#tinysignificantrambles

[quietpinkpersonette]

Nothing I do will save me

Oh the little girl you are, my sweet baby. Nothing you do will save me, nothing can be done. Sweetheart, my love, I apologize. My darling child, who I hold so very dear, your mother apologizes. She loves you my baby. I love you my child. But nothing you do will save you. Absolutely nothing at all. I commend your honest hearted efforts, to salvage what is left of yourself, I do not commend your faith in failure, but my baby I do love you. My daughter, who I raised, who I loved, who I nurtured, my baby, who I birthed, who I've taught, who I love. My dearest, who is close to me, who is beautiful, who is bright, your efforts, my most cherished baby, are in vain. I love you ever the same

Nothing you do will save me.

[quietpinkpersonette]

And so comes Apathy

And so comes Apathy, and so Apathy comes. Apathy had class, for she gives fair warning. Apathy has grace, for she maintains routine. Apathy indulges in style, as she does is not reckless. Apathy does not know love, for she exhibits defilement. Apathy knows no boundaries, and she shows up uninvited. Compassion is a liar, for she puts on a face. Emptiness is a fool, for she believes she holds weight. They are both thieves, for they trick and they ruse. Who is now inside my head? Who can tell me, for I would like to know. What is this all consuming blackness which stains my heart and plagues my mind? Am I too fickle? Do I lack the sustenance to fare on my own? Is loneliness a disease potent enough to dismiss me? Am I apathetic? Do I fail to care and be considerate? Are the people around me simply beings? Did I love incorrectly? Am I worthy of failure? Is this worth anything at all? No it is not. Says the wise. And so comes apathy, or is she weariness in disguise?

[quietpinkpersonette]

I used to love my parents. When I was younger, she loved everyone, bar none. She was fond of every experience, and all she could wrap her eyes around was heaven. It should be made clear that when I say she, I am referring to myself when I was younger, as I see us as two different and separate people (in a sense). We have always been like this. Back onto track. I used to be very loving and open hearted as a little child. However, around the time when I gained consciousness for the second time, I stopped loving my parents as much. It became a dormant emotion. I realize now that what I occasionally feel for them is foremost appreciation. But it is hard to love someone who flaunts their flaws. I plan on distancing myself from them when I am able, in addition to this, I plan on never letting my future children (human or otherwise) meet them. I feel very upset that reality slapped me in the face when I was younger than I should've been when it did. I am truly disheartened that she had misplaced her faith and feelings. I love her, truly. Make no mistake, she lives on, dare I say she thrives, at times. But swift is the knife that scares her back into her hidey hole. I do not need, nor want, this knife to kill her. To murder her without care and then leave her body to rot. Rather, I desire that this knife makes her know who to trust and love, so that her faith and feelings are not wasted. For she is lovely, truly mesmerizing, and she places within me faith in our world. Faith that neither she, nor I will misplace one day. She is precious, and beautiful(have you seen her eyes?), and that is factual. She loves to love to a degree that I would like to love. My first daughter is mine own self. I hope I can do right by her, my adorable baby girl. The baby girl who is she, which was me, and who inspires me so much.

[quietpinkpersonette]

I try my best. I hold to my values. I might just die. I try not to. I want to run away

[quietpinkpersonette]

Update

Tw: Depressing themes, to an extent, under the separator thingy

The year is 2024 and my life has been a whirlwind. I have struggled with depression for w while now and more often it has occurred to me that I might not live to see my 25th birthday. My source of sorrow is my parents. I do not want to live like this. I think this isn't good. I have lost a friend, I do not know why. I refuse to love. I have made a friend. I want diamonds and pearls. I treasure writing. What is next? One of the earliest times I have wanted to be dead I was between the ages of 8 to 10. My parents make me want to kill myself. I like immersive sounds. I want to be kid. I need to be considerate. It is all I have. I want my clothes, the neat. formal ones to go to my best friend. My writings can go to my dear friends. My accessories go to my companion in crime. I wrote this on paper and copied it here. 🍓~ Out.

[quietpinkpersonette]

Losing and Gone

I keep losing myself. I'll be grounded, I'll have me, and I'll be secure in my own thoughts, but a cornerstone in my brain will start to rattle loose, and I'll lose myself again. In all frankness, for years it has been self-instilled within me that I cannot succeed, and I am destined for death. I wish for hope, for growth and for change. I want to live. I need to be better in order to be capable of living. I need to become a better person, the epitome of humane perfection.

🍓~ out.

[quietpinkpersonette]

Mood is

reading wattpad to distract from period cramps

[quietpinkpersonette]

Bleak

I've been feeling lost, I don't know where to move on to. I feel inferior more than anything