#tind

[ashkav]

are you still writing tind? no pressure i just saw you getting asks about it and was curious

very very slowly, but it is still being written. real life has just been getting in the way, and i lost a lot of momentum, so no word on when it'll be releasing again, but i havent given up yet!

[ashkav]

AND ANOTHER THING (sorry to blow you up but I love this fic sososodo much) I’m always amazed at how well you balance Cal’s righteous fury with his depthless empathy. He has every reason and right to hate Anakin. No one could possibly blame him for it knowing what he lived through. And yet time and time again he shows an almost compulsive tendency towards empathy.

One of my favorite Star Wars quotes is from Kenobi. “Jedi cannot help what they are. Their compassion leaves a trail. The Jedi code is like an itch. He cannot help it.” has always really highlighted characters like Obi-Wan and Ahsoka. But you’ve also really shown how it defines Cal too. He can’t help his compassion and desire to do what’s right. He’s so full of love, far more so than he is full of rage, which is what makes Cal extraordinary.

dear reader you have no way of knowing this but i have a section at the end of my word doc which is just my paste bin for anything i think is relevant or might become relevant to TIND and that exact quote is in there. sometimes i would scroll down to stare at it while brainstorming because i loved it that much, at htis point is a load bearing quote upon which my jedi characterisations hinge.

'compulsive tendency towards emapthy' is such a good phrase that i'm probably going to steal it at some point, and you've hit the nail completely on the head with it. Cal will forever be my favourite jedi character specifically because he is so complicated, but his personally philosphy remains so simple depsite it all.

[ashkav]

Hi, it me, your biggest fan back again!!! I just wanted to let you know I’m currently doing a reread of “there is no death” and I’m once again blown away by your incredible grasp on literally every character!!!

One thing that became more obvious in my reread that I feel like I neglected last time is how terribly young Cal is. Not just ten year old baby Cal but how young Cal was when he died. Quinlan Vos touched on it briefly but for all Cal amusing over being so young…he was just eighteen. That’s nothing. That’s not even an adult really. Add in the way his development was so stunted from Order 66… It’s just devastating. And it’s even more devastating to think if Cal succeeds and saves Anakin from himself then he’s the only one that experienced a genuinely dystopian future.

Anyway will this to say I’m amazed how you show us time and time again how fucking lonely Cal is without outright saying it. He’s surrounded by people who care for him but he’s utterly alone and that’s never really going to change.

thank you so much for getting in contact again!! you flatter me so much i'm literally blushing reading this <3

I always wanted to strike that balance between making Cal seem young enough to not be immediately suspicious to those around him but also old enough to be genuinely capable, which ironically is also the exact same thing Cal has to balance in the world of the fic. I think Cal probably never thought about his own youth much in the first timeline, which might be why it doesn't come up much in TIND since a lot of it is from his perspective, but i had originally planned to devote a few chapters to fleshing out his childhood on Bracca and how that forced him to grow up faster than he really should have, though it didn't end up working out. taking a massive screaching halt to the already admittedly slow moving story to do a flashback sequence started pissing me off, never mind what the readers would have felt about it lol.

that last part is something i really really wanted to hammer home, and i think i had ideas of it from the very first chapter. Cal will never return to that time and place, and even the people he might have known will never again be those people because of his direct interference. Cal's best case scenario is making sure no one ever experiences what he has experienced, and in doing he ensures that no one else will ever truly understand him. even Quinlan can't ever really 'get it', and that's both a tragedy and a cause for celebration.

i really like that sort of tragedy as a character archetype, which probably says something about me considering i write it so much...

[ashkav]

hypothetically. ec-2 pov in the next chapter.

[ashkav]

1.5k in and I'm trying so hard not to get distracted by the research rabbit hole of pathology. i already know the investment to reward ratio will undoubtedly be like 2 hours of Wikipedia surfing and then 3 new words mentioned once in one non plot relevant section.

[ashkav]

trying to b descriptive whilst writing from the pov of a character who is not descriptive...... I am causing my own pains

[ashkav]

2.3k into chapter 20 and had to take a little break before i made myself cry.... i really hope the nuance is translating well from brain to typing otherwise i am going to look so stupid when i post this