the cold nips at her skin , renders her restless under the incessant flickering of the streetlight. the teeming crowd of the club and its music is muffled behind her back , and if sen strained hard enough , she's certain the image of valora with someone else would remain contained within its walls forever. it doesn't matter , she repeats the words and urges the smoke that sits deep in her lungs to will it all away. an approaching gait titters through her thoughts , as though to mock her , and sen spares the offending sound naught but a glance. regrets it immediately when she catches sight of the familiar stature , red eyes subtly widening at the sight of her. like sen's the one intruding on her quiet , " surprised to see you here. " she greets , eyes slipping from valora and to the street. anywhere that isn't her. " pretty sure everyone in there would be busy by now. you certainly were. " / stares at u like im in the office......that brainrot u slammed me with the other day..... rattles them.....
you can call it a moment of stupidity — not the part where she sought out strangers to ease the ache in her heart , but the part where she'd allowed senhime to see it . a lapse in her judgement had plunged them both into a sea of feelings they can't manage to understand … sending valora into another spiral that she so desperately tries to claw herself away from .
part of her couldn't help it ; wanting to invoke some kind of reaction from the bassist the moment she'd caught a glimpse of her in the club . finding a girl to toy with came with great ease — coaxing her forward with the promise of a taste of the guitarist's lips while ( barely ) hidden away beside the bar . she'd even waited for the right moment ; making the stranger chase a kiss that was only coming when in plain sight of her former friend . it's an evil thing to do … but you could call it act of desperation .
in the moment she easily put on a show , allowing herself to melt into the touch of another that she so achingly wished was sen's own — inviting into her mouth a tongue that she only pictured in her head to belong to the bassist ( shrivelling in disappointment when the reality hit that it's just another shitty attempt at making herself feel better ) . senhime had disappeared quickly , leaving valora to feel the swell of guilt at the pit of her stomach ; prompting her to separate from the still wanting stranger without a word .
what the fuck are you doing , val ?
pushing through the crowd , overwhelmed by the throb of music and the heat of the room , she sought refuge outside in the cold — keen to get away from the bodies and loud noises if only so she could dwell on how she'd managed to make herself feel a hundred times worse . sneaking out of the back door , the guitarist closed it behind herself and took a moment to lay against the cold metal . she leaned her head back against the door and let out a long , tired sigh . she could cry if she felt able to , but eyes remained dry regardless .
it's only after a minute of lingering quietly that she catches a glimpse of another ; the curve of a figure she knew all too well standing alone in quietude . she'd considered just leaving , letting senhime mull things over in peace ; but couldn't find herself able to step away . instead , valora ( almost unwillingly ) approached from behind — stopping dead in her tracks the very moment the other lays eyes ‘pon her . there’s a heavy ache in her chest , a mixture of anger and regret . the guitarist chews on her bottom lip , tongue playing with snake bites as she played with the idea of speaking .
“ what , i'm not allowed to have fun ? ” the response comes without any real thought , her immediate jump to irritation being a way she recoils into herself all too often . “ … you just suddenly show up in my life after years of silence and expect me to come running into your arms ? ” the words roll off the tongue with a familiar kind of bite , the sort of anger she's known to spit out in times before . it's just so hard not to react that way , even if she knows that she might not be right in what she says .
valora heaves another sigh , shaking her head as she steps closer ; strutting over to a metal barrier so she could lean her arms against the railing . gaze found senhime from the side , head turning only though to have a glimpse of her ; not quite able to face her full on . she allowed silence to roll out between them , clinging onto it like a security blanket for a maybe a little too long .
“ … what are we doing , senhime ? where are we supposed to go from here ? i'm so— fuckin' hell . ” the questions leave her in a voice that's gruff , choking back frustration & leaving her throat dry . with a huff , she reached into her pocket and pulled out a cigarette and lighter ; turning to the only thing that gave her any kind of ease . popping the butt into her mouth , she used a hand to guard the flame while she lit up ; taking a long and hard first inhale . she savoured the first drag , hoping a little too much that it'd steady her nerves . “ i'm so tired of being angry , sen . ” a glimpse of honesty , a brief look into the window of her fatigued heart & a short recall to the times where the bassist was just … sen . @tidestre
