#thr;

[rkmeiqi]

cry baby.

@rkkaeun

it takes half a listen of and*roma's new title track for meiqi to decide she absolutely hates it. she doesn't even try to hide this fact—her face screws up in disgust when the song is first played for the group, her voice is flat when she tries out her lines for the first time (there are quite a few, and for once, she finds herself wishing she had less). the biggest giveaway, if anyone were too oblivious to notice the previous signs, is when the dance teacher shows them the choreography a week later, and meiqi simply storms out of practice.

she had been holding onto a thread of hope until then. maybe the dance would contradict the overall vibe of the song, maybe it would be more difficult than she presumed, maybe it’s not as cute as it seems, maybe it would—no. her hope comes crashing down on her, and she can no longer ignore this aching feeling in her chest.

meiqi holds it in until she's in the dorms, and then, she's screaming. like a glass that's overflowed, hot and angry tears trek down her cheeks as she stomps towards her room. like a rubber band has been stretched too far back that it's snapped, she's winding her arm and throwing her pillow, her blankets, the closest clothes she can find, all across the room. like a building that's had all its support beams snapped in half, meiqi crumbles to the floor in a heap, surrounded by the remnants of her own destruction.

over the roar of adrenaline and frustration in her ears, she barely hears her group mate approaching. but somehow she does hear it, the light footsteps, and she glances up from her spot. "kaeun..." and then, her voice turns angry again, knowing why the other girl must be here. she reaches for another article of clothing—her favourite shoes—and chucks them at the closest wall. "it's not fair! it's not fair! i don't want to do this!"

[rkmeiqi]

backstage reunions.

@rklino

visiting the de:code waiting room has been a part of meiqi's plan since she first stepped foot on the show’s property. seonho is in that group, her precious brother-like friend who she's practically watched grow up, so it would be downright rude of her to not drop by and congratulate him. for good measure, she passes along a signed and*roma album with his favourite snack to keep the young boy motivated (because she's a kind senior, of course, no it's not because she's trying to impress the other members!).

when she turns to leave, meiqi faces the shock of her life. with their recent schedules, she never had the time to search up each and every member as their teasers rolled out. to be honest, she really only watched the music video to cheer for seonho's solo shots and admire the choreography. meiqi never expected to see another familiar face, and, pointing at him from across the room, only one word tumbles from her lips before she can even think to slap a hand over her own mouth. "vomit..."

the memory is almost fresh in her brain when she meets his eyes, though they're not her own thoughts but the explanation an exasperated stranger had given that filled in the gaps of that night. there's more to their friendship than just that occurrence, she knows this; it's made up of meiqi stealing his cat, meiqi asking for cat pictures—was she actually friends with his cat and not him? still, they haven't spoken in a while and the horror feels fresh when she realizes he's an idol now—they're both idols—, and they're in a room of attractive people who, at any moment, could have their perceptions of a cool industry senior absolutely shattered by a cat man, and meiqi just can't stand for that.

she places a hand on her chest to calm her heart's erratic beating, briefly wondering if the others in the room can hear it. instead of fleeing, which she briefly debated on, meiqi approaches minho with the brightest smile she can muster through the overwhelming embarrassment. it’s not fake, though. meiqi’s actually excited to see her old friend, even if it means mentally rehashing the one of the lowest points in her life. "hey, lee minho! you're here too? you're a go~rilla go~rilla?" she claps him on the back as she sings a snippet of their song, perhaps with a bit more force than necessary. “hey, do you remember me? it’s me, meiqi!” 

[rkmeiqi]

protégé.

@rkwendy​

meiqi’s grateful for the opportunities coming her way. admittedly, she’s not on the others’ level yet; she doesn’t have endorsements or osts or variety show appearances (the latter is her next goal). but these performances, the special stages that they get to do as a group or with other groups, make up for it all. however, that doesn’t mean meiqi isn’t nervous when she’s told of her upcoming collaboration. it’s different from her previous stages. she’s always been accompanied by at least one other group member, and there has always been quite a few other idols on the stage with her. this time, it’s just meiqi and per_se’s nori. a duet, where the choreography isn’t exactly tiring or complicated, and meiqi’s expected to sing all of her parts without falling out of tune, without someone to cover for her mistakes, without—

she finds herself hunting down one of her group members almost immediately. everyone is busy, whether it’s getting ready for the comeback or practicing for the other special stage, but meiqi knows that wendy, their ever-dependable main vocal, would always be willing to lend a helping hand.

lyric sheet clenched in one fist, meiqi raises the other to knock on the door of the practice room she saw wendy disappear into. she opens it right after, lifting the paper up to her chin and putting on the most pitiful expression she could muster. “wendy… i need your help. again.” meiqi leaves the door open behind her as she steps forward, thrusting the paper outwards as if she’s a bashful high school student trying to gift her crush a bag of homemade chocolates. “you know that stage i have with hosung… i just realized it’s not a dancing stage…”

[rkmeiqi]

2020 vision.

@rkwendy​

when wendy approaches meiqi, she thinks it might be for composing. after all, they haven't worked together on a song for months, or maybe even longer. meiqi doesn't remember, but the thought of making music with wendy is so intriguing that she barely listens to what the other girl says, nodding almost immediately.

she regrets it almost immediately, too, when she sees the stationary on the table and wendy mentions "2020 new years resolutions" or "things to do in 2020" or something along those lines (meiqi tunes out pretty quickly). it's too late to back out, so meiqi sits down quietly, stares blankly at the paper in front of her for a good few minutes, before already giving up.

"this is so boring," meiqi whines, slamming the pencil down on the table. her piece of paper is void of any actual words, covered only in a few doodles: sunflowers with smiles, stars dangling from a crescent moon, a heart around chungha's name—meiqi quickly scribbles over that one before wendy can catch a glimpse of it (she hopes). "why are we writing down what we want to do instead of going out and working towards achieving it? i can't even decide what to eat for lunch sometimes so how do i decide what i want to do?"

[rkmeiqi]

what ifs.

@rkwendy

"have you ever wondered why the company chose the boys to debut first?"

meiqi's not bitter—okay, maybe she's a little bitter. but it's not as big of a deal as she pretends it is, because at the end of the day, the girls will debut too. though the date isn't set, they know it will happen, and they have their precious ceo's promise captured on video. if he manages to forget, they have proof.

"did hyun bin hold a meeting with all the staff where they debated girls versus boys?" meiqi muses at the thought of suit-clad executives arguing across the table, slamming their fists and raising their voices for their pick. "or maybe he flipped a coin. heads for boys and tails for girls?"

she crosses her legs underneath her. the arm rests of the chair dig into her skin, so she unfolds her legs once more and lets them swing. aside from their presence, the studio is empty. it reminds meiqi of the time they worked on a song together. "you know, one day we should show hyun bin that song we wrote. maybe it'll go on a future album."

[rkmeiqi]

almost there.

@jungwoork

“your hair!”

meiqi points at jungwoo, eyes fixated on the blonde strands framing his face. she hasn’t seen the boy for a while; now that both the boys and the girls are gearing up for their debuts, their schedules are catered entirely to them. private lessons and living in dorms makes it hard for meiqi to even interact with anyone outside for her group these days. she can’t imagine how it must be for jungwoo and the other per_se boys.

crossing the floor between them, meiqi reaches out to run her fingers over his hair. the change in colour makes everything feel more real. that’s what being an idol is like, having to dye your hair to fit your promotions. meiqi wonders if she will also have to change her hairstyle, not that it’s a big deal. she dyes her hair often anyways, but it still sends a burst of excitement through her veins.

“how are preparations going?” she asks, tearing her gaze away from his hair. “do you guys have a debut date set yet?”

[rkmeiqi]

that’s not very luxe of you.

@rksora

it feels like meiqi was on vlive dancing her heart away to this very song, just yesterday.

about a month has passed since the stream, and meiqi thinks the staff must be granting her wishes like her own personal genies. after seeing her enthusiasm while performing luxe's song in the practice room late at night, and how much happier she seemed when dancing to a song that isn’t so cute, perhaps they felt a change of heart. or maybe they were throwing her a bone so that she doesn’t look completely dead inside during their actual comeback. regardless, being given the opportunity to try out her dream concept, with her absolute favourite song, almost makes up for the atrocity that is and*roma's next release. almost. and even if it’s just a special stage, just one day out of 365. she’ll take it, and she’ll make hyun bin reconsider every title track he’s ever given the group.

meiqi’s buzzing before she even enters the practice room on the first day after they’re given the lines. she’s practiced her part in the shower, while getting dressed, and even while walking through the building (not that she needs to practice, considering she knows this song like the back of her hand—she just loves it that much). it takes her back to when the song had just come out and she had been humming it all over the dorms, much to the members’ chagrin.

“hey, sorry i’m late—” her voice falters mid-greeting when she throws the door open, only to find juhee in an odd position that is eerily reminiscent of up and down’s point dance. and yet… it’s so, so different. “juhee… what the hell is that? did you sprain something?”