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TLOU Season 1 Rewatch: S1E8 - When We Are In Need

Hey, so it's normal to be so fucking stressed during this episode that you finish it wracked with the shakes and fighting the urge to throw up, right? 😭🫨🤮

Preacher Man

I've had to spend a lot of time with this episode to write my fic "Peripeteia" and, I must admit, I'd gotten a bit used to picturing a lot of these scenes with Joel getting entangled with David instead, so it was a fairly unsettling experience to return to it in it's original, non-AU form and see the sheer nightmare that poor Ellie goes through in this episode. It is so much worse as a passive viewer - at least in the game, you're in control of Ellie and have some power over what happens (though the David boss fight is, bar none, the scariest encounter in the whole game). Here, there's none of that, all you can do is helplessly watch.

The game never actually shows us David's group, bar a few NPCs for Ellie and Joel to take out. We meet David when Ellie does, but the show expands on the idea of David's community, opening the episode with them mourning their recent dead. And even in these early moments, we feel abject dread. The atmosphere pulls us slowly in, showing a bleak, frozen, blizzard-struck town surrounded on all sides by looming mountains, a place where it seems the people are imprisoned not just by the ice and snow. The lighting is drab and grey and the sound of the wind cuts to the bone as we hear a man intoning a Biblical verse. The show definitely plays up David's preacher tendencies a lot more than the game and it is suitably creepy. His tone, at first listen, seems sombre and soothing as he laments at having to read funeral homilies for too many people. But then you get glimpses of the people he's reading to and realise something is really off about this place. I have to give a lot of credit to the extras in this episode that play David's followers. Their body language in this first scene is so fearful, most of them hunched over and staring at the floor, doing some great visual storytelling to let us know that David is not the person he presents himself to be, that our first impression of him as a benevolent, devout leader can't be trusted. When the grieving young girl, Hannah, breaks down in tears over the loss of her father, you get the sense that her mother is comforting her not just for the sake of it, but also because she's anxious of it drawing David's attention towards them. Maybe it's just having the benefit of hindsight, but rewatching this scene is really tense. David has this calmness and serenity about him that's at odds with the grieving, starving, desperate people around him, and you get the stomach-churning sense that anything, or anyone, could set him off at any time. Like most monsters, he hides in plain sight. And if the people he purports to protect and care for have good reason to be scared of him, then that can only mean very bad things for Ellie and Joel...

On our main duo's side of things, it's looking no better. Joel's wound has become infected, he's feverish and unresponsive, and their food supply has run out, forcing Ellie to go hunting. In the game, you get a hair-raising sense that David and James have been watching Ellie for some time while she hunts, but this time around she's the one who gets the drop on them. I love the way Bella deliberately makes their voice deeper and gruffer as Ellie holds David and James at gunpoint, trying to make herself more intimidating. She's definitely trying to emulate Joel in this moment and really, its the best survival tactic she could have in this situation, shutting down any attempts at dialogue and lying that she's from a large group. But then David offers her to trade and her voice pitches back up to that of a kid when she asks if they have medicine. It's a tough call - trusting strangers, especially two grown men, is something that Joel would never do but this might be the only opportunity Ellie has to save his life. So she strikes a bargain. David almost seems amused by her continued threats but he knows he's got her hooked until James comes back, and that allows him to begin laying his trap. Even in this first scene, you get the skin-crawling sense that David is impressed by Ellie, but it's something far more insidious that just admiration for her hunting skills and plucky attitude. It's interesting to imagine what their conversation in the old sawmill is like for people who've never played the game - obviously I know what David's deal is, and I'm on high alert, but if you had no prior knowledge, you could almost believe him when he says he's just a decent man trying to get by. There's an earnestness in Scott Shepherd's performance in this scene and, dare I say it, almost a kind of charisma. But predators like David use charisma to reel in their prey, and you get the sense that this manipulation is a well-worn tactic for him, and that he enjoys it. Ellie, at first, is on guard and remembering what Joel taught her, keeping David at gunpoint, refusing to divulge her name and skeptical about his offers of safety in his group (correctly pinning it down as a cult) but the more David talks, the more she seems to be drawn in, despite herself, by his stories about being a former maths teacher, finding his flock and discovering faith in God after the world ended. She doesn't realise the danger until it's too late. That toothy grin that David gives her once he drops the bomb that he knows she's the girl from the university where his flock member was killed by a "crazy man", makes my flesh creep every time 😣. He lets her go, telling Ellie that he knows she's alone out here and making it clear - he wants to "protect" her, whether she asked for his help or not. And Ellie implicitly understands: this isn't over.

If if still wasn't apparent after this scene, then the following scene when David and James return from their hunt makes it crystal clear - David is a monster who relishes hurting people. He senses disquiet among his flock at dinnertime (James has clearly blabbed) and assures them that Joel is nearby and they'll track him down to enact "justice" in the morning. Hannah blurts out that both Joel and Ellie should be killed. David silently walks over and slaps her, knocking her to the floor. It's never not shocking to watch, and once again exemplifies just how frightened the flock is of David. Nobody rushes to Hannah's defence. Her own mother stands up, as if to argue, but David cows her with nothing more than a silent hand gesture. Even the baby wailing in the background stops crying, as if picking up on the tension in the room. He makes Hannah go through the humiliating ritual of taking his hand to be helped back to her feet and calmly dismisses her loss, telling her in a slimy, sanctimonious tone that she'll always a father - him. As a viewer, it's sickening as it is enraging 😡. Earlier, when he spoke to Ellie about how his dead group member had a young daughter, you could perhaps imagine that David is pursuing Joel and Ellie out of a sense of compassion for Hannah's grief, wanting to bring her some closure. But David is a sociopath, incapable of being able to understand grief and other human emotions, concerned only with having people around him so they can entertain his fantasies of power, to keep them terrified in his thrall, like flies caught in his spiderweb. I also think he hit Hannah not just because he was annoyed at being interrupted and demanded respect, but because of her insistence that Ellie needed to die too. It triggers him not because he's angry that Hannah wants an innocent party to suffer the sins of her father, but because he's already making plans for Ellie, to install her as his right-hand woman, as his violent-hearted soulmate, as his favourite 🤢. David sits himself down beside Hannah, as if nothing happened, and recites a blessing before dinner. The emaciated flock hurry to stuff down their meagre portions, desperate to get some food, any food, into their bodies - but they don't know that there's another dark secret of David's, still waiting to be revealed. And not so far away, Ellie and Joel shiver their way through the freezing night with hungry bellies, little knowing the harrowing ordeals to come tomorrow...

Back from the Dead

Dawn makes you feel so awful for Ellie. She's clearly exhausted and scared, just trying to take each day as it comes, her only companion a horse who also relies on her. One positive is that the medicine appears to be working on Joel, but circumstances are still grim. That one scene where Ellie wanders into the middle of the street, standing alone in the snow, lost in her thoughts, is so sad 🥺. She looks so unsure of what to do, what her next move should be, wishing she had someone to talk to, to confide her worries in, missing when Joel was there to take care of everything. But she doesn't even have the luxury of being able worry only about him, because the threat has found them (that moment where the birds take to the sky and start cawing, indicating danger nearby, is so unsettling). The dialogue between David and his men makes it clear that maybe the rest of the men are there for Joel, but David is only there for Ellie. His obsession with her is only continuing to grow. James tries tentatively to push back against him, saying they can let Ellie go, but David won't hear of it. Again, we get to see just how deeply David has exerted his control over every last member in his group. All he has to do is give James a look and the man shuts his mouth. It's interesting that it's James' remark about Ellie potentially dying being "God's will" that seems to irk David. Not because it's callous or because he takes issue with James supposedly questioning the will of God, but because he's being insubordinate to him, questioning his will. David thinks of himself as a god, and won't have his word disputed by a doubter like James.

Ellie, arming a half-comatose Joel with a knife, tells him that she's going to draw them away. It's clearly a terrible idea, but it's the only one she's got. And Ellie has pulled off crazier stunts before - see her dash through the Infected horde in Episode 5 - so you wonder if it might just work. Her distraction attempt is frantic and clumsy, Ellie clearly winging it but the adrenaline of it keeps you going for just long enough to hope...and then James shoots down the horse, taking Ellie with it. With her scarcely-conscious and defenceless on the ground, the other men urge James to "do it" - are they really that determined to rid themselves of another mouth to feed or do they see right through David's overtures of "mercy"? Either way, they're thwarted by David himself, who puts on an air of disgust, telling them if they want justice so bad to "go deliver it." But he's not some holy man who believes in forgiveness and finds the concept of retribution sinful and beneath him. He was never even here for Joel - his men killing him is just a perk of the job. He's already got what he came here for. I swear, the look of smug self-satisfaction and triumph as he hoists an unconscious Ellie into his arms makes me want to puke every time. It makes me feel like one of those dogs in YouTube videos, that growl and bark at horror movies on the TV, I'm just like, "Get your filthy hands off her, you pervert!" 😡

But all is not lost. Down in the dank, dark basement, Joel is stirring. He hears footsteps up above. He knows something is wrong. Something in the back of his mind is compelling him to wake up because he knows. Ellie is in danger. She needs his help. He hauls himself off that mattress and takes down the raider the ventures into the basement (a feat of real-badassery, as you can see just how weak and exhausted Joel still is, having to get the drop on the guy from behind) and drags himself to his feet, fear and fury lighting a fire inside him because these fuckers have taken something precious from him. I remember at the time a lot of people were complaining that they wanted to see more of "dark Joel" - they wanted to see the guy who used to be a raider and gave Tommy "nothing but nightmares." But I definitely think it was a smart move to hold back on Joel's more violent side until the later episodes, showing us his more vulnerable side first. It gives us more time to get to know him, to know the fear and doubt that drives him, to let us get under his skin, before we see him commit acts of brutality. It makes it all the more shocking to watch. The previous episodes let us know just how deeply Joel has grown to love Ellie. And now we get to see what kind of lengths he'll go to to get her back when she's taken from him.

This scene does a great job of illustrating Joel's history with these kinds of torture tactics. The show was clever to sprinkle in hints (such as his interrogation of Florence and Marlon back in Episode 6) that Joel has committed these kinds of acts in his past, so that this moment wouldn't feel incredibly jarring once we got to it. Even still, it's pretty gruesome to watch. Joel clearly knows his way around this, knows the most effective ways to cause serious, non-lethal pain (just try not wincing when he twists that knife in Timothy's knee and you hear the bones cracking 😱) and get people to talk. He has it down to a tried-and-tested formula that's probably almost never failed him. The two extras who play the raiders, Timothy and Marco, do an amazing job showcasing, respectively, the agony from being tortured and the terror and rage at being forced to watch. It's also interesting how, in contrast with how David takes deep enjoyment in causing pain and suffering, Joel is being weirdly practical and efficient in this scene. Yes, he's terrifying, but he's not being sadistic about it, doesn't want to drag it out for any longer than he needs to. He just wants to get the information that he needs and go. But he's also desperate and his desperation makes him vicious, his surface calm belying a man seething with righteous paternal rage underneath. He has absolutely no time for half-baked, evasive answers. When Timothy, screaming and writhing in agony and unable to think straight, tells him Ellie is in a non-specific "town", Joel roars right in the guy's face, demanding clarification (Just...damn, Pedro 😳. I felt that in my diaphragm). And when he finally has Ellie's location, he doesn't miss a beat before shanking Timothy in the heart, to which a horrified, incensed Marco insists he won't tell Joel anything. I love how different Pedro's delivery of "It's okay. I believe him" is from Troy's in the game. There, Joel was a little more cruel and taunting, even incorporating a little shrug, like he was feeling nonchalant about the whole thing, in an "our business is concluded, no hard feelings" kind of way, before delivering the coup de grace. Here, Pedro almost sounds reassuring, but in a horrible, ice-cold, pitiless way, like he's giving Marco the faintest heartbeat of hope, before raining that metal pipe down on his head. It's all pretty well-deserved but still...yikes 😬

Violent Heart

Meanwhile, Ellie awakens to find herself in a new nightmare. David has caged her up, all too aware of her volatile, unpredictable nature, correctly anticipating that she would kill him in a heartbeat if he gave her the opportunity. He believes some conditioning needs to take place before he lets her out and seems repugnantly confident that, with enough time and pressure, he can break Ellie's spirit. He talks himself up as her friend and saviour, telling her he prevented his followers from killing her, making it so that he is her only lifeline in this place. But Ellie, knowing he's not going to kill her just yet, is defiant. She refuses still to tell him her name and rejects his offers of membership to his group. But David is convinced that she can't survive alone, convinced that Joel must already be dead, and proceeds to insert himself, uninvited, into Ellie's future, assimilating the role of "father" from Joel. He tells Ellie, in a dismissive, paternalistic tone, that her life with Joel "is ending" and she must accept this "new beginning" with him, as if his word is law. Never mind the fact that Joel is still alive and currently fighting his way to the settlement to rescue Ellie and would probably kill David where he stood for even thinking about taking Ellie as his newest pet - David sees Ellie as his now, whether she wants it or not. When he uses the word "protect", he means it in the most misogynistic sense, using it as hollow reassurance to disguise his true intent, which is to dominate, possess and own. It's not a suggestion he's making, it's a threat - even when he claims he wants them to rule side-by-side, what he really wants is to control Ellie, to beat that fight and fire out of her and savour it while he does so, to be the whisper in her head that never leaves, to claw out every scrap of her soul until she's nothing but his, forever. It's really giving off Joffrey "everyone is mine to torment" vibes. Nobody's been able to stop him till now, so why should Ellie be any different?

And then, just when you think it can't get any worse, it gets worse. Ellie, trying to find a way out of her cage, spots a human ear on the floor and makes the horrifying discovery that David's group are cannibals (right around the same time Joel is discovering their hidden larder - the sight of those headless bodies, hanging upside down and chunks missing, is pure nightmare fuel 😱). When she challenges David on this, convinced his plan is "to chop (me) up into tiny pieces", David at first gets defensive, telling her it was a last resort to prevent his people from starving. But then, something seems to occur to him - he no longer needs to pretend. He has an opening now, to fully let Ellie into the degenerate depths of his mind, hoping that she'll see her reflection in it. His twisty, mind-screwy, Hannibal Lecter-style monologues are really well written - it's the kind of stuff that would leave anyone feeling shaken and messed-up, never mind if you were fourteen years old. First, he tries to flatter Ellie, telling her she would've been one of the few people he'd trust with the truth about the cannibalism, professing that she's a born leader among other quality attributes. Then he shoots down any notions Ellie might have about thinking herself and Joel better than him, telling her they're "all animals", operating on the same level, the same instincts, trying to rewrite her self-defence as bloodthirstiness, trying to drag her down into the same filth where he lives. He elevates her above the rest of his flock, telling her she can handle the darkness of the world that they can't (also, I like the touch of David sounding so dismissive of them here, of their need for faith and God, when he believes he and Ellie have outgrown such superstitions. It just goes to show how little he truly cares for them). And then he tells Ellie that she reminds him of himself, which is maybe one of the most repulsive things you could ever hear in a TV show 🤮. The most heartbreaking aspect is that you can see how this gets to Ellie, despite her bravado. She seems shaken when David expresses admiration for whatever violence she's displayed in front of him, like she's raking over her past and wondering if he might have a point, wondering if there's anything about her that might be similar to the sicko in front of her. She's tough and wise beyond her years, but she's still a kid, and it's difficult for a kid to refute things an adult tells them, even bad ones. She pushes back, telling David he doesn't know anything about her, but there's a waver of uncertainty in her voice. The splinter is lodged, and it will burrow its way through her, slowly, steadily, way deep down...

Then comes a new addition that was added by the show - it's not God that David truly worships. It's Cordyceps. He admires the way it spreads and takes control of people, forever expanding and growing and nurturing its "children." He's adopted its mindless and violent pursuit of survival as scripture. To him, Cordyceps' is what real love is, hurting people and destroying their sense of self, all in the name of some sick, unnatural, twisted preservation of life - just in case you were still in any doubt that David is fucking insane. It definitely gives him a unique twist as far as villains in TLOU go. What makes this so creepy to watch is just how sincere David is all the way through, as if Ellie is the first person he ever felt he could truly be himself around. He's finally got comfortable enough to start winding down the transparent preacher act and show Ellie the true monster underneath, the one he imagines she shares some kind of kinship with. His tone grows revoltingly reassuring as he tells Ellie he's had a violent heart that he "struggled with" for a long time, and it raises all kinds of horrifying implications. What was he like before the world ended? Did he take advantage of his trusted position as a schoolteacher to abuse other girls? (I'm going to say definitely yes). Was he happy when the outbreak happened because he was no longer constrained by the laws of the land and could indulge his vile heart's desires to the fullest? David, sensing that Ellie's loyalty and devotion to Joel is something he can exploit, offers to let him go if she'll stay with him forever. And as he explains to Ellie how he sees their future together, his tone grows happier, almost dreamy, talking about how they'll grow their group, make sure their people and flourish, imagining "the life" they could build together. It's just...ugh, I'm so torn between wanting to applaud an actor for doing such a good job at playing a creep and wanting to put my hands through the screen and throttle the life out of his character 😡. And that quiet "oh" from Ellie in response to his platitudes always breaks my heart - she's playing along, trying to get David to let his guard down, but at the same time, it sounds like shock, her horrified mind trying to stay calm after David confirms her worst suspicions of what he wants from her - to be his little wife 🤮

It's been so interesting, in the years since, to read all the fanfics and see how people have taken the "violent heart" gaslighting by David and ran with it, digging deep into Ellie's trauma and how he got under her skin in this moment and made her believe the worst of herself, when it's clearly just the ramblings of an insane, depraved man who knows nothing about her. It's weird how the writers' intention for this speech seems to have been that David was speaking some kind of dark truth about Ellie that she couldn't admit to herself (perhaps to sow the seeds for Season 2?). But I never for a second believed that what David was telling Ellie was in any way truthful. I always thought he was saying it to mess with a young girl's head and that we were never supposed to take it at face value because he's the villain, of course he's talking utter bullshit. We know Ellie, we know her heart - it's joyful and carefree and compassionate, but it's not violent. Any violence she's ever been driven to was to protect herself or her loved ones, never because she got a sadistic thrill out of it, like David does. This is one of the few things that bugs me in the series, this fixation the writers have of Ellie supposedly being "violent." Like, I remember Craig Mazin talking in a featurette about how Ellie was "activated" by Joel beating the FEDRA guard to death in the first episode, but I never saw it as that. I always saw her wide-eyed look in that moment as being astonished, because Joel is the first adult in her life who's ever leapt violently to her defence like that. So, no, I think the writers and I have very differing ideas about Ellie and her relationship to violence. Thankfully, this theorising is kept mostly to behind-the-scenes stuff and doesn't become too apparent in the actual writing itself.

David may think himself smart, but Ellie is smarter. In his arrogance, he gets too close and gives her an opportunity. She touches his hand, play-acting the reverent convert, before viciously snapping his finger and reaching for the keys (David really should've remembered what he said about why Ellie was behind bars 😏). It's a valiant, brilliant effort, but it fails, leaving Ellie with a broken nose, and David humiliated, his pious facade shattered. He turns on her, spitting and snarling that he will tell his followers that she's to go on the chopping block. Joel had his lion's roar moment earlier on and now Ellie gets her own. Ashley's delivery in the game of "Tell them Ellie is the little girl who broke your fucking finger!" is great, feisty and contemptuous, but Bella takes it to a whole other level, pressing their bloodied face against the prison bars and baring their teeth like a savage animal, their voice dropping to a guttural, cavernous, throat-searing bellow of pure hatred, like their guts are about to spill out their mouth from the sheer force of it. Just...wow 👏. But any triumph we feel quickly evaporates as it becomes clear Ellie has made a big mistake. She and David are now barrelling towards their final confrontation...and only one of them can make it out alive.

Inferno

It's difficult to describe just how anxiety-inducing the final confrontation between Ellie and David is to watch (to the point where, when I watched this scene for the first time, I literally groaned out loud, "Oh, God, it's this level"). Like I said before, in the game it's definitely heart-in-your-throat stuff, but you can decide where and when Ellie makes her move, can feel somewhat in control of her fate and take reassurance in knowing this is probably scripted to a particular, victorious outcome. Here, you're trapped in your seat, willing Ellie to run, to hide, to get out of there, to fight with everything she has to not let this sick bastard get his hands on her, forced to watch as the flames grow higher and higher and David hunts her down. The horror spikes sharply right from the moment David and James burst into Ellie's cage, ready to butcher her, and never really stops from there. Ellie screaming and crying and pleading for her life always makes me want to burst into tears, because she sounds so young and petrified and it seems to hit her in that moment that she's going to die, and die painfully. But our girl is fucking smart. She weaponises her immunity to trick David into thinking he's been infected via her bite, and uses the opportunity to kill James (an awesome moment, so quick and ferocious, I love it 😈) and run like hell, barely escaping death. But the doors are all locked, the flames are catching, and David has the keys, setting up a direct confrontation as the only way this can end. I like that the show kept the element of David evil-monologuing away as the fire grows more and more out of control. One, it shows just how skewed his priorities are, and two, it perfectly displays just how invincible he believes himself to be, like he literally thinks he can walk through fire unscathed.

This scene really does a great job paying homage to game's roots, going back to the creeping-about we have to do as Ellie in this level. It's truly nail-biting stuff watching Bella scurry around, looking for hiding places, trying desperately to stay out of sight, find a weapon and somehow beat this grown man into submission. The atmosphere is suffocatingly tense and claustrophobic, the screen going hellishly-red at the corners as the flames spread. All the while, David stalks around, calm in the face of the inferno, still confident he can win, trying to goad Ellie to come out and face him (Scott Shepherd's singsong delivery of "Ellieee..." still sends shudders up my spine even now 😫). She's tricked him, wounded him and humiliated him and now he's well and truly gone off the deep end. When he demands to know how she survived being bitten, it almost sounds like jealousy. David has worshipped at the altar of Cordyceps, but Ellie is the one who is immune, blessed in a way that he will never be. You could almost interpret this rant as David having a crisis of faith, wondering why Ellie is the one that's "special." He yells that Ellie doesn't know how "good" he is, angry and confused that she won't submit to a life with him, feeling entitled to own Ellie just because he can. But then, he eerily calms, sensing that for Ellie this is a battle for survival and she'd rather die than be his plaything. But David means to ensure that will never happen. He couldn't persuade her, so he will take her by force. It's truly gut-churning to listen to him tell Ellie, his voice soft but dripping with sadism, that neither of them will be dying today, that she does need a father, all while Joel is desperately battling his way through blizzard conditions, searching for this girl that's become as dear to him as his own child. David vows to Ellie that he's going to keep her and teach her, and the conviction in his tone feels like ice in your stomach, because David has always insisted he's being truthful with Ellie and he's not lying now. He will tear her down and rebuild her completely in his image, obliterating everything that makes Ellie "Ellie", and there's nothing she can do to stop him. I mean, you've got to give it to the writers and the actor - if their aim was to create a villain so vile and loathsome that we wanted to kill him ourselves, then they went above and beyond. I will always take immense pleasure in imagining how agonising David's final moments on Earth were before hell came to collect 😈

Ellie gets a knife into his side, but it's not enough. David, bigger and stronger and crueller, gets the upper hand. Him throwing Ellie down to the floor is so unbelievably violent that it always makes me flinch. She tries to crawl, but he's got her right where he wants her. Just the way Bella screams when David finally pins Ellie down, it's horrible to listen to. I've never heard terror like it, it's the kind of thing that rings in your ears for hours afterwards, a guttural, from-the-pit-of-hell kind of scream. Because that's where she is - in hell, trapped amongst the flames with the devil himself chasing her. In the game, Ellie was defiant and refused to beg when David wanted her to, but here she knows what David wants to do to her, he's got her trapped, no-one is coming to save her and, for as tough and capable as she's been in previous episodes, you're reminded suddenly, brutally, that's she's just a child. It's one of those agonising TV-watching moments where you'd give anything to be able to jump through a TV screen and save a character. And the show ratchets up the horror even further - in the game, David just means to kill Ellie once he gets his hands on her (and does so if you fail the quick-time event), but here he makes his depraved intentions very clear, taunting Ellie that "the fighting is the part I like the most." Even worse, when Ellie sobs in fear, he still tries to justify it as "love", insisting she doesn't need to be afraid. It doesn't even matter to him that the building is ablaze and could kill them at any second, so long as he can get what he's wanted from Ellie from the very beginning. Perhaps the most horrifying detail is the fact that Ellie is only able to get a hand free to reach for the cleaver because David lets go of her to reach for his zipper. The show dropped hints back in Episode 4 that men like David stalked the world ("Oh, they'll have way more in mind than that") but having it hovering in the back of our minds is one thing. Actually seeing it almost happen is another thing altogether. Bar none, it's the hardest scene to watch in all of Season 1.

And then, just when it seems like all hope is lost...deliverance. David didn't notice he'd dropped his cleaver. But Ellie did. She reaches for it, grabs hold. She hits him in the face with everything she's got. Now David is the one on his back and helpless. Earlier, he'd threatened to cut Ellie into tiny pieces, just like so many other victims of his. Now she turns the tables on him and he dies in the most fittingly karmic way possible - you really could see it as divine retribution. This scene always splits me in two. On the one hand, it is a really cheer-worthy moment to see Ellie break free and give that piece-of-shit exactly what he deserves. There's definitely a part of me that's punching the air and yelling, "Yes! Smash that pedo's face in, baby girl!" But there's just so much about this scene that's just utterly devastating that it's hard to take any joy or relief in it. Ellie howls in rage and terror as she hits David again and again and again. Even when he's clearly dead, she keeps going. There will never be enough times that she can hit him for her to feel safe that he's gone and can never hurt her again. All the fury and fear she's felt, probably ever since Joel got stabbed, comes flooding out, like a vengeful, traumatised spirit being exorcised. In the podcast, they said she's taking out her rage about all the losses she's suffered on David - this is for Riley, Tess, Sam, Henry, and for Joel, who she has every reason to believe is dead. And that visual when she finally stops, face splattered in blood, hair wild, backlit by uncontrollable flames, trembling and hyperventilating, wide-eyed with shock...it just rips your heart apart 💔. She's just a kid, she should never have had to go through any of this, none of the children that had the misfortune of crossing David's path should've had to go through this, and you realise what a steep price she's had to pay to claw her way out of hell. She may have killed David but she will never be able to forget him. She will never again be the girl she was when she left Boston. Without going on too much of a tangent, it's scenes like this that just really make the existence of Part II such a bitter pill for me to swallow. Like, Ellie suffered enough. More than enough. She deserved peace. She deserved to heal. She deserved to have a definitive ending, bittersweet though it might've been, and get to live her life with Joel. Whatever happened might've been a mystery to us, but at least we could take comfort in the knowledge that she was safe and had someone who loves her to take care of her. I watch this scene and just ache to hold her and tell her everything will be okay and that I'm proud of her 😢. But thankfully for Ellie, she has someone who will do exactly that.

Baby Girl

I don't think I'm alone in this being maybe the scene I wanted to see from the show when it was first announced. The first time I watched the episode, I had a restless sense of anticipation as we built up towards it. Like Sarah's death, which kick-starts the themes of the whole series, it was so important to get this scene right. It's the culmination of Joel and Ellie's relationship. It's the catharsis we've been waiting for, not just to end this episode, but basically all the way from Episode 1. All paths were leading here, this is the moment where they become father and daughter and if it doesn't work, then everything we've been watching till now just falls flat. But thankfully we're blessed with two incredible actors and what they achieve in this scene is just beautiful, heart-breaking and cathartic beyond words. I don't know how Bella and Pedro managed to take these emotional high points from the game and make them hit even harder the second time around, but they did it.

Both versions of this scene are powerful, but I do like the slight tweak that Joel doesn't burst in to stop Ellie while she's still in the frenzy of hacking David's head to pieces. Not that I don't like that in the game, but I like that, here, killing David is more about Ellie saving herself, not about her needing to be saved and pulled back from the brink. And the rest of the scene still functions as the game did - Joel is still there to comfort her in the aftermath of this traumatic moment. The podcast put it as him saving her "emotionally" and I agree. Ellie, dazed and traumatised, bursts out of the burning restaurant and wanders in the snow, almost in a trance. You get the sense that she has no idea where she's going, her mind just automatically piloting her to keep putting one foot in front of the other. And then, arms grab her from behind. Surely, the only thought she can be thinking is that David has somehow come back from the dead. The way Bella just explodes back into motion, immediately lashing out, twisting and thrashing and screaming, Ellie ready to fight for her life once more but her voice high-pitched with desperation, as if she's begging the universe "Please, no more, not again"...it always brings tears to my eyes. She's so blinded by terror, punching and pounding against this person that's got ahold of her, that she doesn't even realise who it is until they cup her face in her hands, stilling her and making her look - it's Joel.

There's just so many moments about this scene that make me want to cry (and oh how I do! 😭). The softness in Joel's voice when he says, "Hey, look, it's me", the tremble in it that sounds like he's on the verge of tears. The sob Ellie lets out when she realises it's him, he's alive, she's not imagining this. The way she can hardly talk, so in shock she can only babble and cry, barely able to mumble the words, "He...but I..." before giving up. The way Ellie is the one who goes in for the hug first, flinging her arms around Joel's neck and burying her face in his shoulder, in contrast to the game where Joel was the one who cradled Ellie to him first. The way she whimpers and shivers as Joel rocks and comforts her. And then we finally hear the words Joel hasn't said since the first episode of the series - "It's okay, baby girl." He's been holding in his feelings for Ellie for so long, trying not to acknowledge what she's become to him, because he had a baby girl and nobody could ever replace her. But these recent experiences (him almost dying, him almost losing Ellie to these cannibalistic monsters) have made it crystal clear to him. He loves her, he would die to protect her, he will never leave her again. It's in this moment where we know - he's a father again. And so he calls Ellie by that old term of endearment he used for Sarah, cradles her in his arms, wraps her up in his coat and embraces her as his daughter. And just the look of heartbreak in Pedro's eyes too 🥺. You can see that old sense of failure rising back up inside him, this awful knowledge that something terrible has happened to Ellie and he wasn't there to protect her. All Joel needs to hear is Ellie stammering the word "He" and he knows instantly what she's just went through and survived. When he wept in Episode 6 that he was going to fail Ellie, you know this is the kind of nightmare scenario he was thinking about. And he'll never be able to take this away from her, all he can do is try and help her heal from it. It's really been the day from hell for both of them. My poor babies 😭

This scene is perfection. Literally the only thing I would've changed about it would be to keep the "All Gone" theme from the game. But other than that...they fucking did it, guys 👏. It's such a beautiful, heart-wrenching moment of watching two lost souls finding a home in each other. If it wasn't for that pesky business of wrapping up the storyline of the Fireflies and the cure, you could imagine that this would be a perfectly fitting ending, with Joel taking Ellie back to Jackson after they decide the cure isn't worth all of this trauma and hardship. But resolve it we must, and that look of grim determination on Joel's face as he and Ellie walk away into the snow makes for some chilling foreshadowing - he wasn't able to protect her this time, but he'll be damned if it ever happens again. And as we all know, it won't...

Performances

Bella is a force of nature in this episode. They're absolutely incredible, and when you think that they were only about eighteen when they shot these scenes, the feat they pull off here just becomes all the more jaw-dropping. Any time a snot-nosed, basement-dwelling troglodyte on Reddit claims they can't act, I want to strap them down to a chair and make them watch this episode twenty times in a row until they retract their statement. Early on, you can see the desperation of the situation starting to weigh down heavily on Ellie - Joel sick, food running out, no help coming. Earlier in the series, Ellie stuffing her face with food was a source of humour, but now it gets flipped on its head as Bella desperately bolts down the last scraps of jerky Ellie has left, her hunger achingly apparent. But she's determined not to give up hope, to get Joel through this. Bella makes for a great mini-Joel when Ellie holds David and James at gunpoint, and then they way they relax their body language, becoming more talkative and even smiling a little around David as he gets Ellie to drop her guard, is a great touch too. And obviously, the scenes in the cage are so stressful that they make your whole body clench up in anxiety. My heart always breaks when David first leaves Ellie alone in the cage - just the way Bella curls up into a ball, their previous bravado gone and fear filling their face as Ellie realises she's trapped with a psycho and has no idea how to get out of this 🥺. And then of course, that final scene with David. Rewatching this made me realise what it is about Bella's screams that make them so painful to listen to. Because it's not just a scream. Ellie is wailing in terror, sobbing, hyperventilating and the sound of it is like a dagger in my heart every time. It's some of the best acting without dialogue I've ever seen. And just how broken and terrified Bella is in the scene where Joel finds Ellie in the aftermath...they're going to win an Emmy or Bafta someday, I know it. I really need to go and read some vintage post-Silver Lake fics, stat 😭

I adore Pedro's physicality in the torture scene. That almost-smile when he tells the raider Marco "You're next", it's so subtle that you could almost miss it but it's such a great touch. Is Joel deliberately playing up the "crazy man" reputation to put the fear of God into these two men or is he actually taking some vindication in hurting the people who've kidnapped Ellie? And then the way Pedro is almost leaning on Timothy for support, their foreheads pressed together, and the way he's heaving for breath after all this exertion, it really reminds you that he's still sick and injured and struggling to stay on his feet, but pushing through the pain because Ellie is in danger and needs him. By nature of the game being a game, Joel essentially has to spring back up to full health if he's going to be playable again, hole in his side be damned. But here, Pedro makes it clear that every step hurts, that he could collapse again any minute, but he won't, because nothing is going to stop him from saving Ellie. He just gives such great "wounded animal defending his cub" energy this entire episode. I also love the dark expression he gets on his face when he discovers Ellie's backpack in the cannibal larder, that grim setting of his jaw, because now he knows for sure that she's here and whoever took her is going to pay. And the expression on his face as he's hugging Ellie when they're finally reunited, the way his face almost crumples, trying to keep it together and not cry out of sheer relief - you really get the sense that this hug is just as much for his comfort as it is for Ellie's 🥺

I always remember my first reaction upon hearing that Scott Shepherd had been cast to play David was a full-on, Snoop Dogg-style "Who?" - I'd never heard of him and had no idea what to expect (turns out he'd had a small role in the Breaking Bad movie El Camino, but I guess I must've wiped that from my memory). He didn't exactly resemble the mangy, deranged-looking character from the game, where you get the sense that something is probably off with him even before he goes off the deep end. Well, the joke was on me, because Scott is absolutely fucking terrifying. That more put-together appearance works well to throw you off the scent at first, tricking you into believing that maybe he is just a simple preacher, before revealing the true monster underneath. I've already talked a lot about his various speeches to Ellie while she's locked in the cage, but I'll just reiterate that he is very, very good, slowly building up from this genial, chatty, middle America type when he first meets Ellie, to gradually peeling off the layers, one by one, to reveal the poisonous twisted thing at his core that passes for whatever he calls a heart, the place where he stores his sick idea of "love." His villainous breakdown in the restaurant inferno is also very good - I love the way he switches up David's manner of speaking as the man starts to truly lose his mind. He curses more, derisively mocks Ellie after spending so long trying to get her under his spell, yells that she has no idea what she's missing out on by spurning him. The almost petulant tone of his voice makes him sound like all his disgusting proposals to her earlier were a perfectly reasonable request in his mind. And the fiendish delight with which he delivers the line "The fighting is the part I like the most...", it's just...hats off to the guy for delivering one of the most despicable villains I've seen in any medium, but I'm glad he's only in one episode 😳

In this episode, we get Game Cameo Number Two, and it's Troy Baker this time around, playing David's right-hand man James. James is a more interesting character in the show than in the game - there he was basically just a henchman with about two lines. Here, he definitely seems more doubtful of David's leadership - and David can sense it, right from the off, and isn't happy about it. I like the little touches that Troy puts in his performance - the way his body never seems to physically relax whenever he's around David, like he's uneasy just being stood next to him; the way his throat works and jaw tightens whenever he pushes back even mildly against David and the man just stares him down, James desperate to say more but too scared to; and the look of horror on his face, despite himself, when he believes David has been infected by Ellie's bite. I also like the way Troy plays James's growing discomfort and dread with David's obvious fixation on Ellie - he clearly knows what this is all leading to, despite what David says. Troy's best moment in the episode, for me, is his moment of hesitation when James contemplates shooting Ellie before David can get to her - whether it's because he thinks she should pay for her part in his friend's death, or because he knows what David wants with her and is trying to spare her that fate is left up to interpretation. I lean towards the latter. I don't know, maybe it's because he's played by Troy Baker and I'm inclined to see him in a more heroic light. But then again, James doesn't seem to be doing anything to try and stop it with the other little girls in town, so maybe he deserved that cleaver in the neck. Either way, good job Troy 👍

Stray Observations

Does anyone else think that when David asks how much "venison, elk, rabbit" they've got left, that it's code for each individual body they've got hanging in their larder? Yuck

Props to the make-up department for making Joel's infected wound look really disgusting and gooey and yellow 🤢. Also, I remember watching press interviews for Fantastic 4 last year and there was one where Pedro was talking about how belly buttons make him squeamish and how, for one role, he'd had to have a prosthetic put on his stomach and glue got into his belly button and it made him want to crawl out of his skin...I'm just now realising it was probably for this episode. Poor thing 🥺. Thanks for taking one for the team, Pedro ❤️

Love the homage to the unfortunate little bunny rabbit from the game. Thankfully, it gets away this time - and Ellie gets a faceful of snow for her troubles 🥶

Ellie fires the rifle the same way Joel taught her to. Deep breath in, slow breath out 🥺

That close-up when David says to Ellie "Everything happens for a reason", anyone else notice that his face is lit by the campfire in such a way that it looks like he's being illuminated by the flames of hell, showing, even in this early moment, that he's basically the devil incarnate? It's either that or foreshadowing how he will die in a fiery inferno. Either way, nice directorial touch

I'm not a doctor, but Ellie definitely gave Joel way too big a dose of penicillin, right? Oh well. Maybe that explains how he was able to rise from his sickbed like Lazarus and take out raiders left and right 🤷‍♀️. Penicillin and paternal instinct is an explosive combo 💥

Ellie cuddling up next to Joel for warmth, placing her hand over his heart 🥺. And even though Joel is unconscious and wracked with fever, something in his subconscious is telling him that his baby girl is cold and scared, and his head shifts to rest against hers, as if to tell her "It's okay, I'm still here" 😭. I love these two so much ❤️

Hey, look, I know it's human flesh, but even so...ugh, they didn't even sear the meat before plopping it into the stew 🤢

I do kind of appreciate the black comedy of the flock getting their portions of what they believe to be venison stew, only for David and James to drag in a buck from their hunting trip after they've already been served. You've gotta get your laughs in somewhere, however morbid.

Anyone else notice that all the other members of David's group have minuscule portions of dinner, meanwhile he gets a big heaping plateful? So much for looking out for these people who love him. Guess he's all too happy to have leadership perks 😒

Also, the way the flock eats is really unsettling. The majority of them have no idea and are starving and wolf it down. James, unfortunately in the know, grimaces in disgust before forcing himself to take a mouthful. And David? David is tucking in happily, like he's just sat down to beef casserole instead of long pork stew. Just another little indicator of how he's literally evil incarnate. Pass me the sick bucket 🤮

There's a fan theory that the meat they're eating in that scene came from the body of the raider Joel killed at the university and Hannah is unwittingly eating the remains of her own father. I don't like to believe it's true, but if it is...that poor, poor kid 🥺

RIP Callus 😢🐎

Troy Baker sounds so different from Joel in this episode, but I did have a moment, where he yells "I got her!" after shooting down the horse, where I went "Oh, there's Joel."

Joel's first kill in the basement is a pretty nasty one - the whistly, gurgly sounds of the guy's breath after a knife is stuck in his windpipe, the way he gags for air, the way he's still staring at Joel as he dies, locked in an open-mouthed grimace so you can see all of his bloodstained teeth, blood pooling black in the back of his throat, the sound of his life literally trickling out of him, that bubbling, hissing sound amplified in the quiet once the fight is over. Death is never pretty in TLOU, but still. Holy shit 😳

I totally have a "mark me down as scared and horny" reaction whenever Joel yells "WHAT TOWN?!" in that guy's face 😅

Also, I love that look of confusion and distaste that crosses Joel's face when he says "A resort?" Like the very notion of fun and places of amusement has become offensive to him over the course of the last twenty years 😂

David gets to drop the only c-bomb of the series. He's not worthy of it, that should've been Ellie's honour!

I really have to give props to the sound design in this episode, it plays such a pivotal part in giving this episode such a macabre atmosphere. The winter wind that sounds like something howling (say, the ghosts of David's unfortunate victims), the nauseating sound of Timothy's kneecap cracking as Joel twists his knife into it, the blunt thud of a metal pipe connecting with a skull. The best example is where David's flock eats their evening meal of "venison" stew. The sound of forks and spoons clinking and clattering against bowls grows louder and louder until it becomes almost overwhelming and it almost makes you think of bones rattling, symbolising how David has skeletons in his closet when it comes to the food supply...

Pedro Pascal has magnificent bed hair 🥵

Jesus, that shot of David from Ellie's POV, silhouetted by the flames with his back to her. He really does look like a demon that's escaped from hell, surrounded by satanic flames 🔥

Quick detour to praise the game, but I always love the shriek that David lets out when he realises Ellie's got him pinned down and is raising the machete above her head, right before she shuts him up for good, it's sweet music to my ears. I wish they'd managed to sneak that in here. Still, the subtitles describe David as "gurgling" as he's being hacked to death, so I'll take it 😈

Joel, you could've at least called Ellie's name before you crept up behind her 🙄. Maybe they should've added in a ringing sound effect, then maybe it would seem like Joel is calling her name, she's just too in shock to hear him.

God, only one episode left. Is it really weird that I'm maybe dreading the finale even more than this one? There's a whole lot of complicated emotion in that one for me to unpack. Might even be another two-parter 😳

Memorable dialogues with my parents the first time we watched this episode

Silver Lake Woman: (of the "meat") What is this? Silver Lake Man: (evasively) Venison Dad: It's not venison, is it? Me: Nope! 😁

Joel: (battering raider's head in) It's okay. I believe him Mum: (wincing) He's a bit brutal, is he not? Me: Well, his kid's in danger, what do you want him to do?

Also, my dad let out an approving chuckle when Ellie yelled at David about breaking his finger, then let out a big "Oh-ho!" when Ellie swung that cleaver into James's neck. It was just such an amazing feeling, watching them having visceral reactions and getting really invested in this story that I've loved for years, cheering these characters on 🥰

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