash in their purity. He might just stand there forever. If only there was a way to freeze a moment.
“Hi.” He says, deep voice shaking in his chest.
You smile a little more, huff another one of those tiny laughs, and lay your book down. “Hi.”
“Hi.” He says stupidly. “I mean, I already said that. I was wondering if I might join you?”
“Oh.” Your smile falls away, replaced by genuine surprise. “S-sure.”
Why are you stuttering?! “I do not have to, if you would prefer to read and enjoy your coffee alone-”
“No!” You hurry to say, smiling that sweet smile again. “It’s not that, I just-Of course, you can join me. If you’d like?”
You almost seem unsure but you’re already shoving your coat over and making room for him. The booth isn’t small, but it isn’t large. For someone like Thor there are rarely large enough seats.
“I would like it very much.” And he smiles, unable to fight the heat in his chest and the way it drives him towards you. He slides in, realizing as you lean back that he’s sliding too close to you too fast, his arm already draped around the back of your seat.
He quickly makes it seem as if he were simply trying to get himself comfortable as he settles into the spot beside you and then brings his arm back forward and wraps his own hands—both of them, best not be tempted—around his hot cup of coffee.
You’re sitting facing him, slightly turned, your right knee touching his left and he can feel your skin’s heat through his pants.
No touching, Thor. He reminds himself. For even though he’s been watching you for such a long time, you have only just met him.
For almost five whole minutes, the two of you sit in utter silence, sipping your coffees and saying nothing. You look up at him with those shining eyes and you smile. Thor smiles back, unable to speak in case you do.
He doesn’t want to interrupt you! You’ve had six months of withdrawal. He’s watched you shrink and shrink until you became so overlooked that you were never asked your opinion by those you counted as friend. And it became natural that you never offered it freely.
Say something, my cherub. Anything. I will listen.
When he thinks he might go mad, you actually lower your hands into your lap and look down at them shyly as you bite your bottom lip. “H-How do you like the coffee? Too sweet?”
You look up and meet his eyes and he almost doesn’t realize that you’ve asked him a question because he’s so enamored with the sound of your voice, easy and tentative, uncertain in its strength all of a sudden.
“Er, no. It’s just right. Perfect. The whip cream is great.” He takes a sip as if to prove it to you.
“I-” You hesitate, and your confidence seems to be wavering. No. He wants you to be confident! Speak to me, my gem. Tell me everything. “I actually don’t like the whip cream. Sometimes they forget to take it off and I’ll drink it like that, but I prefer not to have it.”
“Do you not like the taste?” Thor’s more lurid self disappoints. Though the whipped cream back on Asgard had been a bit less saturated in sugar, they had used it very similarly. In the kitchen…and in the bedroom.
“Oh, no. It’s not that. It’s just messy. It makes the coffee all weird. I like whip cream. In moderation.” You explain, then reach up to touch your cheeks.
Was he too obvious? Shit.
“I see. Sugary foods are best in moderation. Or so the team keeps telling me. I never leave them any Pop Tarts and they get angry at me.”
You laugh. Amused by his story about being chastised by his team? Should he share more of them? No! He’ll let you dictate the flow of conversation.
“I’m sorry-” Thor suddenly realizes that he hasn’t introduced himself. “I seem to have lost my mind today. I am Thor, son of Odin. God of Thunder.”
You huff another irresistible laugh. “I know. I mean, it’s nice to meet you.”
Thor’s cheeks flush. Of course, you’d know him. He’s everywhere. Not on purpose but being an Avenger does that.
“Though honestly, dressed like that, I didn’t realize it was you at first. You look different than when you’re in your uniform?” Your eyes roam his form. Devouring his outfit.
“A bad different?” He worries.
“No! No. You look…” You stop yourself and touch your cheeks again.
You look so good bashful. Gods, he’d really like to hug you and kiss you. But no doubt he would scare you away if he tried.
Small steps, Thor. Take your time.
He blushes redder. “And what is, if you do not mind my asking, your name?”
“Wow, I’m an idiot.” You frown. “Sorry. My name is Y/N. Y/N y/l/n.”
Like he didn’t already know that. “It is my great honor to meet you, Y/N y/l/n.”
Though, to be fair, he didn’t know your last name until this moment.
“Y-Y/N…” He stutters over your name. Somehow saying it aloud finally, to you. To your face. Gods, that face.
This time he's very aware as that golden wave of euphoria washes over him. He sees it reflected in your eyes for a moment. A daze, and you scoot closer.
No! Thor shuts his eyes, shoving that impulse aside. He won't make you do anything with that.
When he opens his eyes however, he sees that you’re fussing with your jacket. Leaning towards him so that you can pull it out from under your butt.
Wait…had you not responded to his thing? His power?
He turns it on again, focusing on his intense desire to have you, to keep you, to love you.
You look at him once your jacket is out and you flatten it against the wall then turn to face him a little better. You lean back against it and give him an innocent smile.
And you wait, hands in your lap as you sit facing him. Legs carefully crossed. Thumbs twiddling. Patiently waiting for him to speak even though the push of attraction is emanating from deep in his belly.
He shuts it off again, clearing his throat. “Um…”
What does this mean? Do you not like him? Are you not at all attracted to him? If he takes it from what happened with Nat and Bucky, his thing only works when the two people are already emotionally involved or highly compatible.
Are you and he not compatible? That is unacceptable.
Thor reaches out, placing his right hand on the table, tapping his finger against the edge of your book as he tries to focus on just you again and not what your immunity to his pull might mean.
“Um…what is this book about? You looked very engrossed when I walked up.” Thor smiles softly.
You look to your book and your eyes brighten in that heartwarming way and Thor forgets his worries because all that matters is that look of excitement in your eyes.
“It's a novel. A er…a love story to be honest.” You seem embarrassed for a moment. “Do you read novels?”
“I must confess all the books I have read were mainly in my studies as a Prince of Asgard. While that did mean reading a few classics, they were of Asgard.”
“Ugh, I should probably be reading educational books. Non-fiction. But I-I'm a sucker for a good love story.” You chew on your lip and Thor wants nothing more than to reach over and trace that bottom lip with his thumb.
“What is this one about?” He asks again, eager to keep that excitement in your eyes.
And it's there, in your eyes, for all of two seconds before it fizzles.
“You wouldn't be interested.” You tell him. He can hear the defeat in your voice. You’ve given up. You’re not prepared to show your excitement to anyone. After what might be a lifetime of being overlooked, let alone the past six months.
How long before Thor found you had you been timidly stepping aside, letting others speak while you kept your words to yourself?
You deserve to be heard.
“If you are interested…I am interested. Please, tell me.” He begs gently, his voice low because he so wants you to be comfortable with him.
You look at him, eyes boring into his as if in search of a lie but Thor only smiles, turning a bit more to look at you, laying his left arm along the back of the booth.
It comes rushing back, the sparkle to your eyes, and after another tempting bite to your lower lip, you huff another quiet laugh and look down at his chest.
Thor is well aware that he must be giving you what Sam had also referred to as “heart eyes" but he doesn't care. He wants you to see it.
While before he had been patient to watch you from afar, now that he has you before him, smiling and laughing and biting that alluring lip, he must have you.
He'll take it slow. He knows you’re not forthcoming. He'll have to woo you. Carefully.
He makes sure to pepper in some questions as you speak but he keeps himself silent as much as possible. You drift from your book to other topics, movies with similar themes and other books with the opposite. You come back to the one you're reading eventually and Thor is determined to be completely silent now so that he might listen to the way your voice rises and falls with your enthusiasm.
How can your companions not see this brilliance and be mesmerized? Why do they see only their own need to express their thoughts and shut you out?
Fools. Blind fools.
You’ve been explaining the book for almost ten minutes, uninterrupted when you suddenly realize this. Your eyes widen with worry but Thor smiles broadly, pearly whites against the hay and chestnut scruff of his beard.
“That sounds quite dramatic.” He acknowledges. “And sad.”
“It is a little. Dark. Exploring the choices and viewpoints of two cheating spouses? It makes you realize that people sometimes have unique reasons for straying. Not that it's right. I’m not defending it. I don't really have much experience myself but I would never cheat.”
“Have you not dated?” Thor wonders, stupidly hoping you’ll say no. He's feeling greedy.
“Not for a long time. We broke up because he moved, not because we grew apart.” You confess.
“Oh?” Thor's heart gives a small ache. Someone else in this world had had the opportunity to love you.
“This was years ago.” You explain. “And you?”
Thor blinks, realizing what you're asking him. Eyebrows raised high, smile returned as he nervously looks at and fiddles with the corner of your book again.
“Well, I dated Jane, here on Earth. Most humans know that. It wasn’t exactly a secret. And I did have a lot of time to court others back on Asgard and on other various planets throughout the Universe.
“Now that I think about it, I’ve had lots of experience dating.” He admits, turning his eyes back on you only to find you looking down at your twiddling thumbs on the orange of your skirt.
You look worried. Sad?
No. That's not how he wants you to look. Where's the brightness? Did he make you sad? How? What did he say?!
“I should go.” You suddenly say.
“Go?” Thor asks, his voice slightly strangled around the word. But he barely got to spend any time with you!
“Yeah. I’m meeting my friends in the park? They wanted to go see this new store opening downtown and then I have to go into the office for a few meetings.” You sit facing forward and begin to gather your things. “I’m actually late. I should have left half an hour ago.”
Thor looks down at his watch and realizes the two of you have been sitting in the booth talking for nearly three hours.
The morning is now aged and the sky outside bright and sunny despite the constant fall chill in the air.
“Forgive me. I didn’t realize we'd talked for so long.” Thor slides out, rises to his feet and grabs his now empty cup of coffee.
He waits for you to slide out and watches you pull your coat on before shoving your book into your purse and hoisting the bag onto your shoulders, your reusable cup held in your left.
You smile up at him, nervous and still a little sad.
“Um…thanks for keeping me company.” You tell him sweetly as he follows you to the door. “I had fun.”
Thor is unashamed to stare at your beautiful face. He sees the sparkle of excitement return to your eyes and knows that you mean what you say. You enjoyed the time you spent with him and he would gladly do it again.
He must see you again.
He leans over your left to throw his cup away but your right hand shoots out to grip his wrist.
Your hand is small around him. Your skin warm and soft. No, not warm. Hot. There is a burning heat beneath your skin and it steals him of his sanity for a moment.
She's touching me! Thor celebrates.
“Aren't you going to save it?” You ask him and Thor's brow knits in confusion.
“Save it? My cup?” He wonders.
“No…” You shove your own cup under your arm and take hold of the heel of his hand with your left to hold it still then slowly turn the his cup with your right until the cardboard sleeve is facing him.
On the sleeve is a number that Thor realizes must be a phone number. Had you given him your phone number?!
Glee explodes from his eyes at the sight.
“The barista went out of her way to get you her number.” You explain and Thor's fire of elation is quickly snuffed out. “Aren't you going to keep it?”
“Oh.” He says lamely and hates it as your hands fall away from his to grip the strap of your purse. “No.”
He throws the cup.
Reaching over, he shoves the door open wide and flattens himself against it so that you might go first.
You’re still staring at the trashcan where he threw the cup but when you realize he's waiting, you hurry through. Thor is glad when you stop just outside to turn back towards him as he joins you.
“Y/N?” He probes shyly. Nervous out of his mind for what he's about to ask you.
“Yeah?”
“Might I not have your number?” His heart is a hammering of eagle wings in his chest. He nearly faints as you bite your lip again and shake your head.
He's full of desire and disappointment all at once at the sight of your nervous habit and the shake of your head? Are you denying him your number?
You reach into your purse and pull out your book and a felt tip pen. Thor stares with quiet ecstasy as you open the book and on the inside of the cover you write down your number then underline your name just above it.
You shove your pen back into your bag then hold out the book for him.
“If you weren’t you, I wouldn’t be giving you that.” You admit, voice trembling. “I don't give out my number to strangers but you’re not exactly a stranger, are you?”
Thor has never particularly hated being known as Thor, the God of Thunder. Avenger. However, he has never loved it quite like this before either.
“Er…I…um…well, thank you.” He blathers stupidly.
“I really do need to go.” You tell him.
“Of course.” He nods. “Have a—good day?”
He hesitates, feeling as if the sentiment is not good enough. His stutter makes you smile and you turn and walk away.
He watches you for a moment, staring at the shape of your body, the length of your legs, the worn leather of your boots before opening your book to look down at your number.
“Thor?”
His body is humming. Never has his name sounded so sweet on a pair of lips. Never has his heart nearly shattered and exploded all at once. Never has he needed something without knowing he needed it like the way he suddenly needs to hear you utter his name again.
He looks up at you, your star shine eyes deep pools of galaxy, enrapturing him. Holding him hostage in their purity.
“Make sure you call me, okay?” Despite the quiet confidence or that blatant enthusiasm shining at him, your timidity flows through in the shake of your voice. “I really want to finish that book.”
“Of course.” Thor assures you and holds it up for you.
Oh, please, say my name again.
“Bye, Thor.” You give him a little wave and he returns it as his body melts at the sound of your sweet tone wrapped around his name.
He watches you until the blue of your coat is out of sight.
Is it too soon to call you right now? He wants to hear your voice.
Twenty minutes later, Thor storms into the tower, the common room empty save for the stoic redhead sharpening her knives on the coffee table in the living room portion of the large room.
“Natasha, my friend, I need your help.” Thor exclaims, stopping a few feet from her.
“Hey, man.” Bucky says, moving around from behind Thor and towards Nat where he drops off his own set of knives before sitting on the floor across from his crush. “How'd it go? Did you get to talk to your mark?”
“She's not a mark.” Thor grumbles. “And yes. I did.”
Bucky beams up at him, his brown tresses hooked behind his ears. “Woah, good for you. Was she everything you hoped she'd be?”
“She was more but stop distracting me. I came with a mission for Natasha.”
The two of them freeze and turn to stare at Thor.
“What mission?” Nat asks, intrigued.
“I need…a cellular phone.” Thor then holds up the book beside his head proudly, big goofy smile in place. “She gave me her number.”
Forever Tag List - CLOSED!!!!!!! Until I can make more room.
@until-theend-oftheline @jessieray98 @dsakita @coldfacedwarf @just-trying-to-survive-marvel @fairislesheets @jewelofwinter @mannls @moonlessnight14 @sovereignoblivious @pandazlazykid @lilulo-12 @moli1497 @shifutheshihtzu @the-real-mary-jane @pastelxvirgo @just4muggles @vulpecula-minor @wildefire @mdgrdians @tiffanynguyen03 @shield-agent78 @i-cant-shine-without-darkness @the-wayward-robot @babytrollgirl @alagalaska @sincerelytlh @theonelittleone @sea040561 @xrosegoldwolfx @peppermintvanillaa @awkwardfangirl2014 @crist1216 @xxloki81xx @idk-random-fan-girl @romimiux @badassbaker @this-side-of-midnight5 @booklover2929 @natura1phenomenon @xlittlestarling @whosmarisaaarw @hiddles-rose @supernaturaldean67 @literallymoonshine @sebbystanlover-vk @pineapplebooboo @quokkatrash @marvelpott @spaghettirogers @rainbowkisses31 @basementcafe @death-unbecomes-you @kind-sober-fullydressed
Warnings: language, smut, angst, alcohol consumption, drunk sex
A/N: So, this turned into something I wasn’t expecting. I haven’t edited it because I’m hurting and I don’t have the energy to go back and fix it. So please excuse the typos if there are any. There probably are. I’ll come back and fix it all when I feel better. I’m thinking this will be a mini-series because I don’t want to leave the characters yet and would like to explore them some more. I hope y’all like it. As always if you reblog, thanks so much for helping me spread my work! xoxo
You're heartbroken.
The agony ripping through your chest you’ve known before. You’re familiar with rejection. Over the years the bitter sting of once again not being enough to be wanted or desired has become a toxic friend.
Rather than every wound healing to make you stronger, it has only broken you more. Conditioned you into a fearful and hopeless response when your eye is caught by some person or other.
It's also not like you fall often. It takes you ages to move on. Which leaves you caught in the limbo of pining for someone you know you can never have.
You sniffle, overcome with sorrow as you replay the soft expression on his face. His name doesn’t matter anymore. All that matters is that as you sat beside him in the small local park, body burning from being so close to him on the stone bench you’d first met, you’d been happy to just be near him.
He was no Adonis. It's not like he had movie star good looks or that he was some ideal that everyone wished for. What he was, was nice. He was sweet and considerate and funny. He had gorgeous green eyes and a soft smile.
His teeth weren’t perfect, but they didn’t make him less attractive to you. They were normal. He was normal. Extraordinary because you cared about him.
After two months of getting to know him, two months over which you fell more and more for him, your crush taking solid hold, you’d done what you swore you wouldn’t do again.
After last time you should have learned your lesson.
“I like you.” Your soft voice, uncertain and barely confident had seeped out those dreaded words without your permission.
He'd made you laugh, made you feel safe, and without your consent you confessed.
The stunned silence that followed had been stressful. Your hands were suddenly numb and your heart had stalled completely as you and he were suspended in unbearable awkwardness.
You’d wanted to take your words back. You hadn’t truly been ready to tell him. You'd just gotten caught up in the moment. Stupid!
Then he'd turned to you, watching you with those stunning eyes and you recognized the guilty shift.
“I…I’m flattered, Y/N but I-"
He was so sorry to say it, sorry to hurt you. Why did this always happen? Why you? What was wrong with you? What were you missing?
You weren’t the most outgoing but with the people you liked you were an open book. You were polite about it, speaking your mind while being considerate to respect the opinions of everyone else. You rarely lost your temper and when you did you never misdirected it and let someone else feel your rage.
You weren't a genius, but you had your smarts. In your own way you were pretty. You didn’t think you were lacking there. Perhaps your beauty, what you saw when you looked in the mirror, wasn't enough?
You'd always been grateful for what you had. Maybe you weren’t a supermodel, but you were you. You had your own charms. Or did you?
Why couldn’t any of them see you? Why couldn’t they, just once, like you back?
You'd quickly reminded him that he'd said he had an appointment, by which you knew he meant date, before he could finish his sentence.
You hadn’t wanted to hear another speech about how you were sweet or so nice or such a good friend.
He’d continued to stare at you until you gestured behind him where a girl, much closer to a supermodel than you were with her flowing blonde beach waves, large sweet smile, and big blue eyes had stood waiting in a short white and pastel blue floral dress.
You’d compared yourself to her even though you knew you shouldn’t. It wasn’t healthy. It wasn’t right. You were you and she was herself…but why her? Why not you?
“You should go, your appointment is waiting.”
“Y/N…?” He'd said, that guilt in his voice twisting your gut.
“Don’t keep her waiting. It's not polite. Especially when she can see you sitting with another girl. Even if there’s nothing between you and the other girl it can cause misunderstandings.” You gave him a quick smile, trying to ease his conscience but failing.
“Y/N…”
“Please, just go.” You’d quietly begged almost losing your voice completely as you’d turned your gaze down onto his hands which had slid towards you, but he still wouldn’t reach out.
You knew he wouldn’t and still part of you had hoped.
He’d risen slowly and you could feel his eyes on you the entire time. They were always nice guys. They always hated to hurt you. But they always hurt you any way. It wasn’t their fault. You know that.
They hadn’t made you like them. They hadn’t made you confess. You’d done it on your own and so the heartbreak had always been on you. As much as you wanted to hate him, as much as you wanted to be the one who was in the right, you had never been and never will be. He hadn’t led you on. He hadn’t made promises and broken them. All he’d done was be nice. You’d fallen for him all on your own.
Maybe this time you’d finally learn your lesson?
“We’re not done talking about this, Y/N.” He’d said sternly as if he were trying to settle that your confession was more important than you both knew it really was.
You’d known the truth of what he was doing. If he’d really cared, if it had really mattered, no other girl could have kept him from reaching out to you right then, in that moment. It’s not like he was married or in a relationship. He’d told you he was single. Had it really mattered that you’d just told him you liked him, he’d have apologized to the other girl and the two of you would have talked.
Instead he continued to stare down at you.
“Y/N?” He’d repeated with more authority, but you were unmoved.
“Just go. She’s getting upset.” He’d followed your gaze and sure enough the pretty blonde was standing with a frown on her face, contorting her beautiful smile into a nasty pout.
To you she hadn’t looked so beautiful right then, but it was enough to finally pull him away.
“We’ll talk later.” He’d insisted one final time before he turned and hurried to his date.
You’d watched him place his hands on her biceps. She’d pouted a bit more prettily as he got closer, and he’d pulled her in for a quick hug before leading her out of the park without glancing back.
He’d left you sitting on the bench, staring across the small and worn brick path at the small pond where birds, squirrels, and other small wildlife gathered during the daytime, unafraid of human presence.
You hate thinking about it again and again, but it replays itself in your head over and over.
You kick the ground, scuffing up your sneaker as you sniffle again then reach up to wipe your nose with the back of your hand. Very attractive.
You haven’t cried much this time which is a big improvement to your last crush.
“I’ll never like anyone ever again.” You grumble forlornly as you kick the ground again, dislodging a brick and smacking your toe. “Ow!”
You fold your leg up and quickly curl both hands around your large right toe. It feels like you’ve broken it. It’s throbbing and hot. You really want to take off your shoe.
“Oh, sorry. Forgive me, I did not mean to intrude.” A deep rumbling baritone hits your ears like a soothing song.
You sniffle again, hating your runny nose and look up for the source of the intrusion to your multilayered and self-inflicted torture.
You should be shocked by what you see because you’ve never seen any of the Avengers in person, well except for Mr. Stark. However, you’re not shocked. In fact you look down at your foot before lowering it back to the ground as you wiggle your big toe. Definitely not broken.
“You’re not intruding.” He speaks in a funny cadence, accented. It’s pleasing.
You look at him again as you sniffle once more. He’s tall, really tall. He’d tower over you, your head barely reaching his chest if you stand up. He’s large too. Muscles rippling underneath a black heather shirt as he stops his casual walk and slowly shoves his hands into the front pockets of his black jeans. His brown leather boots look the newest. They’re dark and glossy. He’s also wearing a watch—why would he need a watch?—and a few silver rings on his fingers. Large manly rings. Has he acclimated so much to living here with the team that he’s taken to caring about Earth’s fashion?
Your eyes roam over the exposed skin of his clavicle, the two top buttons of his shirt left unbuttoned flashing browned peach skin. He’s so tan. His short blonde hair and full but well-manicured beard looks almost brown save for the soft golden flecks that the sun illuminates as he teeters back and forth on the balls of his feet.
“I felt as if I was.” He insists. “May I join you?”
“It’s a free country.” You counter with a final sniffle. “Mostly.”
He smiles sweetly, no teeth, just a soft curve of his full pink lips. They’re wide and his eyes crinkle at the corners. He seems to genuinely be smiling at you as he moves over to you and sits to your left. He’s large closer. He takes up a lot of space.
You turn your gaze back across the path to the pond and wonder about the heat radiating off of his body. Is it an Asgardian thing?
“I am Thor, by the way.”
“Y/N.” You introduce yourself simply. He won’t remember you later anyway. “And I know who you are, Mr. Thor.”
That sounds weird.
“Please, just Thor.” He waves off your formality. “Hold on, how do you know who I am?”
“Doesn’t everyone know the Avengers?” You shrug and look up a little higher at the beautiful wine, grape, and pearl colored butterfly flowers across the pond.
“Oh, right.”
You feel a little guilty about not being a hundred percent truthful, so you come clean.
“I uh…I also work in the compound.” Your hesitancy draws his brow to a pucker, and you stare this time, his confusion looks funny and for a moment you forget today’s disappointment.
“I have never seen you before. What department do you work for?”
“You wouldn’t have seen me, I’m kept in the back. Hidden from view. I fix everyone’s suits. Me and a few other people. Did you think Captain America’s Kevlar just magically stitched itself back up?” You tease.
“Sort of. Is it a hard job?” He rests his hands beside his thighs, leaning forward as he attempts to get a better look at your face.
“Just a thankless one. I fix your cape and then you just go and tear it again.”
“You have fixed my cape?” He asks, astonished. You know why. Asgardian material is difficult to work with sometimes. When the tears are too big you’ve had to find a weave that is similar.
“Every time you’ve torn it. I had to shorten it a few times and fill it in with some of the stuff we have here on Earth. You know, if you want to make my job easier, next time you happen to be around whatever provides the thread and material for your cape, you’d remember to bring me some.” You feel distracted enough that you smile at him kindly.
It doesn’t reach your eyes and he seems to see that because he frowns.
Feeling exposed, you turn tender eyes back onto the pond and shift uneasily in your seat.
“I shall keep that in mind.” He assures you. “Is something wrong? When I found you, it appeared as if you had been crying.”
Damn.
“Your eyes are still red.” He continues relentlessly.
You sigh and cross your arms across your chest, hating to be so obvious.
“If you do not wish to tell me-”
“I don’t.” You reply quickly. “But…it’s no secret. I’m kind of a loser when it comes to romance and I confessed to a guy I was crushing on.”
“Crushing on?” Thor asks, that cute look of confusion shaping his chiseled features again.
“Someone that I have an interest in being with. Someone I like.” You explain gently.
“Ah. What is wrong with confessing? Unless of course he…Oh. I see.” Thor realizes what must have happened.
“He doesn’t feel the same way.” You confirm for him and he turns to look out across the path at the pond too. “It’s a stupid reason to cry.”
“Love is a very powerful emotion. The strongest, I would say.”
“I don’t love him.”
Your eyes are suddenly wide as you think about the big ‘L’ word. You definitely don’t love him.
“Perhaps not, but an attraction that would bring one to tears is sure to have been deep and with the potential for love. It is a sad thing to lose. A terrible hope to crush. I am sorry that this man did not return your affections.”
Thor’s right of course. And as he talks about the potential you’d seen with him, the future that now you know for sure is lost forever, you feel your chest give way again and let the pain back in.
Your lip trembles and your eyes spring with large salty tears. You turn away from Thor, angling your body towards the small empty gazebo. It’s surrounded on all sides by wild flowers and tall grass. It’s picturesque and pretty but you don’t see it. All you see is your rejection. Not just this one. All of them. This isn’t so much about him anymore. It’s about all of them. One after the other. Blow after blow. How much more can you take?
You jump slightly as a warm graze prompts you to turn back towards your left. Thor’s hand rests against the side of your bicep with a neatly folded handkerchief clutched between his thumb and forefinger.
After staring at the small square for a few seconds, you look up at Thor expecting to find him watching you but he’s not. His eyes are courteously trained across the pond to give you your privacy. You take the piece of fabric and carefully unfurl it.
“Thank you.” You offer thickly.
“You are most welcome.”
You wipe your cheeks and eyes first then your nose before balling the fabric into your hand. You’re not handing it back to him until you’ve washed it. Gross.
“This place is charming. I’ve never seen such a collection of flowers in one location. Not like this.” He gestures around at the way the flowers grow in whichever direction they want to among other flowers that look nothing alike. The wild grass and the barely maintained pathways all lend to the beauty of the garden.
“It’s a wild flower garden. It’s maintained by some of the locals and they plant new flowers every season. Some spring up on their own. The point is not to control it but to let it grow on its own. It’s pretty.”
You’re suddenly smiling again, glancing around at the numerous flowers and the way their contrasting colors oddly compliment each other. The soft song of bluebirds, common sparrows, and cardinals fills the air pleasantly once again, for a moment, making you forget your sadness.
“That it is. Very beautiful.” His voice is soft as velvet and quiet so that only you might hear him.
Suddenly, you spot a bright red cardinal. It stops first on a stone in the pond then flitters over to the gazebo and hops forward along the railing.
Quickly you turn to Thor to see if he’s seen it too but instead find him watching you. “Did you see-What? What is it?”
You reach up to quickly wipe at your nose and then at your cheeks. Had you made a mess of yourself?
“Nothing.” Thor says with a shake of his head. “So, who was this man who rejected you? A fool no doubt?”
Great. You’re back on this topic. “Just one of the guys from work. No one important.”
“That cannot be true if he has made you shed tears like this. Shall I give him a stern talking to? Perhaps he simply needs a guiding hand to lead him down the proper path?” Thor offers, the threat clear in his tone though it’s slightly teasing and the smirk on his lips affirms the joke.
“Really, he’s just another guy. It doesn’t matter. I’ll get over it and then I’ll probably fall for another guy who won’t like me back and I’ll repeat this process over and over. It’s my own personal time loop. Doomed to repeat the same mistake again and again, somehow expecting a different result. Which means I’m crazy. So, I’m fucked.”
You sigh heavily and beside you, Thor answers you with his own long sigh. “Hmmmm.”
Watching him, you can see the cogs in his brain turning.
“I need a drink.” He concludes. “And I do not like to drink alone but my friends are away on mission. Would you do me the great honor of accompanying me to the local bar?”
“Me?” You laugh because it sounds stupid. You and Thor in a bar? Drinking? If anyone from work saw you out with him it would cause quite a lot of gossip. Not that you care about the gossip. It’s just strange.
“Yes. I have enjoyed our brief conversation and would like to continue. I beg you, do not let me drink alone. Join me. I shall pay.” He asks again.
“I don’t know, Thor…” A drink sounds great but you’re also a terribly emotional drunk. “I’m not exactly a stable drunk.”
“You need not get drunk. Just one drink to relax and forget your trouble for a few hours. That is all I ask.”
“Thor…”
“Please! Please join me. I will not take no for an answer. Unless you really do not wish to go in which case, I cannot force you though I will be very lonely and depressed to be drinking without you at my side.”
You watch the uncertain expression on his face and measure up his invitation and the look of sincerity on his face. His lips suddenly curve into a very small pout and you laugh. “Fine. I’ll come.”
“Excellent. We shall imbibe into the wee hours of the night and laugh and celebrate with great joy that I have made a new friend and that you are rid of your crush and shall soon find a man worthy of your affections.”
“Right.” You sigh again, highly doubtful that he might ever be close to right.
Thor rises and towers over you as he offers you his large hands. Your stomach twists nervously. Are you making a mistake? What if you become a mess after having a few drinks? It would be so embarrassing to fall to pieces in front of Thor. It would be embarrassing to fall to pieces in front of anyone, but especially Thor since now he knows who you are and that you work at the compound.
You carefully slide both of your hands into his. They’re calloused and warm. Rough, manly hands but soothing in their heat. He closes his around yours, devouring them in their enormity, and gently gives you a tug to your feet.
“Promise me something?” You ask him as you fall into the space before him, turning your chin up to look at him with pleading eyes.
“Anything, Y/N.” His lips curve into that sweet soft smile from before and you can’t believe how close he is. This man is an Adonis. Perfect and so out of your league that your mind and body reject the idea of him immediately. The thought doesn’t even cross your mind.
“Please don’t let me get drunk. I’d hate to do something stupid now that you know I work for Mr. Stark.”
“I promise, on my honor, I shall keep you safe and ensure that you do not become intoxicated.” He drops his hands and with his hefty assurance, you follow.
The world is spinning. You can feel strong hot hands hovering around your waist as you spin in circles, blurring the room around you. You can still vaguely hear the steady and bopping beat of Deniece Williams’s ‘Let’ Hear It for the Boy’. It fills your body with unbridled joy, and you can’t fight the rhythm as it prompts you into a final spin.
A deep chuckle reaches your ears making your chest feel warm. You look for it’s source and find Thor standing before you, his eyes focused on you completely but he’s a lot shorter. How did he get down there?
“Hey…” You slur and reach down to place your hands on his wide shoulders. They’re so firm. You give them a squeeze. “How’d you get so short?”
Thor’s smile widens. “Perhaps your drink had a potion to make you taller?”
“We don’t have potions here on Earth, silly.” You giggle as his joke makes no sense.
“Oh, that’s right. I forgot.” He blinks slowly, smiling softly up at you. “Then perhaps you should come down from the table and we might correct my height. However, if I am honest, I cannot say that I mind this view.”
You’re not sure what his words mean. You shut one eye, watching him in confusion. Is he flirting? It kinda sounds like he is but your mind is so befuddled that you can’t decipher his meaning.
“You like being short?” You stupidly surmise.
“If it means that I can look up at you, why not?”
What the hell does that mean? Frustrated, you semi-explode. Luckily, you’re not a screamer when you drink. You’re just prone to strong shifts of emotion.
“Are you flirting with me?!”
Thor laughs. “I might be. Come down. I would hate it if you fell down and hurt yourself.”
“Okay.” You laugh like an idiot and with his hands firmly held on your waist you let him lead you first down onto the seat of your booth and then onto solid ground. “Woah.”
You sway unsteadily but Thor catches you up, wrapping his left arm around you loosely as he waves to the bartender across the emptying room.
“Some water, I think.”
Suddenly, the bar is filled with the infectious notes of ‘You Make My Dreams’ by Hall & Oates. As if it is beyond your control, your body begins to respond and there, within Thor’s arm, you begin to dance again. You sway your hips left and right then like a deranged but rhythmic tornado you spin again, laughing.
“You make my dreams come true!” You laugh again, singing excitedly. “Oo-oo, oo, oo, oo-oo.”
“If I had known you would enjoy music this much, I might have chosen a venue where we could have danced.” Thor doesn’t let you go and let’s you dance around him.
At least until the bartender approaches with two glasses. He places them down on your table and Thor wraps his arm more firmly around you as you spin again to stop your dancing.
You’re so disoriented and dizzy but your body feels happy and warm. He’d stopped you mid-spin, pressing you back against his large body with your back pressed against his front. You squirm in his grip, eager to keep dancing.
“Gods save me...Please do not move so, Y/N.” His voice is suddenly nervous as he leads you back to the table. “I am still a man and your hips are taunting.”
“Why? I wanna dance.” You completely didn’t hear his reason.
“You were not kidding about not letting you get drunk. Come, sit. Let us drink a little water and then if you wish to dance again, you may.” He moves to your side of the booth and turns you around then with large hands on your shoulders he sits you down. He slides a glass of water over to you and you stare at it with a small pout. The Police’s ‘Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic’ just came on!
As Thor drops into the seat opposite you, you finally allow your eyes to roam over the space again. The bar is nothing great. A hole in the wall, probably privately owned. Nothing fancy but it’s nice. It’s one of those bars that you choose to go to every day, and it becomes a regular space to inhabit where everyone seems to know each other. You remember the bartender greeting Thor as if he knew him and the way he brought Thor’s drink without being asked for it.
You wrap your hands around your glass of water and appreciate the dim lighting and the plush blue cushion you’re sitting on. There are small candles at the center of every table casting a soft glow on the patrons. Or it would if there were any other patrons in the place. It looks like it’s just you and Thor now. A waitress lingers around the bar chatting up the middle-aged bartender.
“What time is it?” Now that you’re sitting, you’re regaining your sobriety if only fractionally.
“Very late. You danced for a long time.” Thor leans forward, elbows on the table, as he watches you with that same soft smile he’s been giving you all day.
“Why didn’t you stop me?” You demand before taking a drink of your water.
“Do you think I did not try? I’m sorry I did not believe you about letting you get drunk.”
You’re still drinking but you narrow your eyes at him.
“I enjoyed watching you. I think you have been needing to relax for a while.”
Finally, you put your glass down, almost empty. “Why do you come to a regular bar? This stuff can’t get you drunk, can it?”
“No. But I enjoy the flavors. And the company is excellent. Especially today.” He gives you a toothy grin and the sight of it makes your heart stutter.
You must still be really drunk.
“Thanks for asking me to come. I…I did really need to cut loose a bit.” You sigh, remembering your afternoon.
Thor’s smile wavers and he reaches towards you with his right hand but before he can touch you and before the sting of your rejection earlier in the day can bite, the melodic Ahh of ‘Don’t Worry Baby’ by the Beach Boys flows through the speakers of the bar.
“My song!” You proclaim and rush up onto your feet.
You stumble your way towards the large digital jukebox at the far end of the bar, grabbing chairs and tables as you go so that you don’t fall.
Pressing your hands along the hard plastic and then the brilliant touch screen you begin to sway your hips to the left and the right in time with the music. You sing with familiar voices, your voice soft and gentle as the smooth tones and sweet melody begins to stir up your emotions.
“Well it’s been building up inside of me for oh I don’t know how long. I don’t know why but I keep thinking something’s bound to go wrong.”
You can hear Thor’s heavy footfall approaching.
“But she looks in my eyes and makes me realize and she says, ‘don’t worry, baby’.” Your voice cracks.
“Y/N?” Thor’s deep tremble is directly behind you and you lean your forehead against the machine, the fingers of your right hand fiddling with the screw on the bottom right corner.
You sob once. Thor places his hand on the space between your shoulders and gently coaxes you to turn towards him. You do. You let him lead you closer and you don’t try and hide the way your tears fall.
“What is wrong? I thought-?”
“Why can’t they see me?” You sob, fat heavy tears splashing down onto the floor.
“What-?”
“I’m not mean. I don’t do anything wrong. Not that I know of. Am I too nice? Should I be meaner? I can be meaner...I think. I have feelings. I can feel. I’m not empty. My heart breaks. I have hopes. I have dreams. Why can’t they see me, Thor? What’s wrong with me? I-I know I’m not perfect. I know I’m not pretty like other girls. But I’m patient. I listen. Should I not listen? Should I play games and pretend that I don’t care? Is that what they want? Do they want me to be aloof? I can’t do that. When I like someone, I can’t pretend that I don’t. When will it be my turn? When will I be the one that they choose? Why can’t it be me?” You shut your eyes tight, gripping Thor’s forearms while your body shakes with heavy sobs. “Why am I the only one that ever gets hurt? Why? I just want to be seen.”
Large hands suddenly engulf the sides of your face. You open your eyes, looking for their source and find bright blue eyes and a narrowed brow watching you. With your hands still gripping his forearms, Thor leans down and presses soft warm lips against your own.
You gasp against his mouth, shocked by the contact but you don’t pull away. You can’t. He’s got you held in place.
He’s so gentle in the way he massages his lips against your own. Unable to fully comprehend what’s happening you don’t kiss him back.
When he pulls back, he gives you only enough space to speak. You can still feel the heat of his breath on your lips. “Why…?”
“Forgive me. You just…to answer your question. Perhaps these men of Earth are not worthy of your vulnerability.”
“And you are? Why did you kiss me?” You demand.
“I needed to.” He confesses.
“Oh.”
And he kisses you again, once again startling you. You gasp again against his lips, this time your heart flutters. Unsure of what it is that you’re doing exactly, you give in and pucker your lips against his. He responds to your kiss and pulls you closer, dropping his left hand to wrap his arm around your waist to pull you flush against his body.
The way he moves is intoxicating. You’re not sure what you’re doing. You’re half not thinking. You’re drunk. Sort of. You’re sober enough to know that you’re making out with Thor in the middle of a bar. But had you not been drinking, would you have kissed him back? Not this soon, maybe. But it feels so good. Suddenly you’re pulling him closer, wrapping your arms around his neck as he finds your legs and guides them up around his waist as he lifts you up.
Your kiss deepens as he opens his mouth and traces the edges of your lips with his tongue. You let him in, mingling with him as you mewl at his touch. As he kisses you, his beard tickles you but you don’t dare pull away, shifting your head to the left as he also adjusts to keep your kiss going.
You kiss him until your lungs begin to protest and you pull back, gasping for air.
“Forgive me.” He says again, confusing you.
“For what?”
“You are…I cannot help myself.” He explains, his voice low and husky.
“Then don’t.”
“You are so starved for affection.” He looks down at your hands as they trace the shape of his biceps and shoulders.
“I…” You feel shame course through you, and you begin to pull your hands back. “I’m sorry.”
“Was that your first kiss?” He asks and it makes your neck and ears burn.
Had you sucked that much? You nod.
“They do not know what they are missing.” He assures you.
You look up at him, wondering if he’s serious or simply trying to make you feel better.
“Are you sober?” He wonders.
You think, trying to examine your own mind but the dizziness you feel could be from Thor’s kiss or the copious amount of liquor you’d drunk earlier. Because you can’t tell, you shake your head.
Thor sighs heavily. “Then we shall stop here for tonight.”
“But…” You protest, wanting so much to kiss him again. Now that you’ve had it, you want it. He’s right. You’re starved for it.
He unhooks your legs from around his waist and helps lower you down gently to the ground before he lumbers towards the booth, you’d been in to grab your bag.
He moves back to you, grabbing your hand as he passes and after a nod to the bartender, he leads you back out into the night.
“This is where you live?” He wonders, staring up at the small house.
It’s not exactly nice. It’s cheap. The shutters are falling down, the paint is faded, the windows barred, and the lawn overgrown. You feel embarrassed again.
“The landlord is supposed to come and fix it up, but they never come.” You look up at him but find him watching you instead of your house.
“Do you live here alone?” He wonders, worry in his voice.
You nod.
“Come, I shall escort you inside.” He pulls you up the rickety steps of the porch, stopping to look down at them as they protest against his weight.
“The wood is rotted.” You explain with embarrassment.
You release his hand and move up to the door and first slide your key into the black metal security door, struggling with the lock for a moment before it finally turns. You pull it open and it creaks loudly. The second door is easier to open. You unlock it and push it open before moving inside. Thor follows and your heart hammers in your chest as you drop your bag and keys by the small table near the door and flip lights on as you go, moving towards the kitchen.
Thor keeps close behind you, his eyes roving over the small living room and the sparse decoration.
Your kitchen is dated. The last time the house had been remodeled must have been the fifties. It’s canary yellow, counters made of cheap plywood. Your fridge is rusted in certain areas, also no older than the fifties, with the handle for the freezer missing, replaced by a rope you’d found in your boxes when you’d moved in. You sigh as you look the space over feeling more and more self-conscious as you expose your home to him.
“I know it’s ugly. I mean, compared to what Mr. Stark must have for you guys up on the compound? He’s got such an eye for modern design. I love working at the compound.” You turn to look at him, to explain that this is only temporary until you can save enough money to move out of here into somewhere much nicer, but you don’t get the chance as he’s suddenly lifting you up to sit on your counter.
He closes the space between your bodies and sighs heavily as he leans down to rest his cheek against your own, itching to kiss you again it seems.
Your mind is a jumbled mess of sensory information. His large hands on your waist grip you tightly, his large torso, so close to yours washes you with wave after wave of heat. His breath tickles the curve of your lips and once again his beard gently scratches along your cheek.
Your surroundings, the way he’d found you today, crying in the bar, you’re suddenly worried about why he’s doing this, and you pull back to look at his face. His blue eyes search yours, curious as to what you’ll say.
“Thor, I’m not…I don’t need you to save me if that’s why you’re…you’re doing this. I know that my life kinda sucks but it’s really great too. I might not have a boyfriend and I might have been rejected earlier today and then gotten drunk and made a fool of myself by crying at the bar, and I know my house is shit but this is my life and I’m okay with it…for the most part.” Obviously, you could do without the constant rejection. “I don’t need you to save me.”
Thor pulls back, giving you a bit more space as he smiles down at you. “Is that why you think I kissed you?”
“Isn’t it?”
Thor sighs and reaches up to caress the back of your head before dropping his hand to rest on your right left shoulder.
“I kissed you because you make me laugh. I kissed you because you can’t hold your liquor. I kissed you because of the way you dance. I kissed you because…because you wiggled against me.” His cheeks flush. Even beneath his scruffy beard you can see the red hue burn bright.
“When did I wiggle against you? I did not!” You argue.
He laughs lightly. “I kissed you because of the way your hips swish in time to the music. I kissed you because I have never seen someone open up the way you did when you cried in the bar. And now I want to kiss you because you prove that although your heart was broken this morning, you do not need to be saved. And I like the way you taste.”
It’s your turn to burn.
“But…” You begin, unsure. “I’m nothing. No one ever wants to kiss me. No one has ever wanted to kiss me.”
Not to mention this is Thor in front of you. You look him over again and your heart aches with how beautiful he is. And he’s nice too! It’s not enough that he looks the way he does but he also has to be nice and funny? How is it fair?
“I do not think you understand just how much you have made me want you.” His voice drops in octave again, making it husky and fluid as he speaks. “If we had not been drinking and I were certain that you are not drunk, I would take you into your bedroom and have you in every way I could think of.”
You swallow hard, suddenly wishing you hadn’t been drinking tonight but also remembering that you’d just met him. “Thor…”
“We will have plenty of time for that. For now, I will have to make do with your lips.” He leans down and catches your mouth in another searing kiss.
This time he kisses you until you’re dizzy. His heady scent, fresh spring rain and the slightest hint of ozone, overcomes all of your senses as he deepens his kiss once more. You could sit here in your kitchen and kiss him forever. His lips move with such gentle passion, his hands exploring the curves of your body without moving too far into taboo territory for a first date.
No. That hadn’t been a date, had it?
You’re not sure how long you and Thor make out but when he finally pulls away, you give in to the comforting heat of his form and lean in against him. You rest your cheek against his left shoulder, your eyes staring at the tight muscles of his neck as he swallows and forces himself to breathe slowly.
“What if I wake up and this has all been a dream?” You ask, reaching up to grab a gentle hold of his right ear with your left hand.
“I will show you that it is not a dream.”
“This is really weird, Thor. We just met today.”
“Did we?” He asks, teasing uncertainty.
“Didn’t we?” Your brain quickly tries to think of another time you might have come across Thor but you’re drawing up a blank.
“I should go. It is very late, and you need rest.” Regrettably he pulls away from you and with your hands held in his he helps you down from the counter before moving for the front door.
The closer he pulls you towards the it the heavier your feet seem to get. You don’t want him to go. The idea of him leaving weighs heavily on your chest until he’s reaching for the handle and you yank back on his left hand.
“No.”
Thor’s blue eyes find you again, “What is the matter?”
“Don’t go, Thor.”
“I must go.”
“Because I’m drunk?”
“Well…yes, but-”
“I’m not drunk.” You argue, ignoring the way the world sways beneath your feet. “Please, don’t leave me. Stay.”
“I cannot. I do not wish to take advantage of you if you are not of sound mind. We will have plenty of time to revisit this possibility, Y/N. I-”
Throwing caution to the wind you throw yourself on him. You pull his head down so that your lips can move with his. He kisses you back, gentle and uncertain if this is right.
You want him. You’ve never wanted anyone more. Now that you’ve kissed him, his intoxicating lips, you need more. You move your hands down slowly along the taut muscles of his back before they come to rest on his waist where your fingers search for the seam of his shirt. They yield their purchase and with yearning intent your hands caress the surprisingly smooth skin of his back sliding his shirt up further and further as you explore.
He suddenly groans into your mouth and slowly he backs you up until he can turn you and press you up against the wall of your hallway. You break the kiss to catch your breath, excited by the feel of his skin underneath your hands.
Shifting slightly, he trails his burning kisses down along your throat. He reaches up and pushes your t-shirt aside to kiss the bare skin of your shoulder sending shivers up and down your spine.
“Stay…” You whisper, begging in what sounds so much like a moan.
“I should not.” He argues, the groan in his voice as he struggles with your pleading sending flutters into your stomach.
“Stay…” You insist.
“No.” He argues, still kissing his way up and down your shoulder and neck.
You reach up to catch his face once again and pull his lips back to yours as you initiate a slow salacious kiss.
“Mmph.” He moans against you and you know just a little more and he’ll cave.
While his hands are busy massaging the flesh of your hips, you let your own snake their way down to the front of his pants to undo the buckle of his belt and the button of his pants.
He breaks the kiss, startled.
“Stay…” You beg against his lips.
“Y/N…” He warns.
You search for the small metal tab along the front of his pants and find it in triumph before you slide it down. The sound of his zipper echoes around the hallway loudly. Your fingers go searching, delving into the front of his pants to find the soft fabric of his briefs, and the growing heat of his rod. He shuts his eyes tight and flexes his jaw hard, fighting some internal struggle as you touch him.
“Stay with me.” You plead one final time.
Suddenly his hands on your waist are rough. He lifts you up, slamming you slightly against the wall of your hall. You gasp and your hand falls out of his pants. He grabs your left leg firmly and wraps it around his waist as he holds you against the wall with his body alone then rocks his hips against your sex.
He uses his left hand to pull your shirt up over your head and you raise your arms up to help him pull it free. He rips the latch of your bra and you quickly peel it off for him and toss the fabric aside, gasping as he pushes himself against you.
For one long agonizing moment, Thor simply stares at your chest. Does he not like what he sees? Your insecurities begin to manifest quickly then they’re quickly wiped away as Thor leans down and suckles on your left breast.
You gasp, your core growing slick quickly. How long have you wanted to be touched this way? How long had you waited for the perfect one? The man who would finally have you? You’re so glad that it’s Thor.
As he traces long tantalizing circles around your nipples moving each of them into his mouth in turn, his right hand finds its way to the front of your jeans. He pulls his own hips back then undoes them and without warning slips his hand in underneath your underwear.
You moan as his fingers find your wet lips and immediately he begins to slide them up and down along your slit searching for whatever spot might please you most.
You tremble as he finds your nub, your little bundle of nerves at the apex of your lower lips and he pulls back to watch the twist of pleasure in your expression.
“Does that feel good?”
Does he really need to ask?! “Yes.”
He wraps his free arm around your waist as he continues to play with you, then turns and waits. “Which way is your bedroom?”
“Th-Third…ah!” You shudder against his hand, gripping onto his shoulders tightly as you lean forward to bite down on his shoulder.
He stops his fingers so that you can speak. “Third door on the right.”
As soon as you’ve released the desire information his fingers are back at work, pressing hard against your nub so that you shudder against his large body.
You have no time to look to see what he thinks of your bedroom. Nothing much in it but a small full-size bed on a rusted bed frame and two sets of drawers, both mismatched and out of place. He’s too busy to care about what’s in here too. He drops you onto the bed and pulls his hand free of your pants only to remove them along with your underwear leaving you completely exposed for him to see.
Nervously you attempt to cover yourself, but Thor reaches for your wrists and pulls them away from your breasts and presses them into the mattress over your head firmly, indicating he’d like you to keep them there. You do as he wants and with nervous flutters in your stomach you watch as he stands back up. He reaches back behind his neck with both hands and pulls his black shirt up over his head exposing for you large rippling muscles. How can he look like that? It’s not possible.
Your jaw drops as you gape at him in awe.
He smiles knowingly at you before pushing his pants and briefs down exposing his fully erect staff. You panic slightly, wondering how the hell he’s going to fit inside of you. This makes you clench your legs together, worried that you’ll disappoint him suddenly.
“Thor?”
He removes his watch and tosses it down onto his pants before he moves back to crawl over you slowly.
Your heart racing in panic, you reach up to press flat palms against his approaching chest. God, he’s hard.
“I…I’ve never…I haven’t been with anyone before.” You confess feeling self-conscious again.
He suddenly stops his advance, lowering himself down against you but keeping his weight supported with his arms.
“You have never made love before?” He wonders, surprised.
“No.” You shrug bringing your arms down to cover your chest again.
Thor frowns and reaches up with his right hand to push your hands away from blocking his view.
“I…I told you that no one has ever, they don’t see me.” You say, reminding him of your breakdown in the bar.
“I see you.” He whispers then leans down to kiss your lips.
That you like. You like his lips. You kiss him back eagerly, wrapping your arms around his neck. You’re so intoxicated by his kiss that you don’t realize he’s positioned himself over you, nudging your legs up and open as he presses the tip of his rod against your very wet entrance.
You pull back, gasping at the strange sensation and look down between your bodies but he’s lying almost completely on top of you that you can see only the tight well-formed muscles of his stomach.
“I will be gentle.” He assures you. “But if you would like to stop, we will stop right now.”
He’s giving you an out. The fear you feel at never having done this before, the pain it might bring, the consequences it could yield, and your inexperience all scream at you to take it. You might suck. What if you suck? With Thor? And he’s so…so big. Will it hurt?
“Y/N?” His voice brings your eyes up to meet his. “Shall we stop?”
And you might have said yes. If you weren’t looking into his stunning blue eyes and if you couldn’t see the kindness and gentle patience in them, you might have stopped. He reaches up with his left hand and caresses the side of your face slowly. You shake your head.
“Don’t stop.”
He leans down to meet your lips again while simultaneously pushing himself slowly inside of you. Your limbs spasm, quickly reaching up to clutch him closer, tighter, as you fight the strange sensation of being filled. It hurts. It does, and you groan against his lips. He stops and lets your body adjust before he pushes in a bit more, all the while kissing you with soft feather light kisses.
He pulls back to trails those soft, apologetic kisses along your jawline and up towards your cheeks, your forehead, your nose, your other cheek, and back to your lips.
He finally stops moving and you realize that he’s all the way in. Your pelvis hurts only a little and slowly the throbbing dies down leaving you feeling strangely stuffed.
“Are you alright?” He asks gently.
You nod. “It hurts.”
“Shall I stop?”
“Please, don’t stop.” You try to focus on something other than the ache and pull him back down for a quick kiss.
“If you want me to stop…” He begins, giving you another out but he pulls back slowly, sliding out of you almost three-quarters of the way before he pushes himself back in.
You gasp, squeezing your eyes shut as the pain is renewed.
He stops.
“Keep going.” You beg.
Thor hesitates but you pull him into another lusty kiss, and he begins to pump himself in and out a little faster.
You wish it had gotten better after a few minutes, but you didn’t enjoy your first time. Thor didn’t dislike it, but you can tell that he’s regretful that your first time was painful. He reached his release and that makes you happy. At least you were able to make him feel good.
“I’m sorry.” He whispers, breathing heavily over you, his hands massaging your shoulder then arm.
“Don’t be.” You slip your hands into his hair and gently scratch his scalp. He shuts his eyes, enjoying the sensation before he slides his hand down between your legs.
“Thor…” You begin, worried that he’s going to obsess over your lack of orgasm.
“It is not fair.” He argues and proceeds to press his fingers against that nub of yours again.
You squirm slightly, shifting your hips beneath him.
“It will get better with time.” He assures you.
You reach down to grab his wrist and hold it in place, brow furrowed as you search his face.
“You…You want to do this with me again?”
“Of course. Did you think this was a passing fancy?” He demands, half laughing at how ridiculous he finds that notion.
His fingers move again, and you buck against his touch. He plays your nub until your hips surge upwards, seeking one final push as your body is suddenly awash in euphoric climax. Thor worms his arm underneath your waist as you lift your body up towards him with the power of your release. He holds you close and lets you ride out your orgasm until your body is slack in his arms.
“I feel better.” He sighs, happy to see you content.
You laugh and reach up to pull him down for a long kiss.
“If someone had told me that I would wake up this morning alone and end up in bed with Thor, the God of Thunder at night, I would have called them psychotic and delusional.”
“You do not give yourself enough credit. You are irresistible, Y/N. And if I may, I’m almost certain that tomorrow you will end up in bed with Thor, the God of Thunder again. And this time, you’ll enjoy your time together much more.”
“I did enjoy tonight.” You assure him.
“You’ll enjoy it more.” He promises.
You take him at his word and then look down at your body. “I should go shower. And we should change the sheets.”
It’s not a large stain but the red on the sheets is embarrassing. You slip out of his grip and roll off the side of the bed, feeling sore, but eager to get cleaned up. You’re also still dizzy, drunk still but you’re not telling Thor that. You concentrate hard to keep your body from swaying.
He watches you, slowly getting up too so that you can strip the bed of the soiled sheets.
“You do not regret my staying?”
You look up at him as you ball the dirtied sheets in your arms and are startled by the soft look of insecurity on his face. How can he be worried about you wanting him here?
“No.” You assure him sweetly. “Thor…”
Quickly you move around the bed to his side and without hesitation wrap your left arm around his waist. Where you’ve found this sudden confidence, you’re not sure, but you know that you need to show him that you love his being here.
“I wouldn’t have asked you to stay if I didn’t mean it. I wanted this. I wanted you. Do you regret staying?” Now it’s your turn to be insecure.
You loosen your arm and he’s suddenly wrapping you up in his own.
“Never.” He promises.
“Good.” You smile. “I’m gonna go shower.”
You pull out of his arms and wander into the bathroom. It takes you ten minutes to clean up. You hope that the soreness will fade quickly. You want to try that again soon.
In the room, Thor is laying on top of a freshly made bed, right hand under his head, left on his chiseled stomach, still completely naked. He must have found the sheets in your closet and made the bed for you.
You stare at his perfect form and reach over with your right hand to pinch your left bicep hard. “Ow.”
Definitely not dreaming.
It’s a whisper but Thor’s eyes shoot open at the sound and he pushes himself up to look at you, a sweet smile plastered onto his perfect lips.
You had been wanting to wait for a while before you tried again but just watching him lay there, naked, looking good enough to eat, you unhook the corner of your towel and let it fall away.
As your nakedness is exposed once more, Thor’s smile falls away and he swallows hard as the rod between his legs twitches and slowly stands erect again.
“I think I’m ready to try again now.”
“Then come here.” He murmurs huskily and you happily obey.
A/N: I don’t know what it is about this fic that has me struggling so hard to get it just right. I love it but I’m rewriting a lot more for this than I ever have for other stories. Anywho, I hope you like this chapter. More smut for y’all. If you happen to reblog, thanks so much for helping me spread my work! xoxo
“What's this? No. Jeremy, you are not making me go to another stupid gala.” You shove the dark gray envelope back towards him, heavy paper hissing against the table.
“You have to go. You skipped the last one, besides this one is going to benefit the places in need of clean drinking water.” Jeremy isn’t even looking at you.
You watch him flip through another page of the thick binder on his lap. He's focused. Aware of you but not watching you. He looks relaxed, wide shoulders slouched as he leans back in the chair across from you at your desk.
He's not phased by your resistance anymore and that annoys you. You wanna throw a tantrum. You wanna literally scream and shout, despite knowing that you'd send your desk through the wall.
You slide down your chair, letting the only person you’re comfortable around have front seat to your pouting.
He smiles, his full lips slowly stretching upwards. A grin. A smirk. Smug bastard!
“You’re going, Y/N.” He says sternly and finally swings his feet towards you. The chair turns, and he peeks at you over the rims of his glasses. “I’ll go with you.”
You spring back up into your seat, elation shooting out of every pore.
“Really?” You gasp, stunned by the offer. Slightly touched by it too. He knows how much you hate to be the center of attention and because you rarely go to these benefits and banquets, people flock to speak with you.
They're so damn curious about Henry’s little girl. What is the Surestar Energy heiress up to?
Then of course there’s all those eligible bachelors looking to pad their bottom lines.
You’re pretty sure that's why Seth had befriended you. Then he got distracted by Nan, who is much more appealing. She models in her spare time and has an extensive following on social media.
His parents were not happy. Your wealth is no joke.
Jeremy lays his binder aside, a ton of numbers written and highlighted across the paper. He scoots closer to your desk, sitting up straight.
“Yeah. I gotta make sure you walk through the door this time.” He watches you with a gentle smile, pleased by your happiness.
And you are…happy. Happy that you won't have to be alone at the benefit among those people who only care about your net worth. But if you could have gone to this gala with anyone…
Jeremy's hand slides over onto yours. He grabs it, wrapping his fingers around your own, cooling your heat with his normal human temperature.
“It's been a week, Y/N.” His voice is smooth, consoling.
“He never called.” You smile at him through the sadness that's overwhelmed you constantly over the past week. A break down here. A few tears there. No eating one day—Jeremy had been so angry at you he forced you out to dinner and wouldn’t let you leave until you’d consumed something. Anything.
He doesn't understand. He tries, but he can never get it.
For a few blissful hours, you had felt whole. There's no other way to explain the way finally talking to Thor had made you feel.
You’ve been alone for so long.
Yes, you have Jeremy. However, he's not like you. He knows how you tick but he doesn't get it completely. He can't.
Even though Thor didn’t know that you were closer to being like him than any of your fellow humans, the possibility that he'd someday know what you’re capable of and understand the power within you had been an unprecedented comfort. Something to look forward to. A blessing bestowed upon you by the Universe.
Thor, for some odd reason, had asked you for a coffee suggestion and then sat next to you, and asked for your number and…what happened? What went wrong?
“I…I just don’t know what I did, Jer. What did I do?” Your voice cracks as tears sting your eyes. It burns, like acid but you know that's not a power of yours.
It's just the heartache making them burn because Jeremy pulls your hand up to guide you onto your feet. You do what he wants because you’re broken a bit more by this small and short exchange with Thor.
His warmth had been so intoxicating. That Godly aura, the essence of who he is. You'd bathed in it for months and now to have it gone…you feel empty. Like your soul is missing.
“I’m so stupid.” You blubber, angrily. You hate feeling like this. It's more than a crush but why?!
Jeremy makes to pull you down onto his lap but you freeze and yank back away from him. Your eyes roam over the glass wall behind him and the door.
Jeremy releases your hand and hurries to lock it then press his fingers against a small illuminated square of purple light where several arrows and words shine.
The glass wall suddenly darkens, shutting out the eyes that might be watching. Your close relationship with Jeremy isn’t really a secret but you’re at work.
The complicated nature of just how he takes care of you, emotionally, physically, professionally…you'd rather keep it quiet even if some people already guess.
You and Jeremy aren’t in love.
He moves back towards you and turns to lean against the edge of your desk. He pulls you towards him, his hands moving up to wipe the tears from your cheeks.
See, his fingers aren’t burning. You don’t have acid tears.
“I don’t know what you did, chipmunk. But you should have stopped texting him when he didn’t reply.” He's not chastising you but you know he's right.
You fall forward, resting your forehead against his chest as his hands stroke the sides and back of your head, caressing you. Comforting you. Giving you what he knows you’re second most starved for. Physical touch.
“I am stupid.” You whine.
Jeremy chuckles. “No, Y/N. You’re just eager. Is it because he's hot?”
You lean back to look up at Jeremy with his eyebrow quirked as he watches for your reaction.
You shake your head because sure, as good looking as Thor is, it’s not his body that pulled you to him—but come on, you know you’re dying to have those massive arms wrapped around you, those slightly pouty pink lips pressed against your own, those massive thighs shoved against yours.
Yes, you wanna fuck Thor! He's beautiful, but what you remember…you shut your eyes, remembering the first moment that golden aura washed over you.
The smell of spring rain, soil, and then the slight bite of ozone followed his heavenly essence after him. Then you looked for the source because that warmth was everything. Hotter than you. Hotter than the sun.
Like clashing lightning, charged and scorching.
That’s what you want. All the time. Every minute of every day. It fills you up. The fact that it came from Thor had deterred you. He didn’t see you that one time. He'd bumped into you and he'd stared right at you and didn’t see you.
He was out of your league. So his rejection makes more sense than you'd like to admit.
“He's different, Jer.” You explain. “Like…he's like a magnet but it's him. His soul. The very core of what makes him, him. He's good and strong and right and just…”
You sigh, Jeremy strokes the sides of your head, his fingers reaching down to tilt your head back so that he can look into your eyes. Your lip trembles when you find him searching for answers in your own gaze.
“I wanted him, so much. More than I’ve ever wanted anything or anyone.” You sigh, shakily breathing in and out.
“I’m sorry, chipmunk. I know you don’t get this attached often.” He pulls you close, wrapping one arm around your waist while he cups the back of your head with the other and tucks your face in against the side of his neck.
“Or ever.” You correct. “Just you and Papa Roman.”
Jeremy gives you a squeeze.
“What would he have done?” He's wondering genuinely as he asks you.
You chuckle unexpectedly because picturing what your Papa Roman would have done and what Jeremy did…well, “Definitely not what you did.”
Jeremy smiles. “But I did help you feel better for a little bit, right?”
You nod. A whole day and a half. Jeremy had distracted you from your heartache by making you feel like you were desirable when Thor had made you feel utterly forgettable.
“You want more?” He asks, and your core shifts but your heart sinks.
“Maybe later. I’m not really…I don’t wanna go to this stupid benefit, Jer.”
Jeremy smiles, running his hands from your shoulders down to your waist.
He pulls you against his body roughly. You gasp, not expecting it.
“You’re going, chipmunk. If only so that the board members stop wanting to fire me for not doing my job.” He leans down to press his lips to the side of your chin.
You shut your eyes, tempted to accept his offer to distract you. But Thor's smiling eyes manifest in the darkness behind your lids to send another painful lurch through your chest.
You fist Jeremy's sleeves, fingers aching with the tightness.
Jeremy pulls back, looking for something in your eyes, a look. A tell. He knows you too well.
“You sure?” You love him, not like you might have loved Thor, but he's good to you. Good at what he does. He sees that you need it, to feel wanted and desired so he offers and it's always up to you.
“No.” You relent, loosening your fists to stroke the hard bulge of his arms. “I'm not."
“Tell me, chipmunk.” Always ready and willing, he waits for instruction. You feel bolder suddenly.
“Touch me, Jer. Make me feel like I-like I’m important.” You beg.
Jeremy frowns, his brow creasing with disapproval. He caresses the sides of your head and gives it a teeny shake.
“You are important, Y/N. That guy doesn’t know what he's missing. I swear, chipmunk. Someone someday will see you for the amazing and strong woman you are.” He seems so sure.
“But when?” You whimper.
He trails his hand down along your sides, running his hands over the curves of your back, hips, and finally butt. He turns you slowly then pulls you up, sitting you on the edge of the desk before slipping his right hand down along the long open slit at the front of your fancy yellow office dress.
He unhooks the little latch that holds the dress closed and pushes it open to expose your left breast. He pulls the fabric of your bra down and latches onto your nipple, suckling gently as you sigh a moan and slip your hand into the back of his hair.
He moans too and that’s so rare that it catches you by surprise.
You pull his head back to look at his face to see what might be his expression but he doesn't give you a chance. He rushes up to meet your lips in a languid, sloppy, wet kiss.
His lips move along yours lazily, his tongue taking long strokes of your flavor to taste. He groans again into your mouth. You pull back again.
“Jeremy?”
His eyes are dazed as he meets yours and you feel a rush of fear. What is he feeling?
“What? What's the matter?” He asks, slowly regaining the sharp look of his dark eyes.
“You're…you’re not…” You don’t even want to finish the sentence. Catching feelings here would spell ruin for the two of you. “Maybe we should stop?”
Jeremy laughs, breathless but his hands are sliding up along your shoulders, pushing the dress down and away.
“No. I’m not…I’m sorry. I’m just-this dress is really doing things for me, today.” He shrugs. “That's all.”
“You and Lily?”
“We’re still together.” He assures you.
He dives back down to trail kisses along the side of your neck.
When you’d first learned that he had a girlfriend, it had been just after he'd made you “feel better" a few times. You'd panicked but Jeremy had assured you that he and Liliana had an open relationship and though they both loved each other very much, they were both unwilling to commit monogamously just yet.
You even met her once, at the office Christmas party. She was sweet but very confident. You'd avoided Jeremy for weeks after that, afraid of what sleeping with you after sleeping with someone like Lily must be like.
Jeremy had been quick to show you how amazing he found your body. You never fought him on it again.
Despite his reassurance, your body is still tense.
He pulls back and places his hands on either side of you on your desk, his thumbs caressing the clothed side of your upper thigh.
“Should I stop?” He asks, serious but somehow still soft in his expression to reassure you.
You half shake your head, feeling the need to feel arms around you, hips throbbing against yours.
“Tell me when to stop.” He orders.
He takes his middle finger and slowly slides it down along the outside of your left thigh. As he nears your knee, where the end of your dress sits, he shifts his finger to the top of your leg as they slide along your knee. He stands up straighter, closer, his face is so close to yours his hot breath wafts along your lips.
You’re so distracted by the sudden proximity of his face that you don’t notice how high up his fingers have gotten until he's got his middle finger pressed against the damp center of your core.
You gasp and reach out to take tight hold of his sleeve at his bicep. He smiles. A corner tilt of his full lips as he trails that finger up and down along your wet and clothed slit.
You feel all resistance fall away as you shut your eyes and lean your head back, allowing your body to exhale in pleasure.
His lips are back on your breast, suckling gently while his finger hooks your underwear aside to touch your soaking sex.
The noise is dirty, squelching and squishy, not loud but enough for you to hear it.
“You’re so ready, chipmunk.” He teases and you groan, wanting him. Wanting to be wanted.
“You-you want me?” You ask him, uncertain whether it's okay to do so.
He smiles big, pearly whites shining and blinding. His left hand wanders between the two of you and you realize now that he's between your legs. When did that happen?
You hear the clinking of his belt and the loud growl of his zipper.
“Look at me, chipmunk. I’m all swollen for you.” Your eyes flow down between the two of you and your mouth waters at the bulging sight of his rounded head, cock stiff and throbbing.
The darker peach tint of him flows red at the head and you want to taste him though you know he won’t let you.
“It's not about me, Y/N.” He'd argued once. “Lily does that for me. Let me make you feel better.”
You reach down anyway and he lets you. The smooth heat of his cock is nothing compared to the raging temperature your body is flowing with right now.
He grunts as you stroke him, your elevated temperature probably feels good for him.
“That feels good, chipmunk.” He groans.
Reaching up, he slips his hand behind your neck and pulls you down to kiss.
Your hand stutters as his finger pokes at your entrance. He tickles it, teasing you before he slides it in smooth.
“Jer?” You moan, breaking the kiss. “Tell me I-I'm wanted.”
Jeremy frowns again, that impossibly upset crinkle between his eyes. His glasses fog up along the bottom as your breath flows towards him. He's pushing his finger inside of you, quickly, curving it up in search of that special spot.
Your legs are spread wide, slightly lifted. He puts his free hand on your knee and pushes it back, spreading you more.
“I want you, Y/N. I want your body. I wanna be inside you. I want to make you feel better; make you come.” His words make you shiver and he pulls his finger away.
You barely have any time to react because the head of his cock is suddenly in you.
He wraps his arms around your waist and slowly walks closer, plunging deeper into you with each move. You moan. Loudly.
Jeremy shoves his hand over your mouth but doesn't tell you to be quiet. He smiles instead, pleased.
“I’ll make you forget him, chipmunk. I’ll give you what he won't.” Jeremy promises and while he stuffs you, pounding into you hard and passionately, you sadly pull him in for a kiss because you know that despite his promise, in this moment, you wish Thor had called you.
What did I do wrong? You think desperately as Jeremy meets your kiss eagerly.
“Why are there so many reporters?” You gasp, leaning forward in your seat. The limo’s leather squeaks as you pull your dress back down. Skin pulling at the fabric as you try not to completely climb over Jeremy’s lap.
Not that he’d mind, but being so close to prying eyes, best to keep things cool.
Layers of light blue chiffon, beaded and worked through with shining crystals that glitter like stars, fall back down around your waist. Jeremy pulls the pale blue sleeve of his Gucci tux then sighs with disappointment.
His hand had been crawling up your leg, feeling the soft skin of your inner thigh. You’d needed the relaxation but the car ride to the repurposed theater had been short and you’d gotten distracted by the crowd outside of the large art deco building.
“They’re not reporters, Y/N. They’re papz.” He counters but then goes about straightening your dress around you. He’s so careful and he takes care of you well. “And you look amazing. They’re going to go crazy snapping your pic.”
“Great.” You groan. Your picture all over the paper again? What will Thor think when he sees it? Will he even care?
Stop thinking about Thor. You growl at yourself.
Jeremy chuckles. “It’s your own fault for being so reclusive. You’re a hot commodity. Everyone wants to know you.”
The cool firm hand on your back gives you a little bit of comfort. “I’m nothing special. And having them know nothing about me is how I like it. They always bring them up and I-I don’t feel like talking about it…Jer?”
Jeremy’s eyes are soft as you meet them, his expression saddened. “I’ll handle it.”
His promise has weight. He’ll physically remove anyone who tries to talk about them with you. Yet another reason to be glad for his fit physique.
“Thanks.” You smile at him, so grateful he’s here with you because you’d probably have run again if he weren’t here to walk you in. He strokes your back and you lean back into your seat and into his arms, cuddling into his side because you like the way it feels and you know that it means nothing more than just that, it feels good.
This doesn’t happen often. You and Jeremy cuddling and sleeping together as much as you have been the past two weeks. Your relationship is usually pretty professional if not familiar. Like that day of the board meeting. He knows how to steer you and you know how to take his cues—well, the ones you’re going to do anyway.
You’re not a mindless puppet. You have your own opinions even if you don’t speak them aloud with most people. Jeremy knows better. He prefers it when you argue with him. The one person in your life you can be open with completely.
You’d hoped Thor would be too…
Jeremy squeezes you, careful not to crush your dress. He holds it for only a second before he sits you back up. He reaches up and fixes a few of your stray hairs.
“You’ll ruin your look.” He chastises, also recognizing the gesture as what it is besides a need for physical comfort.
You’re stalling.
You chuckle. Amused by his preoccupation with how you look.
He’d spent much more time getting you ready than he should have. He’d chosen your dress, your hair, and then matched himself to you. You’d laughed when he’d told you that he’d got himself a tux to match your dress but that’s only because you’d been picturing the most absurdly blue seventies tuxedo with one of those white ruffled shirts with the black lining. Bright bold colors designed to catch the eye.
When you finally saw Jeremy dressed in head to toe couture, sleek black trousers, shining black shoes, a crisp white shirt—no ruffles—and that stunning pale blue tuxedo jacket you renounced all misgivings about his fashion sense then snapped a shot and sent it to Lily.
She’d thanked you for the instrument of blackmail and told you to have fun.
Lily: As much fun as you need. He enjoys it too, Y/N. Don’t let him make you think he doesn’t.
You feel bad monopolizing Jeremy intimately this way lately but with Lily’s blessing you’d relaxed and let Jeremy treat you like he would a girlfriend. You just try to not think about how he’s your assistant all the time and that he’s only doing this out of a deep sense of duty to you.
“We don’t have to stay long, right?” Your smile wavers and you look out at the throng of photographers yelling obnoxiously at the high-profile guests walking into the gala.
Like you, they’re late and they make no time to stand for photos despite the shouts and pleas of those stationed outside.
“Just an hour and we’re gone. Dinner should be wrapping up about now.” He explains.
“What was the point of me spending so much money on buying a table if I wasn’t going to eat?” You grumble. You can care less about the fancy party but the food?!
“I’ll buy you some pizza afterwards.” He offers.
“You? Why would you buy me a pizza? I can afford my own damn pizza.” You sigh but he laughs once. Then he’s silent. Too silent.
“Why aren’t you like this with your friends?” He suddenly asks you, catching you off guard. You look at him, searching his face for what he might really mean.
“I-I don’t know. They don’t give me a chance to? Nan and Seth have a lot to say. Everyone does. It’s easier if I just let them talk. No one cares about what I have to say, Jer. It’s okay. I’ve come to terms with that.” You smile at him, ignoring the pulsing heartache at having lost someone who had genuinely sat and listened to you talk for hours.
Thor…Why can’t you stop thinking about him? You’d known him for less than two days. Feeling that magical pull he has for months doesn’t translate into time known.
Did it really mean nothing to him that he can ignore you the way he has?
“Well, they’re missing out. You’re really funny, Y/N. And you have quite the dirty mouth.” He wiggles his eyebrows at you and your cheeks burn.
“Jeremy.” You chastise, and he chuckles.
“Come on, chipmunk. Let’s get this over with.” He makes to open the door, but you pull back on his hand and he looks at you, concern etched across his handsome face. “What? What’s wrong?”
You shake your head once. “I-I feel so silly in these big ball gowns.”
Jeremy smiles at you fondly, reaching out to straighten your skirt again. He lets his hand flow down beneath the external skirt, to the tighter, sheer fabric of your front. His hands slide along the covered flesh of your thighs where the skirt is so sheer that the lovely color of your skin peeks through. His eyes roam over you, appreciating you the way he knows that you need.
“You’re gorgeous, Y/N. You look like a waterfall, cascading with stars.” He grins at you, appreciating his own word choice. You smile at him, rolling your eyes.
“Stars? Really?”
He chuckles. “Come on, pouty. Let’s get out there.”
He pushes the door open and then helps you out.
He looks you over once you’re on your feet and steps very close as he reaches onto your waist to adjust the gleaming silver and black belt. He gives you another appraisal and when satisfied, he steps back.
“Okay. Ready?” He offers you his hand and you nod and take it.
No talking. You’re in public again. You can already feel yourself withdrawing. With Jeremy here, at least you’ve got an anchor.
You zone out for a minute, startled by the sudden burst of white flashes, allowing Jeremy’s strong arm around your waist lead you forward through the small space provided for party goers to walk through. You can hear people shouting your name. They’re louder than they were with the others and this draws an even larger crowd as pedestrians and passerby stop to gawk at you too.
Terrified by the attention, you focus on the ground and don’t dare look up.
“Look over here, Y/N! Over here. Come on. Just one picture?” Someone shouts but you don’t stop because Jeremy’s speeding forward.
“Steps, chipmunk.” He warns and you lift your foot.
You blink hard, eager to clear the blindness from your eyes. The flashes remind you of lightning which only make you think about Thor again that makes that dark pit in your stomach bigger.
This is stupid. Get over it. Stop thinking about Thor!
Once you’re inside with the cool night air cut off, you feel yourself burning. The stress of those photographers. Your wallowing on Thor. It’s catching up with you quickly and you wish you were back at home in your bedroom where you can be you and you don’t have to pretend to be anyone other than who you truly are.
Hell, you’re even more you in the café.
Jeremy feels your heat and he knows what that means. “Hey, it’s okay. Um…here. Come here.”
He tugs you away from the room that you still haven’t looked up at. It’s only the foyer but you can hear the chatter of people echo around you. There’s a gentle hum of a string and piano ensemble coming from the main ballroom. Your eyes are only for the stunning pale marble floor.
You shift into a stuffier room, which doesn’t help your heat, but you hear a door click and Jeremy’s body is before you. “Hey.”
You shake your head. “I can’t do this Jeremy. I-They’ll ask about them. I don’t want to talk about my parents.”
“Look at me.” You don’t. “Hey, look at me, Y/N. Right now.”
The stern order drives your face up and you meet his dark eyes with layers of fear and trepidation sewn into your very being.
You shut your eyes and in the sudden quiet you feel a familiar warmth. Surprised by it, you look towards the closed door. It’s faint. And then it’s gone. Thor’s influence is so ridiculous. You miss him.
You’re also in a coat check closet. The array of smells and perfumes are giving you a headache.
Jeremy reaches up to grab your chin, leading you to face him again. With your attention reclaimed and your heart resigned to the fact that you’re going crazy if you think you’re feeling Thor even when he’s not around, you focus.
“You can do this. And if someone asks you something you don’t want to talk about, you tell them you don’t want to talk about it.”
“Jer…” You begin to complain.
“You say, ‘I don’t really want to talk about that.’ And if they bring it up again, then just walk away.” He instructs.
You frown at him, knowing you may not be able to do that. You’re such a wimp sometimes, despite the ability you know you have to literally burn the entire room if you wanted to.
“You want a kiss for courage?” He asks, seriously too.
You blink, smiling, taken aback by his question but not offended. “I’m staring to think you just want to kiss me.”
Jeremy shrugs a shoulder. “Well, I don’t not want to kiss you.”
His words are like solace. Someone likes kissing you. Even if it’s not the someone you wanted it to be. You look down, hating yourself for tying Thor to even these moments when Jeremy makes you feel good. Smile gone.
“Can you hang in there for an hour?” He checks, waiting for you to respond and when you don’t look at him, he reaches up again to cup your face to force you to meet his eyes. “Can you do this? Or do you wanna run again? Like you always do? You want to keep running?”
He’s guilting you. You know he is. He’s holding up a mirror to the person you’ve been in the past. The person you are. You’re tired of running. You don’t want to hide anymore but you’re not ready to talk about your parents. So, you’ll try and do what he suggests. You’ll tell them no and leave if they don’t stop.
“No. I don’t wanna run.” You pout and Jeremy smiles, bright and ecstatic.
“Good. You walk out there with your head held high; you hear me? You don’t look down to anyone, Y/N.” He says it so passionately. Like he means it with all of his heart. You believe him. “You’re powerful and unique. And you’re really good in bed.”
“What does that have to do with anything?” You laugh.
“It just…trust me. When someone’s being a jerk to you, tell yourself that and you’ll walk with your head held a little higher. Okay?”
“Okay.” You shake your head, but you resign to his logic.
He leads you back out into the foyer. Now that you’re actually able to look at it, you see that it’s a large room with three large staircases that lead up to a second floor lined with dark gray carpet. The center and largest staircase is lined with purple flowers and this is the staircase that everyone seems to be filing up through.
There are so many people here; women in gorgeous silver, pink, black, gold, and gray gowns. There are a few in darker blues but not one as light as yours. It draws attention and though your instinct is to curl into Jeremy’s side, you wrap your arm around his tighter and fist the sleeve of his jacket and draw yourself up.
He looks down at you and smiles as he leads you up the stairs to a large set of ornate brown doors through which you can see a mass of people sitting at tables and dancing at the center of what looks like hundreds of small tables.
The lighting is dim but white like winter daylight only not so bright. It gives the party the feeling of ice though the room is toasty warm. As you cross into the large room you see that the ceiling is hung with fake white lilies made of porcelain and the cold light streams from within bunches of them casting spots of illumination along the black and white marble floor.
Jeremy runs his hand over the skin of your hand then reaches up to cup the farther side of your neck. He’s checking your temperature and he seems pleased that it’s leveled out. It’s too beautiful in here to focus on your stress and social anxieties. With Jeremy beside you, confidence is easier to fake.
“’Atta girl.” He praises you and it fills your belly with warmth.
You see that as you pass, the small white tables with their white puffed chairs are decorated with stunning silver plates and silverware, crystal glasses, and more of those beautiful purple flowers that fill the room with the fresh scent of spring.
Just as Jeremy said, dinner seems to have come to an end and everyone is up and about, talking and filling the empty spaces with lively conversations about things that you could care less about.
Portfolios and assets and lavish vacations. You spot Nan and Seth about halfway down the large room and point them out to Jeremy. He nods and leads you in their direction.
Your body twists as that familiar warmth washes over you again and you strain to look through the crowd around you. Stopping you pull your arm out of Jeremy’s and grab your dress and follow the warmth. Heaven’s aura.
No. Not heaven.
Asgard’s.
You stop when you’ve reached the center of the dance floor. Several people turn to look at you curiously, admiring your dress and your visage in general.
“Y/N?” Jeremy catches up to you and waits as you look around frantically.
“I-I thought…” You frown, disappointment washing over you as you realize that maybe you’re just imagining things. “Never mind. It’s nothing.”
“You sure?” Jeremy wonders, reaching out to place his hands on your waist and pull you close. Too close. People will talk. Then again, you don’t care. The disappointment in your heart is too big.
Too consuming.
“Yeah. I’m sure. Let’s go see Nan and Seth. Sorry. I-I won’t do that again.” You’re going to ignore it if it happens again.
He doesn’t want you. You remind yourself.
Jeremy pull you along again and when you reach Nan and Seth you can hear them bragging about their contributions to several charities. They’re not even being humble or discreet about it. They’re just whipping out their dicks to see who has the biggest one. At least that’s the comparison your mind draws to the way they’re talking about their carefully calculated altruism.
“No.” You pull on Jeremy’s arm just before you reach them. He turns to look at you, observing the frown on your face. “I don’t want to go talk to them. I changed my mind.”
Jeremy tilts his head, disappointed but relenting because he can see your distress. “I’m a bad assistant.”
“What?” You ask, surprised by his leap. He moves closer to you, taking your arms in hand as he pulls you close.
“I should have forced you out a long time ago. You’re too shut off from the world, Y/N. You can’t keep pushing people away.” He says it sadly, like he really does consider it his failure. “I know this isn’t your scene but it’s part of your life. I should have prepared you better for it.”
“Jeremy…this isn’t about not being ready to socialize I just…these people…”
“They’re not all bad, Y/N. Some of them are, I admit, a little fake.”
“A little?” You gasp, looking back over at Nan and Seth.
“You have to give someone a chance at some point, chipmunk. I can’t be the only one you count on.” Fear builds in your chest, terrible fear of losing him.
“Are you leaving me?” You breathe, quickly wondering if you’ve been putting too much pressure on him. “I-You don’t have to come with me to these things, Jer. In fact, if you want to go home right now, you can! I know Lily probably had some plans for you two. D-Do you need a vacation? If I’m stressing you out, just tell me and I’ll back off. I’ll try not to do whatever it is that’s bothering you. Just tell me, okay?”
You reach up to grab at his shoulders, too hard you realize as he winces.
“Sorry.” You sigh. “I’m sorry.”
“No, Y/N, that’s not what I…Come on.” He reaches down to take your hand and pulls you off towards the left side of the room instead. “Let’s jus sit for a bit, okay? And I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”
Your heart relaxes, grateful for the opportunity to catch your breath and the reassurance that you’re not losing Jeremy because of your neediness.
This is all so overwhelming. And this party is not your kind of thing.
He stops at an empty table where all the plates sit unused, your name on a placard at the center. He leads you around to the far side of the table so that when he pulls out your chair and you sit, you’re facing the dance floor. Not many people are dancing. Some.
For a split second, a startling pair of electric blue eyes flash through the crowd, crowned with a golden head of carefully styled hair.
You shoot to your feet, heart aching because this time you know you saw him.
“What?” Jeremy asks, curious but more stunned than anything. “What is it?”
Your eyes roam over the couples gently swaying to the gentle music. You scan for blonde hair. Blue eyes. Wide shoulders. Huge arms. But he’s tall. Surely, he’d tower over everyone else on the dance floor?
“Y/N?” Jeremy reaches out to touch your arm.
You jump, on edge, afraid to see Thor but also eager to get your eyes on him once again.
“What?” Jeremy asks, eyebrows high.
“N-Nothing. I just thought I-Nothing. Never mind.” You settle yourself back down into your seat, careful to spread your dress around you.
“You want something to drink?” Jeremy asks, leaning down over you.
You nod, feeling parched all of a sudden. Maybe a good drink will help you forget Thor. You’ve seen and felt nothing but his ghost since you got here. This is just you letting go of him.
“Okay. Sit tight. I’ll be right back.” He hesitates but then leans down to kiss your cheek. He leaves you, winding his way through the finely dressed crowd as he searches for a waiter or waitress.
You keep your hands on your lap, folded carefully under the table as you stare around at the stunning crowd. It takes a few minutes but you push Thor to the back of your mind.
Now that you’re sitting you can appreciate the splendor of the décor and the beauty of the people. The music is good too. Although it’s a string quartet with piano accompaniment, you can now hear that they’re playing modern music.
Chandelier?
You smile, amused by the song for some reason. The bliss of the moment outweighs your anxiety and you genuinely begin to enjoy yourself. Quietly, like this, you can appreciate being here.
Feeling lighter than you’ve felt all week, with the beautiful music to distract you, you’re not aware that you’re looking right at him until you hear his laugh.
Smile vanishing, you avert your eyes from the man of your dreams.
He’s dressed in a stunning black tuxedo. His tall frame wrapped in the expensive fabric; it fits him like a glove. Why can’t you feel him? You’ve always been able to feel him.
You peek up at him and find him at a table close to the head of the room. There are others at this table. A redhead, the Black Widow, who you know from the papers when S.H.I.E.L.D. first collapsed. She’s sitting next to a man with long brown hair, carefully styled and straightened, tucked behind his ear. A shine on his hand pulls your attention. The Winter Soldier. He’s holding the Black Widow’s hand under the table. They’re a couple?
Beside him is a black man with short cropped hair and a small gap in his two front teeth. It only adds character to his handsome smile. He’s sitting with a young woman with brown hair. You don’t recognize her, and she seems friendly with him, though it doesn’t look strictly romantic.
Beside the girl is a familiar redhead wearing a long form fitting golden dress, sequined with paler gold sequins. The dress falls low along her back but she’s busy chatting with the black man who you suddenly realize is the Falcon. You’ve seen him in the news a few times too. Pepper Potts, Tony Stark’s fiancé, sits next to an Asian woman. Korean? She’s beautiful.
Her own dress is long and flowing, black velvet scattered with rhinestone stars. Her dark hair is draped over her left shoulder as she leans in towards Thor, whispering in his ear about who knows what? He sits with his arm draped across the back of her chair, his left leg, jutting out at the end of the table as it’s too long to keep bent maybe?
He’s so tall.
He’s also smiling. He looks happy. While you’ve been broken and a recluse, he’s happy.
I am so…so stupid.
You tear your eyes away, unable to watch any longer. You’re grateful when a group of women with large dresses plant themselves in your line of sight to that table. At least this way your heart can break completely in semi-private.
“You’re a hard woman to get a hold of.” A teasing sarcastic tenor voice stiffens your back and you turn to your right to look up at Tony Stark himself.
Well, maybe not so private.
Tony looks snazzy, as he always does, his mustache and goatee carefully styled and trimmed like his dark chestnut hair. His bowtie is undone. Like he’s been here for hours. You realize that he must have been. This is his benefit, you realize.
The table of Avengers suddenly makes really stupid sense.
“I thought it was a slim chance that you’d show up, but you showed up. Remind me to thank that assistant of yours. Or…maybe you can thank him for me?” The way he says it, he knows. How does he know? Most people just guess…but Tony Stark knows.
He sips his umber liquid, sloshing around with the ice in his glass. The bite of liquor reaches your nose and you realize he’s probably a little tipsy. He might not have made that comment about Jeremy had he been sober.
“I-I don’t know what you-” You begin, voice quaking with the knowledge that Thor is here with someone else. A date. A woman. A beautiful one. Clearly outgoing. She’s probably nothing like you.
No wonder he dumped you before you even had a chance to start. How can you compete with that?
“I’m not here to judge. Pepper was my assistant. Did you know that?” Tony undoes the front buttons of his chic tuxedo jacket then sits beside you, placing his glass on the table as he snaps his fingers. “Waiter!”
You’re astounded by how quickly one runs up. “Champagne for my friend and bring us a couple grapes?”
He turns to you.
“You like grapes, right?” He turns back to the waiter. “Grapes. And some strawberries if you’ve got them.”
“Right away, Mr. Stark.” The waiter says then scurries off to do as he’s bid.
You admire this about Tony Stark. He’s like you, in some ways. Just like you he’s grown up in this life but he seems so much more at home in it than you do.
“Not gonna say hi?” He asks, smiling as he leans back and lounges on the expensively purchased seat.
“Hello again, Mr. Stark.” You say, giving up because he’s not going anywhere until he’s ready. Maybe he can pull your mind away from the blonde at the head of the room?
“Again?” He smiles, “Oh, you mean that last time we saw each other? What was it? Six years ago? Just before you hired that assistant of yours?”
“Why do you keep bringing up Jeremy?” You ask, self-conscious that maybe you and Jeremy are giving out some sort of vibe. Where is he? If Thor is here with someone else, you want to show off that you’re here with someone too.
Okay, sure, it’s Jeremy and he’s technically getting paid to be here but…fuck my life. You think.
“Isn’t that who you brought as your date? Little weird, isn’t it?” He takes a drink of his bourbon, then he looks up as the young waiter brings a plate split in half with strawberries and grapes. He places it in between you and Tony and then places a glass of champagne in front of you. “Thanks.”
The waiter leaves and you shake your head. “Jeremy knows I hate coming to these things, so he offered to be here with me. It’s not a d-date.”
“But you are sleeping with him, right?” He asks, reaching out to rip a grape from its stem.
“I-I don’t see how that’s any of your business, Mr. Stark.” You stutter, flustered. You grab your champagne and drink about half the flute.
“You’re right. It’s not. But there’s a certain someone I know that has a deep interest in your relationship with that ridiculously good-looking assistant of yours.” Tony’s teasing is unbearable but he’s smiling, chewing on his grape.
Thor? Not possible.
“No one cares about me but Jeremy. Mr. Stark.” You say quickly, resolute. Convinced. And sad.
Tony sits forward, tensing up as he leans his elbows on the table to get a better look at your face because you’re staring at the pretty centerpiece which you can now see are purple orchids. Stunning.
“I know—Look, I know that after what happened with your parents I wasn’t really around much. I had to-”
His tone, the casual way he’s talking to you, familiar. It floods back a flash of blurry memories of a tall handsome teen carrying you in his arms, making you laugh, watching cartoons with you and making silly faces. Telling you stories. Hugging you. Taking you outside to play. A happier life when you hadn’t been stripped of everything you once were. When your innocence had still been intact.
It hurts to remember Tony like that. Present. Close.
“I don’t want to talk about my parents, Tony.” You sigh, frustrated with him for making you remember when you try so hard not to think about the small bit of life you’d had before your mother and Uncle Arnold had turned you into this…thing.
Tony cut himself off from your life for so long and only recently wants to reach out? It’s too late! You don’t need him anymore. You have Jeremy. You have…fuck…you have no one but Jeremy. And what if he leaves you too?
“This isn’t about them.” Tony insists. “I-I should have been around, and I wasn’t. I’m sorry, kid. I messed up.” You don’t want to hear this now, but he sounds so genuine and it hurts.
You meet his eyes and find that he’s staring at you with a pleading to understand.
“Fine. I forgive you. Okay? Can we drop it?” You ask, desperate to get back to the little bit of peace you’d found before you’d spotted Thor.
Every fiber of your being is telling you to bolt but you don’t want to disappoint Jeremy who has been the only one showing you any sort of true kindness lately. You don’t want to run.
“Okay.” Tony relents.
“Alright.” You sigh.
“But seriously, how long have you and the assistant been shacking up?” Tony probes.
“Tony…” You whine.
“I’m just curious.” He shrugs.
This is embarrassing. “Years. Three, I think. Why do you care?” You growl.
“I don’t. Like I said, other interested parties.” He admits, sipping his bourbon.
“Other interested parties? Who the hell would be interested in who I’m sleeping with? Paparazzi? You selling info to trash magazines now?” You ask, your voice soft and meek despite the strength of your vocabulary. You shrink into your seat, lifting your arms up to wrap them around yourself as you steal a glance back towards Thor’s table only he isn’t there.
Your eyes scan the table again, quickly. The woman wearing stars is gone too.
“Is it love?” He asks.
“No.” You reply simply, distracted. Truthfully. And he doesn’t argue so he must see how you mean it. The thought of what you and Jeremy share pulls your attention back to Tony. “I-”
You can’t explain this to Tony without him finding out about what you can do, and you don’t want him to know. He’s been after you for testing to see what that explosion when you were a kid might have done to you since you somehow managed to live through it. Telling him why you and Jeremy started to sleep together would be revealing just that. You can’t do that.
“I have anxiety of sorts. Social anxiety. I don’t connect with people the way others do and that makes creating relationships difficult. Jeremy helps me with that. It’s just sex, Tony. Nothing else. He h-has a girlfriend.” You scan the crowd again, looking for him but he’s nowhere to be seen. Did he get stopped? Pulled aside by someone from the board? They’re probably here too.
As you scan, your eyes stutter over Thor’s familiar golden head.
No. This isn’t happening. Now you have to watch him dance with someone else too?
You shoot to your feet and Tony slowly rises to his beside you.
Run, Y/N. Run.
All of our instincts scream at you to run.
“See something?” He asks, glancing in the same direction you’re staring.
The dancing crowd continues to sway and dance to the slow ethereal tune of Young and Beautiful by Lana Del Rey. It’s like magic, the way the music makes your heart pound and the way seeing Thor again after weeks fills you with such sadness. He’s here with someone else.
Not you. His aura reaches you finally. He’s closer. At the center of the dance floor now. He’s still obscured and you can’t see him clearly, only the top of his blonde head.
You really have to concentrate to feel it, the golden glow of him. Too many people.
The crowd parts and your chest caves in. Expecting the sight but not ready to see it.
“Who’s that?” You gasp, your heart aching so painfully you’d swear someone has literally plunged their hand into your chest to physically twist it for it to feel like this.
Tony looks over, placing his hand on your lower back to keep his balance. “Oh, that’s Dr. Helen Cho. Thor’s date.”
Thor’s date. Thor’s date. Thor’s date.
You swallow hard but don’t dare tear your eyes away from the beautiful couple. This Dr. Helen Cho, the black of her dress is so deep it looks like someone carved out a piece of the night sky and forged it into a dress for her. Her long slender neck, the rose of her cheeks, her smile—she’s ecstatic to be here and in Thor’s arms. She wants him too.
You see that in her eyes because you feel it in the core of your very soul.
And Thor’s holding her close, swaying with her to the magical melody of the song.
This must be why he never called you. He’d found someone else to be with, that’s the only explanation for why he never reached out. No texts. Nothing.
Maybe she blocked you from his phone when she saw your messages?
You watch her lean up to whisper into his ear again as he swings her around slowly, forcing him to turn towards you.
Run.
He laughs, stunning smile on display for the room to see but she put it there. Her joke made him smile. His arms are around her waist.
Time to face it. He’ll never be yours.
Run. This time, you’re inclined to obey.
“I have to go.” You gasp, trying to ignore the weight in your chest. How does it feel so heavy but hollow all at once?
“Go? You just got here.” Tony argues.
Half an hour is not just. You tried. You hung in there even when you saw him here. You should have never come here. You should have stayed away where people like you to be. Alone, in your home. A recluse. The mysterious heiress.
Not good enough to fall for. Not worth listening to. Unimportant. Small. Insignificant. Forgotten.
Thor’s electric blue eyes find yours and your heart shatters. You claw at your stomach, hating the painful twist as his smile instantly vanishes.
That’s what you do to him. You take his smile away. Wipe it clean and non-existent.
Run!
“I have to go.” You repeat, almost crying. “Move, Tony.”
You push past him hard, using some of your strength and ignore his protests as he reaches for your wrist. You slip by him and behind the next table and the next but ahead there’s a crowd of partygoers laughing and talking. They’re blocking the way to the door with their huge dresses and chairs all wonky and out of place.
They’re drunk and fighting through them will take time.
Panicking you turn to your right and shift into a small run towards a lone wooden door, your dress hissing as it sways against the marble floor.
You don’t know where the door leads but anywhere is better than this place.
As the wooden door shuts, the music of the ballroom nearly dies as you find yourself in a smaller side room with sofas around an expensive looking ornamental carpet. The room is dark, save for a small lamp casting the room in a dim yellow glow. A waiting room.
This light is nicer. Warmer. Like the sun. No ice.
You move towards the lamp, like a moth to the flame and stop only when you can stare down at the small source of light.
It’s not hot enough. You wish there was a fire. You could make one if you really wanted to, but there’s no wood in the large fireplace. Just a grate with no logs.
The door behind you clicks shut again and you refuse to turn around. Addictive golden energy flows through you, engulfing you in pleasurable heat.
It completes you but you don’t want to see. You don’t want to know.
It’s probably Tony. You lie to yourself.
Yeah…just Tony.
“Y/N?” Thor’s voice asks gently. Confusion floods his tone.
Your heart lurches. Shattered as it is, it grinds against you painfully.
You don’t want him to see you. You don’t want to see him. What will he see? Why is he even here? Shouldn’t he be with his girlfriend? His date?
If he’s just going to apologize for ghosting you, you’d rather not hear it.
“Don’t. Please.” You beg. You don’t want to hear it. You don’t want to deal with this. Why can’t you just disappear?
“I was not expecting to see you here.” Thor says, closer. He’s not by the door anymore.
Maybe you can make a run for it? You’ll dive around him and hurry out before he can grab you.
“I’m sorry I came. I-”
“For work?” He offers and you turn to look at him.
It might have been better if you hadn’t.
The sight of him in his black and white tuxedo is too good. Tall. Majestic. He’s glorious all golden and formal.
His words spark something in you. Something like courage but not quite. Indignation? How dare he presume to know anything about you when he made it so very clear that knowing you is the last thing he could ever want.
The thought of all those unanswered text messages fills you with shame and embarrassment.
“What do you know about my work?” You demand, angrier because you’d tried so hard to keep that from him. What you do. Who you have to be? This life is the life that was given to you. The one you were born into. It’s not who you truly are.
You’re not delusional, before all of this mess you’d known you couldn’t hide it forever but for a while at least. Just until he could get to know you as the person you really are without all the money and the rumors. You just wanted to be the girl who loves coffee and pastries and books.
Or maybe it’s like you thought and maybe that’s why he didn’t call you? He’d seen who you are, and his interest had disappeared with the knowledge. Is that it?
“Is that why you didn’t call me? Because I-I didn’t tell you who I was?” You sigh, feeling worse. “I was going to tell you when I was ready I just-”
“No!” He rushes to say, stepping forward a few steps but he stops when you attempt to take a step back only to crash with the lamp. It rattles behind you, glass on porcelain.
You reach back to steady it, hating yourself for being so open with your reactions. Why can’t you be cool and collected? Hide it all underneath some carefully calculated outer shell?
“Then why?” You plead, forgetting the lamp as your insides peel and cut at the very sight of his chiseled chin, covered in the neatly trimmed fuzz of his beard. A few strands of his hair have come undone from his carefully styled hairdo and they’re falling against his forehead, tempting you to tuck them back. “Why didn’t you call? I waited and waited. I-From what you said I thought that…do you hate me because I didn’t tell you who I was right away? You can tell me the truth, Thor.”
“No. I meant to call you; I did.” Thor assures you, his voice straining with sincerity. A groan of regret in his throat. “But I-”
He stops, hesitating. Not sure why, you recover from your shock of having him step towards you and take a step towards him yourself. “But?”
Oh, he’s so close. You could touch his skin…that heat…like a moth to the flame.
“I-I forgot.” He says it quietly, as if he might be able to take it back the moment he wishes to. But he can’t. And now it’s out there.
Your eyes drift down to his hands which are balled into fists as your emptiness grows.
Just where I belong. Forgotten. You smile with your heartbreak, a small breath of a laugh whispered through your lips. Eyes stinging, you blink furiously to drive them back. You won’t cry in front of this man.
You swallow hard, moving back until your legs hit the edge of the fancy gilded sofa and sit.
“You forgot me.” You state, smiling sadly at the floor, speaking slow and quiet.
Every bit of confidence that Jeremy had built up in you tonight seems to vanish.
“I guess I’m not really surprised. Everyone seems to forget about me. Silly of me to expect different. Silly. It’s okay.” You nod. “I’m used to it.”
“No.” Thor rushes to your side, dropping down beside you. He takes your hands in his own, the heat of his skin so lovely compared to the cooler temperatures of everyone else in your life but you can’ even really enjoy it. “I don’t mean that I forgot about you. I have thought about you every day since I last saw you.”
Your heart flutters. Can he mean it?
“The mission we were on pulled Stark and I into space in pursuit of our enemy. I should have stopped to call you then when I realized that we would have to leave, or at least sent you a message that it might be possible I would not return for a while, but we were in such a hurry that I didn’t think of it until we got back.”
“You don’t owe me an explanation, Thor.” It sounds fake anyway. It lines up with the story of him going away and then coming back later. Your mind shoots back to the beautiful Korean woman he’d been dancing with. Helen Cho. “If you found someone else, you didn’t have to hide it from me. I-”
You hesitate because you don’t like to outright lie, and this is most definitely a lie.
“I would have been okay with just being your friend. She’s very beautiful, your date.” You smile at him, forced, still sad. Damn your lack of a poker face.
“No.” Thor grieves. He scoots closer, cupping the sides of your face.
God, his touch could melt metal.
“No, Y/N. Although I cannot deny that I am here with Dr. Cho, I can assure you that I am only here because she asked me to be her escort when Steve could no longer accompany her. Nothing more. And you…I could never be just friends with you.” He shakes his head, smiling affectionately at you. “I’d go mad.”
You search his eyes, yearning for him so much that you know he must be able to see it. Can what he says be true?
“You really left Earth?”
“Yes.” He nods, thumbs caressing your cheeks.
“I’m sorry I sent you so many texts.” You confess, still hating yourself for the slip. Like Jeremy said, you should have played it cool and stopped when he never replied.
“I loved them.” Thor smiles, your heart soaring at the subtle stretch to his lips.
“But-you got back and never—you never responded?” You look down at his chest and he tilts your head back up to stare into your eyes again.
“I was not truly back. The members of the team that did return thought it best to release the story of our return to keep our enemies at bay. If they knew we were off planet for more than a day, they might try and cause trouble. Steve did not realize what releasing that story would do to us.”
Us. Oh, good God! Us! You and Thor are an us?
You lick your lips, staring at his then diverting attention back to his eyes. “So, you weren’t ignoring me?”
“No.” He shakes his head, shifting closer. Is he going to kiss you?! “I came to you as soon as I received those messages only…”
He pulls back and you hate it. So much that your hands react on their own and find the hard bulge of his shoulders. You pull him closer and his eyes go slightly wide at the strength with which you do it.
He elects to ignore your slip and you’re grateful for the moment.
“I came to see you, at your home at the tip of your tower but when I arrived you were…preoccupied. I left straight away.” The way he says it you know what he must have seen.
Fuck!
His hands slide down along your neck then finally come to rest on the sides of your shoulders.
“Oh.” You loosen your hold on him and bring your hands down to his sides.
Touching him at all has your head dizzy. The smooth fabric of his suit, the lovely aura he exudes right up against you, is all so delightful but you also have to contend with the guilt of what he must have seen. Wait…why are you feeling guilty? You and Thor weren’t together.
Your mind flurries over the confusion of how intensely you feel about Thor already. It feels like fate or destiny. Drawn to him the way you are. You don’t even have a choice whether you should be with him or not. The answer is yes. You must be with Thor.
“Have you found someone to cherish you?” He asks, giving your arms a squeeze. “It’s what you deserve.”
His assurance breaks your heart again. You’re the reason that he’s kept away this past week. He came to see you when he realized what you must think but then found you in bed with Jeremy.
“Jeremy’s always been very considerate of me, Thor. There are things about me that only Jeremy knows, and he’s been there for me through that. When you never called I-I withdrew. I hadn’t come out of my home in days and Jeremy offered me the only comfort and distraction that he can. He’s done it for years.” You bite your lower lip. Will this make Thor run? “I’m different from regular people, Thor and Jeremy offered once to help me experience something that would be dangerous for anyone to try with me, but we managed it and he’s been there for me in that way since.”
You’re not ashamed of what you and Jeremy share. It’s unique, sure, but it had been a necessity.
“It’s not an everyday occurrence, although I do have to admit that since you never called and when I finally gave up, it’s happened more and more often. I know that it must be strange but it’s just a way to cope. A way to get something that’s been missing my whole life. The emotions might not be there, but I-I can feel wanted when he’s with me. Like there’s nothing wrong with me.”
You avoid his gaze, embarrassed by this admission. That you need the sex to feel normal, not the sex itself.
“So, you are not in love with him?” Thor asks, eyebrows high on his forehead.
If that’s what he pulls out of what you just said to him, he’s even better than you ever realized.
“No.” You smile at him—a real smile—eager to please and assure him that you’re only interested in him. “I love Jeremy—as weird as this might sound—like family. He’s the only person I’ve ever been able to trust after my Papa Roman passed.”
“But you are not with him?” Thor asks, eagerly, his hands shifting up along your neck again.
The trail they carve burns hot.
“No.” You shake your head. “I-I only w-want to be with you, Thor. I’ve never felt this way about a guy before. Anyone, really.”
The nerves in your stomach make you queasy to say such stupid, sappy, and open things aloud to his face. If he weren’t sitting right in front of you, you might have blown chunks.
You drop your voice even lower, quieter. It’s a whisper in the semi-darkness with the hum of the string quartet finishing up their rendition of Young and Beautiful.
“I like you, Thor. A lot.” You blink, staring into his blue eyes hoping that the spark you see there means he’s passionate about you too. “Do you think that m-maybe you could like me ba-?”
You don’t get to finish as he lunges down towards you, pulling you up until your lips crash against his. It’s rough at first, needy and your teeth click. Your lips burn with the roughness that he kisses you with, but you groan, happy to have his lips on yours though it does hurt.
He pulls back, gasping quietly, hot breath on your lips. You sigh and laugh lightly. “Ow.”
“I’m sorry.” He says, eyes still shut as he strokes your cheeks with his thumbs once more. “I’ve been wanting to do that for months.”
This surprises you and you pull back, confused. “Months?”
Thor’s eyes shoot open. “Oh, I mean, not months. That would be strange right? It’s not like I’ve been following you around or anything I just—Well, I went to some of the places I knew you happened to go to and if you happened to be there, then I would get to see you. That’s not weird, right?”
Months?! “You’ve been watching me?”
“No!” He nearly screams in panic.
“You haven’t been watching me?” You ask, slightly disappointed, though it’s veiled in bewilderment.
“I mean, yes. I wasn’t stalking you or anything like that, even if that’s what Natasha kept saying.” He hurries to explain himself but you’re too busy basking in the blissful warmth of your confusion. “One day I just, I saw in you the café and you were so happy. Your eyes shone like stars, but you were so unappreciated by those friends you keep, and I wanted to keep seeing you. So, I kept going to the café and one day I was out by the park and you passed by with your friends and I saw you go into that museum of art, the Met? So, I went by a few days later-”
He’s babbling, quickly. Explaining himself as thoroughly as he can but all you’re hearing is the fact that every time you felt his warmth, every single time you bathed in his aura and thanked the universe for letting you feel it, Thor had been there intentionally to see you.
You.
You wrap your arms around his back again, under his arms and use your hands to push him towards you once again. His eyes widen once more at the shocking strength you exert but he doesn’t complain when your lips find his.
You shut your eyes and surrender to the bliss. You can feel his power coursing underneath his skin. It sends subtle shocks through to yours and you smile against his lips and let yourself burn him in return. He pulls back, a little, shocked by your heat. Not far enough to really break your kiss.
“What-?”
“I told you, I’m different.” You whisper against his lips. “I’m…I’ll explain it all to you but Thor, please can you just-?”
He seems to know what you want because he wraps his arms around your waist and kisses you again. This time, his lips are sensual, slow, and soft. His tongue traces the edges of your lips and you let him in, whimpering against his mouth as he softens for you.
He’s like velvet, smooth and slow, his beard tickling your chin and cheeks. His electricity charges you and your heat burns him. This kiss, slow and riddled with such yearning and feeling, chars him to you and finally you can use your strength.
You crush yourself to him. He groans and the sound is a tease of what’s to come. You can’t hold anyone like this, not Jeremy. No one. He seems to realize that he can use his strength too and he squeezes you tighter, breasts crushed against his chest and he tilts his head to the left and leans you back against the sofa.
After tonight, you can never go back to a time when you are not able to kiss Thor. Although you know he has a say in the matter, mentally you claim him as your own. Thor is yours and you wish anyone that hopes to stand in your way of having him luck.
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