💜💙💜💙Grief/depression💜💙💜💙💜💙💜💙I'm tired of caring. Of feeling stuck like I cannot live my own life. As it is, life is so difficult like the financial obligations. All the worries and stresses of this life. Honestly I think I may have more than one mental illness. Looks like I've hit the jackpot. All I do is feel so lonely and focus on the things that suck or that I want out of life, opposed to the good and peace I already have. Like I'm taking medicine I wish it would cure me cause I'd take it for the rest of my life. Don't get me wrong, I have more motivation than ever. But there's still something missing. Like I want to meet new people make new friends and forget the fact that my friends today barely care to make time for me. I'm back where I used to be where I want to delete my Facebook and just leave without a trace. But at the same time I know that would be an unhealthy choice for me. I'd feel lonelier than ever and probably regret that decision. My life is okay right now. My cat isn't sick and I'm not panicking wondering if he's gonna make it. Last year was such a nightmare. So yes I am grateful for that, I couldn't deal with it again. I would probably sink to the ground if something happened to Maxy. But I know he's okay. Also I hate how much he reminds me of Sonny. Like Maxy loves to eat, like everything. It reminds me of when Sonny was losing his appetite and all of his weight. He was so thin. Grief is so overwhelming. I want to talk to people about it, but they get tired of it. They'll lie and say "no I'm always here to listen" but they get tired of it. Which is fine like whatever. But I wish people would be honest. I know grief is a horrible topic. In so many ways grief is like depression. Depression takes your will to live, your passions, your peaceful state of mind. You walk around like a zombie. You don't know who you are or why you're even alive. You have a purpose? Doubtful. Forget sharing with your friends they barely care. They expect you to deal with it or handle it maybe even get over it. Grief is unfair too. Whether it's a family member or your best friend, Sonny was both to me. Them dying well fuck. I'm still pissed at the world. You suffer, cry at 3 in the morning, scream into your pillow, gasp for air, give yourself a headache, and if you're lucky fall asleep. I didn't want to eat, shop, work just pissed me off. I was this close to swallowing a bunch of pills. I didn't want to live. People don't understand what ultimate low you must be at to think that way. Nobody really cared. I got myself through it. So my point to myself is, I don't need anyone to feel bad for me, tell me it's gonna be okay, text me back fine whatever. I got myself through hell so to be honest I don't need you.💜💙💜💙