pipers piping and swans swimming
Pipers Piping (11 facts about my body)
1. I was a scabby baby and I am a scabby adult.
2. I have a distinctive nose. On a lark, my friends and I did a photoshoot in which we donned disguises, but even with a wig and floppy hat and massive sunglasses, I was immediately identifiable by my nose. People have recognized me incognito /across/ a crowded NYC street because of my nose.
3. My butt is detachable.
4. I have a shallow bellybutton.
5. Trader Joe’s Coconut body butter is so deliriously good to my skin in the winter.
6. My neck muscles are weak I cannot do a hairflip without my neck snapping.
7. I am quite proud of my broad shoulders I’m curious how people with narrow shoulders wear purses or strap bags? don’t the straps just slide off?
8. I was terribly upset as a child that I didn’t have some sort of birthmark.
9. Lactose intolerant and forever sad about it (Lactaid doesn’t work for the rashes that I get if I consume dairy).
10. When I sunburn, I get freckles across my Asian face and they are adorable but you will never see them because I wear sunscreen every day even in winter even when I’m spending the entire day in the office.
11. I do lazy crunches every day in the morning (or most mornings), so there is a shining layer of muscle tucked underneath my bellyfat like UnderArmour.
Swans-a-Swimming (7 rivals/enemies)
1. My profound indifference is the largest hurdle I have to overcome in my professional life.
2. Milk products get them away from my mouth whyyyyyyyy (see #9 above)
3. Tall people, usually men, who wear backpacks on the subway and then swing around hard so shorter people like myself catch a FACE FULL OF DIRTY BACKPACK
7. Those female schoolmates who used to say, “wow Mims your hair is super big and unkempt you’re never gonna get a man that way” well my shoujo fiancé does my hair every day in elaborate YouTube tutorial styles that you now fawn over so kindly detach my asshole and suckle on the folds pls