What is That?
~with Aden (24) and Jinora (21)~
Aden
The two of them had been together since they were children. They learned to live with each other’s flaws (though Aden would argue that Jinora was perfect) but Aden still had his secrets. He hated keeping things from her but his time in prison was something Aden wanted to keep buried away in his mind. Jinora didn’t need to know the horrors of what he went through.
A few months ago Jinora had accepted Aden’s necklace. Wedding plans had them both fairly stressed, but Aden probably took it a bit more to heart. Most of Aden’s friends were criminals and Jinora’s parents were still clueless of his past. If he messed this wedding up no one would ever forgive him.
Every morning was the same for Aden. He made sure to give himself enough time to hide away in order to cover the mark he was most ashamed of. Though with all the stress of planning, he just wasn’t getting enough sleep.
When Aden woke up and saw the time, he rushed to get out of bed to get ready. They had to figure out the food choices today. So without a second thought, Aden ran out the door. Forgetting all about touching up the makeup on the side of his face.
Jinora
Punctual as ever, Jinora had arrived at the selected restaurant five minutes before the time she and Aden had agreed to meet, ten minutes before their appointment. A quick glance at the city clock told her they had four minutes left until their appointment, and she wasn’t sure if she should worry or not.
He was generally on time, sometimes early, sometimes a few minutes late, but never this late, it seemed, unless something had happened. Jinora hated the idea of becoming one of those women who worried endlessly over how late their man was, but Jinora knew she was justified in at least wondering about worrying. She was marrying Aden, after all.
They had met young and hadn’t gotten off on the best foot, but things had happened and they ended up as close friends. It wasn’t too long before close friends had turned into a couple, and their engagement happened. Her parents didn’t quite approve (her mother did, her father was still on the fence it seemed), but she was happy they didn’t outright disapprove based off the little she had told them about Aden.
Before her worrying could gain anymore ground in her mind, she saw him. Running up the street like he was, she was surprised he hadn’t knocked anything over. She smiled, giving him a hug and a kiss on the cheek once he was next to her.
“Morning, Aden. We’ve got three minutes, we should get inside. Unless something came up?” She asked, subtly prodding.
Aden
Jinora had to be worried by now. He was never this late. His half of the guest list kept him up most of the night. Aden was marrying the most perfect woman in the world and no one he knew was going to be there to see it.
Pulling out his pocket watch to check the time, he picked up speed. The guest list would have to wait, their appointment was in five minutes and spirits be damned if he was going to miss it.
As he rounded the corner to the restaurant, he narrowly avoided a group of people. Tripping and stumbling, but not falling, over a dip in the sidewalk Aden rushed over to where his soon-to-be wife was standing.
“Morning, Jinora. No no, nothing came up. I overslept. I didn’t expect wedding planning to be this stressful” he returned the hug and kiss, smiling at her sweetly. “Let’s get inside. We don’t want to miss it.”
Jinora
“I’m sure they would let us reschedule again..” Jinora trailed off even as Aden led her inside. This was the third time they had set this appointment. First time around Jinora had to cancel due to being called out to the Southern Temple for some spirit issues a few days earlier. The second time hadn’t been their fault, but the restaurant’s for mixing appointment times with several others Jinora would like to keep this appoint, but if they had to change, she as sure they would allow it. Hopefully.
She turned her head to look at him, to make sure nothing was wrong, and nearly tripped at what she saw. She had known Aden for years, knew that he had received a very difficult hand in the game of life, and knew at least the very basics of everything about him. But the tattoo (yes, it was a tattoo, not a wound like her mind first assumed) on his face? She had never seen that before, and it definitely wasn’t new. She didn’t know he even wanted tattoos!
Her grip on him tightened a result from nearly falling and being so surprised. She had stopped walking as well, and had just opened her mouth when the restaurant manager hurried up to them with a greeting. Steeling herself, Jinora returned the greeting best she could, but didn’t let up her grip on Aden’s hand. She had never seen this tattoo on her fiancé, not something she could easily ignore; they were going to have to talk after their appointment.
Aden
“We are not rescheduling again. Especially just because I slept in. We have to get this food figured out.” Aden grabbed her hand and started to pull Jinora into the restaurant. “They aren’t going to keep letting us change days.”
He started to lead her inside over to where the restaurant manager was when she suddenly stumbled slightly and her grip on his hand tightened. “Careful, Jin”
When she suddenly stopped walking, Aden turned his head to face her. She still had a tight grip on his hand. “Is everything okay?” The manager rushed over to them, he returned the greeting before following them. Squeezing Jinora’s hand back, he kissed her head. They would have to talk later.
Jinora
Managing a quick nod, Jinora tried to direct her full attention to the manager. She paid attention to his words for the most part, but she couldn’t get the tattoo out of her mind completely. How long had Aden had it? Why did he get a tattoo there, and why tattoo that symbol? More importantly, why was she only just now seeing it?
The appointment went smoothly. They met the head chef, discussed what they were hoping for, looked at and sampled a few, and selected a few to try as they continued discussing over brunch. Eventually it was all done. Paperwork given for the couple to fill out and return, light notes for the restaurant n the meantime. Pleasantries were exchanged, and the young couple left the restaurant.
Aden
Aden did his best to pay attention to the meeting. The couple had been dealing with these types of conversations for weeks now and he couldn’t help but zone out every now and then. Especially with Jinora acting so oddly, hopefully she wasn’t getting sick.
As they left the restaurant, Aden couldn’t help but wrap his arm around her as they walked. The rest of their day was mostly free, so the couple just took their time getting home.
Once they had made it to the stairs of Aden’s apartment, he finally spoke up. “Are you feeling alright, love? You seemed a bit out of it back there. I have some tea inside, would you like me to make you some?”
Jinora
“Tea sounds great. I’ll help,” Jinora replied after a moment, following him inside. She put her bag on the coffee table before heading to the kitchen. She got two mugs out and set them down, leaning against as she watched Aden move, her eyes never leaving him. Specifically, never leaving the tattoo.
She knew she would be the world’s biggest hypocrite if she said she didn’t like tattoos. She had gotten her arrow tattoos when she was 11, for spirit’s sake, and she honestly didn’t mind when others chose to have tattoos. It wasn’t wrong, in her opinion, to ink something meaningful onto your skin, to make it a part of your identity. She just didn’t know why this tattoo had somehow become part of Aden’s identity, it seemed so unlike anything he would ever choose.
A tense, awkward silence seemed to settle between them as they waited for the tea. Jinora had no idea what to say; how did one even start a conversation like this and not have it turn into an argument of some kind? As in love as she and Aden were, it seemed they excelled at turning certain topics into fights, and Jinora felt this tattoo would be one of those topics.
It wasn’t until they were settled on the couch, tea in hand, that Jinora dared to start the conversation. She had tucked herself into one end of the couch, facing Aden, her toes tucked beneath his leg for warmth. She wiggled them once, took a sip, and braved herself for whatever was to follow.
“Aden.. How come you never told me you had a tattoo?”
Aden
Unlocking his door, Aden made his way inside toward the kitchen. “You don’t have to help. Just go sit down and relax” He hummed as he dug through his cupboards, getting out everything he needed. Hearing Jinora following behind him. “You’re stubborn.”
She was acting so weird. It didn’t seem like she was sick, maybe all the planning and her airbaby duties were finally getting to her. Aden could feel her eyes on him the entire time he made the tea. Was Jinora having second thoughts? Is that why she wanted to reschedule again, she wasn’t sure she wanted to go through with it all.
The silence just added to Aden’s nervousness. This kind of quiet always meant something was up. Probably a hot topic between the two of them. He really didn’t want to fight today.
Aden filled their mugs with tea before leading the two of them over to the couch. Chuckling at Jinora as she got comfortable. As he went to take a sip of his tea, Jinora’s words sucked all the air out of his lungs. Tattoo.. She shouldn’t be able to see it. He covered it up before-No.. No, he rushed out the door before he could. How stupid could he be! That’s the most important thing he has to do!
He was starting to panic, hands shaking and before he knew it his mug had shattered on the floor. “I..I..”
Jinora
Before she realized it, Jinora shot forward, mug still gripped in one hand. Her other hand and landed on Aden’s chest, just under his collar bone and above his heart. Forcefully she pushed him back against the couch, and kept him there for a second. “Don’t move,” she stated, her tone demanding his attention.
Seeing the look she got in return managed to clear her head a bit. Aden had been through so much, she didn’t want to hurt him if she could help it, so in a gentler tone she said “The mug, it’s broken. You’ll cut yourself on the pieces, so don’t move until I clean it up, okay?”
Carefully, she got off the couch and set her mug on the table. Disappearing to the kitchen for a moment, she returned with a bowl, a small brush and a damp towel. She kneeled on the ground and carefully began picking up the larger pieces of the mug.
“I’m sorry I surprised you. I wasn’t expecting to see you with a tattoo, I know how much you dislike them,” she said after a few silent moments. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
Aden
Aden didn’t have the chance to run before Jinora pushed him back against the couch. Her voice scared him. She was mad.. She had to be mad. He had left his equalist life years ago but the mark of a traitor still dawned on the side of his head. His widened eyes shot to her face. Her next words sounded nice but that would change. Aden knew it would. She had to be mad.
When Jinora moved, he debated running to the bathroom, going and quickly covering the mark back up. Make up some dumb story of it being marker or something, but Jinora was back before his mind could figure anything out.
His hands were still shaking, while she was away he had managed to adjust his hair to cover the tattoo. “I.. I don’t have a tattoo..” Spirits she was never going to believe him. “I passed out working on some things. I probably just got marker on my head.. I should go wash it off…”
Jinora
“Aden, I’m not stupid. I know that’s a tattoo, and not marker. Marker ink spreads on skin through the tiny lines. Tattoos don’t.” She wasn’t mad at him. Not entirely. A little upset he never told her, certainly, but she wasn’t truly mad.
Jinora knew Aden kept secrets. He had kept them his entire life. From the equalists, for the equalists, from the public, from her. She knew that some of these secrets were okay for her not to know though. She didn’t want to know everything about the equalists, as much as she disliked the actions of the group. She had accepted aden’s proposal knowing about these secrets, and she was fine with it. This secret though, this one hurt a little. He knew she wouldn’t care if he had a tattoo. So why hide it from her?
She finished cleaning up the broken mug and spilled tea, and set the bowl on the table before sitting back down on the couch with him. Gently, she took one of his hands in hers, rubbing her thumb across the back of his hand. “Please, Aden. Talk to me?”
Aden
Aden was shaking his head the entire time she spoke. Why wouldn’t she just let it go. He didn’t want to talk about it. It was painful to remember. “It.. It’s marker. I’ll show you. I’ll make it go away.. If I can go to my room I’ll make it go away..”
He didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t tell her how it happened, where it happened. She didn’t need to know he’d had it since he was 16, marked as a traitor at 16. Aden had many secrets and he did his best to not keep any from Jinora anymore, but this was different.
When she made her way back up onto the couch and grabbed his hand, he flinched slightly. “It’s not real..” Aden squeezed her hand. “Please.. I can make it go away..”
Jinora
Returning his squeeze with one of her own, Jinora scooted closer to him. Tilting her head, she tried to get him to look at her.
“Aden,” she said softly. “Aden, please. I’m not mad that you have a tattoo. It’s okay, it doesn’t have to go away. I just… I just want to understand, okay? So can we talk? Please, Aden?”
The repetition of his words and his tone was worrying her. She’d only heard him like this a few times, and every time turned out to be terrible. She couldn’t just walk away though, he was her fiancé. More importantly, he was her friend. She had to help him, and as much as he seemed not to want her help, Jinora felt that he really did need her help, need her.
Aden
He couldn’t look at her. Not now that she saw the mark. He was mad and embarrassed and all the feelings from when the tattoo was forced onto him were coming back. So his eyes closed tightly.
Jinora’s voice sounded so nice though. She always knew what to do. Always knew how to make things better. Maybe Aden should tell her, but.. she would give him that look. The look of pity and regret and no.. She had to know. He had to tell her. They were getting married. She needed to know.
“It.. It’s not a tattoo. Your arrows are tattoos. Mako’s dragon is a tattoo. I don’t have a tattoo” Aden still couldn’t look at her. He was too ashamed. “It’s the mark of a traitor..”
Jinora
Jinora desperately wanted to contradict him on that statement right now, but bit her tongue. She had a feeling that saying anything like that right now would stop Aden from talking, from telling her this. She would have time after to prove him wrong, prove that he wasn’t a traitor. Time to prove that he was just Aden.
So instead she dropped her eyes from his, squeezing his hand again. She curled herself up against his side, leaning her head on his shoulder in a silent display of support. He needed her right now, she though, and she needed him too. So silently they sat, Jinora waiting patiently for him to continue, her thumb still rubbing the top of his hand. Silently telling him that she was still there for him, that she would always be there for him.
Aden
Aden sat in silence for a long while. Relaxing slightly as Jinora leaned against him. Maybe she would understand why he kept it hidden for eight years. Why he couldn’t tell her. She would understand. No.. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t relive all the pain and fear. Couldn’t tell Jinora about all the pain he went through in that hell. Lying was the only way. Stories of him being dumb and vulnerable.
His whole demeanor changed. More stiff. More cold. Less weakness. “The equalists had just fallen apart and I couldn’t accept everything I had done. Everything I lied about. Everything I did to you. Betraying my family…” He couldn’t thank Kason enough right now. Her training did wonders sometimes. “I was young. I was dumb. I wanted to remind myself everyday of all the people I hurt.” Hopefully Jinora wouldn’t see through his lies, but she was always good at seeing the real Aden.
Jinora
If Jinora hadn’t known Aden and his moods so well, she might have missed the subtle change from him. His words sounded true, and anyone else would probably accept them as the truth, but something about them just rubbed Jinora wrong.
She knew that he had been upset, devastated even, when the equalists had fallen. They had been his family, taught him so much. Jinora didn’t know much about his blood family, but she didn’t think he thought of joining the equalists as betraying them. Maybe he meant betraying the equalists by being a bender himself? That didn’t sound right to her, nor did his admission of feeling guilty over everything he had done. Just last month, they had gotten into a spat about the old days of bending versus non-bending. None of this sounded right, and she had no idea what to do.
“You weren’t dumb,” she started, slowly, unsure of what exactly she wanted to say. Slowly, she reached one hand up behind him, stroking his hair by the tattoo gently, hoping he could feel what she was trying to convey to him.
“You were young, yes, and you were hurting, but you weren’t dumb. I don’t know why you won’t talk to me about this, but I know you’re not telling me the truth. Not all of it, anyways. But know that I’m here for you, okay? I love you, and if you ever need help with anything, anything at all, please, just tell me and trust me. I don’t ever want you to feel alone. We’re going to be married, going to spend the rest of our lives together. I want you to know that you can trust me with your life. Your past, your secrets; everything. I’m always going to be there for you, Aden, even when you won’t trust me,” she finished, letting silence fall between them, even as she continued stroking his hair.
Aden
The silence that hung between them gave Aden the slightest bit of hope that Jinora has believed him. She knew he had regrets of his past, but she also knew that joining the equalists wasn’t one of them. Amon and the equalists fell almost a decade ago and the couple still had arguments about their beliefs. Aden didn’t feel guilty about the things he’d done. He did what he thought he has to in order to survive. Spirits why could be never master making up lies.
“You can’t say I wasn’t dumb. I was an equalist living in Triple Threat Triad territory. I became friends with the 3rd in command’s brother. I was threatened daily and never left until I went to.. went to prison” He flinched slightly when Jinora’s hand touched near the tattoo. She was never going to let this die.
Aden finally opened his eyes. Finally looked at her. “I love you, Jin, and I trust you with everything. But this. I just.. I never wanted you to see it. No one out here has seen it. ”
Jinora
“Then you can’t say I wasn’t dumb either. Look at the family I was born into; I’m certain no one would have guessed I would become best friends with a group of street kids. I got into trouble, even caused some. I fell in love with an equalist. I still love him, and I’m going to marry him, criminal record and all,” Jinora responded, turning her head to press a kiss to his shoulder before looking at him.
“I know you hated prison, I know your time there hurt you, in ways I can’t even imagine. You can’t just leave it in the past, though. It’s a part of your memories, part of you. I know you think that what I believe sounds silly and stupid sometimes, but you need to accept those memories. Not all at once, but maybe start with the tattoo? You can’t hide it forever; one day, you’re going to forget about covering up, just like today.”
Aden
“You’ve never been dumb. You saw a bunch of street kids and instead of treating us like the garbage we slept near, you got to know us. No one would give us the time of day. I don’t want to even imagine where I would be if it wasn’t for you” Aden let out a shaky breath and pulled Jinora up into his lap, wrapping his arms around her.
“I have to leave those memories in the past.. You just. You don’t get it, Jin. I was a kid and I was in prison.” He buried his face against her. “They found I was an equalist. The guards put me with a triad. The triads… They.. I..I couldn’t get away.” His breathing had sped up and his eyes were starting to fill with tears. “They pinned me in my cell, pushed my face into ground.” The tears had started to flow, shaking his head. “Carved that bloody symbol into my head. Marked me as an equalist. Marked me as a traitor.”
Jinora
She let him pull her closer, her hands automatically linking together loosely behind his neck. Feeling more than seeing the change in his breath immediately made Jinora feel terrible for causing him to relive so much pain, but she knew that he would have to deal with it sometime. Better now, with her in the privacy of their new home, than some other time in public, with who knows watching and judging.
Pulling herself closer, bringing his forehead down to rest on her shoulder. Pressing a soft kiss to his hair, she hugged him, stroking his hair and rubbing circles on his back as she murmured in his ear. “I’m sorry, so sorry you had to go through all that. I’m sorry I couldn’t help you, couldn’t get you out of there. But you’re not there anymore, you’re here with me. You’re safe, and none of them can hurt you like that anymore. I’m sorry. You’re okay, you’re okay..” Her voice trailed off, murmuring the words again and again, even as she fought to keep her own tears from falling. He didn’t need to see her crying, not when he had been hurt so much.
“You’re okay, Aden, you’re safe..”
Aden
His body had started to shake again. All the memories of the years he had spent behind bars flooded his mind. The years of freedom he lost. Years of torture he endured. “I made my mistakes. I..I had to live with them. There was nothing you could have done. Mako got under my skin and I got caught. I hurt everyone that day. Ruined everything.”
That time was done. He was free, happy, engaged. Aden had to stop this, had to be strong. Stay strong. He pulled away from Jinora slightly, wiping his eyes and looking at her. “You find friends when you’re hurting. I found someone. I had my protection after I was marked. Protection from the guards, the triads. It wasn’t ideal, but it was better than nothing. I don’t remember most of the attacks. Just the pain. Hok'ee protected me the best he could.” She didn’t need to know who Hok'ee was. Didn’t need to know that when Aden’s eyes glazed that it was just Hok'ee checking in. She had met him more times than Aden could count. Jin didn’t need to know the truth.
“I’m safe with you, but this mark.. No one can find out. No one can see it.”
Jinora
“I would normally say friends in prison aren’t good friends to make, but I’m glad you found this Hok’ee,” Jinora attempted to joke. It sounded pathetic, even to her ears. She let out a sigh, before pulling herself closer for another hug.
“Still, I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you. And the tattoo, don’t worry about it so much. Cover it if you still want to, but don’t worry if you forget, okay? No one’s going to notice it, no one looks at anyone’s faces on the streets.” She pulled away, enough to kiss his cheek before tucking herself into his arms, head beneath her chin, their arms around each other.
“I’m sorry I made you tell me, but I’m glad I did. I’m always going to be here for you, Aden. I love you.”
Aden
“Finding people is the only way to survive.” Hok'ee’s name had been hidden for so long. Actually saying it calmed both their nerves. “Hok'ee is a life saver”
“It’s hard for you to help me when you all hated my guts.” He gave a small smile, squeezing her tight. Face-dropping again slightly at the mention of the tattoo. “No. It.. It has to stay hidden. I’m not going to be invisible once our wedding hits the papers. If anyone sees it. They’ll… I.. No one can see it. No one needs to know that I was an equalist. ”
The kiss helped him relax. “I love you too” with that. He just held her, humming lightly to himself.
Jinora
“They never have to know that you were an equalist. But you never have to hide it from me. I know you’re not a traitor,” Jinora mumbled into his shirt, eyes closed. She cracked one eye open after a moment, mischief evident in the brown color.
“Even if they do find out, I’d like to see them try and stop me from loving or marrying you. They won’t know what hit them, I can promise you that.”
Aden
“The tattoo proves that I was, but.. As long as you don’t mind it, that’s all that matters to me.” A smile shot across Aden’s face as she spoke. “An angry Jinora is not one to mess with.” He kissed her head softly. “I’ll let them try to separate us.”
