#time is circular

[sidcrosss]

don’t talk to me please

leave me alone please

[corvushound]

Getting back to my roots drawing wolves

[cloudsandcandy]

Stepping into the new year, like....

[wienerlicious]

i don’t watch supergirl but from what i understand your brittany and santana got together while your rachel is dating your finn even tho quinn’s right there

[ipsomaniac]

A lot of my shit is probably simply the result of having a delayed circadian rhythm. I have never in my life managed to establish a sleep schedule that worked for me. During university when I experienced maximum sleep freedom, I ended up becoming completely nocturnal, waking up in the late afternoon and going to sleep in the morning, which obviously wasn't great. During the pre-WFH years of my early career when I experienced maximum restrictions on my sleep schedule, my morning depression was unbearable, I would wake up every day feeling like I'd been hit by a train and would frequently cry in the office toilet from how terrible I felt, until it lightened up in the afternoon. This is probably the biggest structural factor that holds me back in life and I guess is ultimately responsible for like 90% of why I am so chronically unhappy, fuck the second-order psychological causes. So I should do the sleep hygiene stuff right? But in order to do that I have to kiss goodbye to night, which is my favourite time to be awake. And I have to be boring on weekends and not stay up late or lie in. And I have to consistently prioritise maintaining the sleep schedule over escapism or pleasure; if I have one of those days, as I often do, which is entirely filled with work and chores and I don't get a second to inhabit my own mind - tough, you can't make up for it at night, you have to just accept that this day gave you nothing and force yourself to sleep on time anyway. And if my insomnia and anxiety keeps me awake, I should just accept the pain and wake up at the same time anyway, no concessions. That just seems really shit to me as an existence! Once again it comes back to the fact that life is a lot of work and a lot of maintenance and I fundamentally am not OK with that. Wouldn't have accepted these terms if they'd been offered to me before birth, I would have said fuck it I can't be bothered and self-aborted.

[theorangebywendycopepdf]

ok maybe we shouldn’t judge victorian era people for going batshit over seeing a shoulder or ankle because here i am losing all sense of decorum over pedro pascal’s exposed knees at the met gala

[glindalesbian]

Underslept and reading fic in bed on my phone as if to lovingly recreate my situation mere hours ago when I was staying staying up too late and reading fic in bed on my phone

[palindromic-conjunction]

break from reality

yesterday, i randomly thought of a girl that i work with whom i have only met once, and tonight i happened to sit behind her in a lecture at school. and during the talk, my mind slipped into this meditative mode of thought that was very far from calculated or over-analytical. it kindly took me by surprise. and it's like i could almost see the lines of our paths coming to a cross, and then actually crossing, but it only happened when i let my mind freely roam.

i think i am becoming at peace with solitude, and it is so nice. tired of the social game - been tired for awhile. i prefer chatting with those older than me. it seems like young people are too prideful to learn, or like they're just scared to admit they don't know something. 

the first friend of mine is getting married this weekend. i am hopeful for them, and really very excited to dance with my high school friends.

it has been three weeks since i ended the sweetest love affair of my life. and it is all okay. it is strengthening to feel like it will all be okay in the end, but "the face of god" remains on repeat in my brain. it's saddening in the most gratifying way, like getting scrubbed raw. it's one of those situations where it was so wonderful that i actually would not be surprised if we never saw each other again, so as not to taint the goodness. melodramatic, possibly, but true.