Moving in with your uncle Jonathan was a shit ton of weird. From his weird neighbor to his weird house with a shit ton more clocks than you could ever count. It was a lot for your brother and it was lot for you. In general, but also because it took a lot of suppressing. You had to suppress your questions and confusion. But once it made sense, you had to pretend you didn’t. You learned about your propensity for magic when you were young and you knew enough to keep yourself entertained, but not a whole lot.
So, when Lewis came to you with worries about your new guardian, you started to wonder. Sometimes, at night, you heard a deep ticking as if from inside the walls. But something changed. Lewis didn’t tell you anything had changed, but it had. He had found a new trust in the two new people. It didn’t take you long to realize the house was alive once they stopped trying to hide it from the kid. They didn’t seem to mind you knowing but maybe they knew you knew…?
You found a few books in Lewis’ backpack that made sense with the magic you already knew. That’s when you were certain. You weren’t sure what to say, or do. You were still sad about your parents and frankly, you blamed yourself. All four of you had been in the car when it crashed. You should have been able to save all of you, because you had protected yourself and Lewis. If anything, you wish you’d protected Lewis and your mom. She’d know how to take care of him. You were a grown adult and had no way of sustaining the two of you. It was maddening. But you had help. Hell, you had Jonathan paying for everything while you sought out a job. You were there a week before you saw it.
You weren’t sleeping, as per usual, when you heard loud chanting. It was monotone and enunciating and you recognized your brother’s public speaking voice in a moment. With a smile, you opened the window and looked down at the group. The topiary moved. What the…? When Lewis reached into the bird bath, dozens of stars came out and spun out into thousands of stars and quite a few planets. Some stars formed into galaxies. You watched them all walk around and eventually the magical astrology floated high enough for you to be able to reach out. Jonathan and Lewis had a moment where your uncle marveled at Lewis’ smile. But Miss Zimmerman turned her head as if on instinct and she saw you, sitting in your windowsill, reaching out to touch magic with no fear. She smiled, marveling at you. Just as traumatized and alone as Lewis, you self-isolated as well. Lewis found out the secret and asked questions. You accepted it and moved on. Only, now you held it in your hand. Florence was shocked with the ease that you handled this.
From then on, Florence paid special attention to you. She greeted you every morning, ignoring the useless jabs Jonathan tried to toss her way. You had already found the quirky woman quite charming and who wouldn’t? She was smart and she had a kind smile, gentle touches. You were intoxicated by the time she focused on you. “Good morning, little darling,” she’d greet with a hand on your shoulder. Every time you left to go on another job hunt, she’d hug you tight and bid you, “Good luck” softly in your ear. Eventually, it made her ill to see you so disheartened by the search. So she offered you to come clean her house. She stated she would pay you and that was enough encouragement for one trip.
It was a lovely house, perfectly her. The outside was as purple as the owner and the inside was no different. From the wallpaper to the drapery, everything was purple of some shade. Most of the knickknacks were glass or porcelain, though, and that made it easier to clean. You beat the curtains, dusted the lamp shades, wiped down the surfaces and dohickeys, then vacuumed. Still, whilst going through every material possession, you were accosted by the lavender clad woman. Not physically, of course, but you weren’t expecting a conversation in the middle of a job. “Thank you for this,” she said for no reason at all.
You laughed. “You’re paying me, Miss Zimmerman, not that you have to,” you corrected, leaning back to look at her. “I’m happy to to make up for all you and Jonathan have done for Lewis and me.”
“Jonathan is my family and you are his. I’m happy to pay you for a job. But still, you take care in it.” She stepped up behind you. “You’re thorough. I can’t remember the last time I cleaned my house by hand. I’ve always just done it with a spell.” She subtly side-eyed you, awaiting the reaction that never came.
“Well, I’m a bit particular about my cleaning habits. I can’t stand missing something.” You put a picture of a small child and a man back on a table.
Florence took your hand with the jeweled end of her umbrella, moving it up to the cabinet on the wall. “If you would please clean the sapphire,” she requested.
With a confused frown, you obliged and picked up the purple crystal off the shelf. It glowed a bright red in your hands and you turned your face away, dropping the object on the ground. It didn’t break, thank God, but the gem was now a ruby crystal, organic in shape still. You put a hand between your eyebrows and waited for the migraine to pass.
“As I suspected,” Florence gloated. “You’ve knowingly practiced magic before.” She took the cleaning rag out of your hand and threw it onto her kitchen table. She took your hands and brought you further into the living room. “Show my what you can do.”
You were very awkward and uncertain in the face of her attention and pulled away. “I can’t …do anything,” you answered. You went back to your cleaning.
Florence lost her smile, concluding your insides had gotten hurt too, in the accident. Of course, it made sense. She stood and followed you, taking your hand. She lifted her umbrella, showing you the crystal, and tried to focus on the house cleaning spell. If it was done, you two could talk without you avoiding her. Yet, her magic only flickered, never following through properly as always. She looked at you with empathy. “I can’t do much of anything anymore either,” she admitted.
You looked at her in a sort of understanding. “What happened to you?” you asked softly, averting your eyes as if that would give Miss Zimmerman privacy.
She sighed as she returned to her sofa, sitting now. “My daughter… and my husband died in the war.”
You picked up the crystal and cleaned it, putting it back. “Nothing feels right without them,” you empathized. The elder witch went to continue the conversation, but looked up and found you gone. You finished your cleaning and sat on the couch with a sigh.
The purple Q-tip had been waiting for her moment. She walked out with a tray full of her magicless magic cookies and some tea. She set it on the coffee table and sat next to you. She had a silk purple robe covering her more pink than purple pajamas. She reached over and held your face, making you look at her. “I’m sorry about your family.”
“Me too, about yours,” you reciprocated.
Florence nodded and leaned forward, kissing you softly. It was the first time ever that anyone had kissed you like that. You leaned forward yourself to indulge again. “Maybe we can fix each other’s insides.” She slid her hand under your shirt. “I have a few things to teach you.”
“I’ll bet you do,” you whispered before your face erupted in lava and you turned away. “I’m sorry, is that corny?”
“No more so than what I said.” With her finger, Florence brought your chin high enough to capture your lips again. Her fingers walked down your bare side and you shivered away from the ticklish sensation. “You should try my cookies. They’re better in my oven,” she gloated, of course putting Jonathan’s things down. Still, she was more interested in what was in front of her than insulting your uncle. She pressed her lips to the side of your neck, earning another shiver. She took her hand back and just watched.
After that, you slept at her house most nights. Jonathan trained Lewis with Florence’s help and she trained you in the intellectual side of magic while the two of you learned to trust your magic again. Most nights, you fell asleep next to her in her own bed, talking about theory. Sometimes, you faked wanting to speak to her so you could sleep next to her.
You even had some clothes in her house. You got changed in the bathroom down the hall while Miss Zimmerman changed in her room. You both moved through the house with practiced ease. You pulled on your coat while Florence slipped into her shoes. “I can’t believe I had no idea there was a magical bookshop in town,” you mused, picking up her umbrella thoughtlessly. You handed it to the owner and both of you were shocked into motionlessness when it glowed.
“It appears we’ll not be going today anyway. We need to practice physically now.” With the wave of her umbrella holding hand, the door shut. She spun around and you took your coat back off. Her umbrella rested at one end of the long table and she set out a few books along the other side of it. They opened to their own page and you looked down at them all. “I want to see it,” Florence decided easily. She set another book down and walked around to stand behind you. “Now, please, dear.”
You leaned forward to examine the pages, all different spells but you saw the connection. They all took just enough magic to see if you were a real witch or if you’d just played with the basics. You tried to find the right section for the beginnings of the spell, but Florence leaned in as well.
She seemed to have grown impatient and pointed at exactly what you were looking for. But her perfume made it impossible to think as you wanted nothing more than to push back against the woman. “I’m waiting.” She pressed a little firmer again you.
Your eyes rolled up and you barely restrained that moan. “I can’t- Your perfume,” you sighed.
Florence’s right hand took yours and she started the chant in Latin. You soon followed, having read it but mindlessly. Your words slid together like pieces of a puzzle and you synced up in pace and pitch. You lost your balance and caught yourself with one hand on her umbrella. The crystal glowed red. Florence took it just beneath where your hand was. The color diluted purple and it seemed stuck in the middle at violet. “There you are,” she whispered in your ear. Of course, the house was broke into and it turned against you all, but you all had each other and you all had your particular talents with magic. And they all went together, weird as they were.
Ok, so I went and saw Venom (while hurricane Michael was bearing down on the state, and then drove home through the outer bands. It was fine, I only drove through a little bit of standing water. I’m fine!) like so many other folks here on tumblr. BUT!! I’m taking a quick break from my dumpster fire thoughts about Venom to talk about a different movie.
WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT “THE HOUSE WITH A CLOCK IN ITS WALLS” ON MY DASH?
This movie is a fucking GEM! Like, it’s kind of your typical Jack Black fare: definitely a fun kids movie and while it’s certainly not great cinema I definitely recommend seeing it.
SPOILERS AHEAD, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED
Jack Black is the weird uncle Jonathan Barnavelt, living in the local creepy house that all the kids think is haunted or something. Cate Blanchette is the AMAZING neighbor and best friend to Jonathan, Florence Zimmerman.
AND GUESS WHAT! There’s no romance. These two are long-term, dedicated PLATONIC FRIENDS. Who show affection through clever insults and sniping at each other. (”Gorilla groin” is a favorite of mine.)
Owen Vaccaro is Lewis Barnavelt, who is suddenly an orphan sent to live with his weird, estranged uncle in this weird, creepy house.
AND THEY’RE AMAZING.
Like, THEY DEAL WITH CHILDHOOD TRAUMA. AND EMOTIONAL TRAUMA AND HEALING IN GENERAL. All three of them are dealing with some kind of emotional trauma, and deal with it in different ways!
Dealing with trauma badly is part of what spurs the major conflict of the film!
You have kids making bad decisions for reasons that are VERY KID-LIKE. Lewis is a Weird Kid and he has trouble making friends with other kids, so he goes against Jonathan’s rules partly on a dare and partly because “I’ll be your friend if you do this thing” and Jonathan has to deal with the consequences of Lewis’s mistake! Because he’s the adult! And he has to deal with the fact that he’s responsible for Lewis’s physical and mental safety and HE WON’T ALWAYS SUCCEED AT THAT AND THAT THOUGHT IS TERRIFYING.
And the only romance plot is for the villains! Lewis makes friends with a Weird Girl and when he tells Jonathan and Ms. Zimmerman that it’s platonic THEY DON’T PUSH HIM ABOUT IT! THEY BELIEVE HIM BECAUSE PLATONIC RELATIONSHIPS ARE JUST AS IMPORTANT. THEY AFFIRM THAT THROUGHOUT THE MOVIE.
I think my one big quibble about it is the bits of LITERAL toilet humor. Once or twice I can excuse, but when you have 4 separate instances of physical comedy based on bodily functions that’s twice what you need.
Honestly other than that this movie is a gem and I’m disappointed I haven’t seen more people talking about it.
Also, Florence Zimmerman named her pet snake “Snakespeare” which is so excellent.
(Apologies if this makes very little sense, my brain is all over the place today because I haven’t taken my meds but I needed to get this out.)
