Riddle me this Batman!
author’s note: this is my first fic! I hope you enjoy! I’ve been obsessed with DC for like three years now. This is an au that I thought of with my ocs in it, but they’re not in the timeline yet! Again, hope you enjoy!
‼️WARNING: THIS IS A SFW TICKLE FIC! IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT, DONT READ IT. ‼️
ler: The riddler
lee(s): Batman, Robin (Dick Grayson)
summary: After figuring out the Batman’s identity, the riddler opens a magazine, still trying to process his findings. When he finds a new article about Bruce Wayne’s ticklishness, he comes up with an idea to finally determine if they’re the same person.
Edward ran a hand through his hair as he came to this shocking realization. He hadn’t even been trying to figure out Batman’s identity. Edward understood and mainly messed with Batman so he didn’t only deal with psychotic villains. He wasn’t going to hurt Batman. Edward had been scrolling through the web and came across a video of Bruce Wayne scowling at some pompous old socialite who was saying something homophobic. Edward….. he recognized that scowl. He recognized it well. That was the Batman scowl. The very recognizable one. The one he gave to all his villains.
Edward decides after a while that it’s fine, and not that provable or interesting. His identity doesn’t even give Edward any weaknesses to use or whatever. He picks up a magazine that his neighbor had given him as he grabs a mini cupcake to eat. He takes a bite as he flips the page and-
“Holy shit.”
Bruce Wayne. Very obviously laughing as someone out of frame squeezes his sides. This didn’t look like acting. Edward could tell when someone was acting. This looked like a startled reaction to being tickled. That initial cackle when you’re caught off guard. Edward laughs in absolute shock as the dumbest fucking idea blossoms in his mind.
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The Riddler had stolen about seven thousand dollars worth of….. odd things….. from various stores. It was very odd: makeup brushes, feather dusters, feathers, metal brushes things like that. Bruce had been very confused about why Edward would buy these things. They didn’t seem related at all. Dick seemed to have an idea but he thought it was a ridiculous idea and wouldn’t share it. Then The Riddler stole a relic from the Gotham museum, the usual giant diamond, and gave his usual riddles to find him, so they did.
Batman and Robin land in the abandoned warehouse where The Riddler had lead them. Bruce yells out into the warehouse darkness to find the Riddler.
“Riddler! We’re here to stop you!”
“Yeah! Give back that Diamond you stole! Or we’ll have to take it back ourselves!”
Dick chimes in, prepared to fight. The riddler comes out into the light with the most smug and mischievous grin on his face, like he was excited for this. He seemed extra excited that Robin was there.
“why hello batman! And little Robin! What a pleasant surprise! Now I don’t think that I’ll give that Diamond back quite yet. Instead~”
The riddler presses a button on the remote he was holding. A mechanical sound echoes around them and two giant mechanical arms reach out and grab Batman’s wrists, being giant enough to wrap around his whole forearm, a precaution Edward had learnt he had to take the hard way.
“holy mechanical hands batmaAAN-“
Before Robin can even finish his sentence, another mechanical hand picks Robin up by his midsection and lifts him into the air, it keeps his lower belly and ribs exposed.
“boop! See, I’ve figured something out about you Batman. Your secret identity.”
Edward waves his hand dismissively as Batman and Robin tense, putting a hand on his hip while holding the remote.
“I’m not going to harm you or your ward. I’m not that kind of person. However!”
He grins mischievously as he watches Batman and Robin blink. He presses a button as the tickle machines start powering up.
“I saw the article posted about you recently. The one in fashion week. You know the one. I decided that, since you’re always forced to be laughing in a negative way, I’d let you laugh in a positive way instead!”
Batman’s expression goes shocked and then becomes….. nervous. Not in the usual, ‘oh no I’m I about to be hurt’ way, but instead a ‘oh fuck oh no. I’m about to be wrecked’ way. Edward had never seen that expression on his face before, it was…… kinda cute actually. He could see how Selina and Harvey would like him so much. Robin looked extra shocked, like he hadn’t expected this at all. It was also kinda adorable.
“wait- wait Edward. What do you mean Edward? Edward-”
Batman yelps as two smaller mechanical hands with nails dig into his sides. He reflexively tries pulling away, biting his lip to not laugh. Before Robin breaks out of his shock, a metal brush starts spinning against his lower stomach. Usually, metal brushes would hurt, but because of how armored their suits are, it tickles. A lot. Robin starts giggling immediately and kicking his legs reflexively.
“Whahahaha?! Nohohoho! Nohohohot mehehehe!”
Edward snorts in amusement before pressing another button.
“Yes you too~ you should’ve just stayed home if you didn’t want it kiddo.”
Two metal brushes come from behind and start spinning against Batman’s ribs. This instantly breaks him. Batman erupts into loud cackles and snorts, pulling his legs up and try to protect himself. Edward blinks and smiles, finding this incredibly amusing.
“Holy shit. you’re both so ticklish. That’s adorable! And the Batman snorts. That’s….. I’m so glad I came up with this.”
Robin sighs in relief as the brush pulls away from his belly. Then makeup brushes start brushing against the kid’s neck. He starts giggling again and covers his face, kicking his legs. He doesn’t really fight back, actually enjoying the gentleness.
“Whahahahat the fuhuhuhuck ehehehedwahahahard?!??”
Batman squeals, yes squeals, as the brushes move up to his armpits. He cackles loudly and frantically, kicking his legs.
“WAHAHAHAIT NOHOHOHOHOT THEHEHERE!!”
“ohhhh~ bad spot hm? I better remember that for next time.”
Edward’s laughs softly and moves the brushes down to Batman’s stomach and back, not wanting to overwhelm the poor man. Batman dissolves into snorts and giggles, soft ones. They’re adorable. He shifts between different tools, absolutely wrecking the two vigilantes.
Eventually, when both Robin and Batman were throughly exhausted and giggly, Edward pulls the devices back and sets them down. He still keeps cuffs on them because he’s learnt his lesson early on. Edward pulls out the Diamond and puts it within reach, when they get back their energy and escape. Edward grabs water bottles for Robin and Batman. Edward sits down between them and pulls Batman’s cowl back, running his fingers through Batman’s hair, as well as Robin’s.
“You’re an asshole.”
“Language Robin.”
Batman looks up at Edward.
“but he’s right. That was an asshole move.”
Edward laughs and shakes his head.
“Eh. I don’t regret it.”
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thank you for reading!!
